Wednesday, December 1, 2010

It's December 1st. Do you know where your kids are?

So, I am typing with nine digits rather than 10 due to an exercising accident (damn that exercise) involving a five pound weight and my pinky finger. You will forgive my typos and promise never to exercise again.

Take a look at the calendar my blogging peeps. It's DECEMBER 1st. Time to take down the Halloween paraphenalia. Your neighbors will thank you. Trust me on that one.

So, because I don't have enough to do at this time of year, I decided to let my kids participate in a little thing called Santa's Workshop (I can't exactly remember what it's called, but that sounds close). It's run by the ominous PTA and it is to "encourage your children to think of others during the holidays." Aw! That's sweet, right? Well, just remember that when something sounds sweet and kind.............there's usually something fishy brewing.

Turns out this "kind, encouraging" thing is a little store where the PTA sells various trinkets (called "specially selected gifts with your family in mind" - - not a direct quote, but close enough) for your kids to buy and give to their family members. AND the PTA helps them make their selections by providing a nice little chart for them (literally for: mom) to fill out and actual assistance from live PTA volunteers at the store. My kids thought this would be sweet and basically begged me to do it every day since the flyer came home in June? so I eventually (Sunday) just caved in and said, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY." We painstakingly (and by this I mean the following):

Me: So who do you want to buy for? (with EACH CHILD - THERE ARE THREE)

Child: Everyone.................I mean just S.................I mean, okay, just C. and dad...............Wait, no.................I mean...............what was the question again?

Me: Okay. So, I am checking mom and dad. How much money do you have?

Child: Let me, wait............................well, mom, what coin is this? No, I know. It's a quarter....................let's see............................I have $ What's this mom? Mom, can you just count it for me?

So, you get the picture. It took a good....................eight hours to fill out the forms. But, I was totally cool with it because, afterall, it's encouraging kindness and generousity, right?

Fast forward to today. My sweet baby girl comes home smiling like she ate a cheshire cat (or whatever the saying is). She calmly tells me she bought me and daddy a present. (Still smiling like her face is stuck that way.) So, I tell her, "That's great, baby. Now, it's a secret so go put it somewhere where mommy doesn't go in this house." Um, like where is that?????????????

Time passes. We do homework, play, eat dinner, take baths, etc. Then she comes hopping downstairs telling me she needs to talk to me. Okay, I say. About what? She wants to talk about dad's present. Do I want to know what it is? Now, I am really, really bad about keeping things the kids say away from dad, so immediately I say, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU BOUGHT DAD." To which she says, "I think I should tell you, mom because I just realized it says, 'grandpa' on it."

Say what???

Before she said this I felt the strange urge to giggle, but after she said that I flat out wanted to bust a gut. But, I calmly said, "It says what, baby?" She says (a little more frantically), "It says 'grandpa' mommy, but only in one place and it's really small. I think I should show it to you, mom." And I must say at this point I am intrigued. I totally want to see this Grandpa Gift now. And I am laughing (inside) a little more now.

So, she brings down this pen. It's got this cute little tassle on it. Every time you click the pen different messages pop up in this pen window on the side of the pen. So, she hands me the pen and I start to click. Now, I must say as soon as I saw the tassle I was pretty far gone on the side of not being quite able to contain my laughter. Bad Mommy, Bad Mommy.

But, when I clicked the pen a good 10 times I was flat out belly laughing. Because there were the messages: I love you grandpa, World's Best Grandpa, #1 Grandpa, etc., etc.

Sadly, she is looking more and more discouraged as I am clicking and belly laughing. I manage to say (through tears at this point), "Baby, did you get this for dad or grandpa and was there an adult helping you?" thinking 'because if there was......mommy is going to kill them.' She says, "I got it for dad, but now that I am reading it I think I should give it to grandpa. Mom, are you laughing at me?"

At this point I squeeze her very tightly and hold her close. "No, baby, I am not laughing at you. I am happy because there is more kindness and generousity in your heart than all of Santa's workshop. And, furthermore, I think daddy or grandpa would love this clicking pen so much."

Luckily her tons of hair muffled my still laughing voice. I told her she could think about what she wanted to do and we could find an equally fabulous gift for dad, OR we could just give it to dad and he would LOVE it. She smiled and said she felt much better and wasn't it a darn cute pen. Everyone went to bed happy.

As soon as everyone was tucked in bed, I immediately told her dad the whole story and we both had a belly laugh.

All in all this was a fabulous first day of December. My heart is full of kindness and generousity. Thank you, PTA. Who knew you could be so funny?


Shannon said...

Too darn funny!

Jae said...

*&%$%*&#@$ Penguin Workshop! heh heh heh!!! All three of mine got me the same thing, this is all I know... :)

This is so cute! :) Glad Daddy laughed over that one!