1. Set your alarm for your usual 5:30 a.m. because when you go to bed, although it is colder than a witch's nipple, there is still no sign of snow or ice.
2. When the alarm rings at 5:30, turn it off because you are getting up.
3. Spring out of bed one hour later when you wake back up and realize you are screwed if there is no ice and the kids actually have school.
4. Turn on the TV to see if there is indeed school.
5. Listen to the brilliant south Texas weathermen say things like, "Water freezes at 32 degrees," and "Black ice is the most dangerous kind." Briefly think about stabbing them.
6. After watching for a full 10 minutes (you could have been getting coffee) hear the newscaster say, "There are too many school closures to announce them all. Please check your district website for updates."
7. Wait another 10 minutes for your laptop to boot up and actually connect to the Internet because apparently everyone else is at home accessing the Internet.
8. Find out your kids don't have school because there is an 1/8 of an inch of ice (not black) on one overpass in south Texas no where near your kids' school.
9. Go back upstairs to brush your teeth so you can still be productive with four kids underfoot.
10. Lay down in your bed for just five more minutes.
11. Wake up another hour later and decide you still have time to be productive.
12. Go downstairs to find you are out of coffee, eggs, and flour.
13. Preheat your truck for 30 minutes so that you can go to the store to buy food for breakfast.
14. Check your email to find that several friends also have a snow day. Most of them actually have snow.
15. Fool around on the interwebs.
16. Decide you can still make it a productive day by getting to the store.
17. Go shopping.
18. Spend the rest of what is left of the morning making six people breakfast, eating like you've not eaten in days, cleaning up, and sweeping multiple times (because five of the six people go in and out repeatedly looking for "black ice").
19. Look at the clock which says past noon. Wonder when the troops will be hungry again. Decide to spend the rest of the day surfing the net. (Productively, of course.)
Showing posts with label cold weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cold weather. Show all posts
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Sunday, January 20, 2013
it's a short list
So, today I am a few years past my thirtieth and a few years closer to my fiftieth. Yes, that makes me a little dizzy. If you're anything like me, after a certain age you might not want to even celebrate your birthday anymore. It's just kind of another day that you'd rather just slip by so that you don't have to face the realization that you are one day closer to your imminent death (yes, I am the epitome of optimism).
But, hubby is really great at buying me gifts and celebrating. And the kids start asking way in advance if I'm gonna have a party with a pinata (um, no). Hubby asks me what I want a few weeks before my birthday and just buys what I tell him. Romantic? No. Practical? Yes.
This year was no different. I had kinda gone overboard buying myself Christmas gifts so I tried to really keep it simple. So, I got some low-key, but great stuff that I really wanted. I got another really warm scarf in a fabulous color because we have been having cold weather down here in south Texas and I hate cold weather. I got some funky earrings that I've been wanting. I got a Pay Day from the Boy Child because he could afford that and he knows Pay Days are one of my guilty pleasures. I got some wonderfully smelling stuff from Bath and Bodyworks. And hubby has a great sense of humor so he wrapped everything up in this fabulous bright pink tote (with an amazing number of pockets) that we got as a free gift for donating to a charity and gave all the gifts to me in that.
But, (everyone always has a big butt, right?) here's what I didn't get that I really wanted. I didn't put any of this on the list, but I'm telling you guys. So, if you can, help a sista' out?
The Unstated Real Birthday List
1. I want my boobs back where they used to be. And, while they (whoever's gonna do this for me) are at it, I'd also like them a titch larger than they are right now. Y'know just to help me get some attention when I need it?
2. I want my hair not to do this weird thing it's started doing called: Growing right out of the front of my head. WTH? Is that some sort of old thing?
3. This one is kinda for women only: I'd like to be On the Cycle Again or Completely Off the Cycle instead of just every 78 days, or every 14 days, or every 112 days, or anytime my body thinks it's time again. Yeesh. I am ready to say good-bye to fertilehood for good.
4. I'd like to be able to remember shiz without writing it down. It's kind of annoying to have a memory that is only three seconds long. And I am kinda tired of Girl 1 always accusing me of having early onset Alzheimer's.
5. I'd really love to be able to text without my bifocals. OLD PERSON ON BOARD. Yeah, that's me. Yeesh. Embarrassing and cumbersome. Oh, and I'd like to be able to text as fast as a tween.
