Direct communication is always best, but if you want to leave me a water balloon in the sink I will have to draw my own conclusions.

I've been having fantasies about going to this place:



photo courtesy:  www.cancuncd.com  That's Isla de Mujeres and I really want to go there.

I've even spent some *free* time seriously calculating costs for six people and it looks affordable....if we don't eat for a few months and I don't ever get a boob job.  (Not that a boob job was ever "on the table."  But, hypothetically speaking.  The vacation would be about as much as a boob job.  So, *I guess* it's either "boob job" or "island family vacation.") 

I've even gone so far as telling hubby about this little island family vacation fantasy of mine.

He is notoriously cheap, but I thought he was completely on board with it.

Until I woke up this morning and this was in the kitchen sink:

That is a water balloon and neither the kids nor I will claim placing it in the sink.

Hubby:  Are you trying to tell me something?  

June 16. Do you know where your brain is?

This is not a real post because it's been raining down here in Texas, I have four kids who are now home for the summer, I have one ill-behaved hyper puppy, and my house is that small.  So, it's just a list (with no particular title, in no particular order).  I promise to make it up to you in August when the kids go back to school.

1.  My son graduated from fifth grade.  Fifth grade is mandatory the last time I checked, so I still don't really understand graduation.  But, there it was.  On the upside:  I didn't cry.  On the downside:  I did not get one single decent photo.  That's okay because I'm really hoping he'll graduate from high school (and possibly even college) and I figure I'll get some photos then. 

Here's a story I thought about during the ceremony (besides, of course, how much I love my son): 

A good friend's mother-in-law brought her a box of stuff one time when she came to visit.  It was some of her husband's stuff  from since birth.  Creepy stuff.  Like his umbilical cord, all his report cards, his first lost tooth, his first lock of hair. 

The MIL said simply, "I don't want this.  Do you?" 

My friend politely mumbled, "Um.  Ok."  (While thinking, "Eww.  Hell to the no.  Throw that $hit away.")

I like to think of this story (or my version of it) when I don't get a good photo.  Somehow it makes me feel less guilty.

2.  School let out on a Thursday.  We left for vacation three days later.  This planning on my part resulted in my calendars not getting changed to June until day before yesterday.  So, I lost a few days.  I'm hoping to get them back sometime when the kids are in college.

3.  I don't understand chess pie.  I love most any kind of dessert (sometimes even ones with fruit), but chess pie is basically flour and butter?  And the name?  Not appealing.  Did they play a lot of chess during The Depression?  I am going to Google its history later today (in my free time).

4.  Why is there more laundry when you go on vacation if all anyone wears while on vacation is jammies and swimsuits?

5.  While on vacation I got a case of Swollen Lip.  No, this is not a joke.  I was going to attach a photo, but then I remembered that you can't unsee something.  Just Google it (or if you'd rather remain unscathed, don't).  I haven't had this reaction since shortly after I gave birth to Girl 1.  That reaction came with hives and a bunch of other pleasant (and attractive) symptoms and eventually I needed a shot to get rid of everything (a steroid shot, although I took plenty of other shots too as preemptive measures).

I could feel this reaction coming on, but as we were *kind of* camping, there wasn't a whole lot I could do to prevent it. 

I have been taking Zyrtec to try and calm the effects of this Swollen Lip thing. 

So, what's the point?  The point is:  Zyrtec makes me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  That quick.  Ask Hubby.

It's like this:  Me, "Babe, I'm taking the Zyrtec now."  And then I wake up the next morning on the kitchen floor right where I took the Zyrtec.

How do people function on this stuff?

The sad part?  (Aside from the fact that I've basically slept through some of the first days of summer.)  I was on Zyrtec for much of Girl 1's infancy and toddlerhood.  That *could* explain A Lot.

6.  Girls 1, 2, and 3 came back from vacation with another stuffed animal to add to their collection of about 10,000.  Hubby "won" them these lovies after spending all of their college tuition money (which total was probably just around $550) gaming.  I AM DECLUTTERING PEOPLE!  DOESN'T ANYONE IN MY OWN FAMILY READ MY BLOG?

