If a wild turkey tries to hit your Yukon, karma might be trying to get ya.

So, it's been a strange week over here at Day in the Life.  Here's the recap and in the interest of your capacity to pay attention I've tried to delete the less interesting happenings.

1.  I had the extreme pleasure of renewing my license that was about 200 years old.  In person.  With a four year old.  Here's a little taste of how that felt:  It took three hours and two minutes.  It was about 30 degrees that morning (which is around 10 degrees below zero by South Texas standards).  One hour and 15 minutes was spent outside the building (because there is a fire code - the audacity - and the building is about as big as my kitchen and so only about 10 people fit in there safely at one time - therefore the other 880 people in line have to wait outside the building).  The people are friendly despite working in a time-warp-like atmosphere where all the people you are waiting on look like zombies and feel like they have severe jet lag.  I made five new friends (and this is particularly shocking because as my good friends know my motto is, "I don't need any new friends.  I don't even like the friends I have.").  I think I was so tired and worn down I *may* have agreed to become Facebook friends with all of them.  And, despite hubby's precaution as I departed the house to "take a good picture," I looked like I'd been through war when I finally made it to the front of the line.  I was faced with the reality once again that age has not been good to me.  In my first photo I look fresh, young, and vibrant.  In my second photo....well, let's just say - I look haggard.  Here's a before/after and I'll let you all be judges.


The Before.  

The After.  (I dressed up for the occasion.  It didn't help.)
 

The "P.S." on this story is that a few days after I stood in line for three hours (I feel like Gilligan when I say that) this new one million square foot  DPS megaplex opened right down the street from my house.  (Of course.  Damn my city government for conspiring against me.)

I don't see anyone waiting in line there (in the freezing cold, with a four year old).

2.  I've had some run-ins with wildlife.  So, remember when I started $hit with some pesky raccoons?  Well, it seems they have some friends in our neighborhood and this might be the final retribution.  As you might know, we recently got a puppy.  And now something is trying to kill it.  I first saw who I am heretofore referring to as Will E Coyote or just WillEC a few days ago.  He was wandering through my backyard and he seemed like he really wanted to eat our puppy, Bandit.  I am too slow to get a good photo of him (I'm still working on that) but here's what he kinda looks like. 


I know.  I kinda want to pet him, too.  But, I would also like to live a little longer.

Anyway.  Considering coyotes can eat humans and small puppies I decided to watch Bandit carefully (and Girl 3).  Then, WillEC decided to disembowel a skunk and leave the carcass for us under our tree house.  That seemed like a little more of a sign that we *might* be in danger.  Of dying.  So, I stepped up my "basic and rational precautions a little."  (Like I decided to smear the blood of my forefathers on all of my doors and carry my crucifix with me at all times.) 

Then, yesterday I came home and WillEC was sniffing around my garbage cans.  Holy crap I thought.  This is the final retribution for all the raccoon shizzle last year.  I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out how I was going to step up my game.

Then, this guy crossed my path. 

Yeah, that's an approximately four foot tall wild turkey.  Side note:  WE DON'T LIVE IN THE WILD.  Cheesus H. Christ.

So, you guys - I might be in trouble.  Those raccoons seem to be winning right now.  I sense that they are somewhere out in the wild beyond my backyard having a good laugh at my expense.  I'm considering leaving them a note.  It will read something like this:

"I surrender.  You guys win.  Turns out you are smarter than me.  You can have all my garbage for the rest of my life.  Just LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE."