Preface: I believe in "Truth in Blogging," so I am going to go ahead and click "publish post" on this one. But know that it is with reservation. Lest you think I am a scrooge, grumpy, anti-Christmas fanfare person (which sometimes I admit I absolutely am) let me make a preface list for you. 1. I love my husband wholeheartedly. Our being polar opposites in nearly all matters makes for an exciting life. 2. I will attend the Christmas party and have a GREAT time. 3. I am not a lush.....................well.....................most of the time I am not a lush. 4. I will do my best to make my face presentable so, as not to ruin all of Ms. J's hard work with my wardrobe.
So, count down until the Grown Up Party has begun. Saturday we are leaving for Ed's Company Christmas Party 2010 in.............................................................DALLAS. That's like five hours from here. There will be a few Firsts involved with this Christmas Party.
1. It is the First one with Ed's new company.
2. It is the First one in ANOTHER city (where we don't actually live).
3. It is the First one where we are spending the night away (on Ed's boss' tab which does sweeten the pot somewhat).
4. It is the First time a babysitter will sit with the kids (well, hopefully she'll sleep.........not with the kids...........ugh...........it just gets worse in print) overnight.
5. It is the First time that I will not know one stinkin' soul at the party (oh, except the guy in the suit that I am going with).
6. It is the First time that Ed will know only a handful of people at the party.
7. It is the First time that I will go out in public voluntarily with this raging eye infection that seems to have come from nowhere and invaded my eyes making me look like something out of a bad horror movie. Can you feel how happy I am about that?
8. It is the First time I will wear a Full Bodied Spanx which The Guy In The Suit has appropriately dubbed The Iron Curtain and which looks incredibly uncomfortable.
And there will be a few Same Olds with this Christmas Party.
1. I will drink as much as I possibly can. This will limit people wanting to start a conversation with me and it will dull the pain in my eyes (possibly it will make it so that I cannot see at all).
2. This will cause some embarrassment (on my part and the part of the Guy in the Suit), but since it cannot be helped it will end up just being funny). In fact, as I write this I am already laughing (crying on the inside).
3. The Guy in the Suit will talk to as many people as he can leaving the Girl in the Dress (that would be me) to fend for herself.
4. I will then be forced to sample all the desserts to avoid having to talk and to have yummy morsels to eat.
5. I will invariably put my foot in my mouth (probably figuratively, possibly literally).
6. That might be with Ed's new boss since I don't actually know who that is.
7. My Spanx will become uncomfortable and I will consider removing it in the restroom.
8. Ed will dance like a maniac from the first dance until the last.
9. I will move gently around him trying not to spill my drink.
10. When the party is over and we are in our free room The Guy in the Suit will say, "Wow that was pretty good, wasn't it?" Whereupon I will peel off my Spanx, hoping that my loose body parts do not destroy anything in the room that his boss (who I still may not actually know) has kindly paid for, apply cold compresses to my inflamed, disgusting, red eyes, and pass out on the bed.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
December 6th and still no dysfunction?
Hmm. That's new. Tree is up. Ed's Christmas party wardrobe for us both is bought and hanging in closet. House is fairly clean. And we have yet to have a major meltdown (any of us). Is it really going to be Christmas or this just a front???
So, since there is nothing major to report on that front (and truthfully I don't know if I am happy or very, very frightened), I am going to write a movie post. Those of you who know me well know that I am a Queen Procrastinator. And, when do I procrastinate the most? When my to-do list is overwhelming. And if you know me well you also know that I am probably one of the only people in Texas (or, the whole U.S. of A.) who still only has like 5 channels and commercials. We only recently bought a DVD and have no DVR or TNT. So, we just plain old "Watch TV." I know. WHAT'S THAT? It's crazy, right?
Remember the good 'ole days when you couldn't wait until your favorite song came on the Radio? You basically had to guess the lyrics or buy the album and hope they were printed somewhere in there because there was no lyrics.com? You watched TV with something called a TV Guide (pay attention, young 'uns)? For those of you who don't know, this was a great little magazine sized book that listed all the shows that were on and when. Or, you could not use the TV Guide and just be super surprised when you actually turned on the TV and just plain SAW (with your eyes) what was on. Weird, eh?
Well, that's pretty much where I live. Now. In 2010. I pretty much turn on the TV and "what I see is what I get." So, you can only imagine that when I find something I LIKE.........WOW and YIPPEE am I happy.
Fast forward to now when my to-do list is...........oh..............about 1000 items long and yup, you guessed it. I AM SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WATCHING MOVIES!!! ON TV!!! So, what normally would waste about 90 minutes of my life now wastes eight hours due to the fact that I still watch commercials!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now there are some movies that when they come on TV I just cannot resist them. Even though I have seem them about 1000 times and can quote the whole damn movie, I still have to watch them. Commercials and all. I may work on my to-do list while I am watching, and then sadly I may not. I may just plop myself on the couch and stare mindlessly at the TV and say along with the actors the parts that I know by heart. Since I have seen two of these movies in the last two weeks, I thought I would pass these little gems on to you.
These are not Academy Award winners (well, some of them might be), but they are darn good, feel good movies. I have even caught myself crying for them (and you KNOW how I hate to cry). So, here goes.
