There's no theme and you don't have to consider this a real post.
1. I'm considering a 10K (I'm also considering a 10G, but I blame Breaking Bad). Not really. But a great friend (who is short, but could kick your a$$ because she works out with more zeal than Richard Simmons but don't worry she's not kooky or annoying) is trying to convince me that this would somehow be good for me and that I might enjoy it. Right. Please comment why this is a worse idea than me staying up till 2:00 watching Breaking Bad when I have to get up at 5:00 and work.
2. Said friend lent (not the one where you give something up) me a doo-hickey that you attach to your waist (attractively?) and it carries two water bottles. Why do I need this? Because it's April (check your calendars) in South Texas and I'm in pre-menopause (whatever that is) so that equals hot and thirsty, y'all. So, why did this even make the quickie list? Because it's dorky and more than vaguely reminiscent of the notorious fanny pack. I know every like "serious" runner does it, but I can't shake the dork factor. Would I rather die from heat exhaustion? I'm still thinking about it.
3. Will you guys still like me if I am the only person in the free world that doesn't care for Breaking Bad? Here's the thing. I'm used to House of Cards, Orange is the New Black, and The Killing. Breaking Bad is s-l-o-w. Like a turtle. Now, I've written a small amount about hubby but something you might not know about him is that he's a "multi-tasker." When we watch Netflix he plays a game on his phone, checks his laptop for emails, shares gourmet popcorn with Bandit, and explains difficult episode material to me. "How does he do this???" you ask. Simple answer? He's a guiness. Well, I could never do that. I have a one track mind. (Insert snicker.) BUT, with Breaking Bad I can. Last night while watching I did all my paperwork, emailed two customers, and did some actual work. And this was well past 10:00 p.m. The hell??? (I'm giving it two more episodes and then I'm calling it quits.) No haters, please?
4. Captcha (Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart) mocks me. As you know, my eyes are aging at an accelerated rate. Hubby calls me (affectionately?), "old eyes." So every time I have to "prove I'm not a robot" I get it wrong. It's become this battle between Captcha and me. I imagine him as a real person sitting behind a laptop somewhere commenting under his breath as I type. "She is a robot." "What a moron!" "Really? She's either blind or she's not human." Then it's like Captcha takes pity on me kinda (after I get like five of them wrong) and he's all, "Ok, Ms. Dayinthelife. How about this, 'U R 2 S tpD.'" At which point I'm like, "THANK YOU! I can do this!"
5. This is the funniest thing I've read all month. In fact, read this gal's blog (but don't stop reading mine). She is beyond hysterical and pretty much delivers the truth in a highly entertaining package. I'm going to a baby shower today and I'm considering printing off this post, wrapping it up in fancy paper, and attaching a card that says, "You'll thank me later." As much as I love this post, it has dashed all of my dreams of ever writing a parenting book. Because absolutely nothing could compare to this advice.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
If you are missing something, it might have been under my fridge.
So I've been doing a lot lately (besides watching every single show on Netflix). Here's a list that will sum it up nicely (or just sum it up) and be easier (and I hope more entertaining) than me trying to explain it all.
1. Bandit my dog is an awful painter's helper. He took a fair amount of spackle off the wall in one fell swoop. He tried to eat the painter's brushes when he was washing them (right after he'd had his first bath in about eight months naturally). He drank the painter's Big Gulp because he left it on the table. He ate the painter's tacos because the painter did not learn from his mistake. And he ate numerous pieces of old (and new) baseboards like they were treats we'd bought just for him.
2. The painter is still willing to come back to do another job upstairs.
3. There are still people in the world with "work ethic." (I'm not talking about myself here. "Duh," you say.)
4. My kids *might* have careers in stand up. Or I'm unusually prejudice (most likely the latter and my kids will be living with me for a long time which I probably will not find funny at all).
5. The time between spring break and summer can be compared to the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's painful for parents, kids, and teachers alike. The kids are done learning anything. So, naturally that's when the state testing occurs.
6. It is possible to overthink things. This can result in hours of time spent thinking and not actually doing. I fall victim to this phenomena a lot and it explains quite a bit about the status of my life.
7. When you've been married over 20 years another wedding and all the ensuing presents would be helpful and probably less expensive than trying to re-do your house with your own income. I am considering a huge 25 year anniversary party. I will not write Please no gifts on the invitations. In fact, I'm asking Prudie if it would be presumptuous and rude to register. At Target.
8. My entire paycheck has gone to Target the past few months. Wouldn't it be easier for me to just move in there? I guess I could offer to work a few hours, too? And promise to wear only red and khaki?
9. Netflix has ruined regular TV for me. It happened slowly, but I'm pretty sure now that I can't watch regular TV anymore. SPOILER ALERT. I knew something huge was happening on The Good Wife and I still finished Luther on Netflix that night instead. What's wrong with me? Then I read in the paper that Will died and I didn't really care unless I can watch it on Netflix. Again, Will's dead! What's wrong with me?
10. The kids have discovered the dog whisperer on Netflix. I've told you guys before how much I don't really like him? I mean really. If my parents watched the dog whisperer I think they'd think he was dropping acid (if my parents know what that is). But, whatever. The kids have told me that it's the owners that must be trained (yeah, I suspected a train wreck coming, too). And that *maybe* Bandit behaves the way he does because of me. So, basically the dog whisperer has taught my kids that parenting dogs and kids is basically the same. The parents will invariably be blamed for everything.
10. When you do home repair, maintenance, and painting it makes you feel good. It also makes you notice all the things you didn't do. How many permanent handprints will be on all the doors before we can repaint them all, too?
11. Painting also can make you want to clean everything. Remember about a year ago when I went bat $hit crazy and tried to organize every area of my house? Well, damn it if it didn't all get dirty and disorganized again. The hell? So, now I'm on a cleaning frenzy again.
12. I don't pay my house cleaner enough. She hasn't been here in a while because the chaos would probably give her a coronary and it takes everything out of me to clean the house. Aside from the fact that it's covered in a thin layer of painting dust/grime, I'm just not a good house cleaner.
13. I cleaned under the stove for the first time in about 11 years and there was an ecosystem growing under there. It was horrific, but I did find quite a few lost toys, magnets, kitchen tools, and popcorn from the early 2000's. No more gourmet popcorn for Bandit. Turns out he likes years old popcorn that's covered with goo just as much!
14. This motivated me to clean under the other three movable appliances. Not one of the five people I live with (or Bandit) noticed or cared that I'd done it. The hell? Lesson? Not doing it again for another 10-20 years.
15. After seven years of having three of our four kids taking piano lessons and all practicing on a digital keyboard, we bought a piano. Now, I've never seen the movie We Bought A Zoo (if it's on Netflix, though, there's a good chance I might see it someday), but I wanted to make a mockumentary for reality TV called We Bought a Piano. They're *kinda* like children or dogs. You have to take care of them, they respond to temperature changes, if you treat them right they can provide joy for you your entire life, they need annual tunings (sometimes more if they get sick), they're fragile, and they cost a buttload of money. I'm hoping this piano does not want to go to college.
16. I miss you guys a lot. I've vowed to be better about reading my favorite blogs and I've vowed to post more. But let's be honest. This might be my last post for a while or until I get out of rehab. Last night around 10:30 p.m. hubby and I started doing something we'd been putting off for a while. We had sex? No. We started Breaking Bad.
1. Bandit my dog is an awful painter's helper. He took a fair amount of spackle off the wall in one fell swoop. He tried to eat the painter's brushes when he was washing them (right after he'd had his first bath in about eight months naturally). He drank the painter's Big Gulp because he left it on the table. He ate the painter's tacos because the painter did not learn from his mistake. And he ate numerous pieces of old (and new) baseboards like they were treats we'd bought just for him.
2. The painter is still willing to come back to do another job upstairs.
3. There are still people in the world with "work ethic." (I'm not talking about myself here. "Duh," you say.)
4. My kids *might* have careers in stand up. Or I'm unusually prejudice (most likely the latter and my kids will be living with me for a long time which I probably will not find funny at all).
5. The time between spring break and summer can be compared to the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's painful for parents, kids, and teachers alike. The kids are done learning anything. So, naturally that's when the state testing occurs.
6. It is possible to overthink things. This can result in hours of time spent thinking and not actually doing. I fall victim to this phenomena a lot and it explains quite a bit about the status of my life.
