The purge of summer 2017 in which the wii "disappeared."

As a mom of four, wife of one, I get blamed a lot.  It's my fault when someone doesn't eat breakfast or lunch and is starving and can't wait for dinner.  It's my fault when laundry (that's not mine) stays wet in the washer for 24+ hours.  It's my fault when there's a schedule "miscommunication" and someone has to walk (no one ever has had to walk, but we've done our fair share of unenforceable threatening).  It's my fault when someone doesn't get the item they needed from the grocery store (because I'm a mind reader and can predict everyone's needs and wants).  And on and on.  If we're all honest, it's rarely my fault.  But, sometimes it is.

So, last summer I committed possibly my worst "parenting" (and I say "parenting" because it mostly just affected my kids) mistake to date for which I am still occasionally blamed.

Summer 2017, my son became a minimalist.  He researched it, decided it was for him, and then decided that everything but his bed, desk, technology, and a few clothes were not essential.  Then he encouraged us to start getting rid of our nonessential items crap.  I sorted through things I hadn't seen since the 80's, made piles, put things in boxes, and made about 20 trips to Goodwill.  The minimalist thing worked for us since I like to throw everything away and hubby could stand to throw a lot away.  Also, we are six people living in a teeny, tiny house.

While all of this was happening, we were building a tiny (tinier) house in the back for said son and we were also remodeling our kitchen.  The entire kitchen was packed into boxes and moved into the living room and a fine layer of dust was on every.  thing.  (In case you are wondering, I am still married.)

We also went on two vacations (one out of state) and did all the normal things we do during the summer.  To say that this was stressful does not adequately describe the state of the chaos.  There were boxes for our boxes and in those boxes were more boxes.

We microwaved food  in the living room (where our microwave perched on three boxes) for so long that when we finally moved the microwave back into the kitchen on the brand new black granite countertops, we still headed into the living room to microwave food.  Our dog stopped barking at the workers, and we just got used to people being in our house from 7 to 7.

Anyway.  In the midst of all of this, we got a flat screen TV.  We had said goodbye to our beloved tube TV months before, and finally purchased a flat screen.  When we put our tube TV to the curb for bulky pick-up I had diligently separated out the VCR (yes, we had one), DVD player (because we got a new one of those, too), and what I thought was just a TV contraption thingie and put them all in a box to go to Goodwill.  I distinctly remember (although no one in my house verifies this) asking everyone to go through the box to make sure nothing of value was in the box before I took it to Goodwill.  My story is that this went ignored by all family members.  Their story is that I never asked anyone anything and that I just threw random things in boxes and took them to Goodwill.

Well, eventually the kitchen was finished, we had "minimalized" the house, and we were ready to set everything back in its place.  The kids decided to play a relaxing game of Super Mario to celebrate and they asked me where the Wii had gone.  I said I wasn't sure to look in the boxes that were left.  No one could find the Wii.  Eventually I asked what the Wii looked like.  I'm pretty sure they described the TV contraption thingie that I took to Goodwill.  And that's when the yelling, hysteria, crying, and blaming started.

MOM GAVE THE WII TO GOODWILL.

CAN YOU BELIEVE MOM GAVE THE WII TO GOODWILL?

MOM DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A WII LOOKS LIKE AND SHE GAVE IT TO GOODWILL.

WE DON'T HAVE OUR WII ANYMORE BECAUSE OUR MOM GAVE IT TO GOODWILL.

DAD - MOM GAVE THE WII TO GOODWILL!

CAN WE GO TO GOODWILL AND BUY IT BACK?

I swear to God.  It's been almost a year and there is still hate about the Wii.  My 15 year old daughter (self-proclaimed Super Mario expert - I'm not sure what level, but she knows everything about Super Mario) is about to purchase a new/used Wii with her own money and my kids are crazy excited about the prospect of having a Wii again.

