Boy Child: We had a sub today. It was Ms. So and So. She's so nice. I think she's my favorite sub ever.
Girl 2: Isn't she the one who has a strict policy of no screaming?
Boy Child: Yes. She's so unbelievably patient. I really like her.
Girl 2: Oh my gosh. I love her.
Me: Really? You love her? Isn't that a bit strong? Y'know for a sub? But I guess the no screaming thing sounds like a good policy. Is she young?
Boy Child: No. She's a retired teacher. I think she's about 67. And, really mom. Lots of kids love her.
Girl 1: Oh, yeah. She's super, super nice. I wish I had been in her class when she was still teaching.
*more gushing about said substitute teacher*
Boy Child: Yeah.....she's nicer than you, mom.
Girl 1: Aw. That's kinda mean. I don't think she makes chocolate chip cookies like mom................at least I don't think she does. At least she hasn't brought them to school.
Me: I'm right here. I can hear you.
So, I bring you - The Top 10 Ways I Am Nicer Than A Substitute (Kinda..........depending on what kind of day I'm having and who the substitute is)
10. I don't feel pressured to wear holiday sweaters or jewelry. I just do it out of pure love for the holidays and the kids.
9. I have a disobedient dog who is an asshead, but I don't run him over with my Yukon because the kids love him.
8. When I see kids I know in the supermarket and my cart is full of beer and tampons, I don't hide. I go right up and say, "Hey! Don't I know you?"
7. I don't need a lesson plan that someone else wrote to direct my day. I fly straight by the seat of my pants. Usually this involves something nice. And fun.
6. I have a strict policy of no screaming. Instituted Monday through Friday between the hours of midnight and 2 a.m.
5. I don't rely on the "know it all" in the room to tell me what to do. I just know instinctively what I am supposed to do.
3. I usually know all my kids' names.
2. I can nicely improvise better than frat kids on quarter drink night.
And the top reason why I am nicer than a substitute:
1. I make chocolate chip cookies.