You dropped a bomb on me, baby.

It's that time again.  Pre-Mother's Day Days wherein you discreetly drop hints about what you want like the dog discreetly drops fart bombs while he's presumably watching TV.

I'm making it easy this year and buying all my presents early.  Then I am going to wrap them in my favorite wrapping paper (probably the comics), put big Christmas bows on them and make tags that say, "To the best mom in the whole world.  We love you!"  Also, I might misspell some words just to add to the authenticity.

Here's what I'm getting so far:

1.  A good sports bra/s.  Now, I have needed some new sports bras for a while (sorry if that's TMI), but one recent incident spurred me into action.  A friend of mine was on TV while running.  Yes, you read that correctly.  TV news cameras filmed her while she was running - pushing her three? kids in a STROLLER (yeah, she's kind of like superwoman).  And, the next day instead of basking in the glory of her 15 seconds of fame her comment to a few of us was, "Man, I need a better sports bra."  I laughed pretty hard at that, but then I got serious and kind of freaked out.  What if I am filmed sometime soon running???  What would it be like???  It would be like (or, would have been like, since I've already started using my new bras - you're welcome) the song, "Do your ears hang low?"  Not pretty.

2.  A purse.  I think I've gotten a purse every Mother's Day since I became a mother.  That would add up to 11 purses if I bought the $400 kind, but since I don't it adds up to one purse.  But, it's cute:



www.squidoo.com  I don't think that's the one I actually got, but close enough and I'm too lazy to go take a photo of mine.

3.  I am getting a trip.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I am going on a trip.  By myself.  Without children. 

"Aw," you ask, "How is that for Mother's Day?" 

I know.  It's like when you secretly wish that for Mother's Day you could spend the day completely alone, right?  Who does that???  (Probably some evil people.  I've certainly never thought that.)  Okay.  So, my trip really isn't for Mother's Day, but kinda.  My niece over at Fit Foodies. Healthy Life. is tying the knot at this gorgeous place. 

Scroll through till you see the gal in the tub.  That's gonna be me.  Don't worry - I won't photograph myself....well, I might.  But, I won't post about it....unless I do.  I'll warn you first, though, so you can get ready to poke your eyes out with sharp sticks. 

Hubby gets to stay home with our four kids.  (WHEEEEE!  He's excited.)  I was careful to tell him, "It's okay, babe.  It's a round trip ticket."

4.  Another bathing suit.  So, remember last year?  When I almost proposed to the bathing suit saleswoman after she saw me naked?  Well, funny thing.  She gave me a little confidence in the area of shopping for bathing suits.  Possibly a little too much because now I really want one of these suits with "high waisted knickers." 


Apparently confidence when gotten at the hands of a blunt bathing suit saleswoman is dangerous.

Don't worry.  I'm waiting on this Mother's Day gift because 1.  I still have my winter weight and may keep it on through the summer, and 2.  These suits are not ruched in the bust, nor slimming in the waist, so I clearly would not be following her suit advice to me.

5.  Popcornopolis.  This may be a gateway drug, you guys.  Oh my GAWD.  My family and I are popcorn junkies.  If popcorn was illegal, we would all live in the pokey.  Now, I must confess, I've pretty much eaten all of this present, so the chance that it actually gets wrapped and given to me is slim to none (unlike my waistline after consuming it).  I am a bit of a popcorn snob if I've never told you guys.  I abhor microwave popcorn.  I only eat homemade or gourmet.  Recently we got a huge tin of this stuff which I thought was pretty great stuff.  But, I gotta tell you guys, Popcornopolis is DELICIOUS and way better.  I am deeply in love.  AND, I was researching important stuff on Pinterest last night and I found out there is an actual store in Austin.  So, since I already ate all of my present I told hubby and the kids that they are gonna take me there for Mother's Day!  (I know they're excited.)

That's it for now.  I'm sure I'll think of some more stuff I can't live without.  (Depending on their budget maybe a boob job to go with my new bras is in order?)  Happy Pre-Mother's Day Days!

Pinterest, You Lying BEEP!

This week has really taken its toll on me.  The kids behaved like they had just been released from a maximum security prison and were having the first round of freedom after 30 years.  So, basically it was a zoo (a zoo in which all the animals are on crack cocaine).  Seriously.

