Boy Child: We had a sub today. It was Ms. So and So. She's so nice. I think she's my favorite sub ever.
Girl 2: Isn't she the one who has a strict policy of no screaming?
Boy Child: Yes. She's so unbelievably patient. I really like her.
Girl 2: Oh my gosh. I love her.
Me: Really? You love her? Isn't that a bit strong? Y'know for a sub? But I guess the no screaming thing sounds like a good policy. Is she young?
Boy Child: No. She's a retired teacher. I think she's about 67. And, really mom. Lots of kids love her.
Girl 1: Oh, yeah. She's super, super nice. I wish I had been in her class when she was still teaching.
*more gushing about said substitute teacher*
Boy Child: Yeah.....she's nicer than you, mom.
*dead silence*
Girl 1: Aw. That's kinda mean. I don't think she makes chocolate chip cookies like mom................at least I don't think she does. At least she hasn't brought them to school.
Me: I'm right here. I can hear you.
So, I bring you - The Top 10 Ways I Am Nicer Than A Substitute (Kinda..........depending on what kind of day I'm having and who the substitute is)
10. I don't feel pressured to wear holiday sweaters or jewelry. I just do it out of pure love for the holidays and the kids.
9. I have a disobedient dog who is an asshead, but I don't run him over with my Yukon because the kids love him.
8. When I see kids I know in the supermarket and my cart is full of beer and tampons, I don't hide. I go right up and say, "Hey! Don't I know you?"
7. I don't need a lesson plan that someone else wrote to direct my day. I fly straight by the seat of my pants. Usually this involves something nice. And fun.
6. I have a strict policy of no screaming. Instituted Monday through Friday between the hours of midnight and 2 a.m.
5. I don't rely on the "know it all" in the room to tell me what to do. I just know instinctively what I am supposed to do.
4.
3. I usually know all my kids' names.
2. I can nicely improvise better than frat kids on quarter drink night.
And the top reason why I am nicer than a substitute:
1. I make chocolate chip cookies.
13 comments:
I think you are better than a substitute because you willing put up with me and my crew when we blowing into town every-so-often. Oh, and the cookies are good too.
when my kid says "so&so is nicer than you" i reply with: "perhaps you should live with so&so and see if they will trim your filthy toenails for you."
@shannon - well, the consensus is that i am nicer than some subs, but not all subs. i'll take it! @jamiew - do you see who stuck up for me? kind of. i am only going to trim her nails from now on.
I bet your no screaming policy makes you popular with the neighbours ;P
@kellie - omg. that and the asshead puppy who helps neighbors with the "gardening." cheesus. don't you wish you lived by me?
I think your dog might actually be related to my cat. And I don't run him over either.
@celeste - y'know the kids would just never forgive us. yesterday i gave puppy a bath while he tried to do gymnastics and humping all over my leg with mud and mulch on him (yeah, we bonded) and i must say today much of my hatred is gone.....well, MUCH might be a tad strong. good luck with kittie!
Oh my gosh, not running over your asshead dog with the Yukon has me in nonstop giggles. Lol!
@elle - i'm pretty sure that puppy owes me his life time and time again. although, after being with girl 3 for just a few minutes i am sure he wishes he'd been euthanized at least a few times daily.
Being my daughter's teacher (once a week) AND her mom (all the friggin' time) has made me wish I could hire a substitute once in awhile - for the mom duties, not the school ones. But I would hire a mean one, so she would appreciate me more. I certainly wouldn't hire you because your reluctance to run over the dog proves that you are far too nice. Plus, you are hilarious, and I would NOT want her comparing us in that area!
~whatimeant2say
@whatimeant2say - i am afraid my kids think i am "mean" and "not really that funny." in fact, they often say in a deadpan voice, "mom, that was not funny. at all." (as i am laughing my a$$ off at something i've said.) boo. that does not make me like them.
Monicaaaaaaaaa! Ahem. Sorry, been a while since I did any blog reading a little over excited to be here. You are SO much better than a sub. The subs when I was at school were taken advantage of if they were too kindly anyway. Guess I went to a rough school ha!
@weeza - glad to see ya, lady. thanks for the read - i know you must have a lot to catch up on and i am honored that you stopped by. ;o) hugs!
Post a Comment