6. I want the skin on my hands back. I have developed in the past five years this weird old people skin on my hands and I don't really like it.
7. These dark circles under my eyes and wrinkles on my forehead need to be cleared up. (I'm thinking when they are working on my boob concerns they can just skip up to my face and fix that.)
8. I'd like my acute hearing back from the 80's. Now, I've never really had great hearing. If you're a long term reader you know that one of my greatest fears is going completely deaf by my fifties. So, I'd really just like to be able to hear. Everything. Like a superpower. Or, just like a regular human.
9. I'd like to be able to drink the amount of beer I want without it going directly to my belly in record time. Remember the good 'ole days when you could stay out all night drinking and not feel any repercussions? Yeah, I want those days back.
10. And, just because I'm a stickler for even numbers. I'd like to eat all the chocolate I want just once. Doesn't everyone want that?
11. Oh, and one more. I'd really like to get the rest of my life figured out. Seriously? What am I going to be when I grow up? (I'm sure hubby would like me to figure that out, too.)
So, friends. Happy birthday to me! Don't worry - I won't put candles on my cake. Safety first!
But, hubby is really great at buying me gifts and celebrating. And the kids start asking way in advance if I'm gonna have a party with a pinata (um, no). Hubby asks me what I want a few weeks before my birthday and just buys what I tell him. Romantic? No. Practical? Yes.
This year was no different. I had kinda gone overboard buying myself Christmas gifts so I tried to really keep it simple. So, I got some low-key, but great stuff that I really wanted. I got another really warm scarf in a fabulous color because we have been having cold weather down here in south Texas and I hate cold weather. I got some funky earrings that I've been wanting. I got a Pay Day from the Boy Child because he could afford that and he knows Pay Days are one of my guilty pleasures. I got some wonderfully smelling stuff from Bath and Bodyworks. And hubby has a great sense of humor so he wrapped everything up in this fabulous bright pink tote (with an amazing number of pockets) that we got as a free gift for donating to a charity and gave all the gifts to me in that.
But, (everyone always has a big butt, right?) here's what I didn't get that I really wanted. I didn't put any of this on the list, but I'm telling you guys. So, if you can, help a sista' out?
The Unstated Real Birthday List
1. I want my boobs back where they used to be. And, while they (whoever's gonna do this for me) are at it, I'd also like them a titch larger than they are right now. Y'know just to help me get some attention when I need it?
2. I want my hair not to do this weird thing it's started doing called: Growing right out of the front of my head. WTH? Is that some sort of old thing?
3. This one is kinda for women only: I'd like to be On the Cycle Again or Completely Off the Cycle instead of just every 78 days, or every 14 days, or every 112 days, or anytime my body thinks it's time again. Yeesh. I am ready to say good-bye to fertilehood for good.
4. I'd like to be able to remember shiz without writing it down. It's kind of annoying to have a memory that is only three seconds long. And I am kinda tired of Girl 1 always accusing me of having early onset Alzheimer's.
5. I'd really love to be able to text without my bifocals. OLD PERSON ON BOARD. Yeah, that's me. Yeesh. Embarrassing and cumbersome. Oh, and I'd like to be able to text as fast as a tween.
6. I want the skin on my hands back. I have developed in the past five years this weird old people skin on my hands and I don't really like it.
7. These dark circles under my eyes and wrinkles on my forehead need to be cleared up. (I'm thinking when they are working on my boob concerns they can just skip up to my face and fix that.)
8. I'd like my acute hearing back from the 80's. Now, I've never really had great hearing. If you're a long term reader you know that one of my greatest fears is going completely deaf by my fifties. So, I'd really just like to be able to hear. Everything. Like a superpower. Or, just like a regular human.
9. I'd like to be able to drink the amount of beer I want without it going directly to my belly in record time. Remember the good 'ole days when you could stay out all night drinking and not feel any repercussions? Yeah, I want those days back.
10. And, just because I'm a stickler for even numbers. I'd like to eat all the chocolate I want just once. Doesn't everyone want that?
11. Oh, and one more. I'd really like to get the rest of my life figured out. Seriously? What am I going to be when I grow up? (I'm sure hubby would like me to figure that out, too.)
