Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Why dinner with my family can be like the eye of a hurricane only without the rain.

I vowed to be a better blogger and just as soon as I did, I broke my vows.  Good thing I've done a teensy bit better with my marriage vows.

Here's the thing - I can't think of anything to write.  I have an enormous writer's block on my head.  And, I've been flirting with a migraine for two days.

I *might* have the beginnings of a migraine because spring break for all four of my kids is next week and they all have had spring fever since the middle of February (what???).  They've taken to saying school is almost over.  Frankly, I don't know what that means.

I think it means that their brains are already on vacation and when this happens monkey brain takes over.  And, monkey brain (as you should know if you've ever been to the zoo) causes the body to not  behave at all.

I have found these last few days that it takes tremendous effort to want to be in the same room with all the kids at once.  It's often felt like I think those reporters feel when they are broadcasting from the eye of the hurricane.  I imagine they feel like it's difficult to talk or think, it's dangerous, and at any moment everything might blow.

Sample of our "dinner conversation" (if you can call it that).  I suggested a family rule that we are all going to strive to keep:  No interrupting.  Why did I do that?  Because I am a glutton for punishment.  (I was interrupted about six times while making the rule.)

Girl 2:  I did the P.E. challenge thing today and I did 24 sit-ups.

Me:  Wow.  24?  That's...

Girl 1:  Not to be mean (which is what she now says instead of no offense because no offense "is in fact offensive") but, I doubt very much that you can do 24 sit-ups.

Me:  That's great!  Girl 1, stop being snotty.

Girl 2:  I CAN TO DO 24 SIT-UPS.

Girl 3:  I can do 24 sit-ups, too.

Girl 1 to Girl 3:  Ha!  Not to be mean, but I doubt you even know what a sit-up is.  Because you're four! 

Girl 3:  NOT TO BE MEAN, BUT I DO KNOW WHAT A SIT-UP IS AND I CAN DO 24 SIT-UPS!  In fact, I think I can do a million.

Girl 1:  Hahahahaha!  Not to be mean, but I know for fact that you can't even count to a million because you can't even count to TWELVE!


Does this make you want to be with these people?  And furthermore, does this make any sense?

So, that's why I have a big writer's block that is painful and makes my head hurt.  And, also it might be dangerous and at any moment knock over this tiny bridge on which I am standing.

But, I did want to bring you this because it makes me laugh so hard every time I watch and I've already watched it about a million times because I have really needed a laugh (and not to be mean, but I can count to a million) .  Cheers!


Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

That clip is hilarious!

Shannon said...

I told you not to have four kids, didn't I? Your dinner table sounds just like ours. C is the one who is a "Meanie Pete" maybe that is my fault because I always called him "Sweetie Pete" when he was a baby. Can you at least get your kids to sit down? G's butt hasn't hit the dinner chair all week. He sort of stands next to it and dances while I tell him over and over to sit down. Gah!

jamiew said...

oh em gee...
1. quit being so hard on yourself, for the love YOU HAVE 4 KIDS.
2. my kid says "no offense" before spewing his passive aggressive commentary on a regular basis.
3. for Shannon: mine also cannot seem to sit on his butt for a meal, i'm thinking of removing his chair entirely, and attaching a feedbag to him.

Anonymous said...

I love the part where he says having a 4th kid is like you're drowning... and someone hands you a baby! Love it. Not enough to have 3 more kids, though.

Monica said...

@kellie - isn't it damn funny. he is coming to my town in a few days and i am trying to remember to tell hubby that we need to see him for $100 bucks a ticket. @shannon - oh, gawd. the dinner table has been just like an auction where everyone is bidding and one person is calling and it's ca-razy until someone screams "sold to the lady in the white stained t-shirt!" just. nuts. @jamiew - i. love. james. AND the idea of the feedbag. that is brilliant. @whatimeant2say - don't you want to die when he says that line? it's so true. and if you have four kids it's funny and just a teensy bit painful in it's truth factor. ;o)

Nomads By Nature said...

Hope you get to go and see this guy live - he is a riot! I only have two kids, but with the puppy and the teen-ridgeback I might as well claim I have four. Five even, when hubby is a mess too.

Monica said...

thanks, nomads. i know the feeling - most days there are six people to manage here. ;o) and i'm not a really good manager. ;o) with so many expenses of just regular life, i am not sure seeing this guy is in the books, but we'll see. cheers, friend hope you are doing well.