It's all downhill from here, baby.

So, it's that really awkward time between Thanksgiving and December 1.  That in-between time is like a rebound man.  You don't really want to make a commitment to anything, and yet you want to try something new, fun, and exciting.  And, it's Cyber Monday so in a way I am compelled to be "on" the computer 24/7 to see what deals I might be missing and I am kinda wanting to try something new and exciting out on you (don't worry - I'll be gentle).  Since these are strange days (we have exactly two more to get through until December 1 when we can officially begin waiting for Santa or Jesus - or both), I thought I would give you a totally random list of possibly Novemberish/Decemberish items - because that's how I roll.

Totally Random List of Crap You Don't Care About Fascinating Things You Didn't Know You Cared About

1.  I gained about 200 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday (and that is just an estimate - it could be more).  Jillian is now going to own me.  As in, "I will be her bee-atch."  Worry about me.  THIS did NOT keep me from buying the industrial size ("makes SIX batches") Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Brownie Mix at Costco today.  I quickly justified it by saying it was less than $2.00/batch.  WHAT A STEAL!!!  Call me crazy.  I am ensuring resolutions come January 1.
2.  I keep waiting for the three year old to turn into a sweet, loving child.  Apparently this is not going to happen.  Over the holiday this fact *may have* hit me front and center.  I'm looking into a refund.
3.  I believe Black Friday is a conspiracy wherein retailers incrementally raise prices all year long so that no one really notices only to lower them BACK down to where they originally were on Black Friday and THEN they sell that to you as an "awesome deal."  It should be called Screw the Consumer.  I *may* tell myself this in order to make myself feel better when reading status updates about how many deals people are finding while I am sitting at home drinking hot coffee in my pajamas nursing a hangover.
4.  We set up the tree, decorated the yard (if you can call three reindeer with lights laying beside them "decorating the yard"), decorated the house, and basically rang in Christmas with little to no family dysfunction.  I am still waiting for the "other shoe to drop."  On my head.
5.  I do not understand the fascination with Twilight.  Although I did discover s'more martinis on someones Twilight status update and that discovery might have redeemed all the disgustingly gratuitous Twilight status updates.
6.  I am once again tempted to tell my kids that I Am Santa. 
7.  You can't find Jesus at the mall and take pictures with him.  This is actually one that Girl 2 said to me the other day.  To which I replied, "You are right.  I don't think you can."  I've been thinking about it ever since.  Possibly because I am now picturing a person dressed as Jesus sitting at the mall and a long line of kids waiting to have their pictures taken with him.  With Him.  Him?  See?  It'll make you think now, too.
8.  I still send Christmas cards (if you don't get one remember that my blog is mostly true).  Last year I received from others the least amount of cards on record (I even had to count the one from my dentist - who still sends a card).  Either I am getting less and less popular or people are not sending cards as much anymore.  I'm really hoping it's the second one.
9.  I will be wearing a 70's dress I purchased at Goodwill to hubby's Christmas party this year.  It's okay.  Don't worry.  Remember I said I was thankful for peeps that have good taste because I don't?  Well, one of those peeps approved it.  When I was shopping at Goodwill I was under the assumption the party theme was "70's."  Why else would I be at Goodwill buying a 70's dress???  (Wait.  On second thought - don't answer that.)  After I purchased the dress, hubby told me they decided to not go with a theme.  At first I said, "Damn."  Now, I am pee pants excited to be wearing a Goodwill dress to a posh hotel.  Weird.  I know.
10.  It may be time to finish my kids' stockings.  I am not crafty.  In fact, I like to call myself the anti-Craft.  Kind of like the anti-Christ, but less scary.  I not only am not good at crafts, I hate them.  When I fancied myself crafty (about 20 years ago) I started some Christmas stockings for "some kids."  Weird again.  I know.  I don't know if I was thinking of someday having kids or I was just thinking of orphans.  At any rate, these are the stockings my kids have now and they are in various stages of "done."  Every year the kids say, "When are you going to finish these, mom?"  Every year I say, "Beats the hell out of me.  Probably never."  This may be the year.  Then again, it may not.

That's my list, sweet readers.  Try to survive this murky time and I hope to see you on the Other Side on December 1.  Peace (and good tidings, if you must).