Sunday, June 16, 2013

June 16. Do you know where your brain is?

This is not a real post because it's been raining down here in Texas, I have four kids who are now home for the summer, I have one ill-behaved hyper puppy, and my house is that small.  So, it's just a list (with no particular title, in no particular order).  I promise to make it up to you in August when the kids go back to school.

1.  My son graduated from fifth grade.  Fifth grade is mandatory the last time I checked, so I still don't really understand graduation.  But, there it was.  On the upside:  I didn't cry.  On the downside:  I did not get one single decent photo.  That's okay because I'm really hoping he'll graduate from high school (and possibly even college) and I figure I'll get some photos then. 

Here's a story I thought about during the ceremony (besides, of course, how much I love my son): 

A good friend's mother-in-law brought her a box of stuff one time when she came to visit.  It was some of her husband's stuff  from since birth.  Creepy stuff.  Like his umbilical cord, all his report cards, his first lost tooth, his first lock of hair. 

The MIL said simply, "I don't want this.  Do you?" 

My friend politely mumbled, "Um.  Ok."  (While thinking, "Eww.  Hell to the no.  Throw that $hit away.")

I like to think of this story (or my version of it) when I don't get a good photo.  Somehow it makes me feel less guilty.

2.  School let out on a Thursday.  We left for vacation three days later.  This planning on my part resulted in my calendars not getting changed to June until day before yesterday.  So, I lost a few days.  I'm hoping to get them back sometime when the kids are in college.

3.  I don't understand chess pie.  I love most any kind of dessert (sometimes even ones with fruit), but chess pie is basically flour and butter?  And the name?  Not appealing.  Did they play a lot of chess during The Depression?  I am going to Google its history later today (in my free time).

4.  Why is there more laundry when you go on vacation if all anyone wears while on vacation is jammies and swimsuits?

5.  While on vacation I got a case of Swollen Lip.  No, this is not a joke.  I was going to attach a photo, but then I remembered that you can't unsee something.  Just Google it (or if you'd rather remain unscathed, don't).  I haven't had this reaction since shortly after I gave birth to Girl 1.  That reaction came with hives and a bunch of other pleasant (and attractive) symptoms and eventually I needed a shot to get rid of everything (a steroid shot, although I took plenty of other shots too as preemptive measures).

I could feel this reaction coming on, but as we were *kind of* camping, there wasn't a whole lot I could do to prevent it. 

I have been taking Zyrtec to try and calm the effects of this Swollen Lip thing. 

So, what's the point?  The point is:  Zyrtec makes me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  That quick.  Ask Hubby.

It's like this:  Me, "Babe, I'm taking the Zyrtec now."  And then I wake up the next morning on the kitchen floor right where I took the Zyrtec.

How do people function on this stuff?

The sad part?  (Aside from the fact that I've basically slept through some of the first days of summer.)  I was on Zyrtec for much of Girl 1's infancy and toddlerhood.  That *could* explain A Lot.

6.  Girls 1, 2, and 3 came back from vacation with another stuffed animal to add to their collection of about 10,000.  Hubby "won" them these lovies after spending all of their college tuition money (which total was probably just around $550) gaming.  I AM DECLUTTERING PEOPLE!  DOESN'T ANYONE IN MY OWN FAMILY READ MY BLOG?

7.  Puppy is in college.  He's been to three classes and I'm not sure what he's learned, but here's what has happened. 

  • Girl 3 has fallen off the back of her stool.  After standing on her stool, hubby told her to SIT DOWN.  So, she sat criss-cross on a stool and fell right off the back.  After practically bringing all of Petsmart to the back of the store with her screaming she wailed, "I was sitting down like dad said.  See?  That's why I stand up."
  • Puppy has terrorized another family in the class who have a chocolate lab who is tiny enough to fit nicely inside a tortilla.  It's embarrassing and awkward.
  • We've purchased about $400 worth of gadgets, treats, leashes, and collars to help train our dog.
  • Countless people have told us, "Really puppy classes are for the owners so that they can be trained."  Really?  No kidding.  We might be in school for the rest of our lives, and hubby might need to get another job.

8.  Remember how I told you that my four year old never stops talking?  Well, one of the great things about summer is that now she can torture talk to others in my family besides just me.  Here was her conversation with Boy Child a few days ago.


Boy Child:  Ok.  Hi Cheetahbellofthejungle.


