My advice to you: Seek advice. (You're welcome.)

As I write this post I am listening to this radio show about the lottery.  Here's what I am thinking:

1.  I am going to assume that none of the ten people that read my blog won the Mega-Gazillion Record Breaking That'salottafu(%ingmoney lottery.  But, since not all the winners have come forward, I guess it's still possible.  So, here's the thing (and, I'm just going to be forward and upfront with this):  If you won and you are reading this, can you float me a loan?  For God's sake, you have like 151,800 MILLION dollars.  I won't be greedy.  All I need is about $6,000.  Okay, just thought I'd get that out of the way.

2.  Sandra Hayes really makes me jealous (good thing I did not give up jealousy for Lent).  Not only did she win the Powerball lottery in 2006, she went on to write a book entitled, How Winning the Lottery Changed My Life.  Jealous.  And a teensy bit ticked off.  The jealous part:  I want to win the lottery AND I want to write a book.  The ticked off part:  Let me promise you and be clear with this, faithful blog readers, when I write my book I will have a more creative title than that.  Good grief.  Really???  And she has more money than GOD???  Is she just taunting me?

3.   Stephen Martino, Maryland Lottery Director, says that "their" advice to lottery winners is:  seek advice.  I like that.  My advice to you is:  Seek advice.  Nice touch, Stephen.  Apparently he is wise like a turtle (more on that later).  Frankly, I am stealing that wisdom gem.  In fact, I already did.  And, I will use it in the spoken word at my first opportunity today (probably to my kids or hubby).  Thanks, Mr. Lottery Director.

Okay, now on to my real post for today.

Today is going to be a hodge-podge of things that I have been wanting to tell you.  There are quite a few - feel free to treat it like a menu (but just know that I am kind of like Rachel Ray, so you might not want to skip anything).

1.  I had a revelation (huge - kinda like a biblical one) yesterday.  I went to pick up my kids at school and there is a woman in the office who reads my blog (shocking, I know).  We are not close friends, but I like this lady (and not just because she reads my blog).  For the purpose of this post I am going to call her J.A. (the A. stands for amazing because she has the willpower of God).  We chatted a few seconds and she told me she had read this post.  To which, of course, I said a huge thank you.  BUT (here's the great part), not only did she read the post she CLICKED THE LINK and read my awesome nieces' post. 

Now, it's kind of hard to blog when you are a little person like me.  Not hard like working on World Peace, or fighting the war, or feeding the masses of starving people in the world, or working in customer service at Wal-Mart.  Okay, so maybe it's not hard.  I just sometimes wonder (and possibly hubby *wonders* too):  to what purpose am I blogging?  I'd like to think I know, but I really don't.   And sometimes this not knowing can lead to frustration, drinking, and just wanting to end my blog.  I spend a lot of time researching what the heck I am doing and why I am doing this (hubby calls this procrastinating, not researching???) and reading posts like Why I Blog.  Well, I am here to tell you I have figured it out. 

J.A. went on to tell me that she had really enjoyed my post and gotten some recipes off my nieces' blog that she was going to try.  Her words, "Thank you!"  That's when the light bulb went off:  I blog to help others, people!!!  I know now.  I blog to help YOU.  Now, here's the thing.  I am not an expert on anything!  I'm not a great mom, cook, cleaner, DIYer, or blogger.  But, I am so happy that I have helped you to be a less perfect mom (because I am such a slacker), given you a recipe that was edible and cheap, taught you how to not-really-clean, made something and posted a photo so that you could be more proud of your DIY stuff, or made you snort, or hooked you UP!  That makes me supremely happy.  So, J.A., if you are reading THANK YOU!  You made my day and have given me a reason to forge ahead.

2.  Many of you (I think two) have emailed me to ask me about Rocky/Bulwinkle/Yerle/Yentl/Leo the hermaphrodite tortoise that we considered adopting.  I have great news on that front, too (with all this good news I might get struck by lightening today).  Leo is going to live with the amazing Reptileman.  Really, how this came about is too detailed for me to post.  But, suffice it to say it was kinda like when Jesus split the fish and bread and all that.  Rocky is kind of growing on me.  He's like me in a lot of ways:  he sleeps a LOT, he appears to be somewhat lazy and ungrateful, he doesn't like people (especially when they are holding him), he likes to be free to roam, he sometimes has a hard time communicating his needs, he needs exercise, but doesn't appear to really like it, and apparently he is very wise.  Despite our kinship, we cannot keep him, and Reptileman and his wife are AH-mazing.  I know Shelley (that name just came about yesterday - good grief - this tortoise needs therapy) will be well cared for and love her/his new home.  Thank you, Reptileman. 

3.  Today is the last day of the The Great Pantry Challenge.  Upside:  We did not starve, we learned some lessons, and we are going out to eat tomorrow.  Our menu this past week:  Friday - yucky vegetable tacos, Saturday - fabulous BBQ chicken, Sunday - yummo spinach/cheese enchiladas, Monday - tacos, Tuesday - leftovers, Wednesday - meh pasta and pizza, Tonight - leftovers.  Not bad, eh?  The only really awful meal was Friday and I take responsibility for that.  Lessons learned:  do a better job of seeing what I have on stock before shopping, and when you have mystery squash in the fridge make sure you know what it is before throwing it haphazardly in a recipe.  Downside:  I still managed to GAIN WEIGHT???

4.  So, speaking of gaining weight...it's almost swimsuit season.  I dread it.  Am I pear shaped or apple shaped?  Do I need breast augmentation or a tummy tuck?  Am I a 4, or a 6, or an 8?  Are my boobs -5 or -10?  Do I want a one piece or a two piece with a large cover-up (and possibly a sun hat)?  Here's the thing.  I know my problem area.  It is my stomach (which extends beyond my boobs on a bad day).  I hate to workout, but I do.  Nearly everyday.  I workout so that I can continue eating and drinking.  But, it's high time I tackle the real issue and here's how I'm going to do it.  I bought this DVD.  I already do Cathe Boot Camp, Jillian Michaels, and I run, but now I am focusing on my stomach.  It looks super painful, nearly impossible, and a little sadomasochistic.  So, wish me luck?  And, if I don't post for a while it's because I am too sore to move or have coherent thought.

5.  The girls' room is shaping up marvelously.  The amazing seamstress that is helping me brought over the drapes yesterday.  I kind of wanted to kiss her.  They are superb and I love them.  The new ceiling fan is going in this weekend and I promise to have photos very soon.

Thank you guys for reading my blog.  If you know someone who needs my help (in the form of:  Slackermomways, DIYou're Kidding, recipes that might work, or just some good snorting) by all means, send them my way.  Have a really great weekend and Easter.