Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Oh, and I neva' eva' want you to say "crack" to your teacher, okay?

So, summer's almost over.  I abhor goodbyes, so I will happily stay here in denial until the last possible breath of summer is officially over.

I thought I'd give you a short list of a few things I've overheard this summer that I hope never, ever make an appearance in public school year 2012-2013.

1.  Girl 2 and Girl 3 (age 3) were recently discussing beverages they liked and the conversation was going something like this:

Girl 2:  Oh, and I like apple juice.

Girl 3:  Me, too!  I love apple juice.  And I like orange juice, too.

Girl 2:  Oh, yeah.  Me, too.  And milk!

Girl 3:  Yes!  Me, too!

Girl 2:  Oh, and water!  It's so good for you! 

Girl 3.  Yes.  And I like wine, too!

Me:  (in my head):  WTF???  Did she just say wine???

Girl 2 (chuckling fiercely):  Wine???  You haven't had wine!  When have you had wine?  Besides, that's illegal.  Right, mom???

(Praise God someone knows the law.)


Me:  (Oh, holy Jesus Mother of God.  WHAT?):  Baby, when did grandpa give you wine?  And, yes, that's illegal.

Girl 3:  Remember?  On Corina's First Holy Communion?

Girl 2:  OH!!!  You are confused.  That wasn't wine.  That was the blood of Jesus.  And, besides you didn't have it.  I DID.

Me (Oh, yeesh.  That clarifies everything.  This just keeps getting better and better.):  Baby, is that what you are thinking of?

Girl 3:  No.  I KNOW THAT.  I am talking about the wine grandpa brought for me!

Girl 2:  OH!  I KNOW WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT NOW.  Remember grandpa brought us that fancy grape juice in that fancy bottle?

Me:  OH!!!  THAT!  (Thank you, Jesus.)  Baby, THAT is called Sparkling Grape Juice!

Girl 3:  Oh.  Well, all this time I thought it was wine.


2.  Girl 3 (Frequently referred to as "Baby") has taken to saying, "MOM blank-blank just called me the F-word!!!!"

Me:  Baby, what F word?

Girl 3:  Are you going to get mad if I say it?

Me:  No.

Girl 3:  Dummy.

Me:  Baby, that's not the F-word.  And you are not a dummy.  Dummy is not a very kind word, but it's not the F-word.

Girl 3:  Oh.

Next day (or hour).

Girl 3:  MOM, blank-blank JUST CALLED ME THE F-WORD!!!!!


3.  Further evidence that Girl 1 might be following directly in my footsteps.  A few days ago in the Yukon Cornelius Girl 1 suddenly asked:

Who is our president?

Me:  Um.  Obama.

Girl 1:  No, I mean who is running for president?

Me:  Do you mean in November in the elections?

Girl 1:  Yes.

Me:  President Obama is running for a second term against Republican Mitt Romney.

Girl 1:  Hmm.  That's weird.

Me:  What's weird about it?

Girl 1:  Does that guy Mitt Romney write cartoons for the newspaper?  Or is he the name of a cartoon or have something to do with cartoons???

Me (truly stumped by this one):  Hmm.  I'm not sure, but I don't think so.

Girl 1 left it at that and then later showed me this:

And said:

Oh, here it is, mom.  Mallard Fillmore?  Mitt Romney?  See why I was confused?

Yes, baby.  I do.  Perfectly.

4.  Girl 3 has become quite fond of saying (when someone has upset her):

I am neva' eva' (because she speaks like a Kennedy - we don't know why), neva' eva', neva' eva', neva' eva' going to talk to you again.

And then sometimes less than three minutes later she'll say to that person she just "neva' eva'ed":

Do you want to play?

This is fantastically cute, but it just attests to the bipolarness of my family.

5.  And the last one I will leave you with.

The word "crack" has made an ugly appearance (Ha!  See how I did that?) in our family.  Now, typically you might hear "crack" used to describe a separation between two areas.  And, this is how the fits of giggles usually start out.

The other day Girl 1 screamed to brother (who was playing with this grabber-thingie he has that I think he bought from an infomercial), "Brother, come quick!  I need that grabber-thingie.  I was trying to put my bathing suit in the washing machine and it fell into the crack!"

Wild laughter from them both.

Then brother rushed into the laundry room and apparently examined the situation.  Upon which he said, "Wow.  I don't know if I can help you because that is a huge crack."

More wild laughter.

Whose kids are these?

All I can really say is, "Teachers of my children:  Prepare thyselves.  Summer *might* almost be over."


Mind Margins said...

ROFLMAO! I love that your 3 yr old "speaks like a Kennedy." And the conversation about the crack: hilarious!

Monica said...

@mind margins - her accent is hysterical. girl 2 talks like she just crossed the border from mexico. i mean we ARE hispanic, but seriously? she talks like a little old mexican grandma. and then we have a kennedy. it's nuts. and over on the FB page a friend reminded me of the whole Big Balls conversations the kids have since getting Wipe Out for the wii - which is a fun game, but constantly says "big balls" in reference to actual big balls. funny stuff (in a juvenile boy type way).

Anonymous said...

I would love to have your kids in my class any time!

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

This is cute. I love the Kennedy reference. Funny.

The wine was funny, too.

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - ha! that would be crazy. @leigh - thanks. i knew about the whine, but not the wine. ;o)

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

LOL! That last conversation sounds like one my brother and I would have ... of course, we're in our 30's but then no one has ever accused us of being mature.

Shannon said...

Love your kids. When Cody was really little he would drink those Koolaid Koolers, remember those in the stupid plastic bottles? Which was fine except he told everyone that Mom gave him wine coolers and I got stupid CPS called on me. I refused to let them in the house and told him to get a wine cooler for the nice lady. The look on her face when he handed her a red koolaid kooler was priceless.

Jeff Clough said...

My daughter (then five) refused to try some sparkling grape juice because she was convinced it was wine. I can only imagine what she told her mother later.

Monica said...

@kellie - hahahaha! i think i already like you and your brother. @shannon - nicely played, cody. nicely played. ;o) @jeff - thanks for the read and comment. and as for the wine - ha! i'm happy/amused that it's not just my crazy crew.

Klementine said...

Hahaha! Little children are always hilarious in their stubbornness and misunderstandings, but the ones I associate with never seem to be quite so amusing as your kids! Although, a kid I was babysitting did tell me quite definitely, "I want to marry that. That's Prince Froggie." She was pointing at the horizon. Parents like coming home to find their 5 year old married to the horizon, right?

Monica said...

@klementine - thanks for the read and comment. :o) married to the horizon..............RIGHT! ;o) sometimes i think i should be making these kids do stand-up or something.

WeezaFish said...

Ha Monica, that's funny kids talk. LOVE the crack and Kennedy reference. Someone told me the other day that my eldest son talks like Jamie Oliver, GB Cockney chef!! Not sure why ...

Monica said...

I love Jamie oliver! Thanks for the read, sweets! I will be back to reading my blogs and my "normal" schedule soon. Having our last family hoo-rah right now! xoxo