So, friends. Happy birthday to me! Don't worry - I won't put candles on my cake. Safety first!
Monday, January 14, 2013
"When you accuse someone of having $hit on his shoes, make sure the source of the smell is not really you." Ms. Day in the Life
So, big news in the Day in the Life family. We got a dog. Yes, you read right. The Leona Helmsley of Pet Haters got a dog over Christmas. I have only 10 minutes to finish this post, so I won't go into a lot of detail. I think a list would the most efficient way for me to vent catch you guys up.
1. The puppy *could* be the reason I haven't blogged in days.
2. I miss you all dearly and I promise to read all your hysterically funny and entertaining posts just as soon as I can leave puppy for more than 10 minutes without fearing I will have to clean pee or poop for the next 10 minutes.
3. I don't like it when I go to my pediatricians office and I am referred to as "mom" by a 20 year old young thing who looks like Taylor Swift. I kinda wanna throw up when I go to the veterinarian's office and I am referred to as "mom." Mom of who, precisely? In fact, I would rather listen to the Little People's video music on an endless loop until I poke my eyes out with sharp sticks.
4. Am I that old? When did #3 become a thing? I cannot imagine people of my mother's era ever referring to dogs as the children of humans. Is this a sign that I am super old? Was Mrs. Miller Lassie's mom?
5. I have spent way too much time the past two weeks dwelling on #4.
6. If there was a movie to be made of my life right now the title of that movie (undoubtedly a short) would be, "Waiting for the Dog Whisperer."
7. It's hard to figure out this puppy. He's a lot like a toddler but he doesn't even speak English some of the time and I never feel entirely comfortable cuddling him due to the fact that I don't like $hit on me.
8. So that you fully understand #7 - I spent about an hour searching for the source of the $hit smell the other morning only to find puppy had gotten a teensy bit on my robe. It was a simultaneously humbling and enraging moment. Thank you, puppy.
9. I have a million what ifs right now. Here are just a few: What if this dog can't learn to fetch? What if this dog is never potty trained? What if every time someone new comes into the house the dog pees on the floor? What if we have to be like Richard Gere in Hachi and demonstrate how to fetch? What if hubby actually does that? What if this dog (that I kinda got in order for me to have a silent running partner) hates to run? What if I make him do it anyway? What if I really am heartless? What if it is rainy and cold again for days on end and puppy still hates the rain and cold? What if this drives me insane?
10. So, I'm gonna end this by promising to be more faithful. But, just know that some nasty Stomach Issues are running through our house (see how I did that?) and I really don't know which is more perplexing: Trying to get children to vomit in the toilet and not on the floor or trying to figure out what a nine week old puppy wants.
I hope you guys are keeping all your resolutions while also keeping it real. Happy third week of 2013!
1. The puppy *could* be the reason I haven't blogged in days.
2. I miss you all dearly and I promise to read all your hysterically funny and entertaining posts just as soon as I can leave puppy for more than 10 minutes without fearing I will have to clean pee or poop for the next 10 minutes.
3. I don't like it when I go to my pediatricians office and I am referred to as "mom" by a 20 year old young thing who looks like Taylor Swift. I kinda wanna throw up when I go to the veterinarian's office and I am referred to as "mom." Mom of who, precisely? In fact, I would rather listen to the Little People's video music on an endless loop until I poke my eyes out with sharp sticks.
4. Am I that old? When did #3 become a thing? I cannot imagine people of my mother's era ever referring to dogs as the children of humans. Is this a sign that I am super old? Was Mrs. Miller Lassie's mom?
5. I have spent way too much time the past two weeks dwelling on #4.
6. If there was a movie to be made of my life right now the title of that movie (undoubtedly a short) would be, "Waiting for the Dog Whisperer."
7. It's hard to figure out this puppy. He's a lot like a toddler but he doesn't even speak English some of the time and I never feel entirely comfortable cuddling him due to the fact that I don't like $hit on me.
8. So that you fully understand #7 - I spent about an hour searching for the source of the $hit smell the other morning only to find puppy had gotten a teensy bit on my robe. It was a simultaneously humbling and enraging moment. Thank you, puppy.
9. I have a million what ifs right now. Here are just a few: What if this dog can't learn to fetch? What if this dog is never potty trained? What if every time someone new comes into the house the dog pees on the floor? What if we have to be like Richard Gere in Hachi and demonstrate how to fetch? What if hubby actually does that? What if this dog (that I kinda got in order for me to have a silent running partner) hates to run? What if I make him do it anyway? What if I really am heartless? What if it is rainy and cold again for days on end and puppy still hates the rain and cold? What if this drives me insane?
10. So, I'm gonna end this by promising to be more faithful. But, just know that some nasty Stomach Issues are running through our house (see how I did that?) and I really don't know which is more perplexing: Trying to get children to vomit in the toilet and not on the floor or trying to figure out what a nine week old puppy wants.
I hope you guys are keeping all your resolutions while also keeping it real. Happy third week of 2013!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I may be psychotic, but that should come as no surprise.
So, just a quick update from yesterday's It's Too Cold in South Texas 2011 Dressing Disaster. You will all be pleased and happy to know that as a mother I have totally redeemed myself (and PAY ATTENTION because in my life this never rarely happens). Last night I had the foresight (I know, what's that???) to set my alarm 20 minutes EARLY (that would be setting it for Too Freaking Early) so that the peeps could be physically and mentally ready for the Cold.
So, here's a Post Groundhog Day (more on that later) Morning recap:
6:00 - I heard on the radio that we would more than likely experience the same power outages that we did yesterday (termed brown-outs not BLACK-outs. hmm. more on that later, too).
6:05 - I lit a fire (not figuratively like usual - literally) so that I could make the peeps breakfast tacos.
6:07 - I woke the peeps up in an attempt to have everyone ready before the power outage.
6:10 - I was delighted that no one was arguing about wearing warm clothes.
6:11 - I made a mental note to "thank" hubby later (don't think about that too much or you will want to poke your mind's eye out) for somehow performing an impressive sewing feat (without an actual sewing machine???) and fixing bubby's Old Navy (gosh, I love that place) winter vest zipper (after bubby searched his messy closet last night and found said vest).
6:17 - The kids were dressed APPROPRIATELY (can I get an AMEN?) and came down for breakfast.
6:20 - They all went back up to brush teeth and do mouthwash while I screamed, "Don't forget your flashlights, and let's all be ready before the power goes out today!!!"
6:25 - The kids were happily (I know we are in some sort of alternate universe today) putting on all their winter wear and chattering incessantly about how it was going to SNOW on Thursday (I know - I told them that in an effort to gain more points as Best Mom in the Universe - the Alternate Universe - that is). I normally do not encourage this kind of CRAZY thinking (snow in South Texas - are you NUTS???), but today I not only encouraged it I found myself saying psychotic things like, "Yes, baby. Weathermen know exactly what they are talking about. They are SOOOOOOO smart. Yes, they are like the smartest people on the planet. Yes, I know I have said they don't know anything in the past, but I changed my mind it IS going to snow Thursday. It is. It is." I felt a little Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Now, if you know me you know that I abhor weather people (sorry if you are one - don't stop reading my blog and don't hate me), so this was just crazy talk. Sheesh. I am almost convinced that it is GOING TO SNOW ON THURSDAY. That's how convincing I was.
640 - All the kids sat on my couch and watched TV in all their paraphernalia and complained periodically that they were hot and when the heck was the power going to go out. Collectively they could be heard saying things like, "MOM. What were you thinking getting us dressed all warm like this??? The power is still on!!!??? Can we take these clothes OFF???" While I said, "No. Be quiet. Watch TV. Be happy you are warm."
7:06 - The bus came and went in the light with no power outage. Boo. Hiss.
7:59 - Baby is still asleep as I type this. OR she has long since suffocated in her room - which may be too hot.
That's my update. Thanks for the read.
Here's the POST SCRIPT.
1. There is a saying about being prepared (I can't think what it is and it doesn't matter) and it is a lie. When you are prepared what you are PREPARED for is not going to happen. That is God's sense of humor. He loves you, but He also needs a good laugh every once in a while.
2. What used to be called black-outs are now called BROWN-outs. Did you know this? I learned it yesterday and was frankly amazed that no one had more to say about this. What is up with this? This fact was not lost on my kids. After my boy child Know-It-All told this fact to everyone, my girl child said, "Why are they called brown-outs, mama? Aren't WE brown? Are we OUT now? Oh, wait. Were black people OUT before? Because that's not right, either." To which I answered (because I know everything), "I have no idea, baby. But, I agree. It is fascinating."
3. The Punxsutawney ground hog's name is Phil. (This next fact is from the same girl child who was talking in #2). He lives with his two brothers named Phillip and Larry (no, not really Larry, I just can't remember the other one's name and him being named Larry is just funny). Which prompted more questioning, "Mama, why are two brothers named Phil and Phillip? Dont' you think that's weird? Would you do that to us?" To which I answered, "Yes, baby I think that's weird. Mama is not going to have anymore babies, but if I were I would never do that to you. I am not THAT crazy."
So, here's a Post Groundhog Day (more on that later) Morning recap:
6:00 - I heard on the radio that we would more than likely experience the same power outages that we did yesterday (termed brown-outs not BLACK-outs. hmm. more on that later, too).
6:05 - I lit a fire (not figuratively like usual - literally) so that I could make the peeps breakfast tacos.
6:07 - I woke the peeps up in an attempt to have everyone ready before the power outage.
6:10 - I was delighted that no one was arguing about wearing warm clothes.
6:11 - I made a mental note to "thank" hubby later (don't think about that too much or you will want to poke your mind's eye out) for somehow performing an impressive sewing feat (without an actual sewing machine???) and fixing bubby's Old Navy (gosh, I love that place) winter vest zipper (after bubby searched his messy closet last night and found said vest).
6:17 - The kids were dressed APPROPRIATELY (can I get an AMEN?) and came down for breakfast.
6:20 - They all went back up to brush teeth and do mouthwash while I screamed, "Don't forget your flashlights, and let's all be ready before the power goes out today!!!"
6:25 - The kids were happily (I know we are in some sort of alternate universe today) putting on all their winter wear and chattering incessantly about how it was going to SNOW on Thursday (I know - I told them that in an effort to gain more points as Best Mom in the Universe - the Alternate Universe - that is). I normally do not encourage this kind of CRAZY thinking (snow in South Texas - are you NUTS???), but today I not only encouraged it I found myself saying psychotic things like, "Yes, baby. Weathermen know exactly what they are talking about. They are SOOOOOOO smart. Yes, they are like the smartest people on the planet. Yes, I know I have said they don't know anything in the past, but I changed my mind it IS going to snow Thursday. It is. It is." I felt a little Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Now, if you know me you know that I abhor weather people (sorry if you are one - don't stop reading my blog and don't hate me), so this was just crazy talk. Sheesh. I am almost convinced that it is GOING TO SNOW ON THURSDAY. That's how convincing I was.
640 - All the kids sat on my couch and watched TV in all their paraphernalia and complained periodically that they were hot and when the heck was the power going to go out. Collectively they could be heard saying things like, "MOM. What were you thinking getting us dressed all warm like this??? The power is still on!!!??? Can we take these clothes OFF???" While I said, "No. Be quiet. Watch TV. Be happy you are warm."
7:06 - The bus came and went in the light with no power outage. Boo. Hiss.
7:59 - Baby is still asleep as I type this. OR she has long since suffocated in her room - which may be too hot.
That's my update. Thanks for the read.
Here's the POST SCRIPT.
1. There is a saying about being prepared (I can't think what it is and it doesn't matter) and it is a lie. When you are prepared what you are PREPARED for is not going to happen. That is God's sense of humor. He loves you, but He also needs a good laugh every once in a while.
2. What used to be called black-outs are now called BROWN-outs. Did you know this? I learned it yesterday and was frankly amazed that no one had more to say about this. What is up with this? This fact was not lost on my kids. After my boy child Know-It-All told this fact to everyone, my girl child said, "Why are they called brown-outs, mama? Aren't WE brown? Are we OUT now? Oh, wait. Were black people OUT before? Because that's not right, either." To which I answered (because I know everything), "I have no idea, baby. But, I agree. It is fascinating."
3. The Punxsutawney ground hog's name is Phil. (This next fact is from the same girl child who was talking in #2). He lives with his two brothers named Phillip and Larry (no, not really Larry, I just can't remember the other one's name and him being named Larry is just funny). Which prompted more questioning, "Mama, why are two brothers named Phil and Phillip? Dont' you think that's weird? Would you do that to us?" To which I answered, "Yes, baby I think that's weird. Mama is not going to have anymore babies, but if I were I would never do that to you. I am not THAT crazy."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
What could be MORE fun than rolling black-outs?
