So, summer's almost over. I abhor goodbyes, so I will happily stay here in denial until the last possible breath of summer is officially over.
I thought I'd give you a short list of a few things I've overheard this summer that I hope never, ever make an appearance in public school year 2012-2013.
1. Girl 2 and Girl 3 (age 3) were recently discussing beverages they liked and the conversation was going something like this:
Girl 2: Oh, and I like apple juice.
Girl 3: Me, too! I love apple juice. And I like orange juice, too.
Girl 2: Oh, yeah. Me, too. And milk!
Girl 3: Yes! Me, too!
Girl 2: Oh, and water! It's so good for you!
Girl 3. Yes. And I like wine, too!
Me: (in my head): WTF??? Did she just say wine???
Girl 2 (chuckling fiercely): Wine??? You haven't had wine! When have you had wine? Besides, that's illegal. Right, mom???
(Praise God someone knows the law.)
Girl 3: YES! GRANDPA GAVE ME WINE!
Me: (Oh, holy Jesus Mother of God. WHAT?): Baby, when did grandpa give you wine? And, yes, that's illegal.
Girl 3: Remember? On Corina's First Holy Communion?
Girl 2: OH!!! You are confused. That wasn't wine. That was the blood of Jesus. And, besides you didn't have it. I DID.
Me (Oh, yeesh. That clarifies everything. This just keeps getting better and better.): Baby, is that what you are thinking of?
Girl 3: No. I KNOW THAT. I am talking about the wine grandpa brought for me!
Girl 2: OH! I KNOW WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT NOW. Remember grandpa brought us that fancy grape juice in that fancy bottle?
Me: OH!!! THAT! (Thank you, Jesus.) Baby, THAT is called Sparkling Grape Juice!
Girl 3: Oh. Well, all this time I thought it was wine.
2. Girl 3 (Frequently referred to as "Baby") has taken to saying, "MOM blank-blank just called me the F-word!!!!"
Me: Baby, what F word?
Girl 3: Are you going to get mad if I say it?
Girl 3: Dummy.
Me: Baby, that's not the F-word. And you are not a dummy. Dummy is not a very kind word, but it's not the F-word.
Girl 3: Oh.
Next day (or hour).
Girl 3: MOM, blank-blank JUST CALLED ME THE F-WORD!!!!!
3. Further evidence that Girl 1 might be following directly in my footsteps. A few days ago in the Yukon Cornelius Girl 1 suddenly asked:
Who is our president?
Me: Um. Obama.
Girl 1: No, I mean who is running for president?
Me: Do you mean in November in the elections?
Girl 1: Yes.
Me: President Obama is running for a second term against Republican Mitt Romney.
Girl 1: Hmm. That's weird.
Me: What's weird about it?
Girl 1: Does that guy Mitt Romney write cartoons for the newspaper? Or is he the name of a cartoon or have something to do with cartoons???
Me (truly stumped by this one): Hmm. I'm not sure, but I don't think so.
Girl 1 left it at that and then later showed me this:
Oh, here it is, mom. Mallard Fillmore? Mitt Romney? See why I was confused?
Yes, baby. I do. Perfectly.
4. Girl 3 has become quite fond of saying (when someone has upset her):
I am neva' eva' (because she speaks like a Kennedy - we don't know why), neva' eva', neva' eva', neva' eva' going to talk to you again.
And then sometimes less than three minutes later she'll say to that person she just "neva' eva'ed":
Do you want to play?
This is fantastically cute, but it just attests to the bipolarness of my family.
5. And the last one I will leave you with.
The word "crack" has made an ugly appearance (Ha! See how I did that?) in our family. Now, typically you might hear "crack" used to describe a separation between two areas. And, this is how the fits of giggles usually start out.
The other day Girl 1 screamed to brother (who was playing with this grabber-thingie he has that I think he bought from an infomercial), "Brother, come quick! I need that grabber-thingie. I was trying to put my bathing suit in the washing machine and it fell into the crack!"
Wild laughter from them both.
Then brother rushed into the laundry room and apparently examined the situation. Upon which he said, "Wow. I don't know if I can help you because that is a huge crack."
More wild laughter.
Whose kids are these?
All I can really say is, "Teachers of my children: Prepare thyselves. Summer *might* almost be over."