A Movie List From Me to You (we could call this Monica's Must See Movies for 2010)
1. Napoleon Dynamite. What can I say? I love, love, love this movie. So many lessons.
2. In Her Shoes. Love Cameron Diaz. Love stories about families and how our families can hold our hearts.
3. Legally Blond. All of them. So funny. So silly. Yet, so heart felt. LOVE Reese Witherspoon.
4. Mean Girls. Again, so many lessons. Can't wait to watch that with my girls.
5. Hitch. OMG. I have seen this a million times and I STILL laugh nearly all the way through. If you have not seen the dancing in this movie - - your life is not complete.
6. It's a Wonderful Life. Now my other half LOVES this movie and funny sub-story: He got sick of waiting for it every season (WHAT??? That's like getting sick of not having a cell phone???) so one year he BOUGHT the movie. Pah! (That's what I said.) So, that Christmas we actually planned to watch it. With NO COMMERCIALS. And, guess what. It just wasn't the same. THEN, we LOST the movie. Crazy, huh? Fate stepped in and we are back to our old ways. Okay, now if you've never seen this movie - - you must see it this season. Put it on your list. Seriously. You will be so thankful.
7. Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood. Loved, loved, loved this book. What an amazing read. The movie was eh-eh the first time I saw it. But, I must say - after 10 times - it's grown on me. Not a huge fan of Sandra Bullock, but I really like this movie.
8. The Fugitive. I LOVE Tommy Lee Jones and he lives HERE. A hunt for a fugitive, ONE ARM MAN, and eye candy. Does it get better than that?
Okay. That's all I can think of right now. Maybe someday when my kids can stay by themselves I will go to an actual movie that was filmed after 1980. In a theatre. Or maybe I will someday go to Blockbuster and rent a movie. But, for now I am just perfectly happy sitting on my couch and being totally surprised by the little gems I might find when I have a gazillion more important things to do. ;o)
So, since there is nothing major to report on that front (and truthfully I don't know if I am happy or very, very frightened), I am going to write a movie post. Those of you who know me well know that I am a Queen Procrastinator. And, when do I procrastinate the most? When my to-do list is overwhelming. And if you know me well you also know that I am probably one of the only people in Texas (or, the whole U.S. of A.) who still only has like 5 channels and commercials. We only recently bought a DVD and have no DVR or TNT. So, we just plain old "Watch TV." I know. WHAT'S THAT? It's crazy, right?
Remember the good 'ole days when you couldn't wait until your favorite song came on the Radio? You basically had to guess the lyrics or buy the album and hope they were printed somewhere in there because there was no lyrics.com? You watched TV with something called a TV Guide (pay attention, young 'uns)? For those of you who don't know, this was a great little magazine sized book that listed all the shows that were on and when. Or, you could not use the TV Guide and just be super surprised when you actually turned on the TV and just plain SAW (with your eyes) what was on. Weird, eh?
Well, that's pretty much where I live. Now. In 2010. I pretty much turn on the TV and "what I see is what I get." So, you can only imagine that when I find something I LIKE.........WOW and YIPPEE am I happy.
Fast forward to now when my to-do list is...........oh..............about 1000 items long and yup, you guessed it. I AM SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WATCHING MOVIES!!! ON TV!!! So, what normally would waste about 90 minutes of my life now wastes eight hours due to the fact that I still watch commercials!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now there are some movies that when they come on TV I just cannot resist them. Even though I have seem them about 1000 times and can quote the whole damn movie, I still have to watch them. Commercials and all. I may work on my to-do list while I am watching, and then sadly I may not. I may just plop myself on the couch and stare mindlessly at the TV and say along with the actors the parts that I know by heart. Since I have seen two of these movies in the last two weeks, I thought I would pass these little gems on to you.
These are not Academy Award winners (well, some of them might be), but they are darn good, feel good movies. I have even caught myself crying for them (and you KNOW how I hate to cry). So, here goes.
A Movie List From Me to You (we could call this Monica's Must See Movies for 2010)
1. Napoleon Dynamite. What can I say? I love, love, love this movie. So many lessons.
2. In Her Shoes. Love Cameron Diaz. Love stories about families and how our families can hold our hearts.
3. Legally Blond. All of them. So funny. So silly. Yet, so heart felt. LOVE Reese Witherspoon.
4. Mean Girls. Again, so many lessons. Can't wait to watch that with my girls.
5. Hitch. OMG. I have seen this a million times and I STILL laugh nearly all the way through. If you have not seen the dancing in this movie - - your life is not complete.
6. It's a Wonderful Life. Now my other half LOVES this movie and funny sub-story: He got sick of waiting for it every season (WHAT??? That's like getting sick of not having a cell phone???) so one year he BOUGHT the movie. Pah! (That's what I said.) So, that Christmas we actually planned to watch it. With NO COMMERCIALS. And, guess what. It just wasn't the same. THEN, we LOST the movie. Crazy, huh? Fate stepped in and we are back to our old ways. Okay, now if you've never seen this movie - - you must see it this season. Put it on your list. Seriously. You will be so thankful.
7. Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood. Loved, loved, loved this book. What an amazing read. The movie was eh-eh the first time I saw it. But, I must say - after 10 times - it's grown on me. Not a huge fan of Sandra Bullock, but I really like this movie.
8. The Fugitive. I LOVE Tommy Lee Jones and he lives HERE. A hunt for a fugitive, ONE ARM MAN, and eye candy. Does it get better than that?
Okay. That's all I can think of right now. Maybe someday when my kids can stay by themselves I will go to an actual movie that was filmed after 1980. In a theatre. Or maybe I will someday go to Blockbuster and rent a movie. But, for now I am just perfectly happy sitting on my couch and being totally surprised by the little gems I might find when I have a gazillion more important things to do. ;o)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
It's December 1st. Do you know where your kids are?
So, I am typing with nine digits rather than 10 due to an exercising accident (damn that exercise) involving a five pound weight and my pinky finger. You will forgive my typos and promise never to exercise again.
Take a look at the calendar my blogging peeps. It's DECEMBER 1st. Time to take down the Halloween paraphenalia. Your neighbors will thank you. Trust me on that one.
So, because I don't have enough to do at this time of year, I decided to let my kids participate in a little thing called Santa's Workshop (I can't exactly remember what it's called, but that sounds close). It's run by the ominous PTA and it is to "encourage your children to think of others during the holidays." Aw! That's sweet, right? Well, just remember that when something sounds sweet and kind.............there's usually something fishy brewing.
Turns out this "kind, encouraging" thing is a little store where the PTA sells various trinkets (called "specially selected gifts with your family in mind" - - not a direct quote, but close enough) for your kids to buy and give to their family members. AND the PTA helps them make their selections by providing a nice little chart for them (literally for: mom) to fill out and actual assistance from live PTA volunteers at the store. My kids thought this would be sweet and basically begged me to do it every day since the flyer came home in June? so I eventually (Sunday) just caved in and said, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY." We painstakingly (and by this I mean the following):
Me: So who do you want to buy for? (with EACH CHILD - THERE ARE THREE)
Child: Everyone.................I mean just S.................I mean, okay, just C. and dad...............Wait, no.................I mean...............what was the question again?
Me: Okay. So, I am checking mom and dad. How much money do you have?
Child: Let me check...............no, wait............................well, mom, what coin is this? No, I know. It's a quarter....................let's see............................I have $5.00...................wait.............no. What's this mom? Mom, can you just count it for me?
So, you get the picture. It took a good....................eight hours to fill out the forms. But, I was totally cool with it because, afterall, it's encouraging kindness and generousity, right?
Fast forward to today. My sweet baby girl comes home smiling like she ate a cheshire cat (or whatever the saying is). She calmly tells me she bought me and daddy a present. (Still smiling like her face is stuck that way.) So, I tell her, "That's great, baby. Now, it's a secret so go put it somewhere where mommy doesn't go in this house." Um, like where is that?????????????
Time passes. We do homework, play, eat dinner, take baths, etc. Then she comes hopping downstairs telling me she needs to talk to me. Okay, I say. About what? She wants to talk about dad's present. Do I want to know what it is? Now, I am really, really bad about keeping things the kids say away from dad, so immediately I say, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU BOUGHT DAD." To which she says, "I think I should tell you, mom because I just realized it says, 'grandpa' on it."
Say what???
Before she said this I felt the strange urge to giggle, but after she said that I flat out wanted to bust a gut. But, I calmly said, "It says what, baby?" She says (a little more frantically), "It says 'grandpa' mommy, but only in one place and it's really small. I think I should show it to you, mom." And I must say at this point I am intrigued. I totally want to see this Grandpa Gift now. And I am laughing (inside) a little more now.
So, she brings down this pen. It's got this cute little tassle on it. Every time you click the pen different messages pop up in this pen window on the side of the pen. So, she hands me the pen and I start to click. Now, I must say as soon as I saw the tassle I was pretty far gone on the side of not being quite able to contain my laughter. Bad Mommy, Bad Mommy.
But, when I clicked the pen a good 10 times I was flat out belly laughing. Because there were the messages: I love you grandpa, World's Best Grandpa, #1 Grandpa, etc., etc.
Sadly, she is looking more and more discouraged as I am clicking and belly laughing. I manage to say (through tears at this point), "Baby, did you get this for dad or grandpa and was there an adult helping you?" thinking 'because if there was......mommy is going to kill them.' She says, "I got it for dad, but now that I am reading it I think I should give it to grandpa. Mom, are you laughing at me?"
At this point I squeeze her very tightly and hold her close. "No, baby, I am not laughing at you. I am happy because there is more kindness and generousity in your heart than all of Santa's workshop. And, furthermore, I think daddy or grandpa would love this clicking pen so much."
Luckily her tons of hair muffled my still laughing voice. I told her she could think about what she wanted to do and we could find an equally fabulous gift for dad, OR we could just give it to dad and he would LOVE it. She smiled and said she felt much better and wasn't it a darn cute pen. Everyone went to bed happy.
As soon as everyone was tucked in bed, I immediately told her dad the whole story and we both had a belly laugh.
