Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How Red Ribbon Week Drove Mom to Drink

October 24-29! National Red Ribbon Week! Just say no! Say NO to drugs! Make up a slogan (that has little to do with drugs and most of the kids can't remember) for your school for every day this week to show you have school spirit because school spirit helps you say no to drugs! So, that last one is a stretch, but hopefully all of this red ribbon %$*# has been painstakingly researched, so we know it works and really helps keep kids off drugs. AND - sometimes it is a stretch to say no to drugs, right?

Monday - WE ARE 'RED' Y TO SAY NO TO DRUGS! (Wear red to school)

Okay. Perfect. We all have red shirts. Not too obscure. Thank you, Principal and Very Important Team that makes all official Red Ribbon decisions (is that the Department of National Security?)

Tuesday - now here's where it starts to get tricky so pay attention - STAY IN THE GAME - BE DRUG FREE. Okay, no mind that I ABHOR sports of all kinds, and that when I read that all sorts of lewd things come to mind. Need I name a few? Tiger Woods? Brett Fabre? Michael Vick? Most of the Dallas Cowboys? Oh, but wait. They didn't do drugs, right? And, what game are we talking about? Baseball? But, I take the high road (I know you are surprised.) So, okay, you want my kids to STAY IN THE GAME!!! All right. I guess I'm okay with that. WEAR YOUR FAVORITE TEAM SHIRT.

And here's where the whining and fighting begins. We own one team shirt and I am pretty sure someone gave it to us. It belongs to the boy child. So, it follows that he would wear it. Except for the small fact that his younger sister wakes up moaning, whining, kicking and generally complaining that she cannot go to school without a team shirt because they are awarded points if they participate.

WHAT??? And, I will refrain from seriously veering of course here. So, the teachers award points for participating? Am I awarded points in life for not doing drugs? Okay, so maybe I am. So, I will not speak to this issue.

So, I calmly, patiently, and lovingly explain (at 6:15 a.m.) to my sweet girl that it's OKAY. You can not participate for one day because team shirts cost like one million dollars and mommy hates sports and is not going to go out and buy one just so you can NOT DO DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl child, "BUT MOMMY EVERYONE WILL MAKE FUN OF ME LIKE THEY MADE FUN OF JORDAN (his name was changed to protect him) WHEN HE DIDN'T WEAR RED YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!"

What followed was too detailed to explain so I will summarize for you: I explained we do not make fun of others, we are strong inside ourselves to withstand teasing, we befriend children who are being ridiculed for not participating, we do not spend money uselessly on stupid T-shirts that we don't even like just to 'fit in,' we do not condone drug use in national sports, and this is supposed to be FUN for Pete's sake, AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the while thinking, "WHAT IS THIS FOR??? So we can NOT DO DRUGS???"

She still did not understand. That is when her dear sweet dad came down from getting ready for work and explained it again. Then she understood. Kind of. They got out the door. Boy child wore his BMX jersey (the only sport we do in this house), girl child wore her brother's team shirt, and the baby girl child wore normal clothes and just tried not to do drugs for this one day.

Are we all still happy and ready NOT TO DO DRUGS?

Wednesday - SAY PEACE OUT TO DRUGS - Wear your tie-dye shirts or peace symbols.

So, there must be some really young teachers because - DO THEY REMEMBER THE 70's??????? But, again, I am being supportive and keep my mouth shut.

Again, what ensued this morning was too detailed to express word for word so here's a synopsis:

S. - I need a tie-dye shirt and something with a peace symbol. Okay, mom? So, can I wear this? But, the shirt is not too tie-dyed and the leggings don't match. So, MOM - WHAT SHOULD I WEAR???

My supportive husband to my son (who has chosen to wear one of his sister's yellow tie-dyed shirts with bright orange shorts) - BOY, you look like a school bus. I thought this was Red Ribbon Week. What the heck are you wearin'? Is that gonna help you not do drugs???

Thank you, supportive husband.

C. (the other school aged girl) - I DON'T HAVE ANY LEGGINGS S. TOOK THEM AWAY FROM ME.

This is all interspersed with random crying, whining, and moaning.

They all finally got out the door...............looking seriously like hippie children who do drugs. And I popped open a beer as soon as they were out the door.

Just kidding.

Almost. ;o) Two more days to go and I will try to stay drug free for them.


Jae said...

ROFLMAO!!! Oh this is precious! Loving it! My boys just have a peace symbol pinned to their shirts. LMAO!!! The girl, thankfully, LOVES peace and symbols and has at least 10 pink or red or purple shirts with peace symbols.

I do agree that the administration is trying to drive parents nuts. Honestly! Every year, with 50s Day, and 100 Day, and Red Ribbon week, I'm off looking for something they can wear so they don't get teased. AGH!!!!

Monica said...

yeah. i nearly peed my pants when ed told malcolm he looked like a school bus (he did, kinda ;o). ed later (in my ear) told me that after looking at malcolm he actually wanted to DO drugs. ;o)

jamiew said...

ok, so I clearly did not get the memo (or newsletter to be precise) & no school on Mon. Had no idea and I chugged a beer right before I read to my kid last night...(not in his room at least), so is that why he came off the bus crying? Poor thing thinks his mommy is breaking the law and going down in a handbasket. I blame Nancy Reagan.

Monica said...

jamiew - BAD MOMMY, BAD MOMMY. yes, that is why he was crying. and yes, it is ALL nancy's fault.

Becky said...

I shared this post with my husband on a downer day and we both laughed like crazy. Thanks Monica!

Becky said...

Just wanted to let you know I linked to you. If you'd rather I pull the link I totally can. Thanks!