As you could guess, I haven't missed the Wii (God knows I couldn't even recognize the damn thing).  But I must say a part of me is looking forward to hearing that catchy Super Mario tune again and maybe practicing my dance moves with Just Dance.

It took a long time for the kids to forgive and forget not bring this up on a daily basis.  There was a little retribution a few weeks after the Wii was discovered missing.  I went to do my favorite ab/core workout video and all I could find was the DVD cover.  At that point all the boxes were unpacked so I could not imagine where it had gone.  Then it occurred to me.  It was in the old DVD player.

I was pissed.  I regretted putting the tube TV to the curb.  I regretted putting all the old crap in boxes.  Hell, at that point I considered going to all the 27 Goodwills in our city and hunting down our Wii and DVD player, and our VCR for that matter.  I thought about the great deal someone got on our Wii and the DVD player.  With my favorite DVD in it!  

I take responsibility.  I mistakingly gave a perfectly working Wii to Goodwill.  But, like many people, I have served my sentence.  Karma played her hand and there went my DVD that kept me in shape.  I now have no core muscles and no visible abs.  I tell my kids, "Mom has served her time."  I lift my shirt slightly to show my muffin top and silence ensues.  The kids shrink out of the kitchen mumbling indecipherable comments.  Sometimes the gods just put everything in place.

Case closed.  Score even.

The end.

House of Addiction

Step 1:  Admit you have a problem.

Hubby and I tore through season one of The Following on Netflix in record time.  Then we had a brief reprieve in which I think I worked and blogged and then season two of House of Cards came out and I've been on the campaign trail ever since.  It's exhausting.  We have one more episode to go and today I find myself digging out of a TV hole that's a few months thick. 

So, hello!

Remember when I told you I didn't care for Dexter too much and then I kind of changed my mind and then hubby tore through all 107 seasons and it ended and I was mildly sad?  Well, after season two of House of Cards I think I have it all sorted out.

Dexter (and actually The Following) were totally predictable.  We all knew (no spoiler alert - because really even if you haven't finished Dexter admit you know how it will end) that every single episode Dexter would find a way out, right?  He couldn't die because then the show would um....be over?  And what good would he be to his show if he were in jail?  So, it was kind of like a soap opera.  I missed or slept through quite a few scenes in a few episodes, but I was still able to keep up.  And I always knew how it would end. 

Same with The Following.  Once I figured out that Kevin Bacon was not Rob Lowe, I really didn't have much thinking to do.  Sure some people I had grown fond of die (again, admit you knew that would happen), but I'm still waiting for something totally unpredictable to happen.

Enter House of Cards.  I slept through a lot of season one and even told hubby I didn't like it much.  It was too political. 

Me to my former self, "Duh.  And:  You are stupid." 

Well, now I've decided it's really the only politics I care about.  Because of my irresponsibility during season one we had to watch the entire season again before watching season two so that I could refresh my memory and catch up to speed.  At first hubby admonished me but then he admitted he had forgotten entire scenes, too.

To any people under 30 reading my blog, "Old age sucks.  And sometimes it takes a lot of time.  Try to make a lot of money before you are old so that you will need less time to work because everything else (like watching TV) will take more time than it does now."

Here's why I love House of Cards. 

1.  Kevin Spacey.  That's acting.  Or is it?  Because sometimes I think he's just as heartless in real life as he is on TV.  Seriously.  He's on my list of People I Never Want to Meet.
2.  Robin Wright.  I have no short term (or long term) memory, so it took me all of season one to realize she was married to Sean Penn (which - why does he look like he's 110?).  If I cut my hair short in the next few months, I blame her.
3.  HOC is so compelling that I have been paranoid since starting season two/one.  Coupled with The Following and The Good Wife (which we watch on good 'ole regular TV), I'm sure our phones are tapped, my Facebook account is hacked, there are hidden cameras in my house, and the NSA is passing on relevant information about my dog to Homeland Security.
4.  I've finally learned what whip the votes means and I might be able to pass some sort of third grade government test.  Thank you, Netflix, for this edumacation.
5.  Remy Danton.

