Tips to Enjoy Your Holiday Food (while drinking)

It's time for my annual post about How To Indulge the Holidays - Through Food and Drink. This is the anti-How To Avoid the Holiday Bulge which is a common article you will find just about anywhere this time of year. It came out in my paper today and frankly, some parts (which I will quote so that you too can enjoy them) just made me laugh out loud.

So, if you are not familiar with this reoccurring post it's basically just a list of how to enjoy the holiday food and not really worry about your waistline (or as I like to say - your who?).

1. DO NOT eat before the party to "save calories." That is plumb crazy on a lot of different levels. First of all, it's rude. These people have presumably invited you to their party because they like you and they want to cook for you. So, EAT IT. EAT LOTS OF IT. It will make you and them HAPPY. In fact, a rule I like to follow is - starve yourself (and your kids if you have 'em) for a good long while BEFORE the party so that when you get there your whole family is starving and everything tastes good. No need to hope your hostess is an excellent cook because it will all taste great if you are starving. ;o) I also like to tell my kids - THIS IS DINNER (or lunch or breakfast - depending on the time of the party) SO YOU BETTER EAT. MOMMA IS NOT COOKING WHEN WE GET HOME. This usually assures that my crew eats till there is nothing else to eat.

2. DO NOT forgo drink in order to save calories (or really for any reason). The holidays were made for great little cocktails (and of course, plain old beer - my personal favorite) that might not come around for ANOTHER YEAR. So, ENJOY THEM. Who cares how many calories they have? And, for goodness sake, they DO make you eat more and not notice it. THAT'S half the fun!!! Hello!!! I can drink three cute little cocktails and then I could care less what I eat...................no brainer AND it makes the so-so cook look fabulous so we all come out winners.

3. When you are at a holiday party situate yourself CLOSE to the food and drink so as to conserve energy and time. If you can pull up a chair RIGHT up to the food table without being too conspicuous - DO IT. Believe me, you will be the center of attention and life of the party (if you do it right ;o). This guarantees that you get to taste all the new stuff (because I really hate it when I am feeling a little full - or sick because of too many cute cocktails and then the hostess puts something I need to try on the table) and that you can continue to get the know-it's-great-already stuff.

4. Keep your hands free. Now, I am going to quote from the San Antonio Express News right now because this tip is so utterly ridiculous. Here goes, "Carry a clutch bag in one hand and a glass of sparkling water or a camera in the other, and you'll limit your chances of unconsciously snacking on party fare." Seriously???? What planet are you from? Are you the Grinch? Let's break this apart (sublist) just so we are clear on what needs to happen:

a. Clutch??? You need a BIG BAG for parties in case there are some yummy left-overs that you need to take home (or a bottle of wine you feel no one is going to drink). So, before heading out grab the biggest fanciest bag you can find. And then PUT IT ON YOUR SHOULDER FOR SOME HANDS FREE EATING.
b. GLASS OF SPARKLING WATER. Seriously? Save that for the gym............................in January. The only thing in your hand (or better yet - your hubby's hand) should be a cute little Christmas cocktail or a yummy flavored beer.
c. CAMERA? Believe me if you have as much fun as I usually have - you won't NEED a camera. The pictures will be posted the next day on Facebook for the whole world to see.
d. UNCONSCIOUSLY SNACKING ON PARTY FARE? My best snacking is ALWAYS UNCONSCIOUS.

5. Do not EVER stop to wonder what is in something or how many calories it has. Believe me there will be plenty of time for that when you write your New Year's Resolutions. So, here's the second UTTERLY hilarious thing I read, "Need more help navigating that table of temptation, aka the buffet? Just go to Calorieking.com/mobile, type in the treat that 's threatening your willpower and click "go." Sheesh. Way to kill the moment, people. Here's my tip if you want to click "go:" RESIST the temptation because in the time it takes to click "go" you can pop that sweet little morsel in your mouth and be done with it. And if that doesn't work, call me. I will be more than happy to help you "navigate" any party buffet table. I look darn good with a big, fancy bag, too.

6. Forego exercise this time of year. Because what's the point? Like I think that 45 minutes in the morning is really going to matter when I've stuffed my face for seven days straight?

7. Remember "There's Always Tomorrow." Don't get down on yourself because you couldn't taste everything or you didn't order the cutest little Christmas drink. There's always another party. Trust me on this one. The holiday season started seven days before Halloween (or whenever you broke open your candy that was supposed to be for the trick-or-treaters) and technically it doesn't end until my birthday, so you have PLENTY of time to enjoy everything.

I could probably think of more, but I have to end somewhere and I am frightened for all the people that read today's paper so I feel compelled to get this out there. ;o)

Happy eating my friends.