All in all this was a fabulous first day of December. My heart is full of kindness and generousity. Thank you, PTA. Who knew you could be so funny?
Take a look at the calendar my blogging peeps. It's DECEMBER 1st. Time to take down the Halloween paraphenalia. Your neighbors will thank you. Trust me on that one.
So, because I don't have enough to do at this time of year, I decided to let my kids participate in a little thing called Santa's Workshop (I can't exactly remember what it's called, but that sounds close). It's run by the ominous PTA and it is to "encourage your children to think of others during the holidays." Aw! That's sweet, right? Well, just remember that when something sounds sweet and kind.............there's usually something fishy brewing.
Turns out this "kind, encouraging" thing is a little store where the PTA sells various trinkets (called "specially selected gifts with your family in mind" - - not a direct quote, but close enough) for your kids to buy and give to their family members. AND the PTA helps them make their selections by providing a nice little chart for them (literally for: mom) to fill out and actual assistance from live PTA volunteers at the store. My kids thought this would be sweet and basically begged me to do it every day since the flyer came home in June? so I eventually (Sunday) just caved in and said, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY." We painstakingly (and by this I mean the following):
Me: So who do you want to buy for? (with EACH CHILD - THERE ARE THREE)
Child: Everyone.................I mean just S.................I mean, okay, just C. and dad...............Wait, no.................I mean...............what was the question again?
Me: Okay. So, I am checking mom and dad. How much money do you have?
Child: Let me check...............no, wait............................well, mom, what coin is this? No, I know. It's a quarter....................let's see............................I have $5.00...................wait.............no. What's this mom? Mom, can you just count it for me?
So, you get the picture. It took a good....................eight hours to fill out the forms. But, I was totally cool with it because, afterall, it's encouraging kindness and generousity, right?
Fast forward to today. My sweet baby girl comes home smiling like she ate a cheshire cat (or whatever the saying is). She calmly tells me she bought me and daddy a present. (Still smiling like her face is stuck that way.) So, I tell her, "That's great, baby. Now, it's a secret so go put it somewhere where mommy doesn't go in this house." Um, like where is that?????????????
Time passes. We do homework, play, eat dinner, take baths, etc. Then she comes hopping downstairs telling me she needs to talk to me. Okay, I say. About what? She wants to talk about dad's present. Do I want to know what it is? Now, I am really, really bad about keeping things the kids say away from dad, so immediately I say, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU BOUGHT DAD." To which she says, "I think I should tell you, mom because I just realized it says, 'grandpa' on it."
Say what???
Before she said this I felt the strange urge to giggle, but after she said that I flat out wanted to bust a gut. But, I calmly said, "It says what, baby?" She says (a little more frantically), "It says 'grandpa' mommy, but only in one place and it's really small. I think I should show it to you, mom." And I must say at this point I am intrigued. I totally want to see this Grandpa Gift now. And I am laughing (inside) a little more now.
So, she brings down this pen. It's got this cute little tassle on it. Every time you click the pen different messages pop up in this pen window on the side of the pen. So, she hands me the pen and I start to click. Now, I must say as soon as I saw the tassle I was pretty far gone on the side of not being quite able to contain my laughter. Bad Mommy, Bad Mommy.
But, when I clicked the pen a good 10 times I was flat out belly laughing. Because there were the messages: I love you grandpa, World's Best Grandpa, #1 Grandpa, etc., etc.
Sadly, she is looking more and more discouraged as I am clicking and belly laughing. I manage to say (through tears at this point), "Baby, did you get this for dad or grandpa and was there an adult helping you?" thinking 'because if there was......mommy is going to kill them.' She says, "I got it for dad, but now that I am reading it I think I should give it to grandpa. Mom, are you laughing at me?"
At this point I squeeze her very tightly and hold her close. "No, baby, I am not laughing at you. I am happy because there is more kindness and generousity in your heart than all of Santa's workshop. And, furthermore, I think daddy or grandpa would love this clicking pen so much."
Luckily her tons of hair muffled my still laughing voice. I told her she could think about what she wanted to do and we could find an equally fabulous gift for dad, OR we could just give it to dad and he would LOVE it. She smiled and said she felt much better and wasn't it a darn cute pen. Everyone went to bed happy.
As soon as everyone was tucked in bed, I immediately told her dad the whole story and we both had a belly laugh.
All in all this was a fabulous first day of December. My heart is full of kindness and generousity. Thank you, PTA. Who knew you could be so funny?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
What I am Thankful For 2010...
1. I am thankful that you will forgive the juvenile title of this late reoccurring post. ;o) AND I am thankful for you sweet Readers of my Posts - that you fuel my WriterWannabe fire.
2. I am thankful for my health and the health of those I love.
3. I am thankful for my family. My kids. I love them through and through (even though they drive me NUTS), my siblings (and I so want to do a sublist here, but as they strapped me with hosting t-day - I CAN'T - JUST KIDDING!!!), my dad - sublist:
a. my dad is an infinite example to me on how to live life and not fear death.
b. he has exhibited grace, love, and fortitude beyond measure upon losing the love of his life and half of his soul.
c. he is darn funny which is sometimes all we have in this world.
d. he somehow supported TEN (count 'em) children in this crazy life, loved us all, and we all managed to come out okay (well most of us - JUST KIDDING!).
e. he taught me (along with my mom) how to love unconditionally. I am not saying by any means that I have mastered this, but he has been an overwhelming example to me.