7.  Puppy is in college.  He's been to three classes and I'm not sure what he's learned, but here's what has happened. 

• Girl 3 has fallen off the back of her stool.  After standing on her stool, hubby told her to SIT DOWN.  So, she sat criss-cross on a stool and fell right off the back.  After practically bringing all of Petsmart to the back of the store with her screaming she wailed, "I was sitting down like dad said.  See?  That's why I stand up."
• Puppy has terrorized another family in the class who have a chocolate lab who is tiny enough to fit nicely inside a tortilla.  It's embarrassing and awkward.
• We've purchased about $400 worth of gadgets, treats, leashes, and collars to help train our dog.
• Countless people have told us, "Really puppy classes are for the owners so that they can be trained."  Really?  No kidding.  We might be in school for the rest of our lives, and hubby might need to get another job.

8.  Remember how I told you that my four year old never stops talking?  Well, one of the great things about summer is that now she can torture talk to others in my family besides just me.  Here was her conversation with Boy Child a few days ago.

Girl 3:  DON'T CALL ME GIRL 3.  MY NAME IS CHEETAHBELLOFTHEJUNGLE.

Boy Child:  Ok.  Hi Cheetahbellofthejungle.

Girl 3:  NO, THAT'S NOT MY NAME.  MY NAME IS PRINCESS CELESTIA!

Boy Child:  Ok.  Hi Princess Celestia.

Girl 3:  NO, THAT'S NOT MY NAME.  MY NAME IS CINDERELLA.

Boy Child:  Fine.  Hi Cinderella.  Guess what?

Girl 3:  What?

Boy Child:  I'm giving Girl 3 one million dollars.

Girl 3:  YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!  I GET ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!

Boy Child:  No, you don't.  You're Cinderella not Girl 3.

Ah, nice move, Grasshoppa.


That's all I got.  I'm going to go take my Zyrtec now and sleep until the kids go back to school.  Have a great summer!

How to Survive the Second to the Last Month of School

1.  Invest in a quality set of ear plugs.  These will be helpful for handling the increased decibel level of sibling rivalry, the incessant chatter from young children, the high decibel level of homework complaints, and the torturous wails of children who are being asked to perform a chore or necessary task.

2.  Buy a good quantity of matches to light a fire under your kids' arses.  Instead of becoming more proficient at something your kids have been doing for approximately 135 days (that is:  getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, getting their lunches together, brushing their teeth, combing their hair, and making it out to the bus in the nick of time), sometime during the second to the last month of school they will oddly regress to the stage of toddlerhood where everything must be repeated 8000 times and they move as if they have Aunt Jemima syrup running in their veins.

3.  Stock up on carbs, adult beverages, greasy and/or salty food, and chocolate and/or other sweets.  This is kind of a paradox because although you have approximately 30 days until someone might possibly have to see you in a bathing suit and way less than 30 days to actually go to a store and try on bathing suits (with bad lighting and pasty skin) and therefore you should really be trying everything to lose the 10 pounds of winter weight you have gained, the stress of the second to the last month of school is going to make you want to shovel in every morsel of not-good-for-you food that you can possibly get a hold of.

4.  Carefully launder and neatly pack away all of your kids' winter clothes items and launder all of the blankets and other linens that you are not going to need for six and a half months.  And then just pack them all away dirty and unorganized again after dragging them all back out because Mother Nature decides to leave you with just one more cold snap.

5.  Plan and pay for your summer vacation so that you can use the following threat against your kids each and every time they misbehave or act as if they are about to misbehave from now until your summer vacation:  IF YOU DON'T STOP DOING THAT (or IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME, or IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT) YOU ARE GOING TO STAY HOME ALONE WHILE WE ARE ALL ON THE WHITE SANDS BEACHES OF TAHITI.  (I use that only as an example.  If we were actually going to Tahiti on vacation this would be an alternate universe.)

6.  Begin to scope out every Vacation Bible School in the city so that you can register your kids for each and every one.  In this way your kids can be well-rounded Christians.  (I don't actually do that because once my kids attend the only VBS they have ever attended I am pretty sure that VBS puts out an APB on my kids along with their photos so that every other VBS in the city is on alert for them and is ready to put out the "full" sign should I come along with my application.)

7.  Begin to make a list of all the things that you are going to get done once school lets out for the summer.  Gradually cross things off the list because as reality sinks in they are way too difficult to achieve with kids in the home.  Add all those things to your current daily lists and stare at that until you become too overwhelmed to move.  Eat or drink some of the food or beverages referred to in #3.