Easy.  On.  The.  Eyes.  Suit is optional.

6.  Excellent one liners.  There's even a website dedicated to the one-liners.  And it appears this website is sponsored by "Live Life By The Faith of Christ."  I say "appears" because I was scared to click the link (because my laptop is bugged).  Anyway - if The Faith of Christ sponsors the website dedicated to the one liners from HOC that is irony at its finest.
7.  It makes me miss Damages less.  Two shows about people without scruples.  The only difference I can see so far is that Damages had a few characters who were basically good. 

So, there you have it.  I've been busy and I'll be the first to admit - I probably need an intervention..

In the midst of all the TV politics we had a real life election.  I voted but it was kind of anti-climatic.  Many politicians' machines called me asking for my vote.  I hung up on all of them.  I'm waiting for Frank Underwood's office to call because, although I don't agree with Frank's psychotic politics, I can't wait to put this campaign bumper sticker on my car:

(in 2016.)

Any Way You Want It. Or, just the way I remember it?

It's not my fault.  When this kind of stuff happens for real, it's just no wonder I get confused.

I fell asleep on the couch last night watching Sherlock and I woke up to see an Asian man with long glossy hair and perfect teeth talking to a camera saying, "I am living a dream.  I did not think this could be possible.  And I love cooking.  Right now I am making some kind of Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese food that is not kimchee and looks delicious."  I made up that last part because he was speaking in a foreign tongue and I wasn't awake enough to read the subtitles. 

It took me about a minute to realize this wasn't Sherlock.  Then the craziest thing happened.  This tiny Asian man started singing Journey.  Had this not happened right on the heels of seeing Lang Lang performing with Metallica, I could have sworn I was in an alternate universe.

Me:  Babe are you in here?

Hubby:  Yup. 

Me:  Who is this Asian guy?  What are we watching?  I was watching Sherlock and I woke up in an alternate universe.

Hubby:  He's some guy that sings Journey better than Journey.  And you are not in an alternate universe.  You are on the couch where you have fallen asleep the last five nights in a row at about 8:15.  I changed the channel when I realized you were asleep.  Again.

Me:  Right.  But who is he?  Is this real?  What are we watching?

Hubby:  Yes.  This is real.  I'm not sure I didn't see the first part of the show - because you were "watching" Sherlock.  We are now watching Independent Lens. 

There's many reasons why I confuse things so frequently in my head (mostly I blame it on the sheer number of things I have to remember at any given point in time).  Part of the reason I am so screwed up in my thinking is that we often stumble upon great shows halfway into the show.  (That's what happens when you still watch TV in real time and you get sleepy a lot.  Apparently.)  So, I blame great shows like Independent Lens that try to teach me something and I also blame hubby (naturally).  (Specifically I blame his degree in trivia with a minor in B.S.) 

We finished watching the show (which was great) and here's what I went to bed knowing (kind of):

1.  I hated Journey in high school.
2.  I still hate Journey although I have great respect for their lead singer (?) who Did Not Stop Believing. 
3. This was some sort of dream realized for him.
4.  Sometimes dreams come true but you probably need a YouTube account for this to happen (this was confirmed for me this morning - as in - you do need a YouTube account for your dreams to come true).
5.  As hubby said first, "He sings Journey better than Journey sings Journey."  (I just think that's a quote worth repeating.  Over and over.)
6.  This guy did not get to sing lead for Journey because someone in the "real" Journey died. Rest easy - no one in Journey has died, right?
7.  Hubby (generally as good as a small Google for trivia) was fairly useless in ascertaining any more information without the aid of his "smart" phone.  He never saw Journey in concert and he didn't really like Journey much either.
8.  The Asian man is Filipino and I think everyone in the Philippines turned out for his homecoming concert in which he sang Journey better than Journey.
9.  When he sang Don't Stop Believing I almost liked it.
10.  Independent Lens can make you love Journey even if you hate it.

So, after we were in bed hubby decided to look up some more trivia about Journey.  I already know some of this trivia is going to come back to haunt me (probably later today).

Hubby:  So, did you know Randy Jackson used to play with Journey?

Me:  Holy CRAP.  I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE SURPRISES TONIGHT.  ARE YOU LOOKING AT THE REAL INTERNET OR A FAKE INTERNET THAT'S TRYING TO MESS WITH ME??? 

Hubby:  No.  I'm looking at the real Internet.

Me:  I cannot believe this!  Was that before or after Pulp Fiction?

Hubby:  No.  Randy Jackson.  You're thinking of Samuel Jackson.

Me:  Oh, right.  Are they brothers because they really look alike?

Hubby:  No.  Samuel Jackson is a movie star.  Randy Jackson sang with Journey and a bunch of other bands and now he's on American Idol.  And he's a spokesperson for Nutrisystems.

Me:  Oh.

Hubby:  I'm just kidding.

Me:  So, he wasn't with Metallica?  I mean Journey?

Hubby:  No, he was with Journey but he's not a spokesperson for Nutrisystems.  As far as I know.  But, he did lose about 200 pounds.

Me:  You suck for messing with my already messed up mind.  Speaking of music, you know that guy that just died Pete Seeger? 

Hubby:  Yup.

Me:  I'm so sad. 

Hubby:  Before you ask me, he doesn't sing the song you love Night Moves.  That's Bob Seger.

Me:  I knew that.  But Pete was his dad, right?

Hubby:  Um, no.

Me:  I was KIDDING!

Hubby:  Right.

 

Here's to TV giving me something to blog about when I'm not watching TV.

So, probably my kids went back to school and wrote their proverbial "What I Did On Christmas Vacation" paper like this:

"Over Christmas vacation I stayed in my room and gamed while my mom sat glued to TV like a meth addict on........meth.  The end."

Forget the polar vortex, I was in my own personal TV vortex. 

And this vortex came right on the heels of the frenzy of Season 3 of The Killing.  It's no wonder I'm exhausted.  I think you all know how I feel about The Killing (if you don't - it could be expressed with the emoticon of a cat roller skating carrying a huge heart) and Joel Kinnaman AKA Stephen Holder.  (And if you don't - I'm marrying him when hubby dies.  ((Shhh.  Don't tell John.))  Meanwhile, I'm a stalker.)

So, how did the TV watching stack up?

First hubby had to finish all freaking seasons of Dexter.  Here's my deal with Dexter.  I don't really like it.  I liked it the first couple of shows and then I quit liking it.  I cannot stand Dexter's sister.  Or the detective that always wears the hat.  Or his girlfriend/wife Maria.  Or the other Rob Loweish/Keven Baconish (more on how interchangeable they are later) detective that slept with Dexter's sister.

I do, however, love Dexter.  I love his clever lines and his personality mirrors my own (except for the serial killer part).  So what's not to love?

Why do I watch if that's all I like?  Partly because it's like a train wreck for me and partly because hubby is addicted (although he'll deny it).  Season 4 is out and so we had to watch all of Seasons 2 and 3.  Must.  Keep.  Watching.

Downton Abbey.  I made a noble attempt (which reminded me of someone trying to save themselves from the Titanic) to watch Seasons 2 and 3 between December 26 and this past Sunday when the new season came out on PBS.  I didn't make it.

But, I couldn't keep myself from listening to David Bianculli's review of the first episode of Season 4 on NPR though so now I know some of the juiciness from Season 3 even though I'm still not done with it.  Damn NPR.  (No self control.  That's me.)  And, by the way, I want Bianculli's job.  Sit and watch TV all day (which is what I do now), and then get to discuss it, and get paid for it (which is what hubby wished happened)?  Is that legal???