4. I am thankful for delicious and yummy food and that I don't have to think about how I am going to get my next meal (well, most days ;o).
5. I am thankful that I live in a house and not under a bridge somewhere.
6. I am thankful for my husband.
7. I am thankful for great friends. Truly I feel blessed by my friends. I live in an awesome neighborhood and have met some top notch ladies.
8. I am thankful for the simple things: a great cup-of-joe, a stinky kiss from one of my motley crew, a letter from a friend, forgiveness when I don't really deserve it, a clean kitchen, a gorgeous day, and a great book.
That's my list peeps. Almost didn't make my last-day-of-November deadline...until December..........
2. I am thankful for my health and the health of those I love.
3. I am thankful for my family. My kids. I love them through and through (even though they drive me NUTS), my siblings (and I so want to do a sublist here, but as they strapped me with hosting t-day - I CAN'T - JUST KIDDING!!!), my dad - sublist:
a. my dad is an infinite example to me on how to live life and not fear death.
b. he has exhibited grace, love, and fortitude beyond measure upon losing the love of his life and half of his soul.
c. he is darn funny which is sometimes all we have in this world.
d. he somehow supported TEN (count 'em) children in this crazy life, loved us all, and we all managed to come out okay (well most of us - JUST KIDDING!).
e. he taught me (along with my mom) how to love unconditionally. I am not saying by any means that I have mastered this, but he has been an overwhelming example to me.
4. I am thankful for delicious and yummy food and that I don't have to think about how I am going to get my next meal (well, most days ;o).
5. I am thankful that I live in a house and not under a bridge somewhere.
6. I am thankful for my husband.
7. I am thankful for great friends. Truly I feel blessed by my friends. I live in an awesome neighborhood and have met some top notch ladies.
8. I am thankful for the simple things: a great cup-of-joe, a stinky kiss from one of my motley crew, a letter from a friend, forgiveness when I don't really deserve it, a clean kitchen, a gorgeous day, and a great book.
That's my list peeps. Almost didn't make my last-day-of-November deadline...until December..........
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tips to Enjoy Your Holiday Food (while drinking)
It's time for my annual post about How To Indulge the Holidays - Through Food and Drink. This is the anti-How To Avoid the Holiday Bulge which is a common article you will find just about anywhere this time of year. It came out in my paper today and frankly, some parts (which I will quote so that you too can enjoy them) just made me laugh out loud.
So, if you are not familiar with this reoccurring post it's basically just a list of how to enjoy the holiday food and not really worry about your waistline (or as I like to say - your who?).
1. DO NOT eat before the party to "save calories." That is plumb crazy on a lot of different levels. First of all, it's rude. These people have presumably invited you to their party because they like you and they want to cook for you. So, EAT IT. EAT LOTS OF IT. It will make you and them HAPPY. In fact, a rule I like to follow is - starve yourself (and your kids if you have 'em) for a good long while BEFORE the party so that when you get there your whole family is starving and everything tastes good. No need to hope your hostess is an excellent cook because it will all taste great if you are starving. ;o) I also like to tell my kids - THIS IS DINNER (or lunch or breakfast - depending on the time of the party) SO YOU BETTER EAT. MOMMA IS NOT COOKING WHEN WE GET HOME. This usually assures that my crew eats till there is nothing else to eat.
2. DO NOT forgo drink in order to save calories (or really for any reason). The holidays were made for great little cocktails (and of course, plain old beer - my personal favorite) that might not come around for ANOTHER YEAR. So, ENJOY THEM. Who cares how many calories they have? And, for goodness sake, they DO make you eat more and not notice it. THAT'S half the fun!!! Hello!!! I can drink three cute little cocktails and then I could care less what I eat...................no brainer AND it makes the so-so cook look fabulous so we all come out winners.
3. When you are at a holiday party situate yourself CLOSE to the food and drink so as to conserve energy and time. If you can pull up a chair RIGHT up to the food table without being too conspicuous - DO IT. Believe me, you will be the center of attention and life of the party (if you do it right ;o). This guarantees that you get to taste all the new stuff (because I really hate it when I am feeling a little full - or sick because of too many cute cocktails and then the hostess puts something I need to try on the table) and that you can continue to get the know-it's-great-already stuff.
4. Keep your hands free. Now, I am going to quote from the San Antonio Express News right now because this tip is so utterly ridiculous. Here goes, "Carry a clutch bag in one hand and a glass of sparkling water or a camera in the other, and you'll limit your chances of unconsciously snacking on party fare." Seriously???? What planet are you from? Are you the Grinch? Let's break this apart (sublist) just so we are clear on what needs to happen:
a. Clutch??? You need a BIG BAG for parties in case there are some yummy left-overs that you need to take home (or a bottle of wine you feel no one is going to drink). So, before heading out grab the biggest fanciest bag you can find. And then PUT IT ON YOUR SHOULDER FOR SOME HANDS FREE EATING.
b. GLASS OF SPARKLING WATER. Seriously? Save that for the gym............................in January. The only thing in your hand (or better yet - your hubby's hand) should be a cute little Christmas cocktail or a yummy flavored beer.
c. CAMERA? Believe me if you have as much fun as I usually have - you won't NEED a camera. The pictures will be posted the next day on Facebook for the whole world to see.
d. UNCONSCIOUSLY SNACKING ON PARTY FARE? My best snacking is ALWAYS UNCONSCIOUS.
