Hello again. It's been awhile. Not much how 'bout you? Blah. Okay, done with that 70's song. ;o) If you didn't get that, don't worry.
I am just going to check in briefly (because the stack of prints on my desk - which I can scarily see from here - is downright FRIGHTENING) to tell you..............BABY IS POTTY TRAINED. I have NOT been doing jack..........rabbit. I have been POTTY TRAINING A VERY STUBBORN AND THICK HEADED TWO YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I get an amen???
You might ask (and if you do - bite your tongue) potty trained "Officially?" Or "just a phase?" And my answer is: I don't know and I don't care. I have not changed a pee diaper in about five days and I am ecstatic. AND......hold on to your horses now..........she POOPED tonight on the potty (as opposed to the floor, the carpet, the concrete slab out back, her beautiful new panties, her old training panties, the neighbor's front yard, etc., etc.).
So, all this time I've been away, my friends, I was not drinking margaritas living the high life. I was busy dealing with............well.......................pee and poop. It's that simple. AND (if you've ever potty trained a two year old) it's that...........complicated. My life these past few weeks has been reduced to the bare necessities. I have been unable to blog, run errands, exercise (well, only in brief 20 minute spurts), or basically be away from the princess potty (which stopped working about three weeks after we bought it) for more than a few minutes. Now, I can begin to ease back into normal life.
So, want to know my secret? Why did it all of a sudden work for me? Did I get back my nazi mojo? Well, no. I had to resort to new tactics this time around. Baby now has a weird concept of tiny marshmellows actually being FOR going potty. But, I am too happy to care about its possible mental implications. Funny sidenote: I left her home with dad one full day and he gave her the large marshmellows everytime she peed. Say what??? I promptly told baby that those marshmellows were only for roasting the smaller ones were for potty. Daddy got it wrong.
AND baby also does not want to spend vacation with grandpa and auntie (sorry, grandpa and auntie). Hmm. That's weird, too, right? Well, not really. See when I booked our summer vacation to Great Wolf Lodge http://www.greatwolf.com/grapevine/explore/activities/?&s_kwcid=TC-21399-5407118756-e-377930510 I told her that there were no diapers allowed there and that if she was not potty trained she would have to stay with grandpa and auntie. MIRACULOUSLY she started a full fledged effort the next day. ;o) Should I start a potty training boot camp? I just might.
Showing posts with label potty training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label potty training. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
When Mom is the Ex Terminator, You Might Want to Jump Ship
OR How Potty Training Got Postponed....Indefinitely.
Well, I'm back. Did you miss me? Did you notice I have been gone??? Unfortunately I was not vacationing in Tahiti because my husband won the lotto and booked a romantic getaway in order for us to recover from the pure hell that has been 2011. No, I was doing something much less glamorous, a little dehumanizing, and possibly the most tedious task on the planet. I was ridding my household of LICE.
Disclaimers: If you have a weak stomach, and don't want to itch for the remainder of the day, you may want to stop reading now. If I have told a half truth to you within the past week - I regret having to do that. Lice carries a stigma similar to getting $hit on your shoes - It is not really your fault, but people treat you as if you should have been able to prevent it from happening. Many, many people are misinformed about lice which could be because I was able to find (after hours and hours of research on the net) conflicting information about it often in the same article. So, if I flat out lied to you - again, I regret having to do that. Trust me - you are still alive, so it didn't do you much damage. ;o)
Okay, so let's rewind to last Monday when my world spun Out Of Control. Just a tad of history - I WAS/AM TERRIFIED OF LICE. See: http://monica-adayinthelife.blogspot.com/2011/01/when-no-lice-is-your-happy-spot-is-it.html. I have had a 20 year fear of lice - so lifelong - (due to my years in public education dealing with many students who had lice), although I have never had it - nor had any of my kids. So, last Monday when my middle girl child asked if I could check her for lice (after we were all bathed and ready for bed) and I said yes, you cannot imagine my HORROR and disbelief when I checked and she had lice. Now, it was only later that I read on the net, as a parent of a child who has lice, "DON'T PANIC OR CAUSE YOUR CHILD TO PANIC." So, I promptly shrieked obscenities and went on to terrorize my entire family.
Now, if I were to tell you everything that has ensued since then it would basically fill a book (incidentally - "Lice" is SO going to be a chapter in my parenting book, and I think the only appropriate place would be right after Projectile Vomiting), so I am just going to do what I do best which is give you a list which I have entitled (creatively):
What I Have Learned About Lice
1. Turns out "nit-picking" and "let's go through this with a fine-tooth comb" have literal meanings. Who knew???
2. If you think you spend all your time doing laundry now, I am here to tell you - you don't. Buck up, don't complain and do the damn laundry. Be thankful no one in your family has lice and you aren't doing 14-16 loads/day.
