R.I.P. in 2014

Cue Taps.  Here's what I'm putting to rest in 2014.

1.  Reading top 10 lists for What Not to Buy in 2014.  Mainly because I have just purchased about five of the items on that list. 

• a new laptop with Windows 8,
• a new home phone,
• I just opened a credit card that issues store credit for purchases rather than cash back (and I was quite smug with myself after doing it),
• I still have cable (the horrors if Marketwatch could see the TV I'm running cable on) (and the VCR that sits on top of it).  Not pretty.
• a digital camera (shoot me now).

Ms. Day in the Life:  The 80's called and they want their technology back.

Oh, but on the upside, Ms. AnnaMaria Andriotis:  I have short legs!

2.  I'm putting to bed the notion that I am smarter than a sixth grader.  No, I do not know the difference between algae and protozoa and I'm sick of pretending that I might remember and be able to explain it if you give me a second to finish dinner (and sneak over to my laptop).

3.  R.I.P. my memory.  You are being laid to rest.  The upside - hubby can't remember jack either.  True story:  The other day he said to me, "Babe, my memory is like a bad woman."  To which I laughed out loud.  A few days later I said back to him, "I'm still laughing at when you said your memory was like a bad woman."  Hubby looked blankly at me and said, "I said that?"

4.  I'm putting feeling like I'm punishing the earth when I eat meat to bed.  Mostly because that guilt's been pretty well buried since about six months ago and also because yesterday our neighbor, who apparently knows how expensive it is to feed four growing children, gave us a ginormous box of meat.  Happy Carnivorous Guilt Free New Year to Me!

5.  R.I.P. to the notion that my house will stay clean even a few hours after our house cleaner has come over.  I swear to God when a kid in my house drops a gallon of milk on the floor right after the house cleaner has closed the front door an angel gets his wings.  I'm done caring.

6.  And along the lines of keeping the house clean - Rest in peace the notion of cleaning the tools used for cleaning.  WTF?  I'm burying cleaning the vacuum, dishwasher, tub, and washing machine.

7.  Decadent vacations sans children on deserted islands with huge cocktails.  Rest in peace me in a bikini in Isla de Mujeres.

8.  The idea that I'll learn more about wine...or anything about wine.  R.I.P. me as a sommelier in 2014.

9.  The idea that I'll learn more about photography.  I won't.  Not in 2014, not in 2015.  Not on a box.  Not with a fox.

10.  Lastly, R.I.P. teaching this dog to fetch.  Much has been debated during 2013 about whether a dog who cannot fetch is, in fact, a real dog.  Who has a dog that can't fetch???  Me.  That's who.

I'm also putting to bed the notion that I care even remotely about sports.  Except possibly when this happens:

Then I still will not be able to help myself.  Even in 2014.

Happy New Year.

Top Ten Excuses for 2013

1.  I'm in the bathroom.

2.  I'm minecrafting.

3.  I'm eating Takis and my mouth is burning and my hands are covered with orange goo.

4.  I'm in the bathroom minecrafting.

5.  I'm having growing pains.

6.  The dog ate it.  No, really, mom.  The dog ate it.

7.  Oh, I thought you were gonna do it.

8.  I'm minecrafting right after I finish these Takis.

9.  But, I did that last week.

10.  It's Monday (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, my birthday, Valentines' Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Flag Day, the Fourth of July, the Fifth of July, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Easter, Halloween, Colombus Day, Rosh Hashanah, the day after my birthday, etc., etc.)!  Do I have to do that today?  

My New Year's resolution for you is for you to make New Year's resolutions.

I'm not a huge fan of resolutions, but I make them every year.  I've had moderate success over the years, so that seems reason enough not to stop.

In order to achieve some level of success and be a reliable resolution setter, I've learned to:  1.  Set the bar low.  2.  Make the number small.  3.  And, keep getting back on the wagon until it finally runs me over.

Resolutions 2013.

1.  I resolve to not interrupt any of my children or my husband when they are talking (I will also try not to interrupt anyone else, but see paragraph 2, #1).  I have an annoying habit of always thinking I know what everyone is going to say before they say it (nine times out of ten I am right).  So, I just say it while they are still talking trying to say what they were going to say.  Our conversations are basically one person talking (or a few people talking) and me interrupting (or a few people interrupting).  So, basically nothing ever gets completely said or understood. 

But, it's really hard for me not to interrupt....in fact I may already need to interrupt this resolution to amend it!  Damn it!  I resolve to not interrupt any of my children or my husband when they are talking on Mondays?

2.  I resolve not to go for seconds.  (I'm gonna need some bigger plates.)  My good friend recently lost a good amount of weight and when I asked her about how she did it she said, "I don't go for seconds.  Sometimes my plate is loaded down and somewhat hard to carry, but I do not go for seconds anymore."