The Boy Child and Girl 2 fought constantly.  I felt like a referee and after about two days my bell to signal the next round had worn out.

By Wednesday I was a woman at the end of her rope.  Hubby got home and I gently unloaded on him (and by that I mean I got up really close in his face and whispered, "YOUR KIDS ARE MANIACS AND I AM GOING BATSH*T CRAZY.  SOMEBODY HELP ME.")  He decided I needed some R and R and booked me a trip to the Bahamas with some of my closest friends................oh, wait.  No, that didn't happen.

What did happen is that he took away all electronics, every single privelege, and swimming for all of Thursday.  What???  Swimming, too???  I know.  He's rough.

And you wanna know the crazy part (which is why I am actually able to type this post from my desk and not from some cozy sanitarium for women with four kids who drive her NUTS)?  It worked!  Thursday was a dream.  It started with another cake pop/donut holes attempt.  (I know, am I ca-razy?  Clearly, the answer is yes.)  AND ended with piano lessons.  There was minimal fighting and I got my second wind.  Finally. 

(I kinda wish my phone would have been charged or that I would have been able to find the actual camera when I made the donut holes because it was part drama, part hilarity, and part yummy.  More on that when I either attempt them again or go out and buy actual donut holes and photograph them for you.)

Today was also a dream.  We had a much needed relaxing day at the river and it was bliss (well, except for the part where I was still with four small people, not drinking an alcoholic beverage, and in South Texas and not the sandy beaches of Mexico).  KIDDING!  Kind of. 

It was perfect.  The kids are on DAY 2 of behaving like fairly normal people.  Success?  I THINK SO!

So, why is Pinterest a lying BEEP?  Well, because she is.

I love my readers and they are what sustained me (that and some dark chocolate and some Lite beer from Miller) through this Momority pledege week.

My last post was a cake pop rant and I just love what my readers commented.  Thank you.  Thank you the most for complimenting my somewhat pathetic pops.  You made my week.  Every time I could steal a minute from the complete chaos that was my living room and make it to my desk to check my emails, I would read a comment and be happy.  Then someone would throw a right hook, or pull someone's hair, or pinch someone hard enough to draw blood and I would have to go administer first aid, send short people to their rooms, and work on my discipline techniques (which are clearly lacking). 

Everytime I was ready to pack my bags and move to a home for aging moms I would think of this comment left by Rantings of a Stay At Home Mom (who, by the way, has an awesome blog and is a baker in a different class than I).  She said (among other nuggets of pure wisdom and genius), "Pinterest, you lying bitch." 

Seriously.  When you have a tough day this summer (which, if you have kids - you are gonna have a tough day this summer), I think we all can agree that this simple phrase will just make you smile and feel better.  About life and about yourself.  So, can I get an, "Amen?" 

Thank you.

Cake Pops, The Sequel (and Jesus Dies on the Cross - in case you didn't know)

So, this past week my dad turned 96.  No, that's not a typo.  I was a late, late baby.  (Because I am only 30ish, so how could that even be possible???)  I am the last of 10.  No, that is not a typo. 

I don't write much about my childhood or my family (the one I came from, not the one I birthed and currently live with).  This is not because they are a motley group of side-show freaks (although - they are).  It's just that I usually have plenty of blog fodder with my own little family and if I added the other circus side-show to it I would never do anything but blog (which would be fine with me, but hubby might get a little ticked). 

One of my sisters (I have six) suggested, after seeing my cake pops post, that I make basketballs and baseballs for our dad's birthday party in June.  Daddy is a huge sports fan.  (Who watches golf in person let alone on TV?  And likes it??  Dad does.)  The consensus (and by consensus - I mean the one in my head) was I should look up some recipes for balls (sports balls) and make them for Dad. 

I immediately searched Pinterest for "basketball cake pops" and "baseball cake pops."  And came up with this  and this.  Yeah, I know.  Now, I have a couple of theories here.  These pops were clearly done by a professional, or at least someone way more talented than me (which would be about 99% of the developed world).  Or, Pinterest is only for over achievers.  Or, people do not pin their mistakes.  Or, no one besides me makes mistakes.