Rolling black-outs with four kids. So, you should know by now that I don't do cold weather well. In fact, I don't DO cold weather. I summon my inner bear and eat and hunker down and basically do my best impersonation of hibernating. This can be difficult to manage when you have children for whom you are responsible. Before you start saying, "Well, she should live here in the north where it actually gets cold. She should have to experience really frigid temperatures. She is such a whiner...blah, blah, blah." I LIVE IN SOUTH TEXAS. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO GET COLD. I LIVE HERE FOR A REASON. Okay, enough said.
So, let me just fast forward my whole life (from when I was born in Michigan and may have actually liked cold weather, to when I moved here, to when my blood apparently thinned to the consistency of..........something really thin, etc., etc., etc.) to this morning and here's what happened.
5:45 - My alarm rang and I could tell by how I was sweating even though the ceiling fan was on that it was cold as a witch's ah-hem outside. Now, you are probably thinking, "What??? That doesn't make sense and that's weird of her not to make sense. She always makes sense." Well, let me give you a quick lesson in South Texas Two Story House Heat. See apparently contractors (and I am sure all the contractors that read my blog will comment about this) in Texas are not familiar with HEATING IN A TWO STORY HOUSE. Because as anyone here will tell you - - it don't work right. We set our thermostat at 68 degrees and it ends up being about 190 degrees upstairs and 40 degrees downstairs. It's like the heat is "averaged" over two stories (and I am no math major). So, on super cold nights my hubby and I sweat it out in our room (which just happens to be the absolute hottest in the winter - imagine the Sahara Desert and you will have a good idea) while the kids are moderately warm in their rooms and the downstairs remains cold enough to blow steam out of your mouth in (okay I tried to fix the grammar in that sentence and I am just too cold to think that hard).
5:50 - I got up, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs to assess the cold. I decided It Was Cold.
5:55 - I was drinking my first cup of joe and already had the stove fired up for pancakes (if that brings to mind Laura Ingalls Wilder - you are not that far off the mark). I decided to make hot chocolate for the peeps as well. Their love for me grew exponentially when I decided that.
6:00 - I poured a second cup of coffee and marveled at how "ahead of schedule" I was (that my friends is always a mistake and God invariably lets you know).
6:20 - My pancakes and hot chocolate came out great and I decided to wake the small peeps so that they could begin what would take a million years - DRESSING FOR COLD WEATHER.
Now, I digress for a minute to tell you that just as I hate cold weather - - my kids hate it MORE. They refuse to put clothes on most of the time (even the nine year old - which can be quite problematic) and seem to never feel the temperature as it really is. So, often my kids can be seen all winter long in flip-flops, t-shirts, and jeans........outside...........when it's below 70 degrees. This yanks my chain like nobody's business. I mean there is no quicker way to tick me off (if you are one of my small peeps) than to refuse to wear warm clothes. Where does this stem from? I'll tell you. The phone call I got from a dear sweet kindergarten teacher years ago after my girl child refused to wear her big, beautiful, brand spanking new, pink coat all winter.
It went something like this:
Teacher - Ms. D?
Me - Yes.
Teacher - This is a very delicate matter...
Me (thinking) - Oh GAWD. What have they done???
Teacher - The kindergarten teachers would like to take up a collection to buy C. a coat because we have noticed that she doesn't wear one to school.
The rest of the conversation is not important. What is important is that since then I am like The Coat/Appropriate Cold Weather Clothes Nazi.
So: It takes a good night-before prep, along with early morning hours to get my kids to dress appropriately in cold weather. It came as no surprise, then, that when I hustled into the kids' bedrooms to wake them at 6:20, my boy child asked me if Old Navy would be open that early.
"WHAT???" I tried to be patient and answer. And I suddenly had that Your Good Mood Is About To Change feeling. If you are a mom - you know the one.
It was then that he told me he had lost his ONE COAT and could we make a quick trip to Old Navy to buy one!!!