7. When you've been married over 20 years another wedding and all the ensuing presents would be helpful and probably less expensive than trying to re-do your house with your own income. I am considering a huge 25 year anniversary party. I will not write Please no gifts on the invitations. In fact, I'm asking Prudie if it would be presumptuous and rude to register. At Target.
8. My entire paycheck has gone to Target the past few months. Wouldn't it be easier for me to just move in there? I guess I could offer to work a few hours, too? And promise to wear only red and khaki?
9. Netflix has ruined regular TV for me. It happened slowly, but I'm pretty sure now that I can't watch regular TV anymore. SPOILER ALERT. I knew something huge was happening on The Good Wife and I still finished Luther on Netflix that night instead. What's wrong with me? Then I read in the paper that Will died and I didn't really care unless I can watch it on Netflix. Again, Will's dead! What's wrong with me?
10. The kids have discovered the dog whisperer on Netflix. I've told you guys before how much I don't really like him? I mean really. If my parents watched the dog whisperer I think they'd think he was dropping acid (if my parents know what that is). But, whatever. The kids have told me that it's the owners that must be trained (yeah, I suspected a train wreck coming, too). And that *maybe* Bandit behaves the way he does because of me. So, basically the dog whisperer has taught my kids that parenting dogs and kids is basically the same. The parents will invariably be blamed for everything.
10. When you do home repair, maintenance, and painting it makes you feel good. It also makes you notice all the things you didn't do. How many permanent handprints will be on all the doors before we can repaint them all, too?
11. Painting also can make you want to clean everything. Remember about a year ago when I went bat $hit crazy and tried to organize every area of my house? Well, damn it if it didn't all get dirty and disorganized again. The hell? So, now I'm on a cleaning frenzy again.
12. I don't pay my house cleaner enough. She hasn't been here in a while because the chaos would probably give her a coronary and it takes everything out of me to clean the house. Aside from the fact that it's covered in a thin layer of painting dust/grime, I'm just not a good house cleaner.
13. I cleaned under the stove for the first time in about 11 years and there was an ecosystem growing under there. It was horrific, but I did find quite a few lost toys, magnets, kitchen tools, and popcorn from the early 2000's. No more gourmet popcorn for Bandit. Turns out he likes years old popcorn that's covered with goo just as much!
14. This motivated me to clean under the other three movable appliances. Not one of the five people I live with (or Bandit) noticed or cared that I'd done it. The hell? Lesson? Not doing it again for another 10-20 years.
15. After seven years of having three of our four kids taking piano lessons and all practicing on a digital keyboard, we bought a piano. Now, I've never seen the movie We Bought A Zoo (if it's on Netflix, though, there's a good chance I might see it someday), but I wanted to make a mockumentary for reality TV called We Bought a Piano. They're *kinda* like children or dogs. You have to take care of them, they respond to temperature changes, if you treat them right they can provide joy for you your entire life, they need annual tunings (sometimes more if they get sick), they're fragile, and they cost a buttload of money. I'm hoping this piano does not want to go to college.
16. I miss you guys a lot. I've vowed to be better about reading my favorite blogs and I've vowed to post more. But let's be honest. This might be my last post for a while or until I get out of rehab. Last night around 10:30 p.m. hubby and I started doing something we'd been putting off for a while. We had sex? No. We started Breaking Bad.
 |
| Six days (give or take) and I'll be back. Maybe. |
Friday, November 15, 2013
Is it too late to write my own vows?
Hubby's Real Life Vows (updated because after being with hubby for 12 hours, I thought of three more.).
1. I promise to not hate you when you put everything in the garbage disposal. And then blame it on the kids. And then ask me to "fix it."
2. I promise to gently remind you about details when you tell me, "I know I haven't seen this movie."
3. I promise to cover for you in the areas of: science, politics, religion, and trivia even though you have a master's degree.
4. I promise to not hate you even when you shrink every single one of my nice shirts and then blame it on the quality of the fabric.
5. I promise to not be jealous of fictional TV detectives that you fall in love with and virtually stalk.
6. I promise to be able to find and download every obscure song that you hear on NPR and want on your playlist. Even though you only give me one word (sung off-key) on which to go by.
7. I promise to not be offended when you constantly correct my grammar, spelling, and vocabulary.
8. I promise to take all the photographs of everything. Everywhere. For eternity.
9. I promise to not be too pissed when every photo you take of me is blurry, off-center, or my head is cut off.
10. I promise to understand when you get lost. In the city you have lived in for 15 years. In the mall. On the way to find the restroom. On vacation. In the hospital.
11. I promise to understand that procrastination is actually a skill that requires high levels of intelligence, self-control, and organization.
12. I promise not to laugh when you start to say something Very Important, but cannot remember any of the details or why it was actually Important.
13. I promise to understand that when you say, "If you don't eat these leftovers today they are going in the trash," it is because you cannot waste food, not because you are trying to give me food poisoning.
14. I promise to understand that next to breathing, sleeping is your favorite pastime.
15. I promise to understand that you are physically incapable of making your own coffee. Even when I buy you a Keurig.
I now pronounce you man and wife.
1. I promise to not hate you when you put everything in the garbage disposal. And then blame it on the kids. And then ask me to "fix it."
 |
| In my defense, he bought four. There's still two left!!! |
2. I promise to gently remind you about details when you tell me, "I know I haven't seen this movie."
3. I promise to cover for you in the areas of: science, politics, religion, and trivia even though you have a master's degree.
4. I promise to not hate you even when you shrink every single one of my nice shirts and then blame it on the quality of the fabric.
5. I promise to not be jealous of fictional TV detectives that you fall in love with and virtually stalk.
6. I promise to be able to find and download every obscure song that you hear on NPR and want on your playlist. Even though you only give me one word (sung off-key) on which to go by.
7. I promise to not be offended when you constantly correct my grammar, spelling, and vocabulary.
8. I promise to take all the photographs of everything. Everywhere. For eternity.
9. I promise to not be too pissed when every photo you take of me is blurry, off-center, or my head is cut off.
10. I promise to understand when you get lost. In the city you have lived in for 15 years. In the mall. On the way to find the restroom. On vacation. In the hospital.
11. I promise to understand that procrastination is actually a skill that requires high levels of intelligence, self-control, and organization.
12. I promise not to laugh when you start to say something Very Important, but cannot remember any of the details or why it was actually Important.
13. I promise to understand that when you say, "If you don't eat these leftovers today they are going in the trash," it is because you cannot waste food, not because you are trying to give me food poisoning.
14. I promise to understand that next to breathing, sleeping is your favorite pastime.
15. I promise to understand that you are physically incapable of making your own coffee. Even when I buy you a Keurig.
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Date night over 40. I'm not proud.
We hadn't been on the proverbial date night for a while. So, a few days ago hubby said, "Let's go out Saturday night," it took about a quarter of one second for me to imagine a peaceful dinner without any interruptions and possibly an adult beverage (or two).
I said, "Okay," incredibly quickly and effortlessly and had messaged the lovely lady that watches our heathens when we are gone in record time. That was the easy part.
The rest of this post is kinda how the remaining details went down. Let me reiterate: I am not proud.
1. Answering the question - What to do? Once you hit 35 (ahem), deciding what to do on any special occasion (or just date night) becomes particularly problematic. Add in the four kids who must be left with a sitter, the fact that hubby has a physical injury which currently (until his impending surgery) is causing him constant pain, and the fact that I have been nursing a migraine for about a week and you *might* have a recipe for disaster.
We went through the long (and quite ridiculous) pretense of pretending we would do something other than go out to eat and try to stay awake until we were actually back home. Sample of that:
Hubby: Well, babe, what could we do?
Me: Whatever. Go eat?
Hubby: Well, what do you like to do?
Me: Hmm. I dunno. Eat?
Hubby: We could go to the movies?
Me: Okay.
Hubby: A short movie.
Me: Okay.
Hubby: Who am I kidding? I don't want to see a movie. At the theater.
Me: Yeah, me neither.
Hubby: I guess we could go eat?
Me: Okay. That sounds good.
This pretense continued until Saturday shortly before our departure time when hubby said, "Was there anything in the paper going on this weekend?"
I had actually looked through The Weekender, recognized one band that was in town, saw that they were playing at a venue about 35 minutes from our house, ruled that out, and skipped over the rest of the entertainment advertisements with mild disgust that I was far too old to watch bands in bars.
