Saturday, December 28, 2013

Further evidence

Santa brought Girl 2 an American Girl Doll movie for Christmas.  Santa was tired and shopping black Friday sales, so apparently he didn't realize that the movie was about bullying.  She is not struggling with bullying and doesn't really need this message, but (I guess) Santa was thinking ahead and wanted her to know how to deal with bullying should the need ever arise?  (Thanks, Santa.)

So, me and the girls were sitting around watching the movie and hubby passed by. 

He watched for about five minutes and witnessed about five incidences of fairly fierce mean girl bullying of the main character, Chrissa.

Then, he mumbled, "If that woulda been me, this woulda been a short movie."

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Turns out Lilyhammer is the father.

Remember when I wrote Prudie about my then three year old going all Lilyhammer on us?  Well, she still does a lot of vaguely crime kingpinish stuff.  And, if I had any doubt before, I can now definitively answer the question I've asked myself, "WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?"

We're sitting around at breakfast and Boy Child says, "Yesterday at school a kid went to juvie for throwing a rock at a car."

Girl 1:  Was it a moving car or just a parked car?

(It's possibly she will go into law?)

Boy Child:  I dunno!  Does it matter?  Sheesh, Girl 1.  Throwing a rock at a car is NOT OKAY!  It doesn't matter if it's parked or moving!

(His behavior may not always exhibit his knowledge, but when it comes to what's right and wrong, that kid knows his stuff.)

Me:  Yeah.  It's really not a good idea.  Ask your dad.  He knows a thing of two about throwing rocks at cars.

I still don't know why I said that.  And, as I uttered the words, I should have known it might end questionably.

After all four kids looked expectantly at hubby like he was Santa giving out candy, he really had no choice but to start telling them a story.

The story goes like this:

Back when hubby was a tween, he and some "friends" were walking along a fairly desolate road and saw an old car a good way away.  They decided to wager on who might be able to hit the car with a rock.  So, the other boys started throwing rocks and were unable to hit the car.  Hubby picked up a rock, threw it, and they all heard a loud cracking sound.  Then they heard someone come out of a nearby house yelling.  They ran away.  A few days later some cops came to hubby's school and took him to juvie.  His "friends" had ratted him out, and they had told the cops that it was just hubby that was throwing rocks.

Hubby stopped talking and the kids were just kind of staring at us waiting for (I guess) a moral to the story.

So, I said, "THAT is why we pick our friends wisely....................Wait........................What I mean is - true friends don't rat out their friends.........................Wait.  That's not what I meant.  What I mean is - you need to decide what's right and wrong for yourself.  Don't let your friends decide for you.  Yeah.  That's what I meant........................You knew throwing rocks at cars was wrong, right babe?"


"RIGHT, babe???"

Hubby:  Of course.  Yes.  I knew throwing rocks was wrong and I shouldn't have done it.  And my so-called friends shouldn't have lied either.  But that's okay.

Looking back, at that point I should have loudly asked, "WHO'S READY FOR DESSERT?"

But, hindsight is 20/20.

Kids:  What do you mean it's okay?  What happened after that?  Did you go to jail?  Did you have to pay a fine?  Did the other kids go to jail for lying? 

(It's clear their knowledge of the criminal justice system is severely limited.)

Hubby:  Well, after that happened my mom had to go to court and pay a fine.  Because I shouldn't have messed up that guy's car.  Even though it was a beat up old car, the guy said it was an "antique."  The cops didn't do anything to the other kids.  I didn't tell anyone they were lying. 

Kids:  Well, that doesn't quite seem fair that they were throwing rocks too.  But they lied and so they didn't get in any trouble?

Hubby:  Yeah, well that's okay.  Later they met with some unfortunate incidents.

Kids:  Oh no!  What do you mean?

Hubby:  Oh, one of them repeatedly banged his face on some rocks and one of them fell down some stairs.  And I think someone beat one of them up.

A short silence followed in which the kids were deep in thought.  And then finally:

Boy Child:  Hmm.  So, I guess that's what they call karma?

Me:  Yup!  That's exactly what they call karma!  Does anyone want dessert??!!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

I think I've been nice.

Dear Santa,

(It's a short list.)

1.  Someone to come and take down all the Christmas paraphernalia, pack it up neatly, label it, and put it back in the attic so that next year we can avoid - near attic break through, miles of lights jumbled together, Christmas ornaments that never quite get put away and end up "by the phone" all year, and Boy Child using the dog's stocking because his is lost. 

If said "someone" looks like this, I will not complain.

Snap, Ms. DayintheLife!  Let's get your decorations down and organized!
2.  Downtown Abbey all seasons on Netflix.  Come on!  YOU ARE SANTA.  Or, you can buy it for me, but I already priced it at Target and it'd be cheaper to put it on Netflix.  And I bet it's on a few more people's lists?  Strategy, Santa!  Strategy!

3.  Season Four of The Killing.  Or, pay for rehab for me.  I trust you, Santa.  I know you will pick the one that is better for me.  But, remember, Old Man - Work Smart!  Rehab these days is expensive.

4.  My vision from my 20's back.  (My boobs are not on this list because they were on my list last year and I didn't get them.  So, I've decided not to be as greedy!  I am not too old to learn from my mistakes!)

5.  And, while we're talking eyes, could you make those nasty under eye circles go.  away?  Annoying!  I know you like people who help themselves (that's you, right?), so I'll tell you - I'm quite addicted to eye creams and am not above trying Preparation H.  I'll try that just as soon as I can get to the store without the five year old.  (Mom, What's a tampon?)

6.  My memory.  I can't remember if that made the list last year?

7.  Summer weather, but not with drought because I want to be good to the earth.  (See?  I've learned from my selfishness!)

8.  Don't worry, I'm almost done!  Remember Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, Santa?  Well, there was this gum you could chew and it was like a whole dinner?  And then that obnoxious girl (I can't remember her name right now - see #6) ate some and ruined it for everyone?  Well, along the same lines as the gum that tastes like something great:  I want a beer that when I drink it, it tastes like everything good about Christmas.  (And if you want to make that zero calories - feel free to delete something else that I've asked for!)

That's it!  That's ALL, Santa!  I think I've been quite conservative and I have faith in you! 

Have a Merry Christmas, Santa!

Ms. DayintheLife

P.S. - I will practice extreme self-control and not eat your cookies!