8.  Spend a good eight hours painstakingly making a summer budget wherein you assess what your home needs in terms of a "face lift", research how much these items might cost, and who might do these repairs for you.  Then, patiently pay for the following things that break before you can even cash your quickly disappearing tax refund check:  the air conditioner, the water heater, the dog, the hair dryer, the printer, and the tub.

9.  Change your calendar to May even though it's still April.  (And if it was still on February - consider that a bonus.)  April is going to slide by in a blur of school events, end of year shenanigans, empty beer cans (that you can't really remember drinking), birthday parties (damn the August heat - or something -  that apparently led to 90% of my kids' friends being born in April), piles of work (some of it the result of March's procrastination), summer vacation planning, budgeting, and worthless attempts at fitness in order to fit into a bathing suit.  Most of the $hit that happens in April will not even make it on your calendar.  Trust me on this one.

10.  Remember - if all else fails, you can always homeschool next year!  (That almost always gets me into the right frame of mind to make it through the day!)

Why dinner with my family can be like the eye of a hurricane only without the rain.

I vowed to be a better blogger and just as soon as I did, I broke my vows.  Good thing I've done a teensy bit better with my marriage vows.

Here's the thing - I can't think of anything to write.  I have an enormous writer's block on my head.  And, I've been flirting with a migraine for two days.

I *might* have the beginnings of a migraine because spring break for all four of my kids is next week and they all have had spring fever since the middle of February (what???).  They've taken to saying school is almost over.  Frankly, I don't know what that means.

I think it means that their brains are already on vacation and when this happens monkey brain takes over.  And, monkey brain (as you should know if you've ever been to the zoo) causes the body to not  behave at all.

I have found these last few days that it takes tremendous effort to want to be in the same room with all the kids at once.  It's often felt like I think those reporters feel when they are broadcasting from the eye of the hurricane.  I imagine they feel like it's difficult to talk or think, it's dangerous, and at any moment everything might blow.

Sample of our "dinner conversation" (if you can call it that).  I suggested a family rule that we are all going to strive to keep:  No interrupting.  Why did I do that?  Because I am a glutton for punishment.  (I was interrupted about six times while making the rule.)

Girl 2:  I did the P.E. challenge thing today and I did 24 sit-ups.

Me:  Wow.  24?  That's...

Girl 1:  Not to be mean (which is what she now says instead of no offense because no offense "is in fact offensive") but, I doubt very much that you can do 24 sit-ups.

Me:  That's great!  Girl 1, stop being snotty.

Girl 2:  I CAN TO DO 24 SIT-UPS.

Girl 3:  I can do 24 sit-ups, too.

Girl 1 to Girl 3:  Ha!  Not to be mean, but I doubt you even know what a sit-up is.  Because you're four! 

Girl 3:  NOT TO BE MEAN, BUT I DO KNOW WHAT A SIT-UP IS AND I CAN DO 24 SIT-UPS!  In fact, I think I can do a million.

Girl 1:  Hahahahaha!  Not to be mean, but I know for fact that you can't even count to a million because you can't even count to TWELVE!

Girl 3 (in a high-pitched screamy voice):  YOU ARE A MEANIE PETE AND I DON'T LIKE YOU AND I AM NOT GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE AFTER DINNER WHEN I AM DOING PUSH UPS!!!

Does this make you want to be with these people?  And furthermore, does this make any sense?

So, that's why I have a big writer's block that is painful and makes my head hurt.  And, also it might be dangerous and at any moment knock over this tiny bridge on which I am standing.

But, I did want to bring you this because it makes me laugh so hard every time I watch and I've already watched it about a million times because I have really needed a laugh (and not to be mean, but I can count to a million) .  Cheers!

If you've seen my willpower, please send it home.

Here we are in that wayward time between Christmas and New Year's Eve when everyone is trying to: 1.  Clean the house (or, in my case, figure out how long you can go without cleaning the house before people get tired of stepping in goo, moving boxes around to eat, or wearing semi-clean underwear), 2.  Lose weight (just so you can eat without guilt in four more days), 3.  Figure out new electronics (in our case that would be a Wii - I know, not new, but new to us), 4.  Return Christmas presents you didn't really want and replace them with more crap stuff you don't really want do want, and 5.  Really just hang on psychologically until New Year's Day when you can let loose, be justified with all the looming resolutions you need to crank out on, and look forward to returning back to "normal." 

Well, I just wanted to check in with you during this sensitive time and let you know what I am dealing with (because, in the end, it's all about me).

