Friday, September 21, 2012

If you were a nail clipper would you be with one sock?

Random list #257.

Things I am always either buying or ranting about because they disappear like we live in an Amityville Horror house.

1.  Socks.  Duh.  Thank you, Captain Obvious.
2.  Nail clippers.  Jesus Christ (and I am seriously asking Him), where do they flippin' go?
3.  Matches.  Why?  Will our house spontaneously combust one day due to all the lost match boxes lighting themselves?
4.  Igniters (or whatever they are called).  We buy literally millions of these because we always lose the large match boxes we buy.  Yes, we have a gas stove and yes, we have a lot of fires in our fire pit out back.
5.  Girls' hair brushes.  Now, with three girls I can sorta understand this, but really?
6.  Safety pins.  Now, no offense, but I can say about safety pins what I say about cops - Where are they when you need them?
7.  Scotch tape.  I do tape a lot of crap, but is it necessary to have this on the list weekly?
8.  Mechanical pencils.  I understand we do have four small people who do a lot of school work but it seems I should buy stock in Bic.
9.  Game pieces.  Sometimes I feel a little like a crazy person when I obsessively count game pieces before putting the game back in the box.  Only to open the box the very next time to find missing game pieces.  Yes, this will eventually drive a person insane and should be used in warfare as a form of torture.  My kids largely ignore the rants I have about missing game pieces.
10.  Hair ties.  Again, I know I have three girls, but where do the hair ties go?  When I die and the house is sold will the new people find this huge pile of hair ties somewhere that I have missed?
11.  Flashlights.  Everytime the power goes out we buy like 15 the next day.  They are gone by the time the power goes out again.  Are the flashlight makers and power controllers in bed together?  Because it *kinda* seems that way.

If for no other reason then I don't know where this sh*t goes, if you find any of the stuff listed above please consider sending it back to me.  Thanks.

17 comments:

jamiew said...

i'm not bragging, but i usually have about 75% of this list in my purse. which i never need about 75% of the time. i should just empty the contents of my purse on your porch.

Monica said...

@jamiew - please do. seriously? i am sending boy child on his bike to your house the next time the power is out. even if it is the middle of the night. expect it. oh, and what can you bring to the next fire pit? THE MATCHES.

Jae said...

I'm with Jamie - I'm not bragging, but I have most of this in my bag at all times. And like Jamie, I rarely need it. Weird...

MInd Margins said...

Being a teacher for 20 years, the missing game pieces thing could send me over the edge. Especially when I taught PK and K, I had to obsessively check the game boxes after the kids had free time. I even saved old game pieces just so I would have some spares for the next school year. Years later, when I moved up to 5th grade, they were on their own. I was done. I started the school year by telling them about all those years of hunting down game pieces for the kinder kids, and how crazy it made me. They knew if any of the pieces were missing to deal with it. Not my problem. They learned to not even ask because I would give them the evil teacher death stare.

Alyssa said...

I think this stuff hangs with my stuff wherever this kind of shit goes. I cleaned and moved, and still can't find my toenail clippers... I'm wondering if my boys eat this stuff in their sleep, since they eat anything else that isn't moving.

Monica said...

@jae - i admire any woman that carries an igniter in her purse. ;o) @mind margins - yeah, i had kinda blocked that memory about my teaching days, but now i do recall that it was quite the thing to send my head spinning. @alyssa - good luck with the clippers. i just bought a pair yesterday and i am positive they will be gone by the time someone actually needs to use them.

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

This is a fabulous list, and so darn true.

Anonymous said...

If you would like to pay for an X-ray of Wonderbutt's stomach, I am sure that we will find all of the missing items - and more.
~whatimeant2say

Monica said...

@leigh - can you believe we lost THREE girls' hairbrushes in the span of ONE MONTH. seriously? i need to put chips in those damn things. @whatimeant2say - ha! omg. if we had a sh*t eating dog??? i'd have to move out...and into charter real. amiright?

Kimberly Warren said...

OMG... Nail Clippers. For real!

marrymeknot said...

Bobbi pins is a big one for me. I see them everywhere. My boyfriend sees them everywhere, until I need one...gone. Can't find em'. I used to think when you died and went to heaven you'd learn where all your fav stuff went.

Anonymous said...

Maybe we could move into Charter Real together. That would be fun, right?
~whatimeant2say

Monica said...

@kimberly warren - hubby insists on maintaining about five different sizes of flippin' clippers. it's like a goddamn sally hanson when i buy the things. so, you'd think we could FREAKIN' FIND them. but, no. @marrymeknot - we should combine households. i know for fact i have about 75 bobby pins purchased last halloween and still with the face paint because i just looked. you could give me some matches in exchange. k? @whatimeant2say - ha! charter real would never. be. the. same.

Kathy Perez said...

I bought a massive pack of 200 hair elastics and put them on my bedroom door knob, both sides of the bathroom door knob, in a small container on my dresser and various other places. The piles are slowly disappearing along with my hair pins and safety pins...I'm the only female in my house where the heck are they going?

Monica said...

@kathy perez - seriously. why are we talking about national security and the domestic economy in this election??? the real hot topic should be: WHERE IS ALL OUR SHIT GOING??? i suspect china. AMIRIGHT?

Paige said...

great list! so true!

Monica said...

@Paige- comforting to know I am not alone in my utter disbelief that this can happen.

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