(Carefully not numbered to avoid sounding greedy.)
- bras (Because when do we, as women, not need those?)
- panties (Ditto and preferably not edible or crotchless - ew! Sorry.)
- a Keurig coffee maker (No, I don't already have one of those. If you would like an address to make donations to make this a reality - let me know!)
- make-up that is not crusty because I am pretty sure that's not how make-up is supposed to be
- slippers - the warm kind with animal bodies (Not real animals - don't call PETA. Although, since I have never tried the real animal kind I cannot really speak against it.)
- a nice, big purse (one that holds snacks, feminine products, deodorant, cologne - that I'm getting - a styling brush, a spare pair of panties - FOR THE KIDS, wipees, etc.)
- work-out clothes
- new pajamas
- fashionable boots
- a winter coat
- a stapler that I don't have to smack each time I staple something
- a decent pencil sharpener (yes, I still use pencils)
- a lot of James Avery jewelry
- accessories (any kind, really)
But, here's the REAL reason for the post. Sorry. I am in a meandering sort of mood. THIS is the list that is not being submitted because it is truly too much to ask..............for even SANTA with his white, shiny gloves.
(And yes, I numbered this one so that just in case Santa is one of my blog readers he won't think I am too greedy.)
What I Would Really Like for Christmas
1. Sleep. Like for a long time. Till I am ready to get up. AND THEN, no talking until I have had as much coffee as I would like (Keurig coffee or Starbucks). AND THEN, my breakfast brought to me.
2. Weight loss without exercise. I really hate exercise.
3. A call from a publisher offering me a million dollar advance on my parenting book..
4. Calorie-less beer that tastes great and actually combats bloating and aging.
5. A personal bartender (that looks like Johnny Depp and brings his own liquor - because liquor is not cheap).
6. A personal assistant who while doing all my crap for me also teaches me how to do it for myself (kind of like the whole teach a girl to fish thing) so that I can eventually say goodbye to him (cause personal assistants are a little creepy) and voila I am an assistant to MYSELF. And if this person could make me crafty and able to do all home improvement that would be great, too. (AND if he has to look like Johnny Depp, too, that's cool).
7. To be like Samantha from Bewitched and have all the Christmas decorations put themselves away after Christmas by just crinkling my nose or snapping my fingers.
8. Ditto for making my kids behave.
9. World peace (See Santa - I am not a total schmuck.)
10. Big boobs and flawless skin (Okay - maybe I am.)
I've been mostly nice this year, so we'll see how it all works out. Update on the 26th. Be merry, friends!