There's no theme and you don't have to consider this a real post.
1. I'm considering a 10K (I'm also considering a 10G, but I blame Breaking Bad). Not really. But a great friend (who is short, but could kick your a$$ because she works out with more zeal than Richard Simmons but don't worry she's not kooky or annoying) is trying to convince me that this would somehow be good for me and that I might enjoy it. Right. Please comment why this is a worse idea than me staying up till 2:00 watching Breaking Bad when I have to get up at 5:00 and work.
2. Said friend lent (not the one where you give something up) me a doo-hickey that you attach to your waist (attractively?) and it carries two water bottles. Why do I need this? Because it's April (check your calendars) in South Texas and I'm in pre-menopause (whatever that is) so that equals hot and thirsty, y'all. So, why did this even make the quickie list? Because it's dorky and more than vaguely reminiscent of the notorious fanny pack. I know every like "serious" runner does it, but I can't shake the dork factor. Would I rather die from heat exhaustion? I'm still thinking about it.
3. Will you guys still like me if I am the only person in the free world that doesn't care for Breaking Bad? Here's the thing. I'm used to House of Cards, Orange is the New Black, and The Killing. Breaking Bad is s-l-o-w. Like a turtle. Now, I've written a small amount about hubby but something you might not know about him is that he's a "multi-tasker." When we watch Netflix he plays a game on his phone, checks his laptop for emails, shares gourmet popcorn with Bandit, and explains difficult episode material to me. "How does he do this???" you ask. Simple answer? He's a guiness. Well, I could never do that. I have a one track mind. (Insert snicker.) BUT, with Breaking Bad I can. Last night while watching I did all my paperwork, emailed two customers, and did some actual work. And this was well past 10:00 p.m. The hell??? (I'm giving it two more episodes and then I'm calling it quits.) No haters, please?
4. Captcha (Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart) mocks me. As you know, my eyes are aging at an accelerated rate. Hubby calls me (affectionately?), "old eyes." So every time I have to "prove I'm not a robot" I get it wrong. It's become this battle between Captcha and me. I imagine him as a real person sitting behind a laptop somewhere commenting under his breath as I type. "She is a robot." "What a moron!" "Really? She's either blind or she's not human." Then it's like Captcha takes pity on me kinda (after I get like five of them wrong) and he's all, "Ok, Ms. Dayinthelife. How about this, 'U R 2 S tpD.'" At which point I'm like, "THANK YOU! I can do this!"
5. This is the funniest thing I've read all month. In fact, read this gal's blog (but don't stop reading mine). She is beyond hysterical and pretty much delivers the truth in a highly entertaining package. I'm going to a baby shower today and I'm considering printing off this post, wrapping it up in fancy paper, and attaching a card that says, "You'll thank me later." As much as I love this post, it has dashed all of my dreams of ever writing a parenting book. Because absolutely nothing could compare to this advice.
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
It's the White Vote!
As usual, Chris Rock speakin' to the people. Now, get out and vote, people.
Thank you, E.D. for leading me to this, which I had not seen yet. I nearly spit up my coffee.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
SOPA (and I ain't talkin' mexican soup here)
For the truth about the dangers of SOPA from one of the best bloggers ever you can click here.
If you are still not convinced to say ,"no to SOPA," you can get some more facts here .
If you are still not convinced to say ,"no to SOPA," you can get some more facts here .
A Post For A Friend or Pinterest for Dummies (no offense)
This post if for my good friend over at Cyberbones because she is having some trouble. I feel I owe her a lot for eternity because: 1. She taught me a lot of parenting truths (not what you read in all those damn books), and 2. She forced me (literally kicking and screaming - mostly obscenities, and mostly at her) into reading blogs and then blogging when she decided to move to another continent (without me) and started a blog so that she wouldn't go insane keeping up with everyone.
So, her trouble right now is navigating my addiction (knowing how to Pin on Pinterest). So, I am paying her back for all her wisdom (I know, it's not really fair - she taught me to parent and I am teaching her how to do Pinterest. Blah, blah, blah. Life isn't fair.) I made it super easy and have broken it down into a list! My list is not numbered because I am not that organized and because of that whole teach a man to fish thing.
So, her trouble right now is navigating my addiction (knowing how to Pin on Pinterest). So, I am paying her back for all her wisdom (I know, it's not really fair - she taught me to parent and I am teaching her how to do Pinterest. Blah, blah, blah. Life isn't fair.) I made it super easy and have broken it down into a list! My list is not numbered because I am not that organized and because of that whole teach a man to fish thing.