I said, "Well, I saw that The Texas Tornados are playing. I really love them. Too bad they are about 20 years late."
(Hubby did not reply.)
2. Once we decided we would go eat (!), we had to decide where. I have written about our absolute favorite place on the planet to eat, Spicy Ginger, a few times. It's a little embarrassing that they know our names there and *kinda* treat us like family. Regardless, we decided we were both hungry for steak.
We toyed briefly (and when I say We toyed briefly I mean I thought about it for one millisecond before deciding it was not going to happen) with eating at "the best steak place in our city". I figured a meal for the two of us plus a few drinks for me would cost about $250.00. Then I thought about how many kids' pairs of shoes I could buy for that same amount of money and we decided on Saltgrass. Perfect.
3. Saturday was a rainy first day of spring break and we were cooped up inside with four slightly rotten kids and a wildly insane puppy. So, yeah. It was joyful.
I guess you could say hubby and I bothwere stir crazy like we'd been locked in an insane asylum wanted to get away by the time 6:30 rolled around. Normally when I know I am going out to eat I try to starve myself a little so that I can be really hungry and enjoy my food.
But, I've been having some eating issues lately (by eating issues I mean I have wanted to eat everything that isn't nailed down). As luck would have it, this insane hunger that's been plaguing me oddly stopped Saturday morning. I woke up and I had no appetite. (This usually only happens when I have a severe stomach virus or I am in a coma. I have never actually been in a coma, but it's how I imagine it.) I ate a smoothie for breakfast, I wasn't hungry for lunch, and I ate a few pieces of Girl 3's dinner that she couldn't finish. You would have thought that by 6:30 I would have been ready to eat the menu, but truthfully nothing sounded good.
So, off we went to the previously decided upon steak place. (We passed Spicy Ginger on the way and I had to remind hubby that we were both hungry for steaks.)
4. It was a 45 minute wait at the steak place. And our buzzer thingie didn't work. And I had to drink a margarita on an empty stomach. And on the way over to the steak place (before said margarita) my headache came back with a vengeance. And the appetizer we got was meh at best. By the time we were seated and ready to order my head was splitting open, and I had completely lost any vestige of an appetite that might have been there.
5. Poor hubby. I felt positively miserable for refusing to eat any of my dinner, but the thought of food was making me sick and my head hurt so badly I really was struggling to keep it upright. He *may* have blamed the two margaritas I had on an empty stomach, but he is a gem so he never said that.
6. At about 9:00 we headed home. The kids had just gone to bed when we rolled into the driveway. (I'm pretty sure our sitter thinks we are 90 year olds.)
Thank The Date Night Stars, our evening was not a total loss. We managed to watch The King's Speech on Netflix and I give it 10 stars out of 10. I stayed awake during the whole thing (except possibly the beginning credits and about 10 minutes after that - shhhh - don't tell hubby) and it was such a delight that I managed to forget about the pain in my head for a while.
After the movie ended is where it got complicated. In Texas we have this nasty thing called Daylight Savings Time. So, the movie ended past midnight (which was really 1:00 a.m.). I decided at that time to break down and take some serious migraine medication. As you might know the meds contain lots of caffeine. And it had started thundering and lightening (of course because we haven't had thunder and lightening in about eight months). And puppy and the kids cried all night. And I ended up sleeping in Girl 1's single bed.
Too bad I couldn't have had date night around 4:00 a.m. because I was still wide awake and I think my appetite was even coming back.
7. Boy child had my steak dinner for breakfast.
Date night over 40, people.
How much will it cost for a re-do?
I said, "Okay," incredibly quickly and effortlessly and had messaged the lovely lady that watches our heathens when we are gone in record time. That was the easy part.
The rest of this post is kinda how the remaining details went down. Let me reiterate: I am not proud.
1. Answering the question - What to do? Once you hit 35 (ahem), deciding what to do on any special occasion (or just date night) becomes particularly problematic. Add in the four kids who must be left with a sitter, the fact that hubby has a physical injury which currently (until his impending surgery) is causing him constant pain, and the fact that I have been nursing a migraine for about a week and you *might* have a recipe for disaster.
We went through the long (and quite ridiculous) pretense of pretending we would do something other than go out to eat and try to stay awake until we were actually back home. Sample of that:
Hubby: Well, babe, what could we do?
Me: Whatever. Go eat?
Hubby: Well, what do you like to do?
Me: Hmm. I dunno. Eat?
Hubby: We could go to the movies?
Me: Okay.
Hubby: A short movie.
Me: Okay.
Hubby: Who am I kidding? I don't want to see a movie. At the theater.
Me: Yeah, me neither.
Hubby: I guess we could go eat?
Me: Okay. That sounds good.
This pretense continued until Saturday shortly before our departure time when hubby said, "Was there anything in the paper going on this weekend?"
I had actually looked through The Weekender, recognized one band that was in town, saw that they were playing at a venue about 35 minutes from our house, ruled that out, and skipped over the rest of the entertainment advertisements with mild disgust that I was far too old to watch bands in bars.
I said, "Well, I saw that The Texas Tornados are playing. I really love them. Too bad they are about 20 years late."
(Hubby did not reply.)
2. Once we decided we would go eat (!), we had to decide where. I have written about our absolute favorite place on the planet to eat, Spicy Ginger, a few times. It's a little embarrassing that they know our names there and *kinda* treat us like family. Regardless, we decided we were both hungry for steak.
We toyed briefly (and when I say We toyed briefly I mean I thought about it for one millisecond before deciding it was not going to happen) with eating at "the best steak place in our city". I figured a meal for the two of us plus a few drinks for me would cost about $250.00. Then I thought about how many kids' pairs of shoes I could buy for that same amount of money and we decided on Saltgrass. Perfect.
3. Saturday was a rainy first day of spring break and we were cooped up inside with four slightly rotten kids and a wildly insane puppy. So, yeah. It was joyful.
I guess you could say hubby and I both
But, I've been having some eating issues lately (by eating issues I mean I have wanted to eat everything that isn't nailed down). As luck would have it, this insane hunger that's been plaguing me oddly stopped Saturday morning. I woke up and I had no appetite. (This usually only happens when I have a severe stomach virus or I am in a coma. I have never actually been in a coma, but it's how I imagine it.) I ate a smoothie for breakfast, I wasn't hungry for lunch, and I ate a few pieces of Girl 3's dinner that she couldn't finish. You would have thought that by 6:30 I would have been ready to eat the menu, but truthfully nothing sounded good.
So, off we went to the previously decided upon steak place. (We passed Spicy Ginger on the way and I had to remind hubby that we were both hungry for steaks.)
4. It was a 45 minute wait at the steak place. And our buzzer thingie didn't work. And I had to drink a margarita on an empty stomach. And on the way over to the steak place (before said margarita) my headache came back with a vengeance. And the appetizer we got was meh at best. By the time we were seated and ready to order my head was splitting open, and I had completely lost any vestige of an appetite that might have been there.
5. Poor hubby. I felt positively miserable for refusing to eat any of my dinner, but the thought of food was making me sick and my head hurt so badly I really was struggling to keep it upright. He *may* have blamed the two margaritas I had on an empty stomach, but he is a gem so he never said that.
6. At about 9:00 we headed home. The kids had just gone to bed when we rolled into the driveway. (I'm pretty sure our sitter thinks we are 90 year olds.)
Thank The Date Night Stars, our evening was not a total loss. We managed to watch The King's Speech on Netflix and I give it 10 stars out of 10. I stayed awake during the whole thing (except possibly the beginning credits and about 10 minutes after that - shhhh - don't tell hubby) and it was such a delight that I managed to forget about the pain in my head for a while.
After the movie ended is where it got complicated. In Texas we have this nasty thing called Daylight Savings Time. So, the movie ended past midnight (which was really 1:00 a.m.). I decided at that time to break down and take some serious migraine medication. As you might know the meds contain lots of caffeine. And it had started thundering and lightening (of course because we haven't had thunder and lightening in about eight months). And puppy and the kids cried all night. And I ended up sleeping in Girl 1's single bed.
Too bad I couldn't have had date night around 4:00 a.m. because I was still wide awake and I think my appetite was even coming back.
7. Boy child had my steak dinner for breakfast.
Date night over 40, people.
How much will it cost for a re-do?