I might need to buy these "extra large dinner plates."  And the fork and spoon might need to find my home, too.
 

3.  I resolve to exercise first thing in the morning.  Lately (since about Halloween) my workouts have gotten later and later.  I find myself spending all morning (and much of the early afternoon) in my workout clothes.  One of two things has been happening:  1.  It gets too late to actually workout and I realize I've spent a good deal of the day answering the questions - Oh, did you just run?  Oh, are you getting ready to run?  or 2.  I don't shower for days because I end up having just enough time to workout, but not to shower.  Both of these options are uncomfortable and problematic.



#lessembarrassingthechildren?

4.  I resolve to eat all the remaining crap food in the house by Monday.  I know better than to resolve to "eat healthy," or "lose the holiday weight gain," or any other overachieving resolution like that.  I simply want all this sh*t a$$ food out of my house so that I have a fighting chance...and I'm not going to throw it away (because there are starving people somewhere in the world who would give the world to eat these seven remaining fudge brownies).

5.  I resolve to make more resolutions for other people.  It never fails that while I am doing my resolutions I really can't think of many ways to improve myself.  But, I can think of many ways in which to improve the people I live with.  So, rather than let this eat away at me why not just help them resolve some things for themselves?  It's brilliant, right?

Resolution #1 for all family members (except me) - put things back where they belong...damn it!  I think if they all just did that we could have peace in our house for all of 2013 (or even just for a few days).

Okay.  That's it.  Five simple resolutions.  Set the bar low and make the number small!  And help your fellow resolutioners out when you can!

I hope you guys have success and peace in the New Year (and a little money wouldn't hurt either...or a lot of money) and I'll be back soon with photos of our new addition to the family.  (It's a boy!)

Yes, you can offer me a million dollars to write a book!

So, I'm barely awake.  Today is the second day of 2012 and the first day back at this:  making lunches, getting up while it's still dark, drinking my coffee while small (often annoying and excessively loud) people are asking me a lot of questions that I don't know the answers to, making lunches, working out before 5:00 p.m., attempting my "to-do" list, and making lunches.  Did I mention making lunches?  I got all my school-age children on the bus (my faith in a God is increasing) and I sat down to surf the net (because it's too early to start on my actual "to-do" list).  I figured I would check into my blog, see if I had anything compelling to write, and then possibly post.  If not, I figured I would see what the hoards of people are up to on Facebook.  (Did I say the baby is STILL SLEEPING???  God:  Looks like you got a chance today!).

I logged into my blog and I perused the More From BlogHer sidebar and I see a blog title that looks familiar.  Remember:  I am barely awake.

It took me a few seconds and multiple clicks to verify that I wasn't going crazy.  I realized:  ONE OF MY POSTS MADE THE BLOGHER SIDEBAR. 

Yeah, I know.  That probably doesn't deserve large font.  I'm pretty sure it's random and kind of like jury duty (as in:  I should not be this excited).  But, it feels a little like I won an Academy Award or at the very least a Pulitzer.

2012 - you might not be that daunting after all!

Happy Monday, friends.  I'm going to write an acceptance speech now and wait for the book deal offers to pour in.  (Or, I might just add "Write an acceptance speech (remember to thank mom...and God)." on my to-do list.)

Do I need a resolution to do that?

So, doing a little research today and read that New Year resolutions date all the way back to 153 B.C. and Janus a mythical king whose head was at the top of every calendar (at least that's what Wikipedia said and if they said it it can be taken as gospel).  This news in no way makes me appreciate resolutions, believe in their worth, or want to hear any one's (my own included).  And yet, I would somehow feel like I disappointed you if I did not blog my resolutions while AT THE SAME TIME blogging them seems self-righteous and over-rated.  So, what to do?  I am blogging them, but I am giving you fair warning.  So, if you think this is totally self-righteous, disgusting, and you want to vomit - please click to check your email or update your Facebook status.  If not, read on!

