plz xcuse my splg.

I'm taking a break from the painting (which I haven't actually started yet) to bring you a post that is overdue and just too hilarious (in my own mind) to resist. 

Now, when it comes to my kids I try to love them all equally and not play favorites.  And, by love them all equally and not play favorites I mean they all get made fun of.........by me...........on my blog.........equally. 

I hesitated for a while before writing this post becuase I didn't want you to think I was a cruel mom who found her childrens' shortcomings, difficulties and gloatings hilarious.  Then I decided - I am a cruel mom who finds her kids' boastings, shortcomings and difficulties often times hilarious and it's about time you knew the truth.  So, hate me if you must.

A few weeks ago we were headed out of town as a family and Boy Child decided it would be fun to play a little game called Spelling Bee.  The school spelling bee had just finished and he could not stop talking about how great it was and how he couldn't believe he hadn't participated because he is such an amazing speller and could have beaten them all.  Now when he said, "Hey, girls want to play Spelling Bee?  I am the best speller.  Way better than either of you and I am going to be in the Spelling Bee at school next year."  Hubby and I exchanged a silent smirk (if you are parents, you know the ones) because spelling is not the boy's strong point and generally he hates it.  He started having difficulty with spelling whenever it is in school when the spelling words have more than two or three letters.  Don't get me wrong, he brings home many hundreds on spelling tests because he has a great memory, but he could give a flip about how words are spelled.  Often times we get notes like the following, "Mom, can u pls do my drte lawndre?"  (We have never actually gotten a note like that because he hates to write too, but you get the idea.) 

Girl 1, on the other hand, is an excellent speller.  And, like some kids love candy, she loves to spell.  As I have said many times, she is a wordsmith, so spelling is essential to her.  She, of course, gets more than hundreds on her spelling tests because she always gets extra points for the bonus words.  It's like spelling is inate for her.  She can often times spell words that she doesn't even know. 

So, you can imagine that when the boy challenged the girls to a spelling competition in the Yukon, hubby and I were intrigued.  Did I mention Boy Child is supremely competitive and the girls really don't care who wins?

Here is how it went down:

Boy:  What do you think, girls?  Do you wanna play?  I'm really good at spelling and I'll probably win, but what do you think?

Girl 1:  A spelling bee?  That's a great idea.  I love spelling.

Girl 2:  Okay.  I'll play.

Girl 3:  I know how to spell!!!  F says, fa!  Did I spell that right?

Boy:  Okay.  So, here's how it goes (he then ran through the condensed version of the Scripps National Spelling Bee rules and guidelines for the girls who were bored and mostly ignored him).

Hubby and I:  More silent snickering

Girl 1:  Go.  We're ready give us the word.

Boy:  Well, since I'm probably the best speller I'll get the first word.

Hubby:  Okay.  Your word is "decide".


Boy:  That's super easy.  Decide.  D-e-s-i-d!  Decide.

Hubby and I exchange a glance and smile that said, "Wonder how long this will go on?"


Hubby:  Wrong.  Girl 1 gets the word.

Girl 1:  Okay.  D-e-c-i-d-e.

Boy:  YOU DIDN'T SAY THE WORD BEFORE AND AFTER.

Girl 1:  Oh, who cares?  Did I get it right?

Hubby:  Yes.  Great.  Try to remember to say the word before and after.  Okay.  Girl 2 - "sharp".

Hubby smirks at me and I smirk back at his choice of word.


Girl 2:  Sharp.  S-h-a-r-p.  Sharp.

Me:  Great!  Good job. 

Girl 3:  I want a word!!!  It's my turn!!!

Me:  Okay, Girl 3.  "Princess."

Girl 3:  Pa, pa, P!!!  DID I GET IT RIGHT???

All the kids:  YES.  YOU GOT IT RIGHT.  NOW BE QUIET SO WE CAN HAVE OUR SPELLING BEE.  (Did I mention how loving and patient our kids are?)

Hubby:  Okay, Boy.  "Awesome."

I smirk at hubby silently saying, "Nice word choice."


Boy:  Awesome.  A-u-s-u-m!  Awesome.

Me:  Wrong.  Sorry, buddy.  Girl 1, "Awesome."

Girl 1:  Hmm.  A-w-e-s-o-m-e!  Is that right?

Me:  Yes.  Good job.  Girl 2, "tired."

Hubby mouths, "Ha!"

Girl 2:  T-i-r-d-e.

Me:  Nice try.  Boy, "tired."

Girl 3:  IT'S MY TURN.

All the kids:  YOU CAN'T SPELL.

Girl 3:  Melts down into whining and excessive crying about how she is a big girl and can spell.

Hubby turns to me and quietly says, "Please shoot me."

I say back, "Then who will drive?"

Boy:  Okay, so my word.  T-i-r-e-d!  I think I got it right?

Me:  Nice.  Correct.  Girl 1, "exhausted."

More silent smirking and inappropriate comments between hubby and I.

Girl 1:  E-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.

Me:  Nice work.  Girl 2, "boring."

Girl 2:  B-o-r-i-n-g!

Hubby:  Nice, Girl 2. 

Boy:  Okay, dad.  I'm ready for a super hard word!

Hubby:  Okay.  "Achiever."

Boy:  Hmm.  A.........ch?  E?  V?  Er!  Achiever!  Wait.  Did I say "ei" or "ie"?  I think it's "ei".

Me:  Not quite.  But, close!  Girl 1?

Girl 1:  A-c-h-i-e-v-e-r!  Is that right?

Me:  Yes.

Boy:  Hmm.  Okay, so, it looks like I'm winning.  Let's make this last word a really, super hard word, okay?  And this will be the grand championship!

Hubby actually does a snort.

Hubby:  Okay.  Grand championship word:  "Successful!" Boy?

Boy:  Hmm.  S-u-x-s-e?  Wait.  Let me start over.  S-u-c-s-e-s-f-u-l!  Wait.  I think two L's.  Is that right?

Hubby:  I don't think so.

Me:  Girl 1?

Girl 1:  S-u-c-c-e-s-s-f-u-l.  Is that right?

Boy:  WAIT!  Don't say it!  Let Girl 2 try it and then the one who got it right is the grand champion speller of all spellers.

Hubby and me:  Okay.

Girl 2.  Hmm.  Successful.  That's kind of hard for a second grader.  But, I think it's spelled s-u-c-c-e-s-f-u-l.

Me:  SO CLOSE.  Girl 1 is the winner.  Grand champion of all spellers.

Boy:  Slightly less enthusiastic.  Good job, Girl 1.

Girl 1:  Smiling.

Minutes pass in silence.  Hubby and I are silently snickering and trying not to say anything inappropriate or hurtful.

Boy:  I guess spelling is hard.  I don't know if I'm going to be in the Spelling Bee next year.  I guess it depends on what I'm doing that day.

Me:  Yeah.  That's probably a good idea.  Wait and see how you feel then and practice your spelling in the mean time.

Hubby much later as we are getting ready for bed:  What in God's name made him think of a Spelling Bee???  And THEN think he'd win???  She's like the best speller of all time. 

We both dissolve into a good five minutes of hopelessly funny re-enactions of the Spelling Bee and laughter full of snorting.

Me:  I don't know.  Are we cruel and horrible parents to think this is so gosh dang hilarious?

Hubby:  Yes. 

I'm still torn between horrifying self-realization and the enjoyment of a hilarious parenting moment.  I guess it's nice to know who we are.  Right?  Have a great weekend and plz xcuse my splng.

P.S.  Because there is always The Great Equalizer with which to contend, the spell check on Blogger is not working at this moment.  Thanks.