- "YOUR timeline on Facebook" on Pinterest is kind of here: Do the drop down menu under your name and picture and click on "Boards." That's kind of your "home base." In other words, that shows YOU. If it's empty mostly that means you need to waste some time and start pinning
crapstuff. - When you are "surfing" looking for cool stuff you will need to click on the red Pinterest. That will bring up what people are pinning - kind of like Home on Facebook.
- Download the pinning button to your computer so that you can pin anything that is cool, insane, funny, delicious, etc. To find directions on how to do this go to: About -> Pin It Button. Then follow the directions there and try it out by pinning something you see online.
- Pin other people's pins. So, when you login to Pinterest you will see a bunch of things other people have pinned. If you see something you like, hover over it. A "Like," "Repin," and "Comment" button will pop up at the top of the picture. Click Like to let the person who pinned it know that you liked it (common courtesy), then click "Repin" if you want to repin it.
- Create at least a few "boards" by going to Add and then Create a Board. You will need a basic board name for this board. For example, if you want to pin a bunch of yummy stuff to eat, you might name your board "My Big Butt" (just a suggestion). Then Pinterest will ask you categorize your board so that other pinners will be able to easily access what you have pinned (not rocket science - just use the drop down menu). You will think of a bunch of boards you want to create once you become addicted. Then you will probably have too many and have to consolidate. Don't worry. That's NORMAL. Everyone goes through it!
- Follow everyone! Follow me! You can do this by either clicking my icon right here on my blog, or you can find me on Pinterest. The way you follow other (less important) people is by: hovering over your name (Which should be in the upper right-hand corner of your screen. If it's not - you totally screwed up and I cannot help you.) and wait for the drop down menu. Click on Find Friends. This will lead you to your Facebook friends and then click on those of them that are on Pinterest. OR you can search for a "person" in the upper left hand corner of Pinterest.
- Repeat bullet number 2 (I realize that's confusing - sue me) till your eyes go blurry, your kids are weak with hunger, you look at the clock and 12 hours have passed, or you try to pin something real in your house.
- Remember to have fun with it! It is only virtual and it's SUPPOSED to be fun!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Premature post-ulation. And future avoidance.
I know I already posted today and that might have been a little premature. Embarrassing, but true. I suffer from premature post-ulation. But, don't worry - I'm on medication. The side effects make me sarcastic, impatient, bitchy, gaseous, and unkind but I haven't prematurely posted in about a year so I think it's working.
Enough about my medical conditions. My post earlier was about my one nano-second of fame when I was in the BlogHer sidebar. The bad news: I am still a Little Person. No one has called me to offer me a book deal. In fact, no one has called me period (because that would be gross and weird). Sorry. I am rambling. The good news: I logged onto Facebook and it appears that resolutions (collective gag) are all freakin' over the place. Sample of Facebook (in the form of random people's status updates - and my comments...JUST KIDDING - I'm not that rude!):
What are your resolutions? Who cares?
Resolutions? No, I'll take a beer.
Already screwed up my resolutions! I could have guessed you would!
Resolutions SUCK! Or, is it the person making the resolutions?
Vomit. I know. So, how is this good news? Because it is blog fodder and might provide subject matter to totally make up for my premature post earlier.
I, personally, could care less about resolutions but it seems other people are obsessed with them. So, I had a brilliant idea. I am going to make resolutions for other people. I'm going to start small since this is kind of a daunting task. My family is coming first (as it should, right?). I'm only doing three each (remember low expectations = goals met). Here goes!
Boy Child - 10
1. I resolve to put my dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket not on the floor one inch away from the dirty clothes basket, or under my bed, or in the corner of the dark closet.
2. I resolve to bring my lunch box home everyday and not leave it at school for days on end (like a two week holiday) so it can grow mold and smell like an old sock in #1.
3. I resolve to speak respectfully and kindly to all members of my family (and friends and strangers) especially my sisters. "Speaking respectfully" will not include terms such as: fart, turd, booger, poop, pee, noogie, wedgie, or wet willy.
Girl Child - 8
1. I resolve to be less dramatic.
2. I resolve to be less dramatic.
3. I resolve to be less dramatic (unless it involves an actual drama class).
Girl Child - 7
1. I resolve to cry in a less high-pitch tone so that every dog in the neighborhood does not cock its head to one side and hike its ears up a notch.