5. Do not EVER stop to wonder what is in something or how many calories it has. Believe me there will be plenty of time for that when you write your New Year's Resolutions. So, here's the second UTTERLY hilarious thing I read, "Need more help navigating that table of temptation, aka the buffet? Just go to Calorieking.com/mobile, type in the treat that 's threatening your willpower and click "go." Sheesh. Way to kill the moment, people. Here's my tip if you want to click "go:" RESIST the temptation because in the time it takes to click "go" you can pop that sweet little morsel in your mouth and be done with it. And if that doesn't work, call me. I will be more than happy to help you "navigate" any party buffet table. I look darn good with a big, fancy bag, too.
6. Forego exercise this time of year. Because what's the point? Like I think that 45 minutes in the morning is really going to matter when I've stuffed my face for seven days straight?
7. Remember "There's Always Tomorrow." Don't get down on yourself because you couldn't taste everything or you didn't order the cutest little Christmas drink. There's always another party. Trust me on this one. The holiday season started seven days before Halloween (or whenever you broke open your candy that was supposed to be for the trick-or-treaters) and technically it doesn't end until my birthday, so you have PLENTY of time to enjoy everything.
I could probably think of more, but I have to end somewhere and I am frightened for all the people that read today's paper so I feel compelled to get this out there. ;o)
Happy eating my friends.
So, if you are not familiar with this reoccurring post it's basically just a list of how to enjoy the holiday food and not really worry about your waistline (or as I like to say - your who?).
1. DO NOT eat before the party to "save calories." That is plumb crazy on a lot of different levels. First of all, it's rude. These people have presumably invited you to their party because they like you and they want to cook for you. So, EAT IT. EAT LOTS OF IT. It will make you and them HAPPY. In fact, a rule I like to follow is - starve yourself (and your kids if you have 'em) for a good long while BEFORE the party so that when you get there your whole family is starving and everything tastes good. No need to hope your hostess is an excellent cook because it will all taste great if you are starving. ;o) I also like to tell my kids - THIS IS DINNER (or lunch or breakfast - depending on the time of the party) SO YOU BETTER EAT. MOMMA IS NOT COOKING WHEN WE GET HOME. This usually assures that my crew eats till there is nothing else to eat.
2. DO NOT forgo drink in order to save calories (or really for any reason). The holidays were made for great little cocktails (and of course, plain old beer - my personal favorite) that might not come around for ANOTHER YEAR. So, ENJOY THEM. Who cares how many calories they have? And, for goodness sake, they DO make you eat more and not notice it. THAT'S half the fun!!! Hello!!! I can drink three cute little cocktails and then I could care less what I eat...................no brainer AND it makes the so-so cook look fabulous so we all come out winners.
3. When you are at a holiday party situate yourself CLOSE to the food and drink so as to conserve energy and time. If you can pull up a chair RIGHT up to the food table without being too conspicuous - DO IT. Believe me, you will be the center of attention and life of the party (if you do it right ;o). This guarantees that you get to taste all the new stuff (because I really hate it when I am feeling a little full - or sick because of too many cute cocktails and then the hostess puts something I need to try on the table) and that you can continue to get the know-it's-great-already stuff.
4. Keep your hands free. Now, I am going to quote from the San Antonio Express News right now because this tip is so utterly ridiculous. Here goes, "Carry a clutch bag in one hand and a glass of sparkling water or a camera in the other, and you'll limit your chances of unconsciously snacking on party fare." Seriously???? What planet are you from? Are you the Grinch? Let's break this apart (sublist) just so we are clear on what needs to happen:
a. Clutch??? You need a BIG BAG for parties in case there are some yummy left-overs that you need to take home (or a bottle of wine you feel no one is going to drink). So, before heading out grab the biggest fanciest bag you can find. And then PUT IT ON YOUR SHOULDER FOR SOME HANDS FREE EATING.
b. GLASS OF SPARKLING WATER. Seriously? Save that for the gym............................in January. The only thing in your hand (or better yet - your hubby's hand) should be a cute little Christmas cocktail or a yummy flavored beer.
c. CAMERA? Believe me if you have as much fun as I usually have - you won't NEED a camera. The pictures will be posted the next day on Facebook for the whole world to see.
d. UNCONSCIOUSLY SNACKING ON PARTY FARE? My best snacking is ALWAYS UNCONSCIOUS.