"SAY WHAT???" I politely and patiently screamed, "YOU DID WHAT???? THE COUNTRY IS IN AN ARCTIC DEEP FREEZE THAT HAS NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE THE DINOSAURS RULED THE WORLD, AND YOU LOST YOUR COAT???? AND GOOD LUCK AT OLD NAVY. #1. THEY ARE NOT OPEN, AND #2. THEY HAVE SWIMSUITS OUT NOW."
6:35 - The small peeps came downstairs looking like one homeless boy, one small girl in several layers of clothes but managing to look warm, one smaller girl (who may have Sensory Issues - or she's just Difficult) who was loudly grumbling and loudly complaining about having to wear long-johns and pants and was already shivering and she was only downstairs, and one baby who had already managed to take off her WARM pajamas and whose teeth were chattering as she said, "Cold, mama, cold, mama, cold, mama."
6:45 - I heard on the radio for the third time that morning that it was 17 degrees outside - wind chill 7. I grumbled to myself that why can't I just have normal children who like to dress warmly???
6:47 - Just as I had sent this motley crew BACK upstairs to brush teeth and swoosh mouthwash, and I was going to finish up lunches, find hats and gloves, and make sure if they didn't have coats that at least their extremities wouldn't be frost bitten - THE POWER WENT OUT IN A ROLLING BLACK OUT.
Which I have since learned is going to happen in order to save energy and money (oh, good because I love to save money and energy............BUT NOT WHEN IT IS FREEZING AND I HAVE FOUR KIDS WHO ARE NOT COOPERATING ANYWAY), and that "We Can Help" by turning down our heat and being patient." (To which I again say - oh, good I love to help and be patient, yada, yada, yada.)
6:47-7:06 - Lots of screaming and wandering occurred. Baby felt compelled to scream continuously, "Mama, TURN ON THE LIGHTS. I CAN'T SEE." I tried to make sure everyone had at least a sandwich in their lunch, and find hats and gloves, and the kids did their fair share of screaming and fighting over flashlights.
7:06 - The bus picked up the kids in the pitch dark. Bubby had no coat and was seriously pitching a FIT about wearing his super cute Old Navy beanie that he said looked "dorky." Girl child flatly refused to wear her hoodie, but agreed to wear her vest. She said she didn't need gloves and no, she was not scared of winding up in the hospital due to extreme frost bite. The smaller girl child was STILL grumbling about pants and shoes. And the baby waved to the bus driver in the dark, from the door, wearing nothing but a diaper.
7:10 - I was back upstairs again (with baby back in her pajamas) looking longingly at the bed waiting for there to be enough light for me to see whether or not it was going to be worth it to dress and be productive.
So, let me just fast forward my whole life (from when I was born in Michigan and may have actually liked cold weather, to when I moved here, to when my blood apparently thinned to the consistency of..........something really thin, etc., etc., etc.) to this morning and here's what happened.
5:45 - My alarm rang and I could tell by how I was sweating even though the ceiling fan was on that it was cold as a witch's ah-hem outside. Now, you are probably thinking, "What??? That doesn't make sense and that's weird of her not to make sense. She always makes sense." Well, let me give you a quick lesson in South Texas Two Story House Heat. See apparently contractors (and I am sure all the contractors that read my blog will comment about this) in Texas are not familiar with HEATING IN A TWO STORY HOUSE. Because as anyone here will tell you - - it don't work right. We set our thermostat at 68 degrees and it ends up being about 190 degrees upstairs and 40 degrees downstairs. It's like the heat is "averaged" over two stories (and I am no math major). So, on super cold nights my hubby and I sweat it out in our room (which just happens to be the absolute hottest in the winter - imagine the Sahara Desert and you will have a good idea) while the kids are moderately warm in their rooms and the downstairs remains cold enough to blow steam out of your mouth in (okay I tried to fix the grammar in that sentence and I am just too cold to think that hard).
5:50 - I got up, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs to assess the cold. I decided It Was Cold.
5:55 - I was drinking my first cup of joe and already had the stove fired up for pancakes (if that brings to mind Laura Ingalls Wilder - you are not that far off the mark). I decided to make hot chocolate for the peeps as well. Their love for me grew exponentially when I decided that.
6:00 - I poured a second cup of coffee and marveled at how "ahead of schedule" I was (that my friends is always a mistake and God invariably lets you know).
6:20 - My pancakes and hot chocolate came out great and I decided to wake the small peeps so that they could begin what would take a million years - DRESSING FOR COLD WEATHER.