2. I resolve to interact with my three year old sister in a way that does not cause her to scream at the top of her lungs.
3. I resolve to ignore the Boy Child when he cannot keep his third resolution (which will be in about five minutes).
Girl Child - 3
1. I resolve to be a human not a vampire and stop biting people in order to suck their blood.
2. I resolve to learn to read, write, and do math so that I can enter kindergarten one year early and mom can get a j-o-b.
3. I resolve to have patience with Boy Child and Girls 1 and 2 when they can not keep their resolutions and I want to scream at the top of my lungs (or bite or pull hair).
Hubby (I saved the best till last.)
1. I resolve to pat my wife kindly on the head (and go directly to retrieve her a beer) when she is having a meltdown about: Hot Flashes, Migraines, The Kids, The Economy, Life in General, or me.
2. I resolve to say (loudly and eagerly), "How about we go out to eat?" when my wife looks at me in desperation and screams, "I DON'T KNOW," after I have patiently and kindly asked, "What's for dinner, babe?"
3. I resolve to update my Facebook status every hour on the hour. (Just kidding, babe, if you are reading.) I really couldn't think of a third one for you since you are already perfect to me. (If you are still reading, sorry! Gratuitous brownie point getting that I might need when #1 happens later on tonight.)
As with all my "resolutions," I reserve the right to amend them at any point for any reason!
P.S. I have decided to chuck the idea of a parenting book (What the hell do I know about parenting anyway???) and focus all of my attention on a book entitled A Year In Other People's Resolutions or The Year I Decided to Change Everyone But Myself.
Enough about my medical conditions. My post earlier was about my one nano-second of fame when I was in the BlogHer sidebar. The bad news: I am still a Little Person. No one has called me to offer me a book deal. In fact, no one has called me period (because that would be gross and weird). Sorry. I am rambling. The good news: I logged onto Facebook and it appears that resolutions (collective gag) are all freakin' over the place. Sample of Facebook (in the form of random people's status updates - and my comments...JUST KIDDING - I'm not that rude!):
What are your resolutions? Who cares?
Resolutions? No, I'll take a beer.
Already screwed up my resolutions! I could have guessed you would!
Resolutions SUCK! Or, is it the person making the resolutions?
Vomit. I know. So, how is this good news? Because it is blog fodder and might provide subject matter to totally make up for my premature post earlier.
I, personally, could care less about resolutions but it seems other people are obsessed with them. So, I had a brilliant idea. I am going to make resolutions for other people. I'm going to start small since this is kind of a daunting task. My family is coming first (as it should, right?). I'm only doing three each (remember low expectations = goals met). Here goes!
Boy Child - 10
1. I resolve to put my dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket not on the floor one inch away from the dirty clothes basket, or under my bed, or in the corner of the dark closet.
2. I resolve to bring my lunch box home everyday and not leave it at school for days on end (like a two week holiday) so it can grow mold and smell like an old sock in #1.
3. I resolve to speak respectfully and kindly to all members of my family (and friends and strangers) especially my sisters. "Speaking respectfully" will not include terms such as: fart, turd, booger, poop, pee, noogie, wedgie, or wet willy.
Girl Child - 8
1. I resolve to be less dramatic.
2. I resolve to be less dramatic.
3. I resolve to be less dramatic (unless it involves an actual drama class).
Girl Child - 7
1. I resolve to cry in a less high-pitch tone so that every dog in the neighborhood does not cock its head to one side and hike its ears up a notch.
2. I resolve to interact with my three year old sister in a way that does not cause her to scream at the top of her lungs.
3. I resolve to ignore the Boy Child when he cannot keep his third resolution (which will be in about five minutes).
Girl Child - 3
1. I resolve to be a human not a vampire and stop biting people in order to suck their blood.
2. I resolve to learn to read, write, and do math so that I can enter kindergarten one year early and mom can get a j-o-b.
3. I resolve to have patience with Boy Child and Girls 1 and 2 when they can not keep their resolutions and I want to scream at the top of my lungs (or bite or pull hair).
Hubby (I saved the best till last.)
1. I resolve to pat my wife kindly on the head (and go directly to retrieve her a beer) when she is having a meltdown about: Hot Flashes, Migraines, The Kids, The Economy, Life in General, or me.
2. I resolve to say (loudly and eagerly), "How about we go out to eat?" when my wife looks at me in desperation and screams, "I DON'T KNOW," after I have patiently and kindly asked, "What's for dinner, babe?"