1.  I am dealing with resisting tons and tons of sweets and chocolate.  I *might* be addicted to sweets and I *might* need an intervention and 12 step program.  Seriously.  I cannot resist all this sugar.  I am powerless against it.  Here is what stares back at me when I look in my kitchen (warning:  this list is a little obscene):  chocolate covered pretzels, an assortment of chocolate treats from a Hershey's bag, pecan sugar cookies, Christmas sugar cookies, fudge, cookies from the sweet neighbors delivered last night (because we didn't have enough), turtle pie (which is a little like heaven), Lindor chocolates, and some little green and red M&M's that are very handy and melt in your mouth not in your hands.  I have often justified eating all of these sweets by saying to myself that the sooner I eat them the sooner I will not have to deal with them anymore. 
2.  I am also dealing with lots of regular food that is not healthy.  Leftover ham (you know how much I love ham), chips of every variety, Chex Mix, and an assortment of nuts.  I justify eating this food by saying that it's healthier than eating all the food in #1.  Pretzels and Chex cereal are almost fruits and vegetables, right?
3.  I am dealing with wanting to drink lots of beer.  Partly because it's "vacation" and partly because the Wii has been running 24/7 since Santa brought it.
4.  Speaking of the Wii - I am dealing with it.  I am not a gamer, the music is annoying (but addicting), and I am not a gamer.
5.  I am dealing with the inability to exercise effectively.  This is largely (no pun intended) due to the fact that I have gained about 10 pounds and can no longer support the weight of my body.

So, in a nutshell (Which reminds me I am also tempted by a variety of nuts??? DID I SAY THAT???), if you find my willpower wandering around - SEND IT BACK.  I NEED it.  Please and thank you!

P.S. We are here. Wish you were beautiful.

So, we are back home.  You didn't even know I was gone?  Don't worry - I didn't miss you either.  ;o)  I was having TOO MUCH FUN.  If you are a regular reader you know that 2011 started out MISERABLY for me and my family.  Well, I am here to tell you that the last week of June it redeemed itself. 

I have been home two full weeks and have not managed to bring you a vacation post because 1.  We arrived home just in time for the July 4th celebrations.  2.  I have had family in town since the fourth, and 3.  My great friend at http://www.cyberbones.com/ and her fabulous family have been in town.  Whew!  So, I started this post a while back and might finally manage to finish it now!

I am not sure how to give you a vacation summary, so I am going to do it the best way I know how......................a LIST!!!  Yowza!

My Summer Vacation 2011 - or Random helpful thoughts, facts, and vacation trivia from our family to yours.

1.  Teeny tiny towns in west Texas can be scary and depressing places.  Often times there are more people at the rest stops on the way out of town than are listed on the Population "251" signs.
2.  I married lucky because I love, love, love my in-laws.  Despite the fact that they live in one of these teeny tiny towns I manage to have a fabulous time when we go visit.  I weakly (weak because I have eaten too much yummy food) offer to help my mother-in-law and when she says, "No, that's okay.  You rest."  I say, "Okay."  If that's wrong, then that's not what I did the entire time we were there.
3.  When there is an ad in the two sheet local newspaper for Star Gazing and it starts at 5:00 p.m. when the temperature is still 112, know that the star you will be gazing is......................THE SUN.  ;o)  (That's just a little star gazing tip just in case you are in west Texas someday in a teeny tiny town and you decide to head up to Copper Breaks State Park for a little "star gazing.") 
4.  Despite it's incredible beauty, another name for Copper Breaks State Park is Too Damn Close to the Sun State Park.
5.  It takes a two year old a while to adjust to "vacation time."  This adjustment will usually be complete the day you arrive back home.
6.  Have everyone pee and poop before you get back in the car to drive back to where ever you are staying after any trip out from that place.  OR stop 100 times for every 30 miles, OR have a place to thoroughly wash a car seat.
7.  Did I say I married lucky because I love my in-laws?  My kids do not annoy my in-laws and I love that.  My mother-in-law knows just what to say (or not to say) when my two year old is having a holy hell meltdown after she has peed all over her carseat, has not napped or had a decent nights sleep in three days, and nothing will calm her. 
8.  You can make a two hour road trip with four kids feel like Disneyland by taking your four kids on an eight hour road trip four days beforehand.
9.  Great Wolf Lodge http://www.greatwolf.com/grapevine/explore was my kids' paradise (and thereby mine)...or damn close.
10.  GWL developers are thinkers for several reasons - one of which - they positioned the bar right next to the baby pool.  ;o)  My GWL schedule went something like this:  swim, drink, slide, eat, sleep, repeat.
11.  Turns out you are never too old to enjoy the hell out of a water slide.
12.  All the deprivation my kids endure on a daily basis because we are broke, or because momma doesn't believe in it pays off when we go to places like GWL.  Without getting on a soapbox, I am talking about things like McDonald's happy meals and indoor play areas, tons of video games, pedicures and manicures for girls who don't have jobs, movies on demand, eating out everyday of the week, and other things that don't happen regularly at my house.  I can honestly say that my kids asked for no extras at GWL.  And know that as much as I loved GWL, it is a suck-you-in-and-eat-all-of-daddy-and-momma's-money kind of place.
13.  My nine-year old boy made me smile so hard I nearly broke my face when he sheepishly asked if he could have a Build-A-Bear too.  AND agreed to be photographed giving his wolf a "bath."
14.  That SAME boy made me smile hard again when he didn't want to leave Legoland http://www.legolanddiscoverycenter.com/dallasfw/en/plan-your-visit/how-to-find-us.htm.  I wanted to bottle that feeling I had and save it for when he does something really stupid in high school.
15.  And 15 only because I like multiples of five.  It was the best vacation to date, but there is really nothing like sleeping in your own bed after 7 days on the road.