3. Tip your hairdresser well. You may one day call him (crying a little hysterically), explain to him that your family has lice and could he come over and buzz cut everyone.
4. Ridding a girl, with a LOT OF HAIR, of lice may cause all her teeth to rot due to the amount of candy she will consume while being heavily bribed to sit still and endure head checks for four hours +.......for 21 days.
5. If someone in your family has lice, all other family members will believe they also have lice, (whether they do or not.) This is like a form of psychological terror. Not only will all members believe they have lice, they will be concerned about a plethora of other conditions ranging from scabies to cancer. This will cause many Google searches and education in a variety of diseases.
6. After all the research I have done, I could basically take a test on lice right now and pass it and possibly become an entomologist or exterminator.
7. "Experts" apparently love to tell you (via the net) that "lice is not life threatening." What they don't tell you is that the psychological state that ensues from having to launder bedding, vacuum carpets and furniture, sweep and mop floors, disinfect anything that goes in the hair, monitor all children so that they are not on couches, on other's beds, next to each other, or touching the hair of anyone else, AND do daily headchecks on all household members for 21 days IS life threatening. All that might cause a psychological break which could endanger the life of the mother AND the family.
8. I believe governments might use lice in germ warfare. Apparently they are virtually indestructible and as I have stated, in terms of psychological terror and torture, lice is right up there with water boarding in my book (and, no, I've not been water boarded yet, but there's a lot of 2011 left).
9. Here are the things that have happened to our family since New Year's Day (sublist!!!):
10. Potty training is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle. Somehow through the drama of this past week, baby has started to voluntarily pee in the potty. ????? WHADDUP WITH THAT????
That's all I got, peeps. I am frankly frightened to see what next week might bring. If you are the person with the voodoo dolls of my family: WE GIVE UP.
Well, I'm back. Did you miss me? Did you notice I have been gone??? Unfortunately I was not vacationing in Tahiti because my husband won the lotto and booked a romantic getaway in order for us to recover from the pure hell that has been 2011. No, I was doing something much less glamorous, a little dehumanizing, and possibly the most tedious task on the planet. I was ridding my household of LICE.
Disclaimers: If you have a weak stomach, and don't want to itch for the remainder of the day, you may want to stop reading now. If I have told a half truth to you within the past week - I regret having to do that. Lice carries a stigma similar to getting $hit on your shoes - It is not really your fault, but people treat you as if you should have been able to prevent it from happening. Many, many people are misinformed about lice which could be because I was able to find (after hours and hours of research on the net) conflicting information about it often in the same article. So, if I flat out lied to you - again, I regret having to do that. Trust me - you are still alive, so it didn't do you much damage. ;o)
Okay, so let's rewind to last Monday when my world spun Out Of Control. Just a tad of history - I WAS/AM TERRIFIED OF LICE. See: http://monica-adayinthelife.blogspot.com/2011/01/when-no-lice-is-your-happy-spot-is-it.html. I have had a 20 year fear of lice - so lifelong - (due to my years in public education dealing with many students who had lice), although I have never had it - nor had any of my kids. So, last Monday when my middle girl child asked if I could check her for lice (after we were all bathed and ready for bed) and I said yes, you cannot imagine my HORROR and disbelief when I checked and she had lice. Now, it was only later that I read on the net, as a parent of a child who has lice, "DON'T PANIC OR CAUSE YOUR CHILD TO PANIC." So, I promptly shrieked obscenities and went on to terrorize my entire family.
Now, if I were to tell you everything that has ensued since then it would basically fill a book (incidentally - "Lice" is SO going to be a chapter in my parenting book, and I think the only appropriate place would be right after Projectile Vomiting), so I am just going to do what I do best which is give you a list which I have entitled (creatively):
What I Have Learned About Lice
1. Turns out "nit-picking" and "let's go through this with a fine-tooth comb" have literal meanings. Who knew???
2. If you think you spend all your time doing laundry now, I am here to tell you - you don't. Buck up, don't complain and do the damn laundry. Be thankful no one in your family has lice and you aren't doing 14-16 loads/day.
3. Tip your hairdresser well. You may one day call him (crying a little hysterically), explain to him that your family has lice and could he come over and buzz cut everyone.
4. Ridding a girl, with a LOT OF HAIR, of lice may cause all her teeth to rot due to the amount of candy she will consume while being heavily bribed to sit still and endure head checks for four hours +.......for 21 days.
