Monday, December 6, 2010

And To All A Good Night

Preface: I believe in "Truth in Blogging," so I am going to go ahead and click "publish post" on this one. But know that it is with reservation. Lest you think I am a scrooge, grumpy, anti-Christmas fanfare person (which sometimes I admit I absolutely am) let me make a preface list for you. 1. I love my husband wholeheartedly. Our being polar opposites in nearly all matters makes for an exciting life. 2. I will attend the Christmas party and have a GREAT time. 3. I am not a lush.....................well.....................most of the time I am not a lush. 4. I will do my best to make my face presentable so, as not to ruin all of Ms. J's hard work with my wardrobe.

So, count down until the Grown Up Party has begun. Saturday we are leaving for Ed's Company Christmas Party 2010 in.............................................................DALLAS. That's like five hours from here. There will be a few Firsts involved with this Christmas Party.

1. It is the First one with Ed's new company.

2. It is the First one in ANOTHER city (where we don't actually live).

3. It is the First one where we are spending the night away (on Ed's boss' tab which does sweeten the pot somewhat).

4. It is the First time a babysitter will sit with the kids (well, hopefully she'll sleep.........not with the just gets worse in print) overnight.

5. It is the First time that I will not know one stinkin' soul at the party (oh, except the guy in the suit that I am going with).

6. It is the First time that Ed will know only a handful of people at the party.

7. It is the First time that I will go out in public voluntarily with this raging eye infection that seems to have come from nowhere and invaded my eyes making me look like something out of a bad horror movie. Can you feel how happy I am about that?

8. It is the First time I will wear a Full Bodied Spanx which The Guy In The Suit has appropriately dubbed The Iron Curtain and which looks incredibly uncomfortable.

And there will be a few Same Olds with this Christmas Party.

1. I will drink as much as I possibly can. This will limit people wanting to start a conversation with me and it will dull the pain in my eyes (possibly it will make it so that I cannot see at all).

2. This will cause some embarrassment (on my part and the part of the Guy in the Suit), but since it cannot be helped it will end up just being funny). In fact, as I write this I am already laughing (crying on the inside).

3. The Guy in the Suit will talk to as many people as he can leaving the Girl in the Dress (that would be me) to fend for herself.

4. I will then be forced to sample all the desserts to avoid having to talk and to have yummy morsels to eat.

5. I will invariably put my foot in my mouth (probably figuratively, possibly literally).

6. That might be with Ed's new boss since I don't actually know who that is.

7. My Spanx will become uncomfortable and I will consider removing it in the restroom.

8. Ed will dance like a maniac from the first dance until the last.

9. I will move gently around him trying not to spill my drink.

10. When the party is over and we are in our free room The Guy in the Suit will say, "Wow that was pretty good, wasn't it?" Whereupon I will peel off my Spanx, hoping that my loose body parts do not destroy anything in the room that his boss (who I still may not actually know) has kindly paid for, apply cold compresses to my inflamed, disgusting, red eyes, and pass out on the bed.

Merry Christmas everybody!


Shannon said...

1. First go see a doctor for the eyes. It is only Tuesday so by Saturday the meds should have kicked in and you will feel much better.
2. DO NOT remove the spanx during the party. Your dress will no longer fit. Take my word on this.
3. Do have fun!
4. Some day when the kdis are older and/or I am a post closer to home you and Ed will have to come to a ball with me and Dave. Then Ed and I can dance like maniacs all night long and you and Dave can watch and laugh at us. It will be a blast!

Monica said...

hahahahahaha!!! yay on #4. that would be a blast. well, on #1 - i am pretty sure i need a steroid shot, but i have maintained it today with a high dose of zyrtec. bad news - i fell asleep during dinner last night. SO, i might even be MORE fun than ed imagined - as in i might fall asleep right into my plate. ;o)

Jae said...

I am quietly lmao! (it is 6:20am) I'm with Shannon, DO NOT remove the spanx during the party! you won't be able to leave the restroom; and if your eyes are red and itchy, and you cannot see, and you've been drinking, this may cause you to try to leave the restroom anyhow, causing further embarrassment to the guy in the suit! lol!

Kay, have fun now, you hear?! We'll look in on said kiddos. :)

Monica said...

ah, ms. jae. you have created a visual image in my mind that is BEYOND funny. so, THANK YOU. trying to maintain my image and reputation. will have my hands full with that. ;o)