Sunday, January 1, 2012

Do I need a resolution to do that?

So, doing a little research today and read that New Year resolutions date all the way back to 153 B.C. and Janus a mythical king whose head was at the top of every calendar (at least that's what Wikipedia said and if they said it it can be taken as gospel).  This news in no way makes me appreciate resolutions, believe in their worth, or want to hear any one's (my own included).  And yet, I would somehow feel like I disappointed you if I did not blog my resolutions while AT THE SAME TIME blogging them seems self-righteous and over-rated.  So, what to do?  I am blogging them, but I am giving you fair warning.  So, if you think this is totally self-righteous, disgusting, and you want to vomit - please click to check your email or update your Facebook status.  If not, read on!

2012 Resolutions (low expectations = goals met)

1.  I resolve not to watch Millionaire Match Maker again......on weeknights.....more than once.
2.  I resolve to not care about what Charlie Sheen tweets.....or read about it on Google....or in the newspaper.....or if it comes on NPR I resolve to immediately turn off the radio and not listen intently because it feeds my shallow, voyeuristic self.
3.  I resolve to increase my stalkerish blogroll by only 2...okay, let's be realistic....only 12.
4.  I resolve to research the correct addresses for the five returned Christmas cards that are next to my home phone...just kidding!  They are going in the trash right after I finish blogging.
5.  I resolve to purge my home of any "Christmas" (except the Christmas that lies within my heart - collective gag) before day's end.
6.  I resolve to continue in my procrastination as long as it isn't hurting anyone and my kids are not hungry....well, just a little hungry because that means they will eat good at the next meal.
7.  I resolve to eat less preservatives unless they are in marshmallows because I have researched making marshmallows and it's not going to happen unless someone is paying me a lot of money and then only if they look like Johnny Depp.  We are talking about making marshmallows, right?
8.  I resolve to pin more things on Pinterest because my memory is fading quicker than most people's hope to resolve.
9.  I resolve to not harbor bitterness toward people who love to workout....well, not a lot of bitterness and only the kind of bitterness that doesn't really hurt the person you are bitter toward (physically).
10.  I resolve to always end my lists with 10....unless it's a good list and I really need to say more stuff.
11.  See?  I resolve to not let my three year old eat dead s'mores off the ground from last night's fire pit (I had to add that because it just happened and until now I had no idea I would need to resolve that).
12.  I resolve to reserve the right to delete or add to my list at any point during 2012 when I change my mind.  Does that require a resolution?
13.  I resolve to be honest with others...even when it hurts....(them).
14.  I resolve to blog more about things that matter.....JUST KIDDING!

Okay!  I think that takes care of everything.  And, if it doesn't I'll just amend my list!  Happy New Year guys!  And when resolving, remember:  It's gonna be a LONG freakin' year and there's always tomorrow!


cb said...

you make a me a laugh a

Monica said...

@cb - you make a me a laugh a too. ;o)

Nomads By Nature said...

Needed that giggle! I swear all resolutions MUST BE FLEXIBLE since life constantly throws curveballs. I can so see that you are gonna own 2012!! Have a very Happy New Year!

Monica said...

@nomads - CLEARLY evidenced by the fact that i will have a book deal wrapped up today??? ;o)