I stopped looking at Pinterest and gave myself sometime (a few months) to talk myself out of it.  Alas, I can be stubborn when it comes to thinking I can do something.

So, even though I realized I had made a date with my new hair sylist (who I kinda love) the day before the party, (and all the talent cards were stacked against me!) I still decided to forge ahead with the idea.  In an effort to have the cake pops ready in time, I started making them two days before the party. 

It mostly went okay.  The kids insisted on helping since it was for grandpa.  (I'm pretty sure no kids are helping on Pinterest.)  So, that's kinda why this happened:

There is a God, so this is how the rest of the balls came out:

Not as neatly round as before, but okay.  As you know, nothing can ever be perfect or normal in my house, so the process of decorating these balls the next day was laborious and painful.  Again, there is a God (apparently) and her name is Our Ex-Babysitter.  (That's not really her name, but if I gave you guys her real name you would all try to google her and ask her to babysit for your kids and she would never get to be in the movies.)

I loved her before.  (When she wasn't moving to Hollywood to become a famous script supervisor.  Damn her for getting her degree ?? and not staying our babysitter forever).  But after she stayed at my house after watching The Heathens for two plus hours (while I got a hair cut) to assist me in decorating the rest of the balls, helped clean my disaster of a kitchen, and helped get the kids ready for swimming - I felt I might want her to be a sister wife to me (thank you, TLC for giving me that idea).

She helped get the balls to look like this: 

Do not look too closely.

Here's what I learned: 

Chocolate can be a little like a rosebush - prissy and finicky.  (Except that we do not go around eating roses, nor do I know anyone who craves them at midnight - but you get the point, right?)  If you add any moisture to chocolate it turns into the paste we used to use in school back when there were dinosaurs.  There is no way to fix that when it happens.  You just have to break open another package of Wilton's chocolate (that costs about $4.00 per bag).  That whole ordeal *might* make you want to curse.  Especially if it happens more than once.  (Not that that happened to me.  Twice.)

I also learned that you should make sure you have all the ingredients on hand before you start to decorate (like food coloring).  When you want to dye the chocolate - you need food coloring.  Duh!  You might want to make sure it is still in your cupboard and wasn't used in a volcano making science project by Girl 1 and her dad.


I also learned you need to have the proper tools to decorate.  Gel writers are NOT the proper tool because they never dry fully.  I think it says that somewhere on the tube.  Who knows what it really says.  (Because who reads labels?  Not me.)  What it should say on the tube in large letters so that even if you don't read labels you will see it:  This blessed writer is perfect for nothing because it never fully dries.  Don't buy it.  Gel writers *might* make you want to curse again.  Here is what happens when they are not dry and you try to put them in the cute little wrappers:

This is why I am not Martha Stewart.

In the end it all turned out okay.  Our Ex-Babysitter gets most of the credit for saving my arse. 

The kids all helped put together a nice little treat basket for dad.  He has mostly sweet teeth, so we packed this basket full of snacks for him that he can enjoy while watching his sports.  And the best touch was that the kids all made him cards.  Girl 3 colored two pictures for him.  One was from her Christmas coloring book (because it's June) and one was from her Religious Coloring Book (because she's kinda the holy roller of the family).  Both perfect for dad's 96th birthday!  When I questioned her, "Are you sure you want to use Christmas and Jesus for grandpy's birthday basket?"  Her answer was simply, "Yes.  It's grandpy's birthday with cake pops!  And, Jesus died on the cross!" 

All righty, then.  Because that's how our family rolls?

I will pin this on Pinterest because I'm pretty sure there's nothing like this already on there.  And if there's anything Pinterest needs it's a little more realism.  You're welcome.

I hesitate to even mention it...

but I am going to paint.  I HATE to paint.  I do not know how to paint.  I get paint everywhere when I paint.  The walls look awful when I paint.  And, did I say I hate to paint? 

So, why am I doing it?  Because I have a limited budget.  Here is the situation:  The girls need (I'd like to think it's not just momma who wants it) a new room.  From top to bottom (literally).  Here is the problem:  We do not have limitless funds.  Here is the solution (step 1 - there are about 200 in case you were wondering):  I will paint so that I have a little more money to spend on the other 3000 things I want for them.