5. If someone in your family has lice, all other family members will believe they also have lice, (whether they do or not.) This is like a form of psychological terror. Not only will all members believe they have lice, they will be concerned about a plethora of other conditions ranging from scabies to cancer. This will cause many Google searches and education in a variety of diseases.
6. After all the research I have done, I could basically take a test on lice right now and pass it and possibly become an entomologist or exterminator.
7. "Experts" apparently love to tell you (via the net) that "lice is not life threatening." What they don't tell you is that the psychological state that ensues from having to launder bedding, vacuum carpets and furniture, sweep and mop floors, disinfect anything that goes in the hair, monitor all children so that they are not on couches, on other's beds, next to each other, or touching the hair of anyone else, AND do daily headchecks on all household members for 21 days IS life threatening. All that might cause a psychological break which could endanger the life of the mother AND the family.
8. I believe governments might use lice in germ warfare. Apparently they are virtually indestructible and as I have stated, in terms of psychological terror and torture, lice is right up there with water boarding in my book (and, no, I've not been water boarded yet, but there's a lot of 2011 left).
9. Here are the things that have happened to our family since New Year's Day (sublist!!!):
- My hubby spent a good part of January "adjusting" - and not "pleasantly" - to a new job.
- Our washing machine broke. We fixed it.
- Our transmission went out in the van. We fixed it.
- Hubby totaled the van with the new transmission.
- We found out we were grossly under insured on said totaled van.
- We all got the flu.
- We had a lice infestation.
10. Potty training is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle. Somehow through the drama of this past week, baby has started to voluntarily pee in the potty. ????? WHADDUP WITH THAT????
That's all I got, peeps. I am frankly frightened to see what next week might bring. If you are the person with the voodoo dolls of my family: WE GIVE UP.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Princess Singing Potty OR: another rest stop on the descent into fourth child parenting
I am not especially proud of the nickname I have in my neighborhood as The Potty Training Nazi, nor am I particularly embarrassed of it either. I potty trained my three older children all by age two and the method I used was basically: Potty Train or Move Out. I did not use any fancy methods of sticker charts, candy, or bribery. I potty trained my kids as I imagine my own mother potty trained me (or did not potty train me - which is a whole other blog post). I used good old fashioned "Pee and Poop Are Nasty And Go in the Potty." Along with some good 'ole public humiliation and shaming in there for good measure.
I abhor poopy diapers. Of all the jobs I have done as a mother of four changing poopy diapers is the one I hate the most. (And - mind you - I hate me some vomit.) There is just enough time to get pregnant and have a baby in between my older three, so getting them all potty trained was in the interest of my sanity as well (and the budget since a case of diapers costs close to 10 pounds of ground beef - and seriously, which would you rather have???). So, basically this equation all equaled three kids that potty trained fairly early and relatively easily (except for my oldest daughter - but, again this is another blog post for a later date).
So, you can imagine my amazement of where I ended up yesterday - in my bathroom encouraging my two-year old to pee in her princess throne so that it would sing to her. Now, I am no dummy. It only took me about one year to realize that this fourth child would be infinitely different from the other three. She would eat hot dogs at six months, peanut butter at two (months), watch TV as a babysitter, never be on a schedule (schedule - what's that???), eat chips from the bag (and not the individual size bag), have a cavity at an early age due to the wild consumption of candy, and basically not ever, ever want to use the potty. It makes sense to me now that by the time the fourth child comes along the mom and the dad are flat-out worn down and could care less about some of the values they had previously held high. Even knowing all this, I never imagined I would be at Target considering buying a SINGING PRINCESS (did I say - I hate princesses, too?) potty.
But, there I was. And, it went something like this:
Me to baby's daddy (or "baby daddy" as she likes to call him) - What do you think? (In front of the array of potty training tools.)
Baby Daddy - Just buy the cheapest potty with the least paraphernalia.
Me - Okay.
Baby - I want that one.
Me - Which one?
Baby - The princess one.
Me - (I hadn't quite seen the princess one, but once she pointed it out I made the mistake of pushing the button that says, "Push This Button." It then sang a Royal Princess Song which is the same song it will sing when "your baby pees or poops in the potty!") Oh, that's cute. (Thinking - blech. I hate princesses.)
Baby - I WANT THE PRINCESS POTTY.
Baby Daddy - Do you want the Frog Potty, baby? It's only $9.00 and the Princess Potty is $20.99. And I just wrecked the family van, so we have NO MONEY.
