We may have turned a new leaf, or Mother's Day 2010

Yes, it was bittersweet. The first without ma. But, then again Mother's Day has always been painful for me. We lost Frank a few weeks before Mother's Day 2000 and I will never forget that Mother's Day - only my second being a mother myself. Alone and heartbroken I remember sitting in our sad childless apartment not wanting to call my own mom for fear that I would not even be able to say "Happy Mother's Day" without breaking down. Knowing that although her heart was breaking too for the loss of her sweet grand baby she would try to comfort me because that's how she was. I don't think I could bear it. I think we spent the day alone and speechless. Somehow in the years that followed I was not ever able to shake that miserable day. There has always been a curse on the day for me. I remember being numb for a few years and then just being "not great."

Surprisingly, yesterday was fabulous. I was dreading it like the plague. I guess I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I am happy to report - it didn't. I awoke to omelets cooking and the strong smell of hash browns frying in grease and Starbucks coffee being brewed. Yummo. The kids were anxious to give me all their home made presents. I treasured them. My own mom was present all day in my thoughts. But, instead of making me sad it made me pleasantly happy and at peace. I thought of her upon waking and then again when I was reading the card/book "What my mom means to me" from Sofie. "I am happiest when....'Me and my mom sit together.'" This accompanied by a fabulous picture of both of us.................... sitting (because, of course, what else would it be a picture of?). Again I thought of ma. In the months leading up to her death she carefully went through several boxes of "stuff" she had stored throughout many, many years. In one of the boxes we found cards I had given her as a child that she had painstakingly saved. How sweet is that? We read through them all in her spare bedroom. We laughed and cried a little. They were funny and touching. She said, "Take them, sweetie and show them to your kids." Looking back it was like she knew she would be gone soon and that this was one more passing of the torch.

It was right after gift giving that Ed told the kids, "Today is Mother's Day. If you need anything or have any questions today you will need to ask me." Say what????? That was all I needed to do.................absolutely nothing! So nice. I think I may have read every section of the paper before company arrived. I did two work-out tapes (yes, I worked out on Mother's Day - call me crazy or call me a slave to burning fat - and Lord knows I consumed my fair share all day long) and I didn't take a shower till the eleventh hour (didn't want to totally offend the company).

I had a cold beer slightly before noon (it was a special occasion, so take that frown off yer face) with chips, salsa and guacamole. And then I continued to eat my way through the day.

It was great to gab with friends and family, feast on good food that I didn't have to cook, and go through the day without once worrying about cleaning up, changing loads of laundry, or directing the four small people who call me mom. Yay Ed! He done good. Good day. I felt mom here with us, and I feel the curse of the day may finally be broken. I hope all my momma friends had a great day and that it has given you the strength - as it has me - to be great mommas for one more year! Happy day, my friends. :o)