it's a short list

So, today I am a few years past my thirtieth and a few years closer to my fiftieth.  Yes, that makes me a little dizzy.  If you're anything like me, after a certain age you might not want to even celebrate your birthday anymore.  It's just kind of another day that you'd rather just slip by so that you don't have to face the realization that you are one day closer to your imminent death (yes, I am the epitome of optimism). 

But, hubby is really great at buying me gifts and celebrating.  And the kids start asking way in advance if I'm gonna have a party with a pinata (um, no).  Hubby asks me what I want a few weeks before my birthday and just buys what I tell him.  Romantic?  No.  Practical?  Yes.

This year was no different.  I had kinda gone overboard buying myself Christmas gifts so I tried to really keep it simple.  So, I got some low-key, but great stuff that I really wanted.  I got another really warm scarf in a fabulous color because we have been having cold weather down here in south Texas and I hate cold weather.  I got some funky earrings that I've been wanting.  I got a Pay Day from the Boy Child because he could afford that and he knows Pay Days are one of my guilty pleasures.  I got some wonderfully smelling stuff from Bath and Bodyworks.  And hubby has a great sense of humor so he wrapped everything up in this fabulous bright pink tote (with an amazing number of pockets) that we got as a free gift for donating to a charity and gave all the gifts to me in that.

But, (everyone always has a big butt, right?) here's what I didn't get that I really wanted.  I didn't put any of this on the list, but I'm telling you guys.  So, if you can, help a sista' out?

The Unstated Real Birthday List

1.  I want my boobs back where they used to be.  And, while they (whoever's gonna do this for me) are at it, I'd also like them a titch larger than they are right now.  Y'know just to help me get some attention when I need it?

2.  I want my hair not to do this weird thing it's started doing called:  Growing right out of the front of my head.  WTH?  Is that some sort of old thing?

3.  This one is kinda for women only:  I'd like to be On the Cycle Again or Completely Off the Cycle instead of just every 78 days, or every 14 days, or every 112 days, or anytime my body thinks it's time again.  Yeesh.  I am ready to say good-bye to fertilehood for good.

4.  I'd like to be able to remember shiz without writing it down.  It's kind of annoying to have a memory that is only three seconds long.  And I am kinda tired of Girl 1 always accusing me of having early onset Alzheimer's.

5.  I'd really love to be able to text without my bifocals.  OLD PERSON ON BOARD.  Yeah, that's me.  Yeesh.  Embarrassing and cumbersome.  Oh, and I'd like to be able to text as fast as a tween.

6.  I want the skin on my hands back.  I have developed in the past five years this weird old people skin on my hands and I don't really like it.

7.  These dark circles under my eyes and wrinkles on my forehead need to be cleared up.  (I'm thinking when they are working on my boob concerns they can just skip up to my face and fix that.)

8.  I'd like my acute hearing back from the 80's.  Now, I've never really had great hearing.  If you're a long term reader you know that one of my greatest fears is going completely deaf by my fifties.  So, I'd really just like to be able to hear.  Everything.  Like a superpower.  Or, just like a regular human.

9.  I'd like to be able to drink the amount of beer I want without it going directly to my belly in record time.  Remember the good 'ole days when you could stay out all night drinking and not feel any repercussions?  Yeah, I want those days back.

10.  And, just because I'm a stickler for even numbers.  I'd like to eat all the chocolate I want just once.  Doesn't everyone want that?

11.  Oh, and one more.  I'd really like to get the rest of my life figured out.  Seriously?  What am I going to be when I grow up?  (I'm sure hubby would like me to figure that out, too.)

So, friends.  Happy birthday to me!  Don't worry - I won't put candles on my cake.  Safety first! 

Crack German Dark Chocolate Cake (presumably with gluten)

I blame my brother for my latest indulgence in dark chocolate gooiness heaven.  He had to have a birthday.  Damn him.  My brother's favorite cake is German chocolate and I have a tradition of making him a cake.  It used to be a box cake.  Then a few years ago when I got snappy and decided to give up as many preservatives as I could, it became homemade.

I went through a few German chocolate cake recipes, y'all.  And, although they were good - I think German chocolate cake is supposed to be a bit less sweet (and less moist?) than regular chocolate cake.  If you are a professional reading this post, please tell me if I am mistaken.  Because my cakes were coming out less sweet and slightly dry, I cannot tell you that I was really in love with any of the recipes I tried.

Last year the German chocolate cake I made had about 25 eggs in it, so I renamed that one Heart Attack Cake.  And, for all those eggs, it wasn't all that great.

Well, this year with the help of a good friend I made Crack Cake (named that by me because it is habit forming within seconds of eating it and you might go to jail when someone tries to eat your piece and you stab them with a fork).

It is hands down the best chocolate cake I have ever eaten.  In my life.  (And I've tried a lot of chocolate cake just ask my waistline.)  If you try it and it's awful then clearly it is because my cake making skills are awesome and superior to yours.  Since we all know that's not true, then you should make it and it will be habit forming for you as it was with me.

Here's the recipe (from the box of Hershey's Especially Dark Chocolate):  Don't blame me if you need rehab afterwards.

Hershey's Especially Dark Chocolate (Habit Forming) Crack Cake

2 c sugar
1 3/4 c flour (I used cake flour because I had some in the pantry and it said "cake flour.")
3/4 c Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa
1 1/2 t baking powder
1 1/2 t baking soda
1 t salt
2 eggs
1 c milk
1/2 c vegetable oil
2 t vanilla
1 c boiling water

Heat over to 350.  Grease and flour two 9 inch round baking pans (I used a 9 x 13 because my kids hate coconut and it's easier for them to scrape off their frosting - and put it on my cake - when there is less to scrape.).  Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a large bowl.  Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes (I beat mine way longer because I went to pay some bills - I am a genius multi-tasker - and forgot the Kitchen Aide was on).  Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin).  Pour batter into prepared pans.  Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.  Cool 10 minutes, remove from pans to wire rack.

There is no Nutrition Information on this one.  I'm gonna estimate the calories from fat at somewhere around 1000 (especially since you're gonna want about five pieces).

We had about four pieces leftover that my family took home and they were DELISH the second day.  (Not that I ate all four pieces the second day.) 

Family report on the cake?  Hubby - who doesn't really care for chocolate - damn him - said it was super yummy.  Girl 1 said she liked German chocolate cake frosting now.  Girl 2, 3 and Boy Child ate it without frosting and with ice cream and said it was good.

I've been using the same recipe for the frosting for years because it is super easy and I can almost remember all the ingredients.  Here is the frosting recipe.  It's delish - not that this cake even needs frosting.  It would be excellent with a steaming hot cuppa joe.

I'll be working out a little more this week in an effort to work off the calories from this cake.  I don't say this much, but y'all, it was so yummy it was worth every calorie.

Happy eating!