There is nothing about Downton Abbey that I do not love.  I watched so much over vacation that I was addressing hubby as, "My Lord."  I can't say he hated it?

And, Downton Abbey makes me feel so refined and less sleazy about all the other crap I watch.  It's like a food cleanse after you've eaten 20 Big Macs.

The Following.  So, I kinda got addicted to this by accident.  As usual, I blame hubby who I think  happened on it after I'd succumbed to sleep around two o'clock in the morning after watching about eight episodes of Dexter.

I had no respect for Kevin Bacon after his sex tape scandal of the eighties.  Then hubby informed me that that was Rob Lowe.  (Both of them have that look shared by what'shisface on Dexter, apparently.)  But, I still can't erase the horrors of Sleepers from my mind every time I see Bacon on screen.  (I know that's legit.)

I don't recommend The Following if you are suspicious by nature because then I think you would end up committed - to a mental institution (not a good man).  And after about the fifth or was it the eighth? episode it's getting on my nerves.  Really?  Everyone is out to get Bacon?

I've had to put this show on hold though because while I've had my nose so far up Netflix' a$$, the spring season of MY REGULAR SHOWS came out.  Alas, I already missed one.  Sorry, Mr. Reese!

So, that's it friends. 

If it weren't for my TV life, I'd have no life at all.

Bad things happen in 3's...or 13's...or 33's. But who's counting?

So, you might have known that back in January while hubby was out of town with work, our microwave (that we'd had for about 11 years) broke. 

That was the beginning of the end.

For about one day after it broke, I felt just like a pilgrim while I actually cooked everything.  On the stove.  (Pilgrims had stoves, right?) 

Then after much furious texting between hubby and I (while he was in some "important" meetings) about how much microwaves cost "nowadays," I texted hubby from Lowe's:  Babe, the cheapest microwave is $120.00 and it looks like it would hold one bag of single serve popcorn.  I *think* it belongs in a hotel.  A hotel where only one person will be staying.

About 15 minutes and $260 later, I walked out with a sleek, stainless steel, working microwave that can *almost* hold a 9 x 13 pan.  Damn my faulty measuring.

That's when it all went down the crapper.

The complete list of everything in our house that has broken since the 11 year old microwave died in January:

1.  The air conditioner.
2.  The water heater.
3.  My trusty, dependable 20 year old hair dryer.
4.  The puppy.
5.  The garbage disposal.  Seriously?  Whose garbage disposal up and breaks???  I swear I didn't even put a fork in it.
6.  The cheese drawer on the ancient (white) fridge.  Firstly, who still has a white fridge?  Secondly, I know this isn't a real "break," but damn it if it isn't annoying to not be able to close that drawer properly.
7.  The Keurig.  (Thankfully hubby was able to fix that before I had to even miss one cup of coffee.  Thank you, hubby for not making me kill anyone.)

And, today I came back from my run to this:

Hubby:  The TV broke while you were gone.

$%&*#%  $%&*%$ is what I said.

Seriously?  I feel like I want to bury a saint in my front yard or go to a curandero, or have my house blessed.  Again.  Cheesus, Mary, and Joseph.  Someone cut me a break.

Photo courtesy:  forums: redflagdeals.com  I bet you didn't even know people still had TVs like this.  We do and now ours is broken.  If you hear screaming it's us being dragged into this century by force.

I'm not a detective. I only play one on TV.

I miss you guys, but I'm in the middle of a-ton-o-work and a serious addiction that looks like this:

Step 1:  Admit you have a problem.

My name is Ms. Day In The Life and I am addicted to The Killing. 

(Because it's an addiction, I will have to write a long post about it when I'm done with Season 2.  That's your warning and my apology.)

For the crime obsessed...

Forgive the change of pace of this post.  I've been in a bit of a seasonal funk lately.  I promise to come out soon.  Meanwhile, I am going to share some awesome crime TV with you.  Yes, you read right - TV.