Boy Child:  Ok.  Hi Princess Celestia.


Boy Child:  Fine.  Hi Cinderella.  Guess what?

Girl 3:  What?

Boy Child:  I'm giving Girl 3 one million dollars.

Girl 3:  YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!  I GET ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!

Boy Child:  No, you don't.  You're Cinderella not Girl 3.

Ah, nice move, Grasshoppa.

That's all I got.  I'm going to go take my Zyrtec now and sleep until the kids go back to school.  Have a great summer!


Shannon said...

Dave has seen the writing on the wall and is now between me and the kids because it is no longer healthy/safe for them to talk to me. I totally understand now why my mother shoved me out the door, locked the screen, and told me to pee behind the barn and get a drink out of the hose.

Also if my husband says one more time "Babe, how about this, should we keep it or throw it?" while standing in another room, he may die. Does he seriously think I am just sitting in here dining a beer and reading a book?

Just so you know I am dropping C at your house the second we hit the hood. I am not even going to make him go visit the Uncles first. I don't really want him back. Possibly ever. Be warned.

Can't wait to see you! Not much longer.

Shannon said...

Forgot to mention that I still have pair of fake kudu horns from that box our mutual friend's MIL gave her. They are packed and headed to Oman. YAY?

Jae said...

All I got is LMAO! :) I love your family. I hope we live on the same street together long enough to see them graduate high school.

Monica said...

@Shannon - I can just hear you saying those comments and I am laughing pretty hard. Part of me is saying, "Poor, Dave." and the other part is saying, "Run, Dave." and I just about peed when I remembered the kudu horns. I had completely forgotten about that and it still makes me laugh pretty hard. @j - well, unless you guys move (or I become a best-selling author and can afford a house with a mother-in-law suite for the kids), i'm pretty sure you're stuck with us. i'm glad you love us because i'm pretty sure the rest of the neighborhood will buy my book when it comes out in the hopes that we might move. ;o)

Anonymous said...

Okay. You seriously made me snort like 7 times! That was one of your most hilarious posts EVER. And can you believe all of the rain? One of our cousins just moved here and said she's going to be clinically depressed if it does this all of the time. Like we live in Seattle or something.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and BTW, when I first saw your post title, I thought it said, "Do you know where your bra is?"

And I had to think about it.


jamiew said...

it's sad that those kudu horns are more travelled than i am, but glad they got a good home (that is not my home).
i am saving my iPhone forever because it's now become my kid's *baby-book*
i hope the technology lasts long enough so i can unload it on his future spouse.

Megly Mc said...

One more year, and you can get your hearing back, but then you'll get to field phone calls about her being "social" from the school.

I totally want to

Megly Mc said...

Ugh...that should have read, "I totally want to high-five your son", but then my son distracted me by using the hole in his underpants (yes, I've told him to throw them away approximately twelve-thousand times) as a holster for a nerf gun that I also want to throw away.

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - hubby just told me it's supposed to rain tomorrow. the upside? the river will actually have water if it ever stops raining and we can go to it? @meglymc - oh, the hole in his underpants made me chuckle out loud. sadly, I can picture that exact thing happening. @jamiew - Shannon is a sucker. (don't tell her I said that)

Adjunct Prof said...

Lol @ the whole "Where does all the laundry come from when all anybody ever wears on vacation is jammies and swimsuits?" conundrum. It's like all those socks the dryer has been secretly stashing away have suddenly re-materialized into a lot of dirty, taste-questionable Tee-shirts, lol!

WeezaFish said...

Do you know, I read your post earlier and laughed myself silly. Then one of the kids disturbed me or something, so I'm back now to comment. And of course I read the post again, so I'm right back to silly and giggly. Thanks for that :) I am stunned by the MIL's box of memories, quite deeply scary. Do you think she planned that from his birth?! "KEEP THAT UMBILICAL FOR ME! My future daughter-in-law's gonna love it" *shudder*

Monica said...

@adjunct prof - thanks for the read and comment. yeah, I like your theory on missing socks. I think my kids just dump their duffel bags right into the dirty clothes basket regardless of whether they are clean or dirty....and actually I guess i'd rather they error on the side of dirty on that one? @weeza - ah, friend - a little different huh? as soon as my kids' cords fell off they went straight in the trash (right after I gagged a little). the same for their hair and teeth. i'm just not a fan of saving that kind of stuff.