Thursday, August 2, 2012

Polly Pocket in the house tonight and other reasons why we know it's still summer.

I've been so unfaithful to my blog and to my blogroll and I miss you all dearly.  No grand excuse.  I didn't win the lottery.   I haven't been offered an amazing book deal and been busy with publishers. I didn't discover my husband was secretly a woman.  I wasn't requesting odd sex scenes for the actress who is going to play me in the Lifetime movie.  I wasn't involved in a wardrobe malfunction at the Olympics.  No, I really have no good excuses.  I wasn't even watching the Olympics.  Oh, the horror.  How can I be an American?  I know.

Since I am still married (to a man), I still have four unruly kids, I am still working more jobs than a Jamaican, and it is still summer, this post is really anti-climatic.  (And, if you want to just detour to the end where I apologize to you and promise to be more faithful - I won't hate you in the morning.) 

Basically this post is just going to be a random list of what has been happening.

1.  I went to the Big D.  (That's Dallas, not Detroit.)  I went to Dallas for a work retreat and I learned quite a bit.  Here are a few of the highlights (names have been changed to protect the innocent - so innocent if you are reading, you're welcome).  Sublist!
  • I had my photo taken by A Professional.  Now, let's just clear up something that's been kind of hanging on my blog for a while.  I am no Looker.  I have what is called "a face for radio."  AND, I appear horrible in photos because I am also what's called Non photogenic.  Or, in some circles Anti photogenic.  Every photo that's ever been taken of me looks just like me.  And, therein lies the problem.  I have been waiting my whole life for someone to take my photo and transform it into someone else.  Like Angelina Jolie.  Well, this gal that took my photo has skills.  She's not God, so I still do not look like Angelina Jolie, but finally I have a photo I can look at happily. 
  • That's Mrs. DayintheLife.  She kinda looks like she could be a reporter or famous novelist.  No?  Okay.  No.  At least she doesn't hurt your eyes as much as when she photographs herself with the long arm?
  • Women who don't get out much (or who do) when left to their own devices can get quite ca-razy.  Let's just suffice it to say that I have a new favorite drink called the Pineapple Upside-down Martini.  Drink it!  Your body will thank you.
  • I fully embraced my inability to coordinate clothes.  In fact, thanks to a fabulously insightful keynote speaker we had, I have decided that I might never dress myself again.  (Except for maybe going to the grocery store and working-out.)  Life is short.  If you suck at doing something, consider the options.  I cannot put together an outfit to save my life.  So, (and in a roundabout way this is really a thank you note) Justahausweyef, my sincere thanks for assisting me in the fashion department.  You would have probably cried at all the compliments I got on my coordinated outfits.
2.  This is Girl 3's favorite song.  Although, lately she has changed the words to, "Polly Pocket in the house tonight.  Everybody gonna have a good time."  This not only calls into question the parenting judgment of one who would let a three year old listen to a band that calls itself LMFAO, but the integrity of Polly Pocket herself.

3.  Yesterday hubby and I took our motley crew to Six Flags Fiesta Texas.  In years past, we've arrived around 3:30 and stayed until closing (9:30/10:00 p.m.).  We've selected this time schedule in order to avoid parental and child melt-downs.  This year we decided Girl 3 was old enough to stay all day without serious risk of a melt-down. 

And, I think our kids tried to kill us. 

We operate sans maps so I think we covered every square inch of the park about three times.  Did I say it's about 8000 acres?  Oh, and did I mention it was like 106 degrees?  It was nuts.  And fun.  Girl 3 had only one melt-down and it caused everyone in line for the bumper cars to lose all control.

She was dragged (by me) from the line screaming and spitting (yes, I said spitting).  She was too short to ride the ride, even with an adult.  This (unfortunately for her because it kinda ruins the drama when everyone is laughing at you) caused everyone in line (and me) to laugh hysterically either out of empathy or cruelty (I'll take either).

When I asked her a few minutes later when she was calm why she was spitting at me, she very calmly and sweetly said, "Because I am old enough to drive." 

Yeah, you areYou've been driving me crazy since you were born.

4.  Girl 1 has become quite good at little quips in response to my little quips.  (Who meQuip?  I know.)

She has a horrible habit of wiping her mouth on the inside of the neckline of her shirt.  Ugh.  I hate it.  I've tried every way possible to get her to stop...short of public humiliation...which I tried this past week.

Me:  You are never going to get a boyfriend by doing that.  (She's nine.  I am *around* thirty-nine.)

Her:  That's okay, mom.  I already have one.


Girl 1:  1
Mom:  ZERO

Detour ends:  I am going to try to be more faithful to my blog and to all of your wonderfully funny and absolutely great blogs, but know that it's still summer and summer doesn't even allow for private potty time most days.  Until next time!


jamiew said...

you're welcome! i'm blushing, cheering and tearing up all at the same time....and i'm highly emotional because i'm probably going to start my period.

Monica said...

@jamiew - go find a quiet spot. take a bottle of wine and some chocolate. don't come out until it's over.

Anonymous said...

You look gorgeous! I think you take great pics!

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - thanks, friend. it's one of The Things I Hate. i wish i had a cardboard face and could just put it up for photo-ops. in fact, IDEA! wow. that's the best one i've had all day. (don't you want my life?)

Josee said...

Great photo! First thing I noticed were your beautiful white teeth!

And by the way, I laugh hysterically at those screaming fits, too. Now. Three years ago? Not so much. It's not that I'm older and wiser now. I'm just older and more demented. :)

Monica said...

@josee - hey there. thanks. yes, i kind of have an obsession with white teeth. because if i can't be a looker, i WILL have white teeth, damn it. screaming fits are sometimes just funny. the three year old's fits are especially funny. they now involve spitting, so i know other parents are looking at me in disgust, but what can i say? laugh a little.

WeezaFish said...

Oh you go off and enjoy the Summer, we'll be fine :) I've also been absent, have much groovy writing/reading to catch up on. Love that pic of you, you look gorgeous. And exactly like a sucessful novelist. EXACTLY.

Monica said...

@weezafish - ha! you make me smile. i love the photo of you and your hubby on your last post about true love. you guys are so cute! :o) hugs!

Anonymous said...

I'll take your cardboard face for photo-ops, but probably will pass on your life. Mine is complicated enough and I only have one child.

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - i thought the cardboard cutout thing was quite clever. and the "don't you want my life?" was completely sarcastic. i'd be a tad bit worried about you if you said yes. ;o)

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

Your picture is great!!!!

Monica said...

@leigh thanks! i need to catch up on reading your blog and seeing where you've been traveling to! :o)

Mind Margins said...

I would say "ouch" for coming to Big D, but it's probably even hotter where you are. We just got back from 11 cool days and nights in Wyoming and it's tough coming back to this heat. Gosh, it wouldn't be summer without a trip to Six Flags with the kids. LOVE the new photo, though I'm really partial to the one of you with blue hair.

Monica said...

@mindmargins - i was extremely jealous of your trip to cooler country, your amazing photography, and your really beautiful yet relaxing looking family wedding. yes, six flags is kind of a summer religion here. and thanks about the photo. i am partial to the blue hair gal, too.