3. I resolve to update my Facebook status every hour on the hour. (Just kidding, babe, if you are reading.) I really couldn't think of a third one for you since you are already perfect to me. (If you are still reading, sorry! Gratuitous brownie point getting that I might need when #1 happens later on tonight.)
As with all my "resolutions," I reserve the right to amend them at any point for any reason!
P.S. I have decided to chuck the idea of a parenting book (What the hell do I know about parenting anyway???) and focus all of my attention on a book entitled A Year In Other People's Resolutions or The Year I Decided to Change Everyone But Myself.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I'm thankful for the bras at Nordstroms. Or, let me be honest.
I will risk being painfully honest with you today. I love the trivial and hate the sentimental. I have such mixed feelings on the I Am Thankful posts that you can find on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and sometimes people's underwear (Just kidding. I think.) this time of year. Part of me says, "I try to be thankful each and everyday so why the need to do it in November?" The other part of me says, "Soooooooooo ridiculously sappy..........and yet - I don't want everyone to know think I am a total cynic." And the other part of me says, "Good Grief! What am I thankful for???" And the other part of me says, "You are Sybil."
So, the day before Thanksgiving I usually find myself frantically trying to think of 10 things I am thankful for for the sake of not wanting to be a cynic and yet not wanting to sound disgustingly sentimental. Seems you are stuck with This and please know that This took me longer to think of than most blog posts - so, HAPPY THANKSGIVING:
1. I am thankful for hair dye. My mom passed down the Early Gray Hair gene to me and I have been gray since...........I have been gray a long time. Thank you, mom. I hate it. I hate gray hair. Last night I had my hair did, as I always do, and poof! it's gone. So yippee! I am thankful.
2. I am thankful for beer. It is the great equalizer, it deadens my senses sometimes when I need it (don't call the Depression Hotline - I am just being honest), it makes me laugh harder and more frequently, and it goes great with my favorite foods. And I am thankful.
3. I am thankful for friends with good taste because I have none. You know who you are and I am thankful for you. Otherwise I would live in a totally mismatched home (as I did for several years), and I would look like Cyndi Lauper (only without the fame to keep it all together).
4. I am thankful for sarcasm and humor. They complete me, and have gotten me out of a lot of Tight Spots. (In case you never noticed.)
5. I am thankful God gave me a son who at nine reads the paper daily. That is just a sight that makes my heart smile no matter how pissy I am feeling when I find black smudge marks everywhere.
6. I am thankful I am not in therapy. I may need therapy, but I choose to self-analyze and for that, I am thankful.
7. I am thankful Girl 1 is a wordsmith and loves to write. That makes my heart smile, too.
8. I am thankful for the dentist who said to me, "Well, baby *might* not need braces." Right after telling me the other three definitely would.
9. I am thankful for Girl 2 who has an uncanny and quite funny ability to impersonate the friends and neighbors (sorry, friends and neighbors). It gives me hope that there might just be a famous comedian in the family thereby making having the four kids totally worthwhile. KIDDING! Kind of.
10. I am thankful that you know me well enough to know that I am inherently thankful forall the sentimental crap everything else.
Please and thank you. That is all. Amen.
So, the day before Thanksgiving I usually find myself frantically trying to think of 10 things I am thankful for for the sake of not wanting to be a cynic and yet not wanting to sound disgustingly sentimental. Seems you are stuck with This and please know that This took me longer to think of than most blog posts - so, HAPPY THANKSGIVING:
1. I am thankful for hair dye. My mom passed down the Early Gray Hair gene to me and I have been gray since...........I have been gray a long time. Thank you, mom. I hate it. I hate gray hair. Last night I had my hair did, as I always do, and poof! it's gone. So yippee! I am thankful.
2. I am thankful for beer. It is the great equalizer, it deadens my senses sometimes when I need it (don't call the Depression Hotline - I am just being honest), it makes me laugh harder and more frequently, and it goes great with my favorite foods. And I am thankful.
3. I am thankful for friends with good taste because I have none. You know who you are and I am thankful for you. Otherwise I would live in a totally mismatched home (as I did for several years), and I would look like Cyndi Lauper (only without the fame to keep it all together).
4. I am thankful for sarcasm and humor. They complete me, and have gotten me out of a lot of Tight Spots. (In case you never noticed.)
5. I am thankful God gave me a son who at nine reads the paper daily. That is just a sight that makes my heart smile no matter how pissy I am feeling when I find black smudge marks everywhere.
