Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dead or Alive? I have no idea.

I had a completely different post for today about the discipline mistakes mothers make (and by "mothers" I mean "me"), but in case you haven't heard:  BOB HOPE'S WIFE DIED.  R.I.P.  So, I will have to post this instead.

Yesterday I told you how I have a poor memory for details.  Well, this makes it really hard to remember who is dead and who is alive.  I am not talking about people I know personally (I'd like to think I have a handle on that - just don't sit still for too long.) or people who died notorious deaths (for example - Michael Jackson).  I am talking about people who are more elusive like say - - Paul Newman and some politicians.  I'll give you a couple examples so that you will know where I am coming from.

Recently I attended a birthday party for my brother and someone had Paul Newman salad dressing.  Some party goers were wondering who could be making the dressing now that Paul Newman had died.  I said something like, "HOLD THE PHONE.  He's not DEAD!"  There was a little polite laughter ("polite" as in "she's clearly nuts") and then some commenting about how yes, he was indeed dead and had in fact died quite some time ago.

Now, I think I have already told you hubby is like Google.  He is the knower of All Facts That No One Really Cares About.  So, naturally I:
1.  Never play trivial pursuit with him, and
2.  Consult him on all facts that I do not know (which covers basically:  All Facts). 

So, here is what I texted him immediately from the party:

My text:  paul newman.  dead or alive?

His text:  dead.  where will we get our dressing?

I couldn't text him back because I was so shocked.  I hate it when I am dealt a death blow right before the salad course. 

This phenomena of Not Knowing Who Is Dead and Who Is Alive often happens to me with politicians as well.  I can never remember if they are dead or alive.  AND THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL COMMENTARY.  I HATE POLITICS OF ALL KIND.  THIS IS STRICTLY TO ILLUSTRATE HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.

George Washington - Haha!  Dead....................Right?

JFK - dead.  I can remember that.  Although, the how? and when? are still a little sketchy and possibly conspiratorial in my mind.

Ronald Reagan - dead.  I can remember it because it seemed he died and then two weeks later I turned on the TV and he was still dying.

Richard Nixon's wife?  Hmm.  Now, there's a toss up.  Dead?  Possibly.  Alive?  Possibly.  I'm thinking - dead, but could be like 114???  This would definitely be a "consult hubby" and also a sarcastic comment from hubby in reply.  Such as:  You have a master's degree????

To keep me on my toes hubby will sometimes play a game with me that we call Dead or Alive.  Totally irreverent for some (if you are one of those "some" then "sorry").  He throws out a name and I have to say "dead" or "alive."  He may do this to chastise me for not knowing any facts or he may do this to see how bad my Bad Memory is progressing.  It doesn't matter because I usually fail miserably on both counts.

Now, all this about politicians and Paul Newman is just a little history for you so that you would understand what happened this morning when hubby greeted me with the news that Bob Hope's wife had died.

Hubby:  Hey babe.  I see here (as he had the newspaper spread out in front of him) that Bob Hope's wife died.

Me:  Bob Hope's?

Hubby:  Yes.  She was 102.

Me:  Wow.  I thought she was dead.  I'm sure Bob will be sad.  And, how old does that make him?

Hubby:  You're kidding, right?

Me:  Huh?

To sum up:  Bob Hope and his wife are now dead, friends.  They were both really old when they died.  Try to remember that.  I was greeted with this sad news before my morning coffee.  No worries, though because thankfully I have had time to recover from the news of "no more salads for me" since I am not sure who is now making the Paul Newman salad dressing.  Here's to memory and a mostly happy Tuesday!


jamiew said...

Thankfully, his lovely wife Joanne Woodward is still alive and continues to make salad dressing for all his adoring fans. When she dies, we're all on our own.

Raylea said...

Ha! (Wait, can I laugh about a post like this?)

I'm totally with you...and the only reason I can remember that Bob Hope died is from that post I keep seeing pop up about how 25 years ago we had Reagan, Bob Hope & Johnny Cash...and now we have Obama, no hope, and no cash.

Crap! Is Johnny Cash dead too??

Monica said...

@jamie - so, salad is safe? at least for now? thanks because i would've had no idea if joanne woodward was alive or dead - let alone that she was newman's WIFE???? @raylea - okay - you made me laugh with political humor (that's a biggie) AND you suggested cash is dead??? is it true??? i might have to google it. AND the person who plays cash in the movies...is HE dead, too? or someone related to him???

Raynbo said...

testing, testing, testing

Monica said...

@raynbo - test a success!

Anonymous said...

Phew. I can admit it now. I thought I was the only with this problem. Enjoyed the post!

Monica said...

Hi My Life After Kids. Thanks for the read - glad you enjoyed it. I have been liking your blog for a while too. :o)

Anonymous said...

Because I enjoy your site, I have chosen you for the Versatile Blogger Award. :)
Have a great day!

cb said...

just to keep you up to date so you do not have to text
eddie Margaret Thatcher sadly dead. hopefully she is schooling mouse paw how to watch out for quick moving angels

Megly Mc said...

HA! You're right...this could totally be me! Seriously, half the time they start talking about some celebrity dying, I'm like..."They were still alive?"