Friday, May 10, 2013

How to Approach Your "Baby" Going to Middle School With Sanity and Clarity

1.  Allow your pessimistic nature to completely overshadow any vestige of optimism about the future of your middle schooler that you could have managed.

2.  Read and listen to any article or news program about the prevalence of bullying in middle school in all countries of the world and possibly the moon and other universes.

3.  Second guess every decision you have ever made with said child all the way back to the decision for no epidural....and possibly your choice of a father (just kidding, hubby....that was only after I had exhausted all other things to worry about....oh, and after a few beverages).

4.  Encourage and then finally nag your hubby until he is forced to have "the talk" with your soon-to-be-middle-school boy so that hubby is so nervous that his awkward conversation about growing up elicits a look from your son that looks something like this:
photo courtesy:
 and you are still not exactly sure if your son knows How Babies Are Born.

5.  Question the years you have invested in piano lessons.  Should you have opted for krav maga lessons instead?

6.  Begin to treat your soon-to-be-middle-schooler like a two year old and attempt to do things that he hasn't let you do in years:  tuck him in, read him books, kiss his cheek.

7.  And, in a reverse of opinion to #6 worry obsessively about all the things he still doesn't know and attempt to teach him a little about all these things in the few short weeks left of fifth grade.  (How to cook, How to launder, How to make a bed properly, How to treat girls, How to find a wife, How to drive, How to say no to drugs, How to do karate, etc.)  (And, by the way, this will again elicit The Look pictured in #4.)

8.  Write about all your fears on the Internet so that good friends, loyal readers, and random strangers can console you and tell you everything will be just fine.  (Except if it isn't.)

This was guest posted over at one of my favorite blogs This is Mommyhood.  Thank you, Elle.  xoxo!


jamiew said...

have no fears, my money is on that kid running the school within 2 weeks.

Shannon said...

LOL! When you start considering homeschooling as a viable option to sending him to middle school, call me and I'll talk you down, or you recommend some good curriculum. LOL!

It will be find, we survived and so will he.

Monica said...

@jamiew - thank you, nostradamus. I hope you are right. @Shannon - talk me down, friend. talk me down.

Leigh Powell Hines said...

Is this your oldest? I bet it will go great. My nephew went this year.

Anonymous said...

Dimples is starting middle school next year, too. We should host a camp together this summer to teach them both your list of things - although you might have to teach most of it since I don't know how to do 3/4 of the things on the list myself.

Monica said...

@leigh - yes, this is my oldest and only boy and the sentimentality(?) has kicked into high gear tonight. we went to his last drum performance of 5th grade and I nearly lost it??? i'm gonna be a wreck. @whatimeant2say - ok. i'll teach it. it'll be great. and if not we can just drink ourselves into oblivion. I am dreading graduation because I can't even think about it without crying??? who is this person I've become?

WeezaFish said...

No man, this gets worse? Eldest starts next year. Panic already started ...

Monica said...

@weeza - just saw this lady! so happy you are here again! I've missed you. :D