6. I am thankful I am not in therapy. I may need therapy, but I choose to self-analyze and for that, I am thankful.
7. I am thankful Girl 1 is a wordsmith and loves to write. That makes my heart smile, too.
8. I am thankful for the dentist who said to me, "Well, baby *might* not need braces." Right after telling me the other three definitely would.
9. I am thankful for Girl 2 who has an uncanny and quite funny ability to impersonate the friends and neighbors (sorry, friends and neighbors). It gives me hope that there might just be a famous comedian in the family thereby making having the four kids totally worthwhile. KIDDING! Kind of.
10. I am thankful that you know me well enough to know that I am inherently thankful for
Please and thank you. That is all. Amen.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I hate it when that happens.
So, today was already gearing up to be a doozy. And then the law showed up.
First things first. When I got up, I logged onto Facebook just like I normally do, but unlike normal I found that my husband had posted a video to Facebook. To the normal folk this may seem innocuous. To "normal folk" I say, "My husband is not normal." He only joined Facebook a few weeks ago and since then this is a sample of our conversations regarding Facebook (Note: They all end the same way and they all take place when I am busy doing very important work):
Him: So, how do I "friend" people (insert any action you can do on Facebook)?
Me: You just search for them, and when their name comes up in the search box click on them. When you click on them it will say "Friend." Click on that and they will get a friend request from you.
Long pause.
Him: So, where's the search box?
Me: It should be in the upper part of all pages of Facebook. Your wall or home.
Another long pause.
Him: Home? Wall? I thought they were the same thing. Oh, okay. I see. So, I just friended someone, and I am not sure who they are. How do I "cancel" that?
Me: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
So, imagine my shock and surprise when I logged in and saw that he had posted a video. And it was totally appropriate and cool. With a comment! On his own. Totally. I was so happy. And a little scared (which keep reading and you will find that was totally justified). I vowed that if it rained today I would stay inside...just to be safe. Little did I know getting struck by lightening would have been a picnic.
That was the first kinda weird thing that happened. Then, as I was just kind of fooling around at my desk, talking to a good friend on the phone, and planning out my day I saw something outside the window out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought it was a dog. Then upon a full-on head jerk and muttering that sounded something like, "WHAT THE %$&#?", I realized it was a coyote. I quickly said to my good friend, "I have to go. Sasquatch might be in my backyard. No one is going to believe this. I need to go take a picture. Call you later." Thankfully I was dressed, although not entirely appropriately (I'll just leave that part up to your imagination), so I grabbed the camera and raced outside to photograph him/her. I did this because in our house no one believes anything any other family member says unless said family member has verifiable proof (like a photo).
I sprinted into the area behind our house. This guy was moving fast, so I had to go clear into the neighbor's yard. It was just as I had gotten behind our neighbor's house (as in right behind their patio door) when this GINORMOUS owl/hawk/swan/flamingo looking bird SWOOPED out of the lower part of a nearby tree and flew right toward the coyote/wolf/dog/chupacabra. IT SCARED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME. I did a thing that could only be described as Crazy Wail and Swat Like Mad and took off running back to my house.....with no photograph.
I immediately called my friend back to tell her what had happened, when I'll be damned if that sucker came sauntering BACK BY MY BACK DOOR like he was either 1. Taunting me, or 2. Giving me another opportunity to prove myself with a photo. So, I said, "CRAP! He's BACK." She said, "GO PHOTOGRAPH HIM." I said, "I'm kinda scared." She said, "Leave baby in the house because he might be hungry and grab a broom." As I write this now I realize that sounds pretty Crazy Town, but right then it sounded perfectly plausible. So, I grabbed a broom, the camera, and sprinted out again.
What my other neighbor would have seen behind his back fence had he been home (I am still praying he wasn't) was this: Me, wearing less than appropriate clothing, flailing a broom in one hand, sprinting across the wild land behind his back fence, chasing what Ithink was a coyote am sure was a coyote, while looking through the lens of a camera, trying not to trip, and glancing up above to make sure I was not eaten by an owl/hawk/big-ass bird.
This all prompted me to update my status on Facebook immediately after it was over:
just saw a coyote closer to our house than i've ever seen, so i go out to take a picture of him. as i am chasing him (camera in hand) this GIANT owl/hawk looking thing swoops down on him. let's just say i hope my neighbors are at work because i screamed, and started swatting at the air above my head while running for my life. i am not even kidding. i am now officially creeped out.
