Thursday, January 30, 2014

How To Be (Kind of) Productive On A Snow Day in 19 Steps.

1.  Set your alarm for your usual 5:30 a.m. because when you go to bed, although it is colder than a witch's nipple, there is still no sign of snow or ice.

2.  When the alarm rings at 5:30, turn it off because you are getting up.

3.  Spring out of bed one hour later when you wake back up and realize you are screwed if there is no ice and the kids actually have school.

4.  Turn on the TV to see if there is indeed school.

5.  Listen to the brilliant south Texas weathermen say things like, "Water freezes at 32 degrees," and "Black ice is the most dangerous kind."  Briefly think about stabbing them.

6.  After watching for a full 10 minutes (you could have been getting coffee) hear the newscaster say, "There are too many school closures to announce them all.  Please check your district website for updates."

7.  Wait another 10 minutes for your laptop to boot up and actually connect to the Internet because apparently everyone else is at home accessing the Internet.

8.  Find out your kids don't have school because there is an 1/8 of an inch of ice (not black) on one overpass in south Texas no where near your kids' school.

9.  Go back upstairs to brush your teeth so you can still be productive with four kids underfoot.

10.  Lay down in your bed for just five more minutes.

11.  Wake up another hour later and decide you still have time to be productive.

12.  Go downstairs to find you are out of coffee, eggs, and flour.

13.  Preheat your truck for 30 minutes so that you can go to the store to buy food for breakfast.

14.  Check your email to find that several friends also have a snow day.  Most of them actually have snow.

15.  Fool around on the interwebs.

16.  Decide you can still make it a productive day by getting to the store.

17.  Go shopping.

18.  Spend the rest of what is left of the morning making six people breakfast, eating like you've not eaten in days, cleaning up, and sweeping multiple times (because five of the six people go in and out repeatedly looking for "black ice").

19.  Look at the clock which says past noon.  Wonder when the troops will be hungry again.  Decide to spend the rest of the day surfing the net.  (Productively, of course.)


jamiew said...

My productivity got stuck in the polar vortex, possibly wearing your snuggie.

Monica said...

@jamiew - I like that comment a lot. i will expand it by commenting: Friday, January 24 was swallowed by the polar vortex. it was last seen wearing my snuggie. two effects: 1. I am cold. 2. I am still doing things that were on Friday's to-do list. damn. the. cold.

Mind Margins said...

I have never understood those wacky days when it snows SOUTH of us here in Dallas. We're NORTH. North = cold = snow. South = warm = margaritas. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Monica said...

@mind margins - no lie. I cannot make sense of it either. in fact, my brain quits making sense of things when the temp goes below...40. and you have reminded me of something I saw on the internet when I was being productive. it said, "in texas we do not salt our roads. we salt our margaritas." THAT is something I can understand and support.

Raylea said...

All of it. Exactly. And #8 rings true for your northern friends too...all the way up here in Oklahoma. Why must we cancel school because the rural roads are impassable? The entire district is IN THE CITY!!

Monica said...

@raylea - when I am superintendent of schools I will never cancel school unless the snow is blocking my path to my laptop and ice has collapsed all internet lines (the internet runs on lines, right?). count on it.