Cake Pops, The Sequel (and Jesus Dies on the Cross - in case you didn't know)

So, this past week my dad turned 96.  No, that's not a typo.  I was a late, late baby.  (Because I am only 30ish, so how could that even be possible???)  I am the last of 10.  No, that is not a typo. 

I don't write much about my childhood or my family (the one I came from, not the one I birthed and currently live with).  This is not because they are a motley group of side-show freaks (although - they are).  It's just that I usually have plenty of blog fodder with my own little family and if I added the other circus side-show to it I would never do anything but blog (which would be fine with me, but hubby might get a little ticked). 

One of my sisters (I have six) suggested, after seeing my cake pops post, that I make basketballs and baseballs for our dad's birthday party in June.  Daddy is a huge sports fan.  (Who watches golf in person let alone on TV?  And likes it??  Dad does.)  The consensus (and by consensus - I mean the one in my head) was I should look up some recipes for balls (sports balls) and make them for Dad. 

I immediately searched Pinterest for "basketball cake pops" and "baseball cake pops."  And came up with this  and this.  Yeah, I know.  Now, I have a couple of theories here.  These pops were clearly done by a professional, or at least someone way more talented than me (which would be about 99% of the developed world).  Or, Pinterest is only for over achievers.  Or, people do not pin their mistakes.  Or, no one besides me makes mistakes.

I stopped looking at Pinterest and gave myself sometime (a few months) to talk myself out of it.  Alas, I can be stubborn when it comes to thinking I can do something.

So, even though I realized I had made a date with my new hair sylist (who I kinda love) the day before the party, (and all the talent cards were stacked against me!) I still decided to forge ahead with the idea.  In an effort to have the cake pops ready in time, I started making them two days before the party. 

It mostly went okay.  The kids insisted on helping since it was for grandpa.  (I'm pretty sure no kids are helping on Pinterest.)  So, that's kinda why this happened:

There is a God, so this is how the rest of the balls came out:

Not as neatly round as before, but okay.  As you know, nothing can ever be perfect or normal in my house, so the process of decorating these balls the next day was laborious and painful.  Again, there is a God (apparently) and her name is Our Ex-Babysitter.  (That's not really her name, but if I gave you guys her real name you would all try to google her and ask her to babysit for your kids and she would never get to be in the movies.)

I loved her before.  (When she wasn't moving to Hollywood to become a famous script supervisor.  Damn her for getting her degree ?? and not staying our babysitter forever).  But after she stayed at my house after watching The Heathens for two plus hours (while I got a hair cut) to assist me in decorating the rest of the balls, helped clean my disaster of a kitchen, and helped get the kids ready for swimming - I felt I might want her to be a sister wife to me (thank you, TLC for giving me that idea).

She helped get the balls to look like this: 

Do not look too closely.

Here's what I learned: 

Chocolate can be a little like a rosebush - prissy and finicky.  (Except that we do not go around eating roses, nor do I know anyone who craves them at midnight - but you get the point, right?)  If you add any moisture to chocolate it turns into the paste we used to use in school back when there were dinosaurs.  There is no way to fix that when it happens.  You just have to break open another package of Wilton's chocolate (that costs about $4.00 per bag).  That whole ordeal *might* make you want to curse.  Especially if it happens more than once.  (Not that that happened to me.  Twice.)

I also learned that you should make sure you have all the ingredients on hand before you start to decorate (like food coloring).  When you want to dye the chocolate - you need food coloring.  Duh!  You might want to make sure it is still in your cupboard and wasn't used in a volcano making science project by Girl 1 and her dad.


I also learned you need to have the proper tools to decorate.  Gel writers are NOT the proper tool because they never dry fully.  I think it says that somewhere on the tube.  Who knows what it really says.  (Because who reads labels?  Not me.)  What it should say on the tube in large letters so that even if you don't read labels you will see it:  This blessed writer is perfect for nothing because it never fully dries.  Don't buy it.  Gel writers *might* make you want to curse again.  Here is what happens when they are not dry and you try to put them in the cute little wrappers:

This is why I am not Martha Stewart.

In the end it all turned out okay.  Our Ex-Babysitter gets most of the credit for saving my arse. 

The kids all helped put together a nice little treat basket for dad.  He has mostly sweet teeth, so we packed this basket full of snacks for him that he can enjoy while watching his sports.  And the best touch was that the kids all made him cards.  Girl 3 colored two pictures for him.  One was from her Christmas coloring book (because it's June) and one was from her Religious Coloring Book (because she's kinda the holy roller of the family).  Both perfect for dad's 96th birthday!  When I questioned her, "Are you sure you want to use Christmas and Jesus for grandpy's birthday basket?"  Her answer was simply, "Yes.  It's grandpy's birthday with cake pops!  And, Jesus died on the cross!" 

All righty, then.  Because that's how our family rolls?

I will pin this on Pinterest because I'm pretty sure there's nothing like this already on there.  And if there's anything Pinterest needs it's a little more realism.  You're welcome.