Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Keep your head down and walk quickly.

So, if you are a "regular" you know that I have had some recent testing done on my womanly parts (the ones up high, not the ones down low and immediately after typing that I realize I could have selected a much more accurate description since I have birthed and breastfed four wee ones).  This (and my excessive procrastination) has kept me away from posting for a few days.  I thought I would check-in, let you know I am still here, and give you just a few tips I have learned should you find yourself in my situation later (you're welcome).  Call it Radiology Protocol I learned from recent trips to the radiologist.  Here it goes:

Radiology Protocol For Dummies (no offense)

1.  Listen carefully (wear a hearing aid if you have to).  The radiologist that I went to (I have only ever been there possibly under 10 times in my whole life) is extremely crowded every time I go.  There is one receptionist, and she *might* feel the strain of having such a stressful job.  I learned the lesson about listening carefully with both my ears this last trip there when I did not hear what she said to me so I politely said, "Excuse me?"  Then she said rather loudly, "ARE YOU HERE FOR A PAIN IN YOUR BREAST AND A MAMMOGRAM???"  Yes, that would be me.

2.  While you are in the waiting room, try not to make eye contact with anyone because you might meet them later backstage when you only have a hospital gown on.  This can be awkward to say the least.

3.  You will probably be told to remove some articles of your clothing and then join the tech with your "valuables" so that he/she can escort you to the x-ray room.  Think carefully about this.  I was told I could leave my clothes in the dressing room and just take my purse.  Now, after thinking about this a little I cannot see how this makes sense.  Would I rather have my purse stolen, but be fully clothed, or have my UNDERWEAR and CLOTHES stolen, but have my purse???

4.  When you are waiting in the dressing room with nothing but a hospital gown on be careful to close the curtain.  There will be a few people wandering about (also with hospital gowns on) and one of them might accidentally make eye contact with you.

5.  When you are undergoing any kind of ultrasound you will have a goo liberally applied to your skin that is similar to whale blubber.  You will be given one nonabsorbent paper towel to clean your entire body with before dressing again.  Pay attention to where the tech places the roll before he/she exits the room because you are going to need the whole roll.  And then you will still find goo on yourself when you are back in the dressing room putting your clothes back on.

6.  A tech will probably come back to your dressing room to escort you out of the building.  I suspect this is for the privacy of all the people who are still in gowns and might be embarrassed of some lost clothed person wandering around wondering where the hell the exit is.  When you exit the building, again, follow the tech, and pay attention once they leave you with mere directions.  Radiologists apparently is a French word that means likes mazes.  And, if you do not follow the left, right, left, another right, past the Radiology Starbucks directions you will end up accidentally startling gowned people for a LONG time.

That's all I got for now, bloggy peeps.  I hope you are surviving January.  Keep your chins up!  Only SEVEN more days to go!


Shannon said...

Sounds about right. Although I have to add since I had to drag Zo to one of my sonogram appointments when I was preg with C I will say that having possession of an brand new (large) box of baby wipes at that appointment was the best thing that happened that month. You would be amazed at just how good baby wipes are at removing the snot-slime-whale blubber ultrasound goo.

Hines-Sight said...

Sounds funny. I need to visit in Feb. Loved number 3.

Nomads By Nature said...

#3 had me cracking up! Hoping all is well and you won't have to visit the maze of gowns til the next check it off the list check up.

Jae said...

Avoiding eye contact. Yes - that IS important. I find that it's best to avoid eye contact with anyone whom you do not know, or do not WANT to know. Therefore, I walk around staring at the ground, a lot. ;)

Monica said...

#3 was like an enigma wrapped in a puzzle. i wrote this post because after i got home i got a call from a friend who saw me at the radiologist (in the back). she wasn't sure it was me because i had my head down the entire time. ;o) ha!