Thursday, August 9, 2012
No one gave me personalized toilet paper. I'm kinda disappointed.
So, last Saturday hubby and I completed 22 years of marriage. Yeah, I know.
As hubby would say, "It feels like five minutes....................underwater."
Ha-ha, hubby.
They've been mostly good.
But, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is anniversary gifts. Remember them? Maybe you are the kind of woman that gets tons of great gifts all the time for everything from your anniversary to Flag Day. Or, maybe you are more like me and gifts are rare in your home and usually you buy them for yourself.
At any rate I just wanted to share this website with you and let you know that I'm kind of disappointed no one looked at this website before my anniversary so that they could have surprised me with personalized toilet paper. Because personalized toilet paper is special and says, "You are so awesome I want to wipe my a$$ with you." (Literally.)
After perusing this website, it's clear to me that after about one year of marriage the gift ideas *might* get a little thin. Here's just a sampling of what they offer and why I think they are a teensy bit nuts.
1. Hot Air Balloon Ride Experience the tranquility and romance of a hot air balloon ride over the beautiful countryside.
Embrace the serenity as you float effortlessly thousands of feet above the ground then enjoy a traditional champagne toast upon landing.
There is nothing like soaring through the sky in a hot air balloon. It makes an incredible gift!
Not only does that make me vomit a little in my mouth, I sincerely hope that whoever purchases this knows his/her spouse well because I am not sure of the statistics, but I am fairly sure I have seen more than a couple of Nightline episodes about spouses being pushed out of hot air balloons.
2. First Anniversary Personalized Magazine Cover Seriously? Notice that this is First Anniversary because they are the only people on the planet that could possibly pull this off without seeming completely ridiculous and self-centered (and we all still would probably want to vomit in our mouths - I wanted to just looking at that couple on the advertisement and I don't even know them). BTW - these are the same people that video tape the birth of their firstborns and mail it out to friends and family.
3. Daily Dose of My Love Jar of Messages in Mini-Envelopes. Reminders of your love! Jar of 31 personalized messages in mini decorative envelopes for the recipient to open each day or anytime they need a smile. Pre-printed themed messages also available for an additional charge.
"Daily Dose of My Love." It's a good thing I know that this website is fairly "family" friendly because I don't think my hubby is the only one who would have a field day with that verbiage.
Secondly, how lovely that they also offer blank messages for those who would like to do them themselves.
After 22 years of marriage (most of them good), mine might read:
Babe, remember to change the light bulb outside that's been out for about a month. Happy Anniversary! xoxo
Babe, could you put the batteries back in the smoke alarms in case we have a house fire (from my cooking)? BTW - Happy Anniversary! Love you!
Babe, the house cleaner is coming today, so could you kindly pick up your "unmentionables" from the bathroom floor. Forever yours (on our Anniversary)! xoxo
His might read:
Sweets, do you think you could remember to buy the razors I've had on the list for about a month now when you go to Costco? Thanks! Love you! When's our anniversary again?
Baby, where is my wallet? xoxo! Is today our anniversary???
Babe, my credit card hasn't been working. Did you forget to pay the bill? (Again?) (We might need some good credit for our anniversary dinner!) Love you lots!!!
4. I Can't Promise Sign. I just find this one confusing. If you are celebrating an anniversary I am just going to assume you were married at some point and that you took some vows that required you to promise some stuff. I *think* (it's been TWENTY-TWO years and my memory is bad) those promises were something about loving you for the rest of your life (and my own?) regardless of weight, money, health, stretch marks, unruly kids underfoot, etc. So, here's what this sign says (see if you can figure it out):
I can't promise that I'll be here for the rest of your life...but I can promise that I'll love you for the rest of mine.
Now please know that hubby and I having been together for 22 years have weathered some friends' and family members' separations and divorces. So, here's what that anniversary sign says to me, "I might leave your a$$, but know that I will be pining for you (and possibly stalking you) with my new man my whole life. Happy Anniversary!"
Nothing says "love" like that! I guess!
5. Kinky Sex Scratchers. Okay. Need I say more? Do I need to say "scratch" and "sex" in the same gift title? No. I don't.
6. Personalized Judith Masterpiece. If you don't click any other link - click this one. And be frightened. I really don't want hubby to open his anniversary present and be all, "AGHHHHH. JESUS! A little warning would've been nice, babe."
I had almost had it with this website when I stumbled upon this. Now, hubby doesn't drink. But, I do. And if you know me well, you know that beer is my drink of choice. Black Leather Beer Holster? Why not? So, my friends: Happy Twenty-Second Anniversary To Me! Thank you!
As hubby would say, "It feels like five minutes....................underwater."
Ha-ha, hubby.
They've been mostly good.
But, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is anniversary gifts. Remember them? Maybe you are the kind of woman that gets tons of great gifts all the time for everything from your anniversary to Flag Day. Or, maybe you are more like me and gifts are rare in your home and usually you buy them for yourself.
At any rate I just wanted to share this website with you and let you know that I'm kind of disappointed no one looked at this website before my anniversary so that they could have surprised me with personalized toilet paper. Because personalized toilet paper is special and says, "You are so awesome I want to wipe my a$$ with you." (Literally.)
After perusing this website, it's clear to me that after about one year of marriage the gift ideas *might* get a little thin. Here's just a sampling of what they offer and why I think they are a teensy bit nuts.
1. Hot Air Balloon Ride Experience the tranquility and romance of a hot air balloon ride over the beautiful countryside.
Embrace the serenity as you float effortlessly thousands of feet above the ground then enjoy a traditional champagne toast upon landing.
There is nothing like soaring through the sky in a hot air balloon. It makes an incredible gift!
Not only does that make me vomit a little in my mouth, I sincerely hope that whoever purchases this knows his/her spouse well because I am not sure of the statistics, but I am fairly sure I have seen more than a couple of Nightline episodes about spouses being pushed out of hot air balloons.
2. First Anniversary Personalized Magazine Cover Seriously? Notice that this is First Anniversary because they are the only people on the planet that could possibly pull this off without seeming completely ridiculous and self-centered (and we all still would probably want to vomit in our mouths - I wanted to just looking at that couple on the advertisement and I don't even know them). BTW - these are the same people that video tape the birth of their firstborns and mail it out to friends and family.
3. Daily Dose of My Love Jar of Messages in Mini-Envelopes. Reminders of your love! Jar of 31 personalized messages in mini decorative envelopes for the recipient to open each day or anytime they need a smile. Pre-printed themed messages also available for an additional charge.
"Daily Dose of My Love." It's a good thing I know that this website is fairly "family" friendly because I don't think my hubby is the only one who would have a field day with that verbiage.
Secondly, how lovely that they also offer blank messages for those who would like to do them themselves.
After 22 years of marriage (most of them good), mine might read:
Babe, remember to change the light bulb outside that's been out for about a month. Happy Anniversary! xoxo
Babe, could you put the batteries back in the smoke alarms in case we have a house fire (from my cooking)? BTW - Happy Anniversary! Love you!
Babe, the house cleaner is coming today, so could you kindly pick up your "unmentionables" from the bathroom floor. Forever yours (on our Anniversary)! xoxo
His might read:
Sweets, do you think you could remember to buy the razors I've had on the list for about a month now when you go to Costco? Thanks! Love you! When's our anniversary again?
Baby, where is my wallet? xoxo! Is today our anniversary???
Babe, my credit card hasn't been working. Did you forget to pay the bill? (Again?) (We might need some good credit for our anniversary dinner!) Love you lots!!!
4. I Can't Promise Sign. I just find this one confusing. If you are celebrating an anniversary I am just going to assume you were married at some point and that you took some vows that required you to promise some stuff. I *think* (it's been TWENTY-TWO years and my memory is bad) those promises were something about loving you for the rest of your life (and my own?) regardless of weight, money, health, stretch marks, unruly kids underfoot, etc. So, here's what this sign says (see if you can figure it out):
I can't promise that I'll be here for the rest of your life...but I can promise that I'll love you for the rest of mine.
Now please know that hubby and I having been together for 22 years have weathered some friends' and family members' separations and divorces. So, here's what that anniversary sign says to me, "I might leave your a$$, but know that I will be pining for you (and possibly stalking you) with my new man my whole life. Happy Anniversary!"
Nothing says "love" like that! I guess!