Since I am having to suffer, I figure you guys can suffer a little, too.  No blog posts for awhile.  Collective AWWWW.  If I never come back - send help (as in:  a painter that you guys will pay for).

JUST IN CASE this endeavour is remotely successful (I have huge doubts), I took some "befores." (I am also buying a large case of beer at Costco tomorrow and I have the best, best recipe for brownies like EVER - more on the brownies later after I at least get one wall - or half a wall - done.)  I also have a Pinterest board on girls' room ideas (feel free to give me some great ideas). 



Despite how the girls' room looks I am not afraid of color.  (See the "High Strung Green" hallway paint?  I did not paint that.)

I have to tell myself, "I am painting for bunk beds."

Yes, it's small and crowded.

Wish me luck!  And I'll be back sometime!

A Post For A Friend or Pinterest for Dummies (no offense)

This post if for my good friend over at Cyberbones because she is having some trouble.  I feel I owe her a lot for eternity because:  1.  She taught me a lot of parenting truths (not what you read in all those damn books), and 2.  She forced me (literally kicking and screaming - mostly obscenities, and mostly at her) into reading blogs and then blogging when she decided to move to another continent (without me) and started a blog so that she wouldn't go insane keeping up with everyone.

So, her trouble right now is navigating my addiction (knowing how to Pin on Pinterest).  So, I am paying her back for all her wisdom (I know, it's not really fair - she taught me to parent and I am teaching her how to do Pinterest.  Blah, blah, blah.  Life isn't fair.)  I made it super easy and have broken it down into a list!  My list is not numbered because I am not that organized and because of that whole teach a man to fish thing.

• "YOUR timeline on Facebook" on Pinterest is kind of here:  Do the drop down menu under your name and picture and click on "Boards."  That's kind of your "home base."  In other words, that shows YOU.  If it's empty mostly that means you need to waste some time and start pinning crap stuff.
• When you are "surfing" looking for cool stuff you will need to click on the red Pinterest.  That will bring up what people are pinning - kind of like Home on Facebook.
• Download the pinning button to your computer so that you can pin anything that is cool, insane, funny, delicious, etc.  To find directions on how to do this go to:  About -> Pin It Button.  Then follow the directions there and try it out by pinning something you see online.
• Pin other people's pins.  So, when you login to Pinterest you will see a bunch of things other people have pinned.  If you see something you like, hover over it.  A "Like," "Repin," and "Comment" button will pop up at the top of the picture.  Click Like to let the person who pinned it know that you liked it (common courtesy), then click "Repin" if you want to repin it.
• Create at least a few "boards" by going to Add and then Create a Board.  You will need a basic board name for this board.  For example, if you want to pin a bunch of yummy stuff to eat, you might name your board "My Big Butt" (just a suggestion).  Then Pinterest will ask you categorize your board so that other pinners will be able to easily access what you have pinned (not rocket science - just use the drop down menu).  You will think of a bunch of boards you want to create once you become addicted.  Then you will probably have too many and have to consolidate.  Don't worry.  That's NORMAL.  Everyone goes through it!
• Follow everyone!  Follow me!  You can do this by either clicking my icon right here on my blog, or you can find me on Pinterest.  The way you follow other (less important) people is by:  hovering over your name (Which should be in the upper right-hand corner of your screen.  If it's not - you totally screwed up and I cannot help you.) and wait for the drop down menu.  Click on Find Friends.  This will lead you to your Facebook friends and then click on those of them that are on Pinterest.  OR you can search for a "person" in the upper left hand corner of Pinterest. 
• Repeat bullet number 2 (I realize that's confusing - sue me) till your eyes go blurry, your kids are weak with hunger, you look at the clock and 12 hours have passed, or you try to pin something real in your house.
• Remember to have fun with it!  It is only virtual and it's SUPPOSED to be fun!

That's my list, Cyberbones.  I hope you like it and that you learned something.  Now GO WASTE SOME TIME! 

M.'s Terrific 10th Gaming Birthday Party Update!

Just checking in to give you an update on the birthday party set to happen this Friday (And, Mother Nature - if you are reading, I am giving you plenty of time to change the forecast to sunny.  Please and thank you.)

