Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Turns out Lilyhammer is the father.

Remember when I wrote Prudie about my then three year old going all Lilyhammer on us?  Well, she still does a lot of vaguely crime kingpinish stuff.  And, if I had any doubt before, I can now definitively answer the question I've asked myself, "WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?"

We're sitting around at breakfast and Boy Child says, "Yesterday at school a kid went to juvie for throwing a rock at a car."

Girl 1:  Was it a moving car or just a parked car?

(It's possibly she will go into law?)

Boy Child:  I dunno!  Does it matter?  Sheesh, Girl 1.  Throwing a rock at a car is NOT OKAY!  It doesn't matter if it's parked or moving!

(His behavior may not always exhibit his knowledge, but when it comes to what's right and wrong, that kid knows his stuff.)

Me:  Yeah.  It's really not a good idea.  Ask your dad.  He knows a thing of two about throwing rocks at cars.

I still don't know why I said that.  And, as I uttered the words, I should have known it might end questionably.

After all four kids looked expectantly at hubby like he was Santa giving out candy, he really had no choice but to start telling them a story.

The story goes like this:

Back when hubby was a tween, he and some "friends" were walking along a fairly desolate road and saw an old car a good way away.  They decided to wager on who might be able to hit the car with a rock.  So, the other boys started throwing rocks and were unable to hit the car.  Hubby picked up a rock, threw it, and they all heard a loud cracking sound.  Then they heard someone come out of a nearby house yelling.  They ran away.  A few days later some cops came to hubby's school and took him to juvie.  His "friends" had ratted him out, and they had told the cops that it was just hubby that was throwing rocks.

Hubby stopped talking and the kids were just kind of staring at us waiting for (I guess) a moral to the story.

So, I said, "THAT is why we pick our friends wisely....................Wait........................What I mean is - true friends don't rat out their friends.........................Wait.  That's not what I meant.  What I mean is - you need to decide what's right and wrong for yourself.  Don't let your friends decide for you.  Yeah.  That's what I meant........................You knew throwing rocks at cars was wrong, right babe?"


"RIGHT, babe???"

Hubby:  Of course.  Yes.  I knew throwing rocks was wrong and I shouldn't have done it.  And my so-called friends shouldn't have lied either.  But that's okay.

Looking back, at that point I should have loudly asked, "WHO'S READY FOR DESSERT?"

But, hindsight is 20/20.

Kids:  What do you mean it's okay?  What happened after that?  Did you go to jail?  Did you have to pay a fine?  Did the other kids go to jail for lying? 

(It's clear their knowledge of the criminal justice system is severely limited.)

Hubby:  Well, after that happened my mom had to go to court and pay a fine.  Because I shouldn't have messed up that guy's car.  Even though it was a beat up old car, the guy said it was an "antique."  The cops didn't do anything to the other kids.  I didn't tell anyone they were lying. 

Kids:  Well, that doesn't quite seem fair that they were throwing rocks too.  But they lied and so they didn't get in any trouble?

Hubby:  Yeah, well that's okay.  Later they met with some unfortunate incidents.

Kids:  Oh no!  What do you mean?

Hubby:  Oh, one of them repeatedly banged his face on some rocks and one of them fell down some stairs.  And I think someone beat one of them up.

A short silence followed in which the kids were deep in thought.  And then finally:

Boy Child:  Hmm.  So, I guess that's what they call karma?

Me:  Yup!  That's exactly what they call karma!  Does anyone want dessert??!!


Nomads By Nature said...

So if the law don't get ya, Karma will. (That's why we named a new dog, Karma -- figured if anyone had the misfortune to mess with us, she'd bite them in the @ss. She was super feisty, sadly but not unpredictably, the arrangement didn't last past a week) Definitely fantastic ending your story with just desserts. Love hearing from your blog again!

Shannon said...

LOL! Love the hidden depths in your family.

Monica said...

@nomads - that is a fantastic name for a dog - karma. I LOVE it! do you mean the arrangement didn't last as in - you gave her to someone else? thanks for the kind words, friend! @Shannon - hmm. "hidden depths" is that another way to say dysfunction? ;o) xoxo

Nomads By Nature said...

Karma did find another home with a little girl that loved her beyond the moon and back. Bittersweet for us but the right thing to do.

Megly Mc said...

Um...I do not like this post at all...I love it. LOVE. IT.

And you're never to young to learn a lesson that a former 8th grader once explained to me: "Snitches get dealt with."

monica said...

@meglymc - i'm pretty sure that's in hubby's credo. so, i'm married to an 8th grader in a 40 something body? this should not be news to me.