5. Kinky Sex Scratchers. Okay. Need I say more? Do I need to say "scratch" and "sex" in the same gift title? No. I don't.
6. Personalized Judith Masterpiece. If you don't click any other link - click this one. And be frightened. I really don't want hubby to open his anniversary present and be all, "AGHHHHH. JESUS! A little warning would've been nice, babe."
I had almost had it with this website when I stumbled upon this. Now, hubby doesn't drink. But, I do. And if you know me well, you know that beer is my drink of choice. Black Leather Beer Holster? Why not? So, my friends: Happy Twenty-Second Anniversary To Me! Thank you!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
In case you missed it.
I am still not fully recovered from having my brain cells sucked out pre-Valentines (keep in mind that I am older than God, so it requires me a bit more time to recover from trauma than the average Joe), so I am going to bring you a recap/highlight/make-your-week-special-like-only-I-can/slacker type post. I would love to make this a "regular," but I am not organized enough to ever do that. So, I will just do it whenever I can't quite manage something better.
In case you missed it...
1. If you follow me on Pinterest you may have already seen some of this crap great stuff. If you don't follow me on Pinterest, you should because I am brilliant! So, in case you missed this HI-LARious video (thank you whatimeant2say for the link): (If I wasn't already happily married to hubby I would want to marry this guy.)
2. In case you missed this blog post on marriage: The Mommyland Guide for the Marriage That Doesn't Suck Gonads. If you are married, thinking about getting hitched, thinking about getting unhitched, recently divorced and ever wanting to marry again, or know someone in any of the previous categories, or basically just a living, breathing human over the age of teenage you really should read this post. It's damn good advice (and I am not one to give or receive advice - like ever) and it comes from one of my favorite blogs.
3. In case you missed this catchy tune on one of my favorite shows, David Letterman.
In case you missed it...
1. If you follow me on Pinterest you may have already seen some of this
2. In case you missed this blog post on marriage: The Mommyland Guide for the Marriage That Doesn't Suck Gonads. If you are married, thinking about getting hitched, thinking about getting unhitched, recently divorced and ever wanting to marry again, or know someone in any of the previous categories, or basically just a living, breathing human over the age of teenage you really should read this post. It's damn good advice (and I am not one to give or receive advice - like ever) and it comes from one of my favorite blogs.
3. In case you missed this catchy tune on one of my favorite shows, David Letterman.
Creepy, catchy, and creepy. Did I say creepy? But, you will not be able to stop singing it or thinking about it, so I guess clever, too, eh? BTW - do not YouTube Die Antwoord with children present unless you don't care about cussing and other inappropriate-type things.
4. You know I hate talking about politics, religion, and basically anything of any kind of real importance. But, I really hate the haters. I had to pin this, so if you already saw it - it's worth seeing again. And if you haven't seen it, it's worth seeing. In case you missed it, this is To the haters:
5. A good friend gave me a belated birthday present (because I am a crazy nut, but refuse to go to therapy). It is this little gem of a book: Do It Yourself Therapy. Head Games for a Rainy Day. Now, I have good news here. In case you missed this, don't worry! I have already started reading it and I have so many gems to pass on to you I can't wait to get started. Stay tuned. Upcoming blog posts will contain unsolicited head game therapy for your many dysfunctions that you may not have even known that you had! Excited? Me, too!
6. And the last In Case You Missed It: Girl 1 has discovered the subtle art of the phrase, "No offense, but..." She uses it constantly and obsessively. I overheard her sharing its meaning with Girl 2 the other day.
Girl 1 to Girl 2: This kinda doesn't make sense, but it's what adults do all the time. You say, "No offense," when you are about to say something offensive to someone. For example, 'No offense, Girl 2, but you stink!' See??? Get it???"
Then she erupted into wild laughter. I think she's basically got it. Amirite???
Peace and have a great week, friends!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Turtle Wax? No, I'll take the Brazilian.
So, just in case your to-do list looks like mine - I have a little Christmas hilarity for you. I feel compelled and completely justified putting that in LARGE letters. Take a time-out from your shopping, card writing (If you need my address - leave a comment.), baking, eating, and drinking heavily (non-alcoholic, of course, it's still before 12:00). Grab a cup-of-joe and read on.
Backtrack to a few days ago (it took me that long to stop laughing and find the laptop under the load of Christmascrap decorations that are covering all the freaking tables in my house) when hubby was out seeing patients with his supervisor (to be referred to as Virginia - name changed to protect the innocent). Often when he is out seeing patients, the TV in the house is on. On occasion hubby will tell me about something he "saw on TV while at a patients house." So, I wasn't really fascinated when he started telling me about seeing a spot about "waxing" on The View.
I think my exact thought was, "Oh, really? Fascinating."
UNTIL he said (quite nonchalantly), "Do you know what a Brazilian wax is?"
Now, at that point many things (none of them fit to print) went through my head, but what I managed to say was: Ah, yes. Why? (NOT entirely wanting to know.)
Hubby: (Now giggling and sporting a grin like a teenager.) Well, I didn't.
Me: YOU DIDN'T??? Oh my GAWD. What exactly happened? Did they do a BRAZILIAN WAXING ON THE VIEW???
Hubby: Well, no. Not exactly.
Me: WELL WHAT EXACTLY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT A BRAZILIAN WAX IS NOW? WHY AM I FRIGHTENED FOR HOW THIS STORY ENDS???
Hubby (Now giggling a little more.): Well, yeah. I think I know now. Virginia explained it to me.
Me: Oh God. Tell me no. What happened exactly?
Hubby: Well, I could just hear the TV. And I HEARD that they were talking about waxing on The View and like I said I didn't really know what Brazilian waxing was. So, I just assumed they meant like waxing. Like waxing a car. So, when I happened to actually look over at the TV, there was like I guess a commercial. And it was a guy waxing his car. So, I said (out loud), "What's a Brazilian wax?"
Me: YOU SAID IT OUT LOUD TO EVERYONE??? WHAT DID THEY SAY???
Hubby: Well, no one really said anything. So, I kind of figured they didn't know either. And, then grandma kind of smirked. So, then I said, "Is it like a really special kind of car wax?"
Me: Oh, please. Tell me you didn't.
Hubby: (Now laughing quite out loud.) Well, yeah. I did. Then everyone started laughing pretty hard. Then Virginia said while chuckling, "I'll tell you later, it's not really appropriate to talk about right now."
Me: Oh my God. WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN SHE SAID THAT???
Hubby: (STILL LAUGHING.) Well, I figured it wasn't a special kind of car wax!!!
Later, after they left the patient's home, Virginia told hubby the barest (no pun intended) definition of a Brazilian wax. I had to complete the picture (not literally because that would make me and you vomit) for him right then as he was telling me the story. As soon as I had filled in the details (so to speak) for him we were both laughing so hard it was impossible to continue talking about how horrible the situation had been.
Here's what makes this story so great:
1. Between hubby and me, I am decidedly the naive one. So, score one for me.
2. I stick my foot in my mouth on an almost daily basis, while hubby is just known all around as a jokester/prankster/middle school humor man. So, he constantly reminds me of times when I have inserted said foot in mouth. Bring it on, hubby. You will be hearing about this fo'eva!
3. It's just damn funny and I cannot resist a good laugh.
I know, so junior highish. Sorry. I blame The View. Happy shopping, and if you are out and about and decide to treat your car to a Christmas wax, don't forget to ask for the BRAZILIAN!
Backtrack to a few days ago (it took me that long to stop laughing and find the laptop under the load of Christmas
I think my exact thought was, "Oh, really? Fascinating."
UNTIL he said (quite nonchalantly), "Do you know what a Brazilian wax is?"
Now, at that point many things (none of them fit to print) went through my head, but what I managed to say was: Ah, yes. Why? (NOT entirely wanting to know.)
Hubby: (Now giggling and sporting a grin like a teenager.) Well, I didn't.
Me: YOU DIDN'T??? Oh my GAWD. What exactly happened? Did they do a BRAZILIAN WAXING ON THE VIEW???
Hubby: Well, no. Not exactly.
Me: WELL WHAT EXACTLY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT A BRAZILIAN WAX IS NOW? WHY AM I FRIGHTENED FOR HOW THIS STORY ENDS???
Hubby (Now giggling a little more.): Well, yeah. I think I know now. Virginia explained it to me.
Me: Oh God. Tell me no. What happened exactly?