Baby - No, daddy. I WANT THE PRINCESS POTTY. I don't like frogs.
Me - How about this potty. It's...........a..............potty and it's only $14.99?
Baby - No, I want the PRINCESS POTTY. (Then her eyes move over to a Cars Potty that is $29.99.) Um, daddy, I want the Cars Potty.
Baby Daddy - No. Cars are for boys. HOW 'BOUT THE PRINCESS POTTY???
Baby - Yes! I want the Princess Potty!!!
Baby Daddy and me in unison as we sling it into the cart - Princess Potty it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, that is how I ended up yesterday for a good part of the day (oh, except when baby pooped in the neighbor's front yard) encouraging baby to pee and poop in her princess potty so we could all hear it sing. AND, I am even more shocked and appalled to admit that I like the Princess Singing potty. It is entertaining at worst and bribery at its best. Baby loves it. I can't say that she is any closer to potty trained today, but she does love the potty.
And, that is also how we ended up where we are right now as I type. Me blogging, my four kids all sitting in front of the tube and baby sitting on her throne (after peeing a LOT in her diaper) right in front of the TV eating candy right out of the bag. The descent of fourth child parenting is on-going and rapid my friends and I admit I can do little to stop it. ;o)
I abhor poopy diapers. Of all the jobs I have done as a mother of four changing poopy diapers is the one I hate the most. (And - mind you - I hate me some vomit.) There is just enough time to get pregnant and have a baby in between my older three, so getting them all potty trained was in the interest of my sanity as well (and the budget since a case of diapers costs close to 10 pounds of ground beef - and seriously, which would you rather have???). So, basically this equation all equaled three kids that potty trained fairly early and relatively easily (except for my oldest daughter - but, again this is another blog post for a later date).
So, you can imagine my amazement of where I ended up yesterday - in my bathroom encouraging my two-year old to pee in her princess throne so that it would sing to her. Now, I am no dummy. It only took me about one year to realize that this fourth child would be infinitely different from the other three. She would eat hot dogs at six months, peanut butter at two (months), watch TV as a babysitter, never be on a schedule (schedule - what's that???), eat chips from the bag (and not the individual size bag), have a cavity at an early age due to the wild consumption of candy, and basically not ever, ever want to use the potty. It makes sense to me now that by the time the fourth child comes along the mom and the dad are flat-out worn down and could care less about some of the values they had previously held high. Even knowing all this, I never imagined I would be at Target considering buying a SINGING PRINCESS (did I say - I hate princesses, too?) potty.
But, there I was. And, it went something like this:
Me to baby's daddy (or "baby daddy" as she likes to call him) - What do you think? (In front of the array of potty training tools.)
Baby Daddy - Just buy the cheapest potty with the least paraphernalia.
Me - Okay.
Baby - I want that one.
Me - Which one?
Baby - The princess one.
Me - (I hadn't quite seen the princess one, but once she pointed it out I made the mistake of pushing the button that says, "Push This Button." It then sang a Royal Princess Song which is the same song it will sing when "your baby pees or poops in the potty!") Oh, that's cute. (Thinking - blech. I hate princesses.)
Baby - I WANT THE PRINCESS POTTY.
Baby Daddy - Do you want the Frog Potty, baby? It's only $9.00 and the Princess Potty is $20.99. And I just wrecked the family van, so we have NO MONEY.
Baby - No, daddy. I WANT THE PRINCESS POTTY. I don't like frogs.
Me - How about this potty. It's...........a..............potty and it's only $14.99?
Baby - No, I want the PRINCESS POTTY. (Then her eyes move over to a Cars Potty that is $29.99.) Um, daddy, I want the Cars Potty.
Baby Daddy - No. Cars are for boys. HOW 'BOUT THE PRINCESS POTTY???
Baby - Yes! I want the Princess Potty!!!
Baby Daddy and me in unison as we sling it into the cart - Princess Potty it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, that is how I ended up yesterday for a good part of the day (oh, except when baby pooped in the neighbor's front yard) encouraging baby to pee and poop in her princess potty so we could all hear it sing. AND, I am even more shocked and appalled to admit that I like the Princess Singing potty. It is entertaining at worst and bribery at its best. Baby loves it. I can't say that she is any closer to potty trained today, but she does love the potty.
And, that is also how we ended up where we are right now as I type. Me blogging, my four kids all sitting in front of the tube and baby sitting on her throne (after peeing a LOT in her diaper) right in front of the TV eating candy right out of the bag. The descent of fourth child parenting is on-going and rapid my friends and I admit I can do little to stop it. ;o)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)