Now, had my excitement for the day ended there I would have been completely satisfied....but, it only got stranger. I went upstairs to take a shower and told baby to play quietly. Next thing I know, someone is BANGING on the door as I am standing in front of the mirror stark naked hair dripping wet (do not picture that it will only make you want to poke your eyes out with sharp sticks - I know that from personal experience). I figure it's my house cleaner and don't do anything. The banging continues and then becomes coupled with constant ringing. So, I thought what you are probably thinking now: Holy CRAP! Someone got eaten by the coyote and people now know (since I posted it on Facebook) that I know something about it!!!!!!!! SOMEONE IS IN IMMINENT DANGER!
That's why I put on some clothes (the inappropriate ones from earlier) and screamed for my baby. She came sauntering in. Frantically I said, "WHO IS IT? IS IT MS.--------(house cleaner)? WHO IS IT BABY????" And baby very calmly said, "No, mama. It's not Ms. ________, or Ms. (random friend), or Ms. (another friend)." I frantically said, "WELL WHO IS IT THEN???"
"It's a police officer. But, don't worry. He's not here to arrest you."
By that time I was down the stairs, it was too late to change my clothes.
Post script: Turns out baby was right. It was indeed a constable. He was not here to arrest me. He very calmly said he had papers to serve on hubby. Before you worry about hubby, no I did not serve divorce papers on him, it was not totally unexpected, and we are hoping it is something we can deal with. But, please imagine Officer M.'s surprise when I opened the door, dressed in my not entirely appropriate clothes, hair wet, and with my sweet baby saying, "See momma. It is a police officer, but I don't think he will arrest you." I hate it when that happens.
First things first. When I got up, I logged onto Facebook just like I normally do, but unlike normal I found that my husband had posted a video to Facebook. To the normal folk this may seem innocuous. To "normal folk" I say, "My husband is not normal." He only joined Facebook a few weeks ago and since then this is a sample of our conversations regarding Facebook (Note: They all end the same way and they all take place when I am busy doing very important work):
Him: So, how do I "friend" people (insert any action you can do on Facebook)?
Me: You just search for them, and when their name comes up in the search box click on them. When you click on them it will say "Friend." Click on that and they will get a friend request from you.
Long pause.
Him: So, where's the search box?
Me: It should be in the upper part of all pages of Facebook. Your wall or home.
Another long pause.
Him: Home? Wall? I thought they were the same thing. Oh, okay. I see. So, I just friended someone, and I am not sure who they are. How do I "cancel" that?
Me: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
So, imagine my shock and surprise when I logged in and saw that he had posted a video. And it was totally appropriate and cool. With a comment! On his own. Totally. I was so happy. And a little scared (which keep reading and you will find that was totally justified). I vowed that if it rained today I would stay inside...just to be safe. Little did I know getting struck by lightening would have been a picnic.
That was the first kinda weird thing that happened. Then, as I was just kind of fooling around at my desk, talking to a good friend on the phone, and planning out my day I saw something outside the window out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought it was a dog. Then upon a full-on head jerk and muttering that sounded something like, "WHAT THE %$&#?", I realized it was a coyote. I quickly said to my good friend, "I have to go. Sasquatch might be in my backyard. No one is going to believe this. I need to go take a picture. Call you later." Thankfully I was dressed, although not entirely appropriately (I'll just leave that part up to your imagination), so I grabbed the camera and raced outside to photograph him/her. I did this because in our house no one believes anything any other family member says unless said family member has verifiable proof (like a photo).
I sprinted into the area behind our house. This guy was moving fast, so I had to go clear into the neighbor's yard. It was just as I had gotten behind our neighbor's house (as in right behind their patio door) when this GINORMOUS owl/hawk/swan/flamingo looking bird SWOOPED out of the lower part of a nearby tree and flew right toward the coyote/wolf/dog/chupacabra. IT SCARED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME. I did a thing that could only be described as Crazy Wail and Swat Like Mad and took off running back to my house.....with no photograph.
I immediately called my friend back to tell her what had happened, when I'll be damned if that sucker came sauntering BACK BY MY BACK DOOR like he was either 1. Taunting me, or 2. Giving me another opportunity to prove myself with a photo. So, I said, "CRAP! He's BACK." She said, "GO PHOTOGRAPH HIM." I said, "I'm kinda scared." She said, "Leave baby in the house because he might be hungry and grab a broom." As I write this now I realize that sounds pretty Crazy Town, but right then it sounded perfectly plausible. So, I grabbed a broom, the camera, and sprinted out again.
