Occasionally something comes out of my mouth and I gasp because it is my mother. And she is dead. Now, you know I loved/love my mother dearly but there are some wacky things that used to come out of her mouth that quite frankly I have never understood. Here are just a few:
1. A stitch in time saves nine. But, I can't sew.
2. Idle hands are the devil's work. But, what if your hands are busy stealing?
3. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I'm sorry. I just don't understand that.
4. The early bird gets the worm. But, we all know if you are a worm, sleep late. (I *might* be a worm.)
5. Curiosity killed the cat. That's just wrong. And besides, cats have nine lives and idle hands.
6. (And this gem when she would find out that someone was mad at someone else.) Well, now so-and-so has another job. Getting unmad. I actually semi-understand and like that one, but have updated it to a gem that one of my amazing blog readers taught me: You can get unmad in the same pants you got mad in.
7. Measure twice. Cut once. What do you do if you suck at measuring and cutting?
8. I am the mother. That's why. Now, this is a good one that although I do not understand I use on a regular basis.
9. Frowning takes more muscles than smiling. Excuse me. What the WHAT?
A few days ago, Girl 1 threw a mother-loving fit and then was pouting for a good four hours.
Suddenly out of NO where (except possibly the after world) this came out of my mouth, "Y'know, frowning takes more muscles than smiling."
She silently looked at me with a look that said, "What in the &*%$ are you talking about?"
And she actually did that while she was frowning.
And then I looked at myself (without an actual mirror, I mean I just examined my soul) and thought:
What in the &*%$ am I talking about???
FROWNING TAKES MORE MUSCLES THAN SMILING???
And I've known this fact since I was a CHILD???
I have been on a mission this summer to "count calories." (And I mean this in the loosest sense possible, like for example: A fruit smoothie probably has less calories than bacon, hash browns and scrambled eggs.) Along with the counting calorie mission, I've been diligently trying to use all my muscles on a regular basis because I was doing research on calorie burning and some professional on the internets said that using the same muscles over and over will not burn as many calories as changing up your routine. So, I have been a working out/calorie counting slave.
And here I had haphazardly stumbled on a diet gold mine.
Why am I trying to use different muscles everyday working out? I just need to be less happy and frown more. And I could be using more muscles.
I think my ma *might* be trying to communicate with me from the other side to let me know: Exercise is for the birds! Not smiling is the key!
I am ready to start my new program! Sign me up!