5. Do not EVER stop to wonder what is in something or how many calories it has. Believe me there will be plenty of time for that when you write your New Year's Resolutions. So, here's the second UTTERLY hilarious thing I read, "Need more help navigating that table of temptation, aka the buffet? Just go to Calorieking.com/mobile, type in the treat that 's threatening your willpower and click "go." Sheesh. Way to kill the moment, people. Here's my tip if you want to click "go:" RESIST the temptation because in the time it takes to click "go" you can pop that sweet little morsel in your mouth and be done with it. And if that doesn't work, call me. I will be more than happy to help you "navigate" any party buffet table. I look darn good with a big, fancy bag, too.
6. Forego exercise this time of year. Because what's the point? Like I think that 45 minutes in the morning is really going to matter when I've stuffed my face for seven days straight?
7. Remember "There's Always Tomorrow." Don't get down on yourself because you couldn't taste everything or you didn't order the cutest little Christmas drink. There's always another party. Trust me on this one. The holiday season started seven days before Halloween (or whenever you broke open your candy that was supposed to be for the trick-or-treaters) and technically it doesn't end until my birthday, so you have PLENTY of time to enjoy everything.
I could probably think of more, but I have to end somewhere and I am frightened for all the people that read today's paper so I feel compelled to get this out there. ;o)
Happy eating my friends.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
So, it's officially the Holiday Season. Or it is if you watch TV or get the newspaper, or come out of your house at all. If you are strictly following an American Calendar, then you still might have a ways to go. But, by all other measures - BEWARE CHRISTMAS IS UPON US. I saw my first Kay Jewelers Christmas commercial the day after Halloween and the Christmas flyers have been coming to our house long enough for my kids to now be making their 2011 Christmas lists.
Now if there is one thing I notice about the holiday season it is people's attitudes. So, today I have decided to totally switch gears (I already had planned what I wanted to write about) and post a tribute to people who have great attitudes during this season.
The holidays bring out a mixed bunch of emotions in people. Lots of people get depressed, lots of people get stressed out, lots of people just like to do what they always do, and then there are those people who just have great attitudes and they spread that love around everywhere they go. So, today I am going to tell you about a few of those Regular Joes who have ALREADY made my Holiday Season 2010 a great one.
1. The customer who told me when I screwed up her order (and she said this calmly and politely after I had apologized profusely), "Really, it's not a big deal. This time of year is crazy for everyone." I want to give her a huge fist bump and two thumbs up. She is Santa come down the chimney to give me the gift of grace. Thank you, dear customer for being so forgiving.
2. The checker at HEB on Friday when there was a line about two miles long and she had a broken arm and the person in front of me used like 5000 coupons much to the dismay of all the people waiting in line. Now, I was pretty calm, but let me tell you when this person pulled out their little pouch of neatly organized and alphabetized coupons I thought everyone in the line was going to die. The collective groan of impatience could probably be heard at the North Pole. And do you know what this sweet all-of-16-year-old checker did? She smiled sweetly and began to enter those coupons. My hats off to you sweet checker. Way to have the Christmas spirit of patience.
3. My wonderful people at the place I make copies. You would think they would get grumpier as the Christmas season bears down on them - because they are always working diligently when I go in there (and even more so around the holidays), but they might actually get happier. No matter how busy they are, they take the time to greet me and talk to me and act like I am their only customer. It's really comforting and if I am feeling grumpy (I know, not me, right?) it always makes me feel better. Thank you copy people for putting on a smile even when you might not feel like it.
4. Okay, I am grumpy and a scrooge by nature so I can only handle so much of this warm fuzzy love stuff. And I don't want to make anyone toss their cookies (even if they are holiday cookies). So, I will make one more shout out and then I will just have to stop. And, if you know me at all you will know that this is a strange one. The last person that has made my holiday season pleasant already is my husband. I know. Shocker, right? I told you it was a strange one.
My busiest season with work is that time leading up to all the holidays. I go into my "work hole" sometime in mid-September and I don't really emerge (as a human) until Christmas vacation. This year my husband has really put in a hand to help me out. And I have made a sub-list (oh, Gosh I love those!) just for him. So, E. if you read this know that you are Really Special.
a. He has put up with my raging mood swings by calmly encouraging me to drink. Thanks, babe. Sometime the rest of the beer (when the first part has gone into the fried fish batter) is really all I need. ;o)
b. He has taken the kids away from me on multiple occasions so that I can work. And, then he has managed to keep his mouth shut when I really didn't work, but blogged. ;o) Ooops.
c. He has put away perishables after dinner. Say what??? Hold the phone. I know, right? That's crazy nuts. This is a man who knows his way around the kitchen - cooking that is - but can't manage to put anything back. For some crazy reason, 2010 is the year he has mastered the art of Putting Away the Perishables. Thanks, babe for learning a new trick!
d. He took me away from my kids right before the busy season started because he knew it might help keep my sanity. Well, maybe that's not why he did it. But, guess what. It was his idea. AND it worked. So, fair or not he gets the credit. ;o)
5. He calmly and patiently puts up with me when I have melt downs such as the one I had last night while "balancing" the checkbook. (And just know that I use that term "balancing" very loosely as it is impossible to balance something that is hopelessly weighted on the side of - YOU IS POOR). And when I say "puts up with me" sometimes that just means he ignores me all together. And, for us - that works!!!