What my other neighbor would have seen behind his back fence had he been home (I am still praying he wasn't) was this: Me, wearing less than appropriate clothing, flailing a broom in one hand, sprinting across the wild land behind his back fence, chasing what I
This all prompted me to update my status on Facebook immediately after it was over:
just saw a coyote closer to our house than i've ever seen, so i go out to take a picture of him. as i am chasing him (camera in hand) this GIANT owl/hawk looking thing swoops down on him. let's just say i hope my neighbors are at work because i screamed, and started swatting at the air above my head while running for my life. i am not even kidding. i am now officially creeped out.
Now, had my excitement for the day ended there I would have been completely satisfied....but, it only got stranger. I went upstairs to take a shower and told baby to play quietly. Next thing I know, someone is BANGING on the door as I am standing in front of the mirror stark naked hair dripping wet (do not picture that it will only make you want to poke your eyes out with sharp sticks - I know that from personal experience). I figure it's my house cleaner and don't do anything. The banging continues and then becomes coupled with constant ringing. So, I thought what you are probably thinking now: Holy CRAP! Someone got eaten by the coyote and people now know (since I posted it on Facebook) that I know something about it!!!!!!!! SOMEONE IS IN IMMINENT DANGER!
That's why I put on some clothes (the inappropriate ones from earlier) and screamed for my baby. She came sauntering in. Frantically I said, "WHO IS IT? IS IT MS.--------(house cleaner)? WHO IS IT BABY????" And baby very calmly said, "No, mama. It's not Ms. ________, or Ms. (random friend), or Ms. (another friend)." I frantically said, "WELL WHO IS IT THEN???"
"It's a police officer. But, don't worry. He's not here to arrest you."
By that time I was down the stairs, it was too late to change my clothes.
Post script: Turns out baby was right. It was indeed a constable. He was not here to arrest me. He very calmly said he had papers to serve on hubby. Before you worry about hubby, no I did not serve divorce papers on him, it was not totally unexpected, and we are hoping it is something we can deal with. But, please imagine Officer M.'s surprise when I opened the door, dressed in my not entirely appropriate clothes, hair wet, and with my sweet baby saying, "See momma. It is a police officer, but I don't think he will arrest you." I hate it when that happens.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Pinterest! Y'know - between Lite beer from Miller and dark chocolate.
Don't mind me, the piles of dirty laundry, the dishes in the sink, the hungry kids wandering around - I have been really busy PINNING. I'm kinda addicted. Years behind the trend (as usual), I cannot really stop.
Short list explaining my addiction to Pinterest and why my blog may be temporarily interrupted.
1. I have no pressure to: be witty, make friends, find friends, experience rejection, post cute pictures of my kids, update my status (ideally to something more witty), or "check-in." Pinterest is all about me! What's not to love?
2. Finally a place to "pin" all the critical crap so that I can remember what I was like later when my memory is completely gone. My Favorite Drinks, My Birthday Party Guest List When I Am Famous, Things I Miss About the 80's, Things I Want To Do, But Know I Will Never Do, But Just In Case, and on, and on, and on.
3. It's so much more fun than housework, laundry, parent-teacher conferences, cooking, and cleaning.
That's all I got. When I find my boards are sufficient I will get back with you with a worthy post about world peace or something.
Short list explaining my addiction to Pinterest and why my blog may be temporarily interrupted.
1. I have no pressure to: be witty, make friends, find friends, experience rejection, post cute pictures of my kids, update my status (ideally to something more witty), or "check-in." Pinterest is all about me! What's not to love?
2. Finally a place to "pin" all the critical crap so that I can remember what I was like later when my memory is completely gone. My Favorite Drinks, My Birthday Party Guest List When I Am Famous, Things I Miss About the 80's, Things I Want To Do, But Know I Will Never Do, But Just In Case, and on, and on, and on.
3. It's so much more fun than housework, laundry, parent-teacher conferences, cooking, and cleaning.
That's all I got. When I find my boards are sufficient I will get back with you with a worthy post about world peace or something.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Reinstated after a brief loss of status
Well, I am back. Facebook has reinstated my account. Not really. They never really got around to reinstating me. I am just "back."
After being disabled from my Facebook account early yesterday morning, I spent some part of the day trying to recover lost information that could only be accessed via Facebook. Thank you friends for helping me out on that (you know who you are). Another example of how Facebook sucks your time. JUST KIDDING. I LOVE YOU, FACEBOOK. PLEASE DON'T DISABLE ME AGAIN. Not to mention the time I spent yesterday being pissy wondering how I had violated their Rules and Regulations. Thank you, friends again for your loving collective senses of humor. That was enough to keep me smiling through much of the day.