I decided to try on my own to create a birthday invitation similar to the one I saw online that cost $17.00 for the template alone (then you still had to pay for printing).  I think you know that I am the anti-computer literate gal, so after about two hours of Publisher I had this.  It came out pretty good (I couldn't get a good shot of the invitation, so just know that it's much cuter IRL).

I had them printed because my printer just couldn't do them justice.  Total cost - about $15.00 for 20 invitations.  M. loved them, so it was worth it.  The treat bags are coming together, but I will have to post pictures of them later because I haven't made the angry bird bags yet.  But, these yummy cookies are going inside as one of the treats along with Angry Bird Silly Bandz, black barrels-o-slime, and snap-n-glow stick lollipops. 

Pinterest is being a pain today, so I am unable to upload these cute babies to my party board.  :o(  Hope to have them pinned later.  They are not quite as cute as the ones here that I was trying to copy by following her directions, but pretty darn good for a cookie novice.

That's it for now.  I am soooooooo excited - it kinda seems like it's my birthday.  But, I sometimes set myself up for disappointment by getting my hopes high, so I am trying to keep the whole thing in perspective (yeah, right - who am I kidding?).

Happy days and I'll check back in soon with the "finished product!"

P.S. - Finished these today! 

angry bird treat bags

 

Birthday Bash Planning Begins

We are Mean Parents that don't do birthday parties for our kids after their kindergarten birthday party.  As I have said many times, we live within a TIGHT budget and all-and-out parties for four kids every year along with Christmas, summer vacations, and just-because presents can get REALLY pricey QUICKLY.  So, we made a deal (hubby and I) years ago when our son was turning five that the sixth birthday would be the last big party for our kiddos.  Then we would have another big party for 10 and another big party for graduation (assuming they do graduate.....kidding.....kind of).  I am telling you all of this because my son has not had a party in four years and I get to plan one NOW!  He will turn 10 on December 17, and I am beyond excited and he is pretty excited as well. 

He loves all things technological and he loves gaming.  As much as I discourage this (yes, I am more for actual play in the real world), I realize we have a teeny tiny house and I admit I've not the foggiest idea on where to start on entertaining 10 to 15 nine year old boys.  So, I have succumbed and he is getting Games2U for his party.  After securing the game truck, I decided I better start the actual planning:  the invitations, the decorations, the menu, the favors, the cupcakes/cake, etc.

I have found yet another wonderful use for Pinterest and I have pinned some pretty cool stuff.  If you have a burning desire - check out my video game birthday party board.  My son was in love with the invitations I pinned.  But, they were not cheap.  Our budget for the party is not huge and the gaming truck has taken a large chunk of it, so I decided to get on Microsoft Publisher and just do our own.  I used the basic idea from the invitation I pinned, but inserted pictures he picked.  Since I am considerably technology impaired and it only took me about an hour, I am pretty damn proud of it.  As soon as I send it to the printers I will post a picture here. 

My next step will be making some of these awesome Angry Birds decorations.  This site was so great, helpful, and just cute.   

I realize this post is a little All About Me/Us/Me, but I just can't help it.  It kinda feels like I am turning 10 again and since I don't really remember the first time - I can't help being just a little excited.  :o)         

Pinterest! Y'know - between Lite beer from Miller and dark chocolate.

Don't mind me, the piles of dirty laundry, the dishes in the sink, the hungry kids wandering around - I have been really busy PINNING.  I'm kinda addicted.  Years behind the trend (as usual), I cannot really stop. 

Short list explaining my addiction to Pinterest and why my blog may be temporarily interrupted.

1.  I have no pressure to:  be witty, make friends, find friends, experience rejection, post cute pictures of my kids, update my status (ideally to something more witty), or "check-in."  Pinterest is all about me!  What's not to love?

2.  Finally a place to "pin" all the critical crap so that I can remember what I was like later when my memory is completely gone.  My Favorite Drinks, My Birthday Party Guest List When I Am Famous, Things I Miss About the 80's, Things I Want To Do, But Know I Will Never Do, But Just In Case, and on, and on, and on.

3.  It's so much more fun than housework, laundry, parent-teacher conferences, cooking, and cleaning.

That's all I got.  When I find my boards are sufficient I will get back with you with a worthy post about world peace or something.