2012 Resolutions (low expectations = goals met)

1.  I resolve not to watch Millionaire Match Maker again......on weeknights.....more than once.
2.  I resolve to not care about what Charlie Sheen tweets.....or read about it on Google....or in the newspaper.....or if it comes on NPR I resolve to immediately turn off the radio and not listen intently because it feeds my shallow, voyeuristic self.
3.  I resolve to increase my stalkerish blogroll by only 2...okay, let's be realistic....only 12.
4.  I resolve to research the correct addresses for the five returned Christmas cards that are next to my home phone...just kidding!  They are going in the trash right after I finish blogging.
5.  I resolve to purge my home of any "Christmas" (except the Christmas that lies within my heart - collective gag) before day's end.
6.  I resolve to continue in my procrastination as long as it isn't hurting anyone and my kids are not hungry....well, just a little hungry because that means they will eat good at the next meal.
7.  I resolve to eat less preservatives unless they are in marshmallows because I have researched making marshmallows and it's not going to happen unless someone is paying me a lot of money and then only if they look like Johnny Depp.  We are talking about making marshmallows, right?
8.  I resolve to pin more things on Pinterest because my memory is fading quicker than most people's hope to resolve.
9.  I resolve to not harbor bitterness toward people who love to workout....well, not a lot of bitterness and only the kind of bitterness that doesn't really hurt the person you are bitter toward (physically).
10.  I resolve to always end my lists with 10....unless it's a good list and I really need to say more stuff.
11.  See?  I resolve to not let my three year old eat dead s'mores off the ground from last night's fire pit (I had to add that because it just happened and until now I had no idea I would need to resolve that).
12.  I resolve to reserve the right to delete or add to my list at any point during 2012 when I change my mind.  Does that require a resolution?
13.  I resolve to be honest with others...even when it hurts....(them).
14.  I resolve to blog more about things that matter.....JUST KIDDING!

Okay!  I think that takes care of everything.  And, if it doesn't I'll just amend my list!  Happy New Year guys!  And when resolving, remember:  It's gonna be a LONG freakin' year and there's always tomorrow!

2011, you were good...mostly.

Baby has decided it is in her best interest to nap today, so I have about 20 minutes - give or take.  Here is my list for 2011 and if it's cut short you know why.  My list is an eclectic Best Posts of 2011/Things I Am Taking From 2011/Things I Am Leaving Behind/Things I Learned/Other Random Crap Stuff Loosely Related to 2011.  Bear with me - it'll make you more patient.

1.  Lice is next to nuclear war in a list of Things I Might Not Survive. 
2.  Fund raising is not my gig.
3.  Turns out I am kind of a Comment Whore.  It makes me almost giddy when someone comments on something I wrote.  It makes writing on the Internet to no one in particular (besides my future self) kind of worth while.
4.  Turns out I may be addicted to reading other people's blogs.  Before I know it, hours have passed.  Laundry is still piling up, my prints will not do themselves, the food still needs to be cooked, the dishes still need to be done, but I feel a little closer (in a totally voyeuristic way) to someone I do not know at all and will probably never meet.  If that's weird, sue me.
5.  I pray that any remaining vestiges of KK's marriage and divorce, the Royal Wedding, and Steve Jobs' legacy stay in 2011.  But, I also understand that even God has limitations.
6.  I will no doubt ask Dead or Alive? of the following people in 2012:  Kim Jung Il, Heavy D, Andy Rooney, Amy Winehouse, and Betty Ford (yes, it's true - dead).  Let's face it, my memory is that bad.  If you didn't die a few minutes ago - I cannot remember if you are dead.
7.  I will for sure take my kids and hubby into 2012.  Please and thank you.  Oh, and I will take procrastination, too.
8.  The Catholic Church decided to change the words of prayers that I had committed to memory I think since the womb.  I am not sure I forgive them.
9.  Pinterest became like beer and dark chocolate for me.  It remains a "happy place."
10.  Hubby joined the rest of America and the majority of citizens in the developed (and undeveloped) countries on Facebook.  His life now revolves around status updates and I am pretty sure his IQ has dropped 10 points (JUST KIDDING, HUBBY).
11.  2011 was the year I propelled myself into this century by getting a smart phone AND using ear buds....shocking, but true.
12.  I retained my title of Potty Training Nazi by successfully training my fourth (and last - I am Catholic, but not crazy) child to pee and poop in the toilet.  Next my kids will be going to Harvard.
13.  Since I basically skipped my birthday in 2011 due to Black Lung, lice, and appliance issues, I have decided to have a kick a$$ birthday party in 2012.
14.  I remain riveted by world events, deeply concerned about the status (not Facebook status) of America, compassionate about my fellow human beings, and compelled to do my part to make this world a better place.  You just wouldn't know it by reading my blog.

That's my list.  I hate that it's an even number, but I hear baby stirring and that can't be good.  She may be potty trained, but she is still three after all.  Peace and I hope you are with people you love to ring in the new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

We celebrated with close friends here in the neighborhood. We had a great time chatting it up with friends while the kiddos watched movies in surround sound - which for my kids (as you know) is the ultimate good time. ;o) Our kids lasted until about 10:00. The older three would've lasted longer, but little Lainey was ready for her crib. We said our goodbyes and went home to get in jammies. The kids settled down on a huge blanket in our room to read books and cuddle until midnight, but Malcolm was the first one out at 11:00!!! Corina held out the longest, but finally passed out before midnight. It was a great evening just the same and today is promising to be a great albeit lazy day.