This morning I got an email from Facebook saying that they had denied my request for appeal. "Attemps to impersonate others" are serious violations and my request is "DENIED." Say what? Say who??? So, I promptly emailed them and told them that not only was I not knowingly in violation of any of their Rules and Regulations, I had misunderstood the appeal process and was now ready to email my PHOTO ID (Social Security number, bank accounts, and blood of my firstborn if necessary) could they give me another opportunity??? PLEASE??? Facebook promptly emailed back and told me that no account for this email had been disabled.
SAY WHAT? SAY WHO??? WHO IS RUNNING THIS CIRCUS???
I'm back in??? Yes. I am back "in." Well, hallelujah. Facebook looks just the same as it did 24 hours ago. Hmm. So, I am left to wonder today...........hacked? A misinterpreted attempt at an impersonation of another Monica DeLaCruz? A Facebook scam to get my photo ID? Don't know. Just know that I am back. With a vengeance. ;o) And I AM sharing this!
After being disabled from my Facebook account early yesterday morning, I spent some part of the day trying to recover lost information that could only be accessed via Facebook. Thank you friends for helping me out on that (you know who you are). Another example of how Facebook sucks your time. JUST KIDDING. I LOVE YOU, FACEBOOK. PLEASE DON'T DISABLE ME AGAIN. Not to mention the time I spent yesterday being pissy wondering how I had violated their Rules and Regulations. Thank you, friends again for your loving collective senses of humor. That was enough to keep me smiling through much of the day.
This morning I got an email from Facebook saying that they had denied my request for appeal. "Attemps to impersonate others" are serious violations and my request is "DENIED." Say what? Say who??? So, I promptly emailed them and told them that not only was I not knowingly in violation of any of their Rules and Regulations, I had misunderstood the appeal process and was now ready to email my PHOTO ID (Social Security number, bank accounts, and blood of my firstborn if necessary) could they give me another opportunity??? PLEASE??? Facebook promptly emailed back and told me that no account for this email had been disabled.
SAY WHAT? SAY WHO??? WHO IS RUNNING THIS CIRCUS???
I'm back in??? Yes. I am back "in." Well, hallelujah. Facebook looks just the same as it did 24 hours ago. Hmm. So, I am left to wonder today...........hacked? A misinterpreted attempt at an impersonation of another Monica DeLaCruz? A Facebook scam to get my photo ID? Don't know. Just know that I am back. With a vengeance. ;o) And I AM sharing this!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
SAY WHAT??? Facebook WHO???
So, I have barely had a whole cup of joe this morning and I stumble onto the computer after getting the kiddos on to the bus and I login into Facebook. I do this to see what my friends and family are up to this Tuesday morning and to also report to them what I am up to. And, lo and behold, I get an ominous message saying my ACCOUNT HAS BEEN DISABLED and to "click here" to find out more information. Say what? Okay, so I "click here," and find that I have violated the terms of my agreement with Facebook. Say who? Did I say I hadn't yet had a full cup of COFFEE??? "Click here" they tell me if you want to read through our 1000 pages of what you agreed to when you signed up for Facebook to waste hours and hours of your life (but, fill it with oh so much joy, too).
Hmm. So, after skimming through pages and pages of what I have agreed to.......................I am completely baffled. I have somehow in my innocuous posts violated the terms of this "agreement?" Apparently so. AND, depending on the severity of my violation - I may NEVER be able to access a Facebook account again. Leading to a life of social shunning and stunting, not to mention complete abandonment by my kids.
BUT, have no fear. I have filed a request for review (which may take "time" to do and will be processed in order of receipt - Thank you, Facebook - THAT'S reassuring). I would "share" this, but sorry "friends" I can't.
Hmm. So, after skimming through pages and pages of what I have agreed to.......................I am completely baffled. I have somehow in my innocuous posts violated the terms of this "agreement?" Apparently so. AND, depending on the severity of my violation - I may NEVER be able to access a Facebook account again. Leading to a life of social shunning and stunting, not to mention complete abandonment by my kids.
BUT, have no fear. I have filed a request for review (which may take "time" to do and will be processed in order of receipt - Thank you, Facebook - THAT'S reassuring). I would "share" this, but sorry "friends" I can't.
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