Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Computer (loudly and impatiently): Mother's maiden name??? Me (silently sobbing): I don't freakin' know.

It's come to my attention that I Am Getting Old, or the internets is gettin' too much for my brain to compute.  Remember (or maybe you are too young to remember, in which case:  I hate you) when the only password you had to remember was the password to your debit card?  Then remember when you started to have to remember a few more passwords (to your email account, then to maybe one online account that you initiated)?  So, to make things easy on yourself you just used the same password for everything?  Then remember when The Experts told you that you could die by making all your passwords the same?  Well, I don't think they said you could die, but that you could have everything down to your underwear (and possibly your kids) stolen from you by people who learned your one password.  Remember that?

So, then you decided to get creative with all your passwords (and by now you have like a bazillion passwords for everything from the lock on the pantry door to your kids' school lunch account).  THEN, remember when The Experts tried to help us by giving us hints for our passwords like:  your first dog's name, the first guy you ever kissed, the year you drank your first Cheap Liquor, your mom's best friend's aunt's maiden name, your elementary school P.E. teacher's name, and your favorite color?  Then remember when the internets started telling us to "strengthen" our passwords by adding Chinese symbols and the numbers in Spanish? 

Now, if you are like me, you have eighty-five million passwords (none of which you remember at any given time) to various Important Things (like my own blog), AND you still have to remember your phone number, your cell phone number, your social security number, and when you last washed your hair??? 

For the love of God.  When will it stop?  I am terrified of someone (a computer or an actual person) asking me:  Mother's maiden name? and I will be frozen in time, muttering something like this while the men in white coats haul me away:



Shannon said...

I hear you! I can't for the life of me remember the password to Grayson's class website so I haven't actually read the weekly newsletter from his teacher in.....Well let's just say its been a while.

You know I really miss getting paper newsletters every week. At least that way I would put it on the fridge and maybe actually glance at while cooking dinner.

Lil Tirade said...

If I could remember how to sign in to all my accounts, I would change all of my passwords to:



Monica said...

@shannon - i have never checked my kids grades online because it asks me for some sort of freakin' password. yeesh. i'll just wait for a paper report. @lil tirade - throw a little chinese symbolery (that's a word, right?) in there just so i don't hack you.

Anonymous said...

I completely identify. Although they should put me in an institution the day I can't remember my mother's maiden name. She married a man with the same last name, so her maiden name was mine, too.

Gretchen said...

Oh my funny! Recently my husband and I were trying to come up with answers to the questions for a new online bank account. We couldn't agree on anything...first date, name of first pet, first car...We were getting angry with each other. "Who have you been married to for 31 years?! You are like a stranger!"

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - sounds simple. BUT (i always have a big but) apparently i have an affliction commonly known as 'maidennamephobia' wherein i can't remember jack$hit when someone says or i see 'maiden name.' so, i am not sure MY OWN would be memorable to me. @gretchen - the further i go into my life and my marriage, the less i remember (accurately or at all) about the "earlier days." (and by "earlier days" i could mean as close as yesterday.)

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

Yes, it's really hard. I bought a password book, and it's helped me tremendously. My pay-pal got hacked, and I've been in tizzy...making sure I have more complicated passwords.

Monica said...

@leigh. hmm. a password book? not sure what that is, but what if it gets stolen???