So, I have always been obsessed with murder, crime, police work, trials, and basically anything to do with criminal justice (or injustice as the case may be).  Naturally it would have made sense for me to go into this line of work.  Since, I am apparently not natural -  I didn't.  And now I live my life vicariously through television characters whose exciting lives are imbued with the criminal element.

If you are a "regular" you know that hubby and I live somewhere in the 80's technology-wise.  So, we have what's called Basic Cable.  This means basically (hence the name) that when the show is actually broadcast - you watch it.  Very simple.  There is no room-to-room TV, there is no DVR, there are no 5,000 channels.  There is just, simply, ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, FOX, and a few nude women on the Spanish channels.  If you happen to turn the TV on and there is a show you want to watch on there - you sit on the couch and watch it.  I know that now-a-days shows can be watched on the laptop, but that is problematic.  If I couldn't watch it when it was on, how the hell am I supposed to be able to watch it later??? 

Thankfully, being the crime fanatic that I am this old-school TV has always worked out quite well for me.  I am happy to report that some of the best crime shows have been on the major channels.  Through the years I have been able to be a HUGE fan of: NYPD Blue, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, and, of course, ANYTHING Law & Order.  In more recent years I have also become fairly addicted to PBS Masterpiece Mystery (I will risk sounding very old and corny). 

So, that's what I love about TV.  Here's what I don't love about TV:  sit coms - in 29ish years I have found maybe two sit coms that I could watch, dramas - pretty much hate 'em, hospital shows - I have an irrational (although, sometimes quite rational) fear of hospitals so I never want to watch hospital dramas, reality TV (but, I have been known to watch Millionaire Matchmaker because I *might* love her no-nonsense potty mouth), and ALL CITY CSI's - HATE them all.

Now, what's the point?  The point is:  This season has SUCKED.  Elliott Stabler went away, Law & Order suddenly went CSI in their technology for solving crimes (more about that later), all the shows got rearranged, and there are a bunch of new shows that aren't worth a DAMN.  I have been forced to:  sit through an entire episode of Whitney (blech) without even a snicker, tolerate a finger identification that took less than five seconds on Law & Order, go to bed at 8:00, and read about 5 novels since the new season started.  I was just beginning to think there was no redemption when I stumbled upon Maria Bello in Prime Suspect. 

If you have not watched This Show and you are a crime fanatic - get busy and watch it.  It is fabulous.  It is based on the UK version (of course) starring Helen Mirren.  First of all, I am in love with Maria Bello.  She looks great while fighting crime, she has a potty mouth, she's sarcastic, she hates to cry, she thinks she sucks at love, and all her male co-workers are secretly (or not) hot for her.  What's not to love? 

Secondly, crimes are not solved in the high-tech world.  They are solved the old fashioned way (which I suspect is still The Way in Real Life) called Great Detective Work.  On last night's episode, it took three days to get results back on a fingerprint and that was about the time the killer had already made his secret not-so-secret by attempting to shoot everyone up.  The reason I hate CSI is because while it pretends to be true crime, it is mostly high-tech crime solving that I am not sure ever happens in the real world.  Seriously.  Did you know on the British crime shows the cops aren't even armed?  Love.  It. 

Thirdly, the rest of the acting is great and the story line is clean.  It's not a lot of senseless chatter and other story lines.  It's basically one crime and one crime solved - with brains.  And, a little hard drinking thrown in for good measure.  Remember alcoholic Andy from NYPD and how hard it was for him to go sober?  Who that loves true crime did not love that?  THAT was a real cop character.  And, that is what Prime Suspect reminds me of.

So, why the bitching about this season's line up?  Well, we are not in the UK apparently, and I cannot fall in love with American remakes of UK shows.  Because - the show will be cancelled.  Looks like it will be a winter of even more good books for me.  Crime lovers - catch it while you can.  Happy Watching!