Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Thanks, hubby. Now we are all gonna die.

So, we celebrated our twenty-third wedding anniversary by going to see The Conjuring - a horror movie *based on fact*.  Because what says enduring love like that?

No spoiler alerts, but it's one of those movies about demonic possession that could happen.  Think The Exorcist, Insidious, Amityville Horror (all those happened just like the movie showed, right?).  And, like all horror movies it has a really scary doll in it along with a seemingly harmless childhood game (clap and find which is like hide-and-seek) that turns into an invitation to terror.

My personal creed after seeing movies like this is to not really "discuss" them or think much about them because I don't want to incite the demons.  Y'know?  Perfectly rationale.

But, it doesn't matter, y'all.  The demons are here and I didn't even open my mouth.

Hubby had the nerve (it's like he's screaming, "Come and get me.  I'm not scared.") to text me this yesterday: 
He texted it, so that means he was with it.  You are in imminent danger, hubby.
I nearly $hit my pants.

Then (after I had only semi-recovered from that) last night after making a running leap into my bed and quickly covering up with my blankets, I finally fell asleep.  ONLY to be awakened by Girl 3.

Girl 3:  Mommy, I'm scared.

Me:  Of what?

Girl 3:  I was playing hide and seek in a big box in my dream and it was really scary.  Can I sleep with you?

Perfect.  You guys - I'm sure my days are numbered.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Of course she does.

We have a four year old who can be a bit of a challenge.  So, we have decided to be proactive in discussing the upcoming 2013-2014 school year.  This was our conversation today:

Hubby to Girl 3:  When school starts this year, remember you are going to behave appropriately, right?

Girl 3:  Yup.

Hubby:  Listening to the teacher, respecting the other children, obeying the teacher.  Right?

Girl 3:  Yup.

Me:  When the teacher asks you to do something what should your response be?

Girl 3:  YES, SIR!

Me:  And, on the off chance that you have a female teacher?

Girl 3:  I MEAN, YES MA'AM!

Hubby:  And, how do we treat our friends?

Girl 3:  We buy them lots of ice cream!

Hubby (snickering):  Before we buy them ice cream.


Hubby:  And, you remember consequences, right?  For inappropriate behavior?

Girl 3:  Hmm.  What are consequences again?

Hubby:  Like no night-time book, or losing movie, or losing family time?

Girl 3:  Oh, yeah.

Hubby:  Or losing your birthday!

Girl 3 (giggling wildly):  I CAN'T LOSE MY BIRTHDAY, SILLY DADDY!

Me:  Well, remember we talked about your birthday party and how you need to show us some appropriate behavior before we can decide whether or not you can have a birthday party?

Girl 3:  Oh, yeah.

Me:  Tell daddy where you might want your party.


Hubby:  And, what kind of party?

Girl 3:  You mean what kind of theme?

Hubby:  Yeah, I guess.  What kind of theme?


Monday, August 5, 2013

They say the first 23 years are the hardest. So, I guess it's smooth sailing from now on?

Yesterday was my twenty-third wedding anniversary.  Don't do the math.

We celebrated by going to see a movie.  At the theater.  It was kind of hard to remember what to do at a theater since we haven't been to one in about as long as we've been married. 

I got two free movie passes from a parent of a child who was in my class back in January and we decided to use them yesterday. 

Here's how it went pretty much from start to finish.

1.  We had to decide on what movie to see (after a seven day decision making session on what to do had been made).  Here were our choices (as I remember them).
  • Some movie about a Japanese-type monster who tries to take over the world that my 11 year old son saw a few weeks ago at a birthday party.  A birthday party for 11 year old boys.  So, that one was nixed pretty much right away.
  • A Smurf movie.  Um, nixed.
  • A movie with two guys facing in opposite directions each holding guns(?).  Yes, I think they were large guns.  So, an action film to celebrate 23 years of marriage (at least a few of them happy)?  No.  We have four kids, so that means we've seen just about all the action we can handle.
  • A movie about a boy living with his divorced mom who has an asshat boyfriend played by Steve Carrell.  Hmm.  Could be good.  So, naturally hubby nixed it.  (Just kidding, hubby.  Kind of.)
  • A vast array of foreign films.  See the thing about foreign films on your 23rd wedding anniversary (I'm guessing) is that you could wind up with subtitles (hubby hates them and I admit, it is kind of like work on your anniversary), or a lesbian love scene which (although, I'm sure hubby *might* not mind) could be a little awkward.
  • The Conjuring.
So, yes.  We went to see The Conjuring which we both wanted to see.  Because what more appropriate way to celebrate 23 years of marriage than seeing a demonic horror movie that is *based on fact*?

2.  The last movie hubby and I saw together at the theatre was What Lies Beneath.  That was roughly 13 years ago and it might have also been to celebrate our anniversary.  There are a few things that have changed in movie theaters since then.
  • I didn't step in gum.
  • It apparently isn't awkward anymore to sit right next to someone you don't know
  • I guess that's because there are large armrests now on every seat?  I kept waiting for someone to say, "Please put your trays in the upright position and prepare for take-off."
  • The smallest bucket of popcorn you can buy costs more than the actual movie ticket and it could feed about eight people.
  • There is a Starbucks in the movie theater.
  • There is beer sold in the movie theater which in my opinion is depriving a lot of people of some good old fashioned ingenuity.  Kidding!  Kind of.
3.  Hubby and I acted like old people a lot. 
  • We chose a matinee so that there would be no danger of falling asleep during the movie.
  • We agreed to have 'a movie and dinner' rather than 'dinner and a movie.'
  • We both brought sweaters and spread them on our legs.
  • We whispered in hushed voices during several parts of the movie.  But, since we are both deaf we just ended up shouting to each other during the movie.
  • We both commented when we saw small children at this movie, "My God.  Who would bring their kid to this movie???  What the hell is wrong with them???"
  • We both wanted them to, "Turn it down for Pete's sakeWe're deaf, but not that deaf."
  • We shook our heads at the party-ers in front of us who left about 12 empty beer bottles in their chairs after the movie.
  • We both got up to pee.  One of us more than once.
  • We both commented upon leaving that, "It feels like we've been in here forever."
4.  The movie was pretty good and I'm glad we saw it.  If you are an old timer here you know that we love horror movies and the more *based on fact* they are, the better. 

I wish I could give you a movie review and in fact I promised my sister a movie review on this blog.  But, I just can't. 

Because here's the thing about a movie like The Conjuring:  You don't talk about it afterward.  You try to pretend you never saw it.  Because if you think about it too much (or God forbid talk about it), it could happen to you.   

The movie was good, we ate fattening bad-for-you food afterward, and we talked mostly about our kids.  Was it a great day?  Yes, it was.  After you've been married 23 years it's not so much what you do, but just the company of each other.

I love you, hubby.  And I hope we make it to 24!