Hubby: Well, I could just hear the TV. And I HEARD that they were talking about waxing on The View and like I said I didn't really know what Brazilian waxing was. So, I just assumed they meant like waxing. Like waxing a car. So, when I happened to actually look over at the TV, there was like I guess a commercial. And it was a guy waxing his car. So, I said (out loud), "What's a Brazilian wax?"
Me: YOU SAID IT OUT LOUD TO EVERYONE??? WHAT DID THEY SAY???
Hubby: Well, no one really said anything. So, I kind of figured they didn't know either. And, then grandma kind of smirked. So, then I said, "Is it like a really special kind of car wax?"
Me: Oh, please. Tell me you didn't.
Hubby: (Now laughing quite out loud.) Well, yeah. I did. Then everyone started laughing pretty hard. Then Virginia said while chuckling, "I'll tell you later, it's not really appropriate to talk about right now."
Me: Oh my God. WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN SHE SAID THAT???
Hubby: (STILL LAUGHING.) Well, I figured it wasn't a special kind of car wax!!!
Later, after they left the patient's home, Virginia told hubby the barest (no pun intended) definition of a Brazilian wax. I had to complete the picture (not literally because that would make me and you vomit) for him right then as he was telling me the story. As soon as I had filled in the details (so to speak) for him we were both laughing so hard it was impossible to continue talking about how horrible the situation had been.
Here's what makes this story so great:
1. Between hubby and me, I am decidedly the naive one. So, score one for me.
2. I stick my foot in my mouth on an almost daily basis, while hubby is just known all around as a jokester/prankster/middle school humor man. So, he constantly reminds me of times when I have inserted said foot in mouth. Bring it on, hubby. You will be hearing about this fo'eva!
3. It's just damn funny and I cannot resist a good laugh.
I know, so junior highish. Sorry. I blame The View. Happy shopping, and if you are out and about and decide to treat your car to a Christmas wax, don't forget to ask for the BRAZILIAN!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Undying Love and Amazon Cloud or Nothing As Sweet As the First Time
Now you may be thinking you are about to read a post about hot steamy ah-hem, but 1. Get your mind outta the gutter, and 2. You should know by now that I am freakishly prudish and would never write about that. No, today's post is going to be about how I found love in technology after 20+ years with my polar opposite and how you can, too. I know, not nearly as exciting, but you're stuck with it.
Let me just give you some of my quick marriage history in case you are "new". I have known my husband since ninth grade. I have known that we are as opposite as Bono and Barry Manilow for about that long, too. So, naturally when hubby wants me to try things, do things, listen to music he likes, and generally do what he likes to do it is perfectly natural that.......I would rather poke my eyes out with sharp sticks. That being said, we have been married longer than Abraham, so we have found a way to work that. That brings us to about a year ago when he started asking me if I thought I might like to listen to music while I am running. And my immediate response was, "Why.........no." He said, "Well, just think about it." And then later (after I'd had about 5 minutes to think about it) I said, "I think I'd rather run with heavy weights on my ankles."
Remember I said opposite? This guy listens to music from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to sleep (notice I did not say bed because he goes to bed with ear buds). I really don't care to listen to music most of the time (unless I am, say, ON THE DANCE FLOOR). It's not that I don't like music. I do. I have favorite bands, I try to stay current so as not to embarrass my children, and I can even (on occasion) tell you who sings a song (as long as the singer is prolific like Madonna or Prince or Ozzy not someone obscure or someone who can be easily confused with someone else like Madonna, Prince, or Ozzy), but other than that you can usually find me doing something else.
Hubby is also a repository of Music Trivia. And when I say, "He's good." I mean, "He's good like Google or Ask.com." A million years ago when we were dating he made me mix tapes all the time which I listened to. Nowadays I just use him for his infinite knowledge. I have been known to ask him at odd times (shouted from the bathroom, texted from my phone while I am grocery shopping, right before I fall asleep, right when I wake up), "Hey, babe, who sings that song blah, blah, blah." Now, remember I am no music connoisseur so often times my questions go specifically something like, "Hey, babe, who sings that song that says something about a girlfriend and a month of the year, but I can't remember which one, I think it was in winter, and it's kind of like a disco dance remix and his voice kind of sounds like he's talking like a robot?"
And I KID YOU NOT (you would actually have to witness this - and some have - to believe it) hubby will cock his head slightly to the left, question me a little (Oh could you mistake it for say the B52's? And does it also say something about sentimental? To which I will say "Um, yeah, right.'), and then you can almost hear this clicking sound in his brain and then he'll say, "Yeah, I think that's blah, blah, blah. I think I have that right here." At which point he will grab his iTouch, iPad, phone, whatever and click some more and I am HEARING THE SONG. It's like uncanny and the most magic I usually see in a week.
Incidentally this is number #547 of why I am still married to him. (I make this list in my head - so it's #1 to you.)
So, as you may have guessed a few weeks after he asked me if I wanted to listen to music while running, he bought me an armband thingie and made me a 2011 "mix tape" called a "Playlist." That was about six months ago and today (since I am half-assedly training for a third-marathon) I decided to give that thing a whirl. I found some ear buds, strapped on that armband thingie and set off to run.
Keep in mind I've been a runner for longer than I've known hubby and today was the first day I have ever run with music. Until today I truly thought I would prefer to run and just think (we all know how much I love to do that). I also have been known to use this time to pray (before you snicker, just know I might be saying a rosary for you and if you are one of my faithful readers you probably need a rosary said for you). Well, let's just say you might need to get your own connection with The Almighty now because I might be addicted to running with music.
Because I love you and I want to share the deep and personal experience I had this morning of being in love and knowing that I married right, I am going to allow you an intimate view of my personal life. No, it's not a video camera in the bedroom - it is a look at My RunRun Playlist incredibly NOT made by me, but made by hubby (that's where the love and marriage counseling come in)! Consider it an early Christmas gift from me to you and you can thank me later.
I am linking these up so that if you already know the song you can jam out to it, and if you don't know the song you can consider broadening your horizons just a wee bit.
Here goes, run along with me:
1. Gold Digger Kayne West Ft. Jamie Foxx. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY&ob=av2e. Now before you start preaching to me about Kayne West, let me just tell you I LOVE THIS SONG. Hubby knows my overall feelings about Kayne, but he also knows that I love this song. I would NEVER have met this song if it weren't for him. Thank you hubby. We are off to a great start.
2. Gold Watch Lupe Fiasco. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RUYAZRUZtA. So, here's the thing about my husband. He knows me THROUGH and THROUGH. He knows that I love Lupe Fiasco (could be because I say it a lot), but here's the thing: My FAVORITE song is The Show Goes On. Hubby knows this which is why he didn't put that song on there (or at least that is what I am telling myself as I am well into my second hill). He put a different song on there that is equally grand if not better so that I can broaden my horizons. I LIKE your thinking, babe.
3. Heaven Los Lonely Boys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkzoqQ5Oak&ob=av2e Now this song just takes me back. It's a little slow for running, but I can see hubby thinking of me while he downloaded this song onto my playlist.
4. Hi-Definition (feat. Snoop Dogg and Pooh E). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HFYa-vEl3Y. Oh, man. Just click the song. Lupe and Snoop??? Heaven.
5. Paradise City Guns N' Roses http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbm6GXllBiw&ob=av2e As soon as this started playing I actually may have forgotten that I was running. Now, this just proves that hubby is an oldie but a goodie. AND I will let you in on a teensy secret that few have been lucky enough to witness: Hubby does a MEAN Axle dance impersonation. Picturing this actually made me sprint.
6. Red Red Wine UB40. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXt56MB-3vc&ob=av2e. So, this could be hubby's only Mix Tape Faux Pas and I blame it on him not actually being a runner. This song could have actually slowed me down and I am pretty sure it made me want to go home and smoke a.........cigarette.
7. Rapper's Delight. Sugarhill Gang. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwaW4cZNwRk Oh my. I almost cried when this song came on! If you are not a runner - play this song and you almost will HAVE to run. "Ho-tel, mo-tel Holiday Inn..." Tell me that doesn't make you wanna run??? Hubby, I think I love you.
8. Rehab. The late Amy Winehouse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUmZp8pR1uc&ob=av2e Wow. I almost felt like saying a rosary when this came on. Who knew she'd be dead when I played this song on my mix tape??? It was creepy and spiritual all at the same time.