Thanks for the read and I hope you are having a GREAT summer.  :o)

Staycation 2009

We usually take a beach vacation in the summer. We don't have big bucks and we live in Texas, so the beach is a logical, affordable vacation. This year, however, we opted for a different venue since we didn't think sand and a 10 month old would mix too well. We decided to crash my brother's gorgeous, largely empty home in Austin, and then spend some time in our very own city. So, we left two Wednesdays ago after Ed got home from work. Wednesday night we settled into my brother's house - which is just fabulous. He lives in a fairly new community in Austin that is just gorgeous. We got to visit with our beautiful and sweet niece, Lizzie, and catch up a little with my brother.Thursday morning we headed to the capitol. It was a little above the kids' heads, but they had a good time just the same. They spent a little time looking for the president and wondering why he wasn't there. ;o) We came back to my brother's and went swimming in his pool. I wish I had taken pictures of the pool (Ed napped instead of going with us which is why there are no pictures!) because it was really nice. The kids, of course, had a great time. They have turned into fish, and as long as there is a pool they are pretty much happy anywhere in the summer! We swam most of the afternoon away. Thursday evening we headed downtown. We took a little driving tour of downtown Austin and then settled in to watch the bats under Congress St. bridge. This is a spectacular sight and the kids enjoyed watching from both below the bridge and on top of the bridge. After watching the bats, we walked around downtown so that the kids could experience a little nightlife in downtown Austin (which is an adventure - like no other - in and of itself). My brother drives a cab at night and they were determined to see his cab (he already knew where we were going to be). Malcolm's vacation was made when completely joking around he yelled out "TAXI" from the bridge and lo and behold up drove my brother. It was pretty funny - even for an adult - and Malcolm is still telling the story to anyone that will listen. ;o)

We ended the day with ice cream all around.

Friday morning it was a sad good-bye to Uncle Ray and Austin. Uncle Ray took the kids to the various parks that are in his neighborhood. They loved all the cool structures and got a kick out of helping Uncle Ray walk his dog, Penny. My brother's neighborhood has some wonderful areas to enjoy nature and play.From Austin, we headed home briefly to catch a ride to our hotel in downtown San Antonio. We arrived at the Crockett hotel which is across the street from the Alamo in the afternoon. We immediately got into our suits and headed for the pool. We swam until it started RAINING - of all things! (We are in Stage 1001 of the drought, so rain is always highly unexpected). It was perfect timing for us. We'd had enough water and headed to our rooms to get ready to find some dinner. We walked across the street to eat at the mall's foodcourt, played at a downtown park, and caught a great magic show on the way back to the hotel.

Our second day downtown we toured the Alamo, swam, went to eat, took a trolley back to our hotel, had fabulous fun in front of the Magic Mirror, and toured Ripley's Believe It Or Not. It was great fun. We ate late night burgers at Fudrucker's and spent our last night of staycation full and happy. Sunday we ended the day by going to Fiesta Texas with friends. Who knew vacation at home could be so much fun???