Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I *might* be a hoarder.

You guys, if you haven't been following, I just got back from this amazing place for my niece's wedding.  It was absolutely beautiful and surreal. 

Being home is bittersweet.  On the one hand, I missed my rotten kids a lot.  And, of course, I really wished we could have made it work for me and hubby to go - and because of that I missed him a lot.  But, on the other hand, I really wish I could go live at this resort, be independently wealthy, eat yummy food that I don't have to cook, and have someone clean up after me and organize my $hit.

So, I was a bit overwhelmed yesterday when I got back to my tiny house with five other people, my disorganized piece of chaos, my pile of work, and the state of my life.

Of course, there is always a funny side, right?  Here it is:  Last night in my mildly depressed, exhausted, and sick state I made a crazy goal for myself.  (Hubby probably thought, "You're gonna get a real job?"  Um, no.) 

I am going to attempt to clean and re-organize my entire house - one room or area at a time. 

If you know me and my house personally, you know that ironically this is far more difficult than actually "getting a real job."

I have a house cleaner (who I would like to marry someday), but I'm talking about all the jobs she doesn't do.

Today I did our tiny bathroom.

Here's the state of the union.

1.  I found 14 tubes of toothpaste, 17 razors, enough hotel shampoo and conditioner for a small country in Africa, 15 large safety pins (damn them), enough Clinique make-up to take me well into my 80's, and the travel bottle of cologne I was desperately searching for right before I went to the wedding.

2.  I am so emotionally strained and physically exhausted right now I think this should be my real job.

3.  I'm wondering if it might be easier to just put the house up for sale.  As is.

So, it's kinda good to be back?  The jury's still out on that.  If I don't post again for a long time it's because A&E has contacted me and I'm in filming.


Shannon said...

Now do this in random assorted countries every two to three years, while simultaneously (and I'm including a list just for you, cause I love ya):

1. attending a seemingly endless round of hail and farewell events guaranteed to wreck your mascara every. single. time.
2. Trying to fit in one more trip to...wherever, but in my case it is SAFARI time this weekend. WooHoo!
3. Or trying to fit in quick trips to all those places that you really wanted to go to, and had three years to visit, but waited until you were supposed to be packing to decide you really should go because who knows if you will ever pass this way again.
4. trying to learn a new language so you can survive in the next random foreign country, at least enough to ask where the bathroom is. Forget "Hola mi nombre es.." it is far more important to know "Donde esta el bano?!?" and enough of whatever foreign language you are trying to learn to get the general idea of the answer.
6. Getting school forms more complicated than my college admissions application filled out in triplicate and submitted for each child so they can go to school and not stay home all day with me in the next random assorted country.
7. getting med clearances and any needed shots for the next post, there are usually what seems like a dozen or so shots needed for any transfer, although having done Africa now I can't possible imagine any shots we don't have..typhoid? check!, yellow fever...check!, rabies...check!..I should just buy tags for the kids like we do for dogs.
8. Updating passports and getting visas for whatever new foreign country is next. Paperwork...ugh!
9. Attending end of year performances, parties, and events for each child. Why oh why can't those all be scheduled the same day for parental convenience, although since I decided to home school we are trying to fit in just a little bit more info so they will be ready for school next year, because they ARE going back to school, oh yes they are!
10. And for added stress there is a weight limit and a roughly $3 a pound penalty if you can't manage to get rid of enough little tubes of shampoo and dried up mascara to come in under weight. And since we just bought a house and I kinda don't want to sleep on the floor, which may happen if we go over weight, failure is not option.

If that all sounds like fun the FS might be a career choice for you.

Monica said...

@Shannon - oh, this is a blog post. ;o) no, I am far too disorganized to be in FS. OR, it might force me to get rid of my shiz. I am pretty good, but I live with at least two certified packrats. AND, you know how overwhelming six people can be. it's just nuts. last night I was having anxiety about the whole thing. I feel much better after simply cleaning a few tiny things. of course, my family has vowed to put things back where they belong....I am not holding my breath.

jamiew said...

Have you ever seen hoarders? As far as I know, you don't have any dead cat carcasses under piles of empty pizza boxes or bedrooms piled floor to ceiling with clothes from 1982 with the tags still attached and/ or squirrels or other such rodents leaving droppings in every possible corner of your home. So I hope that makes you feel better about that lifetime supply of Clinique make-up.
(My diagnosis: you're just dis-organized or dissed-organized)

Monica said...

@jamiew - I love you for always making me feel better about my shortcomings....I *almost* feel like I should pay you. I am slowly coming to terms with my complete lack of organizing skills. and am working it out in therapy (with myself, of course). my "doctor" recommends lots of beer, pinterest, and facebook.

Anonymous said...

That is exactly why I have a full-time job, so I can spend less time looking at all of that stuff. It's much easier to accept when you are hardly ever in the house. Unfortunately, the summers are very depressing, however...

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - I have considered this. and, it might very well be that because I work from home a lot, it really bothers me. frankly, when I worked my last out of the house real job I was too exhausted to notice anything much and everyone was thankful to have clean undies.

LSS said...

I vote for moving into the resort (1st choice), marrying a housekeeper (2nd choice), getting rid of stuff regularly (requires some organization skills) or - VERY LAST OPTION - getting that out-of-the-house job ...

Monica said...

@LSS - I vote for that, too. let's move. pack our bags.