9. Ride With Me. Nelly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMBlq023IL8. MUST BE THE MONEY. Love. This. I did feel a little like smoking again though. Just sayin'.
10. Run Around. Blues Traveler. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcTZHbNd8Gk. Totally unexpected after Nelly. Great move, babe. You know just how to mix it up!
Okay. That's not all, but that's all I'm gonna give you. I did run for one hour and fifteen minutes after all and I don't want to totally bore you. Just know that when I was literally BREAKING DOWN. Saint of Me by the Rolling Stones came on. Hubby must know that Mick Jagger is possibly the only man that could make me keep running when my knees are screaming, "STOP or we are QUITTING." Before you leave me a comment saying that this may be just like a date night and not a true key to a Happy Marriage. Dont' worry! I have already thought of that. I know that tomorrow when I hear UB40 I may actually be annoyed. But, that's where the second part of the title comes in. I will always think back to the first time I heard the Playlist and I will have to smile because hubby loves me!
So, if want to stay married more than 20 years I have just a little advice for you. Get out there and make your spouse a mix tape. Or, if it's your spouse that's the music addict tell him/her you want a mix tape. And then start running or doing whatever you do. That's all I got for today. Happy Mixin'! And, you can thank me later for saving your marriage. ;o)
Let me just give you some of my quick marriage history in case you are "new". I have known my husband since ninth grade. I have known that we are as opposite as Bono and Barry Manilow for about that long, too. So, naturally when hubby wants me to try things, do things, listen to music he likes, and generally do what he likes to do it is perfectly natural that.......I would rather poke my eyes out with sharp sticks. That being said, we have been married longer than Abraham, so we have found a way to work that. That brings us to about a year ago when he started asking me if I thought I might like to listen to music while I am running. And my immediate response was, "Why.........no." He said, "Well, just think about it." And then later (after I'd had about 5 minutes to think about it) I said, "I think I'd rather run with heavy weights on my ankles."
Remember I said opposite? This guy listens to music from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to sleep (notice I did not say bed because he goes to bed with ear buds). I really don't care to listen to music most of the time (unless I am, say, ON THE DANCE FLOOR). It's not that I don't like music. I do. I have favorite bands, I try to stay current so as not to embarrass my children, and I can even (on occasion) tell you who sings a song (as long as the singer is prolific like Madonna or Prince or Ozzy not someone obscure or someone who can be easily confused with someone else like Madonna, Prince, or Ozzy), but other than that you can usually find me doing something else.
Hubby is also a repository of Music Trivia. And when I say, "He's good." I mean, "He's good like Google or Ask.com." A million years ago when we were dating he made me mix tapes all the time which I listened to. Nowadays I just use him for his infinite knowledge. I have been known to ask him at odd times (shouted from the bathroom, texted from my phone while I am grocery shopping, right before I fall asleep, right when I wake up), "Hey, babe, who sings that song blah, blah, blah." Now, remember I am no music connoisseur so often times my questions go specifically something like, "Hey, babe, who sings that song that says something about a girlfriend and a month of the year, but I can't remember which one, I think it was in winter, and it's kind of like a disco dance remix and his voice kind of sounds like he's talking like a robot?"
And I KID YOU NOT (you would actually have to witness this - and some have - to believe it) hubby will cock his head slightly to the left, question me a little (Oh could you mistake it for say the B52's? And does it also say something about sentimental? To which I will say "Um, yeah, right.'), and then you can almost hear this clicking sound in his brain and then he'll say, "Yeah, I think that's blah, blah, blah. I think I have that right here." At which point he will grab his iTouch, iPad, phone, whatever and click some more and I am HEARING THE SONG. It's like uncanny and the most magic I usually see in a week.
Incidentally this is number #547 of why I am still married to him. (I make this list in my head - so it's #1 to you.)
So, as you may have guessed a few weeks after he asked me if I wanted to listen to music while running, he bought me an armband thingie and made me a 2011 "mix tape" called a "Playlist." That was about six months ago and today (since I am half-assedly training for a third-marathon) I decided to give that thing a whirl. I found some ear buds, strapped on that armband thingie and set off to run.
Keep in mind I've been a runner for longer than I've known hubby and today was the first day I have ever run with music. Until today I truly thought I would prefer to run and just think (we all know how much I love to do that). I also have been known to use this time to pray (before you snicker, just know I might be saying a rosary for you and if you are one of my faithful readers you probably need a rosary said for you). Well, let's just say you might need to get your own connection with The Almighty now because I might be addicted to running with music.
Because I love you and I want to share the deep and personal experience I had this morning of being in love and knowing that I married right, I am going to allow you an intimate view of my personal life. No, it's not a video camera in the bedroom - it is a look at My RunRun Playlist incredibly NOT made by me, but made by hubby (that's where the love and marriage counseling come in)! Consider it an early Christmas gift from me to you and you can thank me later.
I am linking these up so that if you already know the song you can jam out to it, and if you don't know the song you can consider broadening your horizons just a wee bit.
Here goes, run along with me:
1. Gold Digger Kayne West Ft. Jamie Foxx. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY&ob=av2e. Now before you start preaching to me about Kayne West, let me just tell you I LOVE THIS SONG. Hubby knows my overall feelings about Kayne, but he also knows that I love this song. I would NEVER have met this song if it weren't for him. Thank you hubby. We are off to a great start.
2. Gold Watch Lupe Fiasco. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RUYAZRUZtA. So, here's the thing about my husband. He knows me THROUGH and THROUGH. He knows that I love Lupe Fiasco (could be because I say it a lot), but here's the thing: My FAVORITE song is The Show Goes On. Hubby knows this which is why he didn't put that song on there (or at least that is what I am telling myself as I am well into my second hill). He put a different song on there that is equally grand if not better so that I can broaden my horizons. I LIKE your thinking, babe.
3. Heaven Los Lonely Boys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkzoqQ5Oak&ob=av2e Now this song just takes me back. It's a little slow for running, but I can see hubby thinking of me while he downloaded this song onto my playlist.
4. Hi-Definition (feat. Snoop Dogg and Pooh E). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HFYa-vEl3Y. Oh, man. Just click the song. Lupe and Snoop??? Heaven.
5. Paradise City Guns N' Roses http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbm6GXllBiw&ob=av2e As soon as this started playing I actually may have forgotten that I was running. Now, this just proves that hubby is an oldie but a goodie. AND I will let you in on a teensy secret that few have been lucky enough to witness: Hubby does a MEAN Axle dance impersonation. Picturing this actually made me sprint.
6. Red Red Wine UB40. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXt56MB-3vc&ob=av2e. So, this could be hubby's only Mix Tape Faux Pas and I blame it on him not actually being a runner. This song could have actually slowed me down and I am pretty sure it made me want to go home and smoke a.........cigarette.
7. Rapper's Delight. Sugarhill Gang. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwaW4cZNwRk Oh my. I almost cried when this song came on! If you are not a runner - play this song and you almost will HAVE to run. "Ho-tel, mo-tel Holiday Inn..." Tell me that doesn't make you wanna run??? Hubby, I think I love you.
8. Rehab. The late Amy Winehouse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUmZp8pR1uc&ob=av2e Wow. I almost felt like saying a rosary when this came on. Who knew she'd be dead when I played this song on my mix tape??? It was creepy and spiritual all at the same time.
9. Ride With Me. Nelly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMBlq023IL8. MUST BE THE MONEY. Love. This. I did feel a little like smoking again though. Just sayin'.
10. Run Around. Blues Traveler. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcTZHbNd8Gk. Totally unexpected after Nelly. Great move, babe. You know just how to mix it up!
Okay. That's not all, but that's all I'm gonna give you. I did run for one hour and fifteen minutes after all and I don't want to totally bore you. Just know that when I was literally BREAKING DOWN. Saint of Me by the Rolling Stones came on. Hubby must know that Mick Jagger is possibly the only man that could make me keep running when my knees are screaming, "STOP or we are QUITTING." Before you leave me a comment saying that this may be just like a date night and not a true key to a Happy Marriage. Dont' worry! I have already thought of that. I know that tomorrow when I hear UB40 I may actually be annoyed. But, that's where the second part of the title comes in. I will always think back to the first time I heard the Playlist and I will have to smile because hubby loves me!
So, if want to stay married more than 20 years I have just a little advice for you. Get out there and make your spouse a mix tape. Or, if it's your spouse that's the music addict tell him/her you want a mix tape. And then start running or doing whatever you do. That's all I got for today. Happy Mixin'! And, you can thank me later for saving your marriage. ;o)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Cleaning the Garage and The First Aid of Mental Disturbances
So, I've been "gone" for a while, sweet readers. And I apologize. It's not because I didn't want desperately to "talk" to all of you. I did. But, life got in the way. The whole lice trauma set me back infinitely in my actual work, so I have spent a good deal of time playing catch-up. I am still on a strict print schedule through Mother's Day, so I will have to make the next couple of posts short and sweet (which for me is damn near impossible). Believe me, I have such insanity brewing over here (which you will read about in a short few seconds) that I am going to totally make it up to you.
Yesterday my hubby was doing his annual garage clean-up. Our garage (in case you've never actually seen it) is a scary place. A dead body could easily be buried in there and no one would ever be the wiser. It is quite plainly - - a huge mess. Hubby seems to get around to cleaning it round about when I flatly refuse to enter it any longer and he needs to still eat (our deep freeze is located in the back of the garage).
I love my husband dearly. We have been married for over 20 years. So I can say with all confidence that he will not divorce me for telling you.........he is quite disorganized and has a habit of NEVER PUTTING ANYTHING BACK WHERE IT GOES.
This leads to constant chaos and disorganization.
Back to yesterday. I took a quick trip sans kids to pick up a new bedroom comforter set (which I could quite possibly be falling love with). Well, since I had no kids I had to pick up a few other things as well. So, when I rolled in the driveway a few hours later (with a very snazzy new outfit) I could not really pull-in because everything that had previously been in the garage, was haphazardly thrown in the driveway. All the kids were covered in a grimy film, the two-year old was sitting in the filthy (yet empty) garage and had what appeared to be motor oil on her church dress, the six year old was sweeping, the other boy and girl child were wandering aimlessly looking like children of war, and hubby was barking orders.
Four hours later everything was being moved back into the clean garage, the kids were starving and exhausted, hubby was HOT (and sweaty), miraculously the automatic garage door opener (which has been broken since the last Garage Clean Out) was working, and, most importantly - I was the proud finder of a little gem that I am going to share with you now (because I like you). This Little Gem was my dad's (according to hubby) and I just cannot believe I found it yesterday in the filthy garage.
Do you remember when I shared the following post with you and near the end quoted from a Little Gem of a recipe book? http://monica-adayinthelife.blogspot.com/2010/10/ill-take-slab-of-meat-with-that-salad.html Well, this Little Gem is on par with that one. It is called, Johnson & Johnson FIRST AID GUIDE. It, unfortunately, does not have a copyright date or a copyright, but I am thinking that since my dad is 94 this nifty guide must have been published somewhere around the 1950's.
So, here are the "emergencies" that peeps were concerned with in the 50's (non-comprehensively): Resuscitation, Life-threatening bleeding, Broken Bones, Burns, Shock, and Electric Shock (complete contents inside cover). And here is the helpful saying that is printed at the bottom of the front cover "The important thing about First Aid is to....Learn IT NOW!" Right? Who can argue that? Which could be why this great little guide is still super appropriate and not only did I move it to the house, I read it to my hubby immediately upon finding it. (And, yes, he so appreciated that.)
Upon reading the major emergencies I was hooked. I had to know what ELSE peeps were concerned with back then. I skipped to the index. I wasn't surprised to read (and this is NOT comprehensive - just what caught my attention): Black widow (spider bite), mouth to mouth breathing (snicker), suffocation (plastic bag) (what do I always tell the kids???), childbirth (emergency) - well, phew, they knew all about that even back then, frostbite, head injury, mental disturbances (so, that intrigued me).......
Page 21(and I am quoting directly)
HAD to read the whole page to hubby (which, again, I cannot tell you how appreciative he was)....
DO
An epileptic seizure is not a medical emergency (It's not? Well, then why is it in the book???) The seizure usually ends of itself after a few minutes. If the seizure should last longer than 15 minutes, call a physician (seems in 1950 you could actually "call a physician" and talk to a real, live physician).
DON'T
Yesterday my hubby was doing his annual garage clean-up. Our garage (in case you've never actually seen it) is a scary place. A dead body could easily be buried in there and no one would ever be the wiser. It is quite plainly - - a huge mess. Hubby seems to get around to cleaning it round about when I flatly refuse to enter it any longer and he needs to still eat (our deep freeze is located in the back of the garage).
I love my husband dearly. We have been married for over 20 years. So I can say with all confidence that he will not divorce me for telling you.........he is quite disorganized and has a habit of NEVER PUTTING ANYTHING BACK WHERE IT GOES.
This leads to constant chaos and disorganization.
Back to yesterday. I took a quick trip sans kids to pick up a new bedroom comforter set (which I could quite possibly be falling love with). Well, since I had no kids I had to pick up a few other things as well. So, when I rolled in the driveway a few hours later (with a very snazzy new outfit) I could not really pull-in because everything that had previously been in the garage, was haphazardly thrown in the driveway. All the kids were covered in a grimy film, the two-year old was sitting in the filthy (yet empty) garage and had what appeared to be motor oil on her church dress, the six year old was sweeping, the other boy and girl child were wandering aimlessly looking like children of war, and hubby was barking orders.
Four hours later everything was being moved back into the clean garage, the kids were starving and exhausted, hubby was HOT (and sweaty), miraculously the automatic garage door opener (which has been broken since the last Garage Clean Out) was working, and, most importantly - I was the proud finder of a little gem that I am going to share with you now (because I like you). This Little Gem was my dad's (according to hubby) and I just cannot believe I found it yesterday in the filthy garage.
Do you remember when I shared the following post with you and near the end quoted from a Little Gem of a recipe book? http://monica-adayinthelife.blogspot.com/2010/10/ill-take-slab-of-meat-with-that-salad.html Well, this Little Gem is on par with that one. It is called, Johnson & Johnson FIRST AID GUIDE. It, unfortunately, does not have a copyright date or a copyright, but I am thinking that since my dad is 94 this nifty guide must have been published somewhere around the 1950's.
So, here are the "emergencies" that peeps were concerned with in the 50's (non-comprehensively): Resuscitation, Life-threatening bleeding, Broken Bones, Burns, Shock, and Electric Shock (complete contents inside cover). And here is the helpful saying that is printed at the bottom of the front cover "The important thing about First Aid is to....Learn IT NOW!" Right? Who can argue that? Which could be why this great little guide is still super appropriate and not only did I move it to the house, I read it to my hubby immediately upon finding it. (And, yes, he so appreciated that.)
Upon reading the major emergencies I was hooked. I had to know what ELSE peeps were concerned with back then. I skipped to the index. I wasn't surprised to read (and this is NOT comprehensive - just what caught my attention): Black widow (spider bite), mouth to mouth breathing (snicker), suffocation (plastic bag) (what do I always tell the kids???), childbirth (emergency) - well, phew, they knew all about that even back then, frostbite, head injury, mental disturbances (so, that intrigued me).......
Page 21(and I am quoting directly)
HAD to read the whole page to hubby (which, again, I cannot tell you how appreciative he was)....
DO
- Call a physician or relative of the disturbed person immediately (it goes on to say that you should call the police if these other people cannot be reached).
- Treat the person with respect, however he reacts to you.
- Divert the person's attention away from anything that might be harmful to him or others (e.g., try to shift his thinking from destructive to protective acts, from antagonism to cooperation).
- Be patient, kind, and reassuring.
- Be firm in your attitude toward the person.
- Do not argue with the disturbed person.
- Do not assume a harsh, authoritative role with the person.
- Do not physically hold unless the person seems likely to injure himself or others.
An epileptic seizure is not a medical emergency (It's not? Well, then why is it in the book???) The seizure usually ends of itself after a few minutes. If the seizure should last longer than 15 minutes, call a physician (seems in 1950 you could actually "call a physician" and talk to a real, live physician).
DON'T
- Do not restrain.
- Do not slap (I am speechless.)
- Do not douse with water (Seriously?)
- Do not place a finger or hard object between the teeth. (Say what??? Okay, is this before the current medical belief about a wallet? Is a wallet a "hard object?"
- Remove objects that might injure patient.
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