Now, I digress for a minute to tell you that just as I hate cold weather - - my kids hate it MORE. They refuse to put clothes on most of the time (even the nine year old - which can be quite problematic) and seem to never feel the temperature as it really is. So, often my kids can be seen all winter long in flip-flops, t-shirts, and jeans........outside...........when it's below 70 degrees. This yanks my chain like nobody's business. I mean there is no quicker way to tick me off (if you are one of my small peeps) than to refuse to wear warm clothes. Where does this stem from? I'll tell you. The phone call I got from a dear sweet kindergarten teacher years ago after my girl child refused to wear her big, beautiful, brand spanking new, pink coat all winter.
It went something like this:
Teacher - Ms. D?
Me - Yes.
Teacher - This is a very delicate matter...
Me (thinking) - Oh GAWD. What have they done???
Teacher - The kindergarten teachers would like to take up a collection to buy C. a coat because we have noticed that she doesn't wear one to school.
The rest of the conversation is not important. What is important is that since then I am like The Coat/Appropriate Cold Weather Clothes Nazi.
So: It takes a good night-before prep, along with early morning hours to get my kids to dress appropriately in cold weather. It came as no surprise, then, that when I hustled into the kids' bedrooms to wake them at 6:20, my boy child asked me if Old Navy would be open that early.
"WHAT???" I tried to be patient and answer. And I suddenly had that Your Good Mood Is About To Change feeling. If you are a mom - you know the one.
It was then that he told me he had lost his ONE COAT and could we make a quick trip to Old Navy to buy one!!!
"SAY WHAT???" I politely and patiently screamed, "YOU DID WHAT???? THE COUNTRY IS IN AN ARCTIC DEEP FREEZE THAT HAS NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE THE DINOSAURS RULED THE WORLD, AND YOU LOST YOUR COAT???? AND GOOD LUCK AT OLD NAVY. #1. THEY ARE NOT OPEN, AND #2. THEY HAVE SWIMSUITS OUT NOW."
6:35 - The small peeps came downstairs looking like one homeless boy, one small girl in several layers of clothes but managing to look warm, one smaller girl (who may have Sensory Issues - or she's just Difficult) who was loudly grumbling and loudly complaining about having to wear long-johns and pants and was already shivering and she was only downstairs, and one baby who had already managed to take off her WARM pajamas and whose teeth were chattering as she said, "Cold, mama, cold, mama, cold, mama."
6:45 - I heard on the radio for the third time that morning that it was 17 degrees outside - wind chill 7. I grumbled to myself that why can't I just have normal children who like to dress warmly???
6:47 - Just as I had sent this motley crew BACK upstairs to brush teeth and swoosh mouthwash, and I was going to finish up lunches, find hats and gloves, and make sure if they didn't have coats that at least their extremities wouldn't be frost bitten - THE POWER WENT OUT IN A ROLLING BLACK OUT.
Which I have since learned is going to happen in order to save energy and money (oh, good because I love to save money and energy............BUT NOT WHEN IT IS FREEZING AND I HAVE FOUR KIDS WHO ARE NOT COOPERATING ANYWAY), and that "We Can Help" by turning down our heat and being patient." (To which I again say - oh, good I love to help and be patient, yada, yada, yada.)
6:47-7:06 - Lots of screaming and wandering occurred. Baby felt compelled to scream continuously, "Mama, TURN ON THE LIGHTS. I CAN'T SEE." I tried to make sure everyone had at least a sandwich in their lunch, and find hats and gloves, and the kids did their fair share of screaming and fighting over flashlights.
7:06 - The bus picked up the kids in the pitch dark. Bubby had no coat and was seriously pitching a FIT about wearing his super cute Old Navy beanie that he said looked "dorky." Girl child flatly refused to wear her hoodie, but agreed to wear her vest. She said she didn't need gloves and no, she was not scared of winding up in the hospital due to extreme frost bite. The smaller girl child was STILL grumbling about pants and shoes. And the baby waved to the bus driver in the dark, from the door, wearing nothing but a diaper.
7:10 - I was back upstairs again (with baby back in her pajamas) looking longingly at the bed waiting for there to be enough light for me to see whether or not it was going to be worth it to dress and be productive.
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