Monday, April 16, 2012

Apparently I am speaking a language no one else speaks.

It's Monday, I'm in a post-Christmasy-pre-summer funk (yes, I realize we are four months out from Christmas, so it may be a post-Easter funk) so this is going to be a short hodge-podgy type post.  I'll make it up to you when I am in better spirits.

In case you missed it:

1.  I no longer speak English, apparently.  Or, my kids all suddenly need hearing aids.  My kids have taken to not listening to a word I say.  Really?  Why do we have school after Spring Break?  I am miserable.  They are miserable.  We've missed the morning bus 9 out of the past 10 school days. 

It's just a sad case of I Want School To Be Over And It's Not.  I am not motivated at all to supervise homework.  And, you can imagine how enthusiastic the kids are about doing it.  Behavior has gone straight out the window (mine and theirs).  This morning lying in bed I actually thought, "How bad would it be to not take them to school today?" 

If you are Super Nanny, by all means feel free to give me some advice.  Lord knows I am not, nor will I ever be, in the running for Mother of The Year.  An outsider looking in *might* say, "That woman has lost all discipline in her household.  Send help."

2.  I am slowly forgiving Netflix.  Hubby and I recently watched Winter's Bone and True Grit - two movies I've wanted to see since they came out.  I loved both of them. 

True Grit.  Wow.  If you love the Coen brothers and Jeff Bridges, you are going to love this movie.  If you are not into that - skip it.  You won't like it or understand it.  Amazing acting and cinematography.  The Coen brothers have their usual way with dialogue and stark realities.  Jeff Bridges plays a drunk with all the nuances that he usually has when playing his characters. 

Winter's Bone.  I loved it, but I understand that it is not a movie for everyone.  It's about a girl who goes looking for her meth-cooking dad in order to try to make him appear for his court date.  It was kind of like Deliverance meets Trainspotting.  I liked the "mystery", the no-sugar-coating depiction of this kind of hard life, and the excellent acting.  The ending wasn't too bad, either.

3.  I said I was slowly forgiving Netflix.  Here's my continuing beef.  Can we have some decent movies for kids?  Please?  Sheesh.  I've watched some doozies in the past few weeks and I am sad to say that I don't even remember their names.  The Spy Who Ate My Mother?  The Spy Next Week?  Everyone Is A Freakin' Spy?  My Mom Hates Spy Movies?  Seriously? 

Why can't there be more of this:  Shaun the SheepGnomeo and Juliet, Penguins of Madagascar?  Because I love that $hit.  Please, save me and if you know a great kid movie (ages 7-10, that doesn't have bad words, excessive violence, drug use, or spies) send it my way.  Before I am forced to stab my eyes out with sharp sticks while watching a spy.

4.  Cathe might not be an actual real person with real muscles that ache.  I mean I knew she was strong and all after doing Drill Max for one year.  Now, I think she might be a robot.  This woman can balance her body on her hands and then extend her legs out forward.  Yeah.  She is  a contortionist with muscles bigger than most men. 

It turns out Yoga and Pilates are like a form of torture and (I realize these two points are totally unrelated) I might be the only person in the world who can actually gain weight in my ABS while doing an Ab Circuit.  YEESH.  The DVD makes me eat.  It's true.  I thought I would be getting back with you with all the pounds and inches I'd lost.  Sadly, I am just here to tell you that my stomach might actually be bigger and I am ravenous all the time.

5.  Like I said, I've been in a serious funk lately.  If I don't post for a while - that's why.  Luckily I have the internets to make me laugh.  This little gem brought me huge snorts last week when I was feeling blue.  It came from a blog I enjoy a lot and have stalked for a while.  Thanks, Average in Suburbia!  It is NOT for the easily offended.  But, then again, if you are The Easily Offended, you may be in the wrong place.

Have a happy week!



Gretchen said...

Har! What a thing to be famous mom would be so proud! Ha ha!
Oh, and if you liked the True Grit movie, you should read the book if you haven't already. I read it last year and I could read it again and again. It is funny and tragic.

Monica said...

that video had me snorting - and that was a good thing on that day. i have thought about reading the book - i just might have to, now. it's looking like a summer read for me.