So, I will write

Sometimes it helps. Only the decent stuff actually gets "published," but I am up and writing most everyday. Most of it deleted upon finishing...Not sure what will happen today. Mom has been dead now for 10 days. And, today I am actually feeling quasi-normal. Haven't cried yet. I have a to-do list sitting right next to my lap-top...staring dreadfully at me. There is nasty turkey still in the fridge, I can smell Starbucks coffee, and the laundry is fairly caught-up. If you didn't know - it might seem like any other Monday after Thanksgiving. But, sadly, this one is way different. There is just that big hole in my heart that I can't seem to get around. There are the million times throughout the day that I think, "Ah, mom will like that. I will have to remember to tell her the next time we talk." There is just the nagging headache that I realize is from days and days with no sleep. There is just that brief moment every morning that I wake from sleep and forget that mom is dead and the world seems great. Then, I remember. Mom is dead. And that feeling just consumes me and I wish I could go back to sleep. There is the fact that the kids went back to school today. Smiling faces full of the anticipation that the post- Thanksgiving pre-Christmas season will bring. So, I am alone with baby. Ugh. Any other time I would welcome it. Today I am not sure I can bear it. So, I will start my to-do list and manage the day. Because I do know that time heals all wounds. Or at least time buries them deep enough so that they only emerge when you least expect it. Besides #1 on my list is Get Up (apparently I was feeling pretty productive when I wrote the list). So, technically I am ahead of schedule. Yippee. It's going to be a good one! Till the 11th day..................