6. He has done all this while putting up with a woman (that would be me) who is "of a certain age" where (and know that I am the Queen of Modesty here, so this is a bit touchy) let's just say - things is beginning to get a little warm. And if you don't understand that - don't worry. You are probably not of that certain age yet. And, if you did get it, well you know how challenging that can be sometimes. ;o)
Okay, I'm done. Whew. Not as painful as I thought to be nice. That's my shout out and I'm sticking to it. Have a great Start of Your Thanksgiving Week, peeps and try to have a little Great Attitude while you are at it.
Now if there is one thing I notice about the holiday season it is people's attitudes. So, today I have decided to totally switch gears (I already had planned what I wanted to write about) and post a tribute to people who have great attitudes during this season.
The holidays bring out a mixed bunch of emotions in people. Lots of people get depressed, lots of people get stressed out, lots of people just like to do what they always do, and then there are those people who just have great attitudes and they spread that love around everywhere they go. So, today I am going to tell you about a few of those Regular Joes who have ALREADY made my Holiday Season 2010 a great one.
1. The customer who told me when I screwed up her order (and she said this calmly and politely after I had apologized profusely), "Really, it's not a big deal. This time of year is crazy for everyone." I want to give her a huge fist bump and two thumbs up. She is Santa come down the chimney to give me the gift of grace. Thank you, dear customer for being so forgiving.
2. The checker at HEB on Friday when there was a line about two miles long and she had a broken arm and the person in front of me used like 5000 coupons much to the dismay of all the people waiting in line. Now, I was pretty calm, but let me tell you when this person pulled out their little pouch of neatly organized and alphabetized coupons I thought everyone in the line was going to die. The collective groan of impatience could probably be heard at the North Pole. And do you know what this sweet all-of-16-year-old checker did? She smiled sweetly and began to enter those coupons. My hats off to you sweet checker. Way to have the Christmas spirit of patience.
3. My wonderful people at the place I make copies. You would think they would get grumpier as the Christmas season bears down on them - because they are always working diligently when I go in there (and even more so around the holidays), but they might actually get happier. No matter how busy they are, they take the time to greet me and talk to me and act like I am their only customer. It's really comforting and if I am feeling grumpy (I know, not me, right?) it always makes me feel better. Thank you copy people for putting on a smile even when you might not feel like it.
4. Okay, I am grumpy and a scrooge by nature so I can only handle so much of this warm fuzzy love stuff. And I don't want to make anyone toss their cookies (even if they are holiday cookies). So, I will make one more shout out and then I will just have to stop. And, if you know me at all you will know that this is a strange one. The last person that has made my holiday season pleasant already is my husband. I know. Shocker, right? I told you it was a strange one.
My busiest season with work is that time leading up to all the holidays. I go into my "work hole" sometime in mid-September and I don't really emerge (as a human) until Christmas vacation. This year my husband has really put in a hand to help me out. And I have made a sub-list (oh, Gosh I love those!) just for him. So, E. if you read this know that you are Really Special.
a. He has put up with my raging mood swings by calmly encouraging me to drink. Thanks, babe. Sometime the rest of the beer (when the first part has gone into the fried fish batter) is really all I need. ;o)
b. He has taken the kids away from me on multiple occasions so that I can work. And, then he has managed to keep his mouth shut when I really didn't work, but blogged. ;o) Ooops.
c. He has put away perishables after dinner. Say what??? Hold the phone. I know, right? That's crazy nuts. This is a man who knows his way around the kitchen - cooking that is - but can't manage to put anything back. For some crazy reason, 2010 is the year he has mastered the art of Putting Away the Perishables. Thanks, babe for learning a new trick!
d. He took me away from my kids right before the busy season started because he knew it might help keep my sanity. Well, maybe that's not why he did it. But, guess what. It was his idea. AND it worked. So, fair or not he gets the credit. ;o)
5. He calmly and patiently puts up with me when I have melt downs such as the one I had last night while "balancing" the checkbook. (And just know that I use that term "balancing" very loosely as it is impossible to balance something that is hopelessly weighted on the side of - YOU IS POOR). And when I say "puts up with me" sometimes that just means he ignores me all together. And, for us - that works!!!
6. He has done all this while putting up with a woman (that would be me) who is "of a certain age" where (and know that I am the Queen of Modesty here, so this is a bit touchy) let's just say - things is beginning to get a little warm. And if you don't understand that - don't worry. You are probably not of that certain age yet. And, if you did get it, well you know how challenging that can be sometimes. ;o)
Okay, I'm done. Whew. Not as painful as I thought to be nice. That's my shout out and I'm sticking to it. Have a great Start of Your Thanksgiving Week, peeps and try to have a little Great Attitude while you are at it.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
365 Days
Grief is funny in that it can spring up on you when you least expect it. It lives slightly under the surface of your heart.................for a long time.
It is a gorgeous fall day. Clean, cold, crisp air. The sun holds promise and encouragement for the day. I am driving and my mind is occupied fully with the tasks of the day. I am feeling accomplished because I am on schedule. The radio is blaring out my favorite songs. I have no thoughts that are sad.
Suddenly and without warning two thoughts enter my head. "Kill 'em with kindness." and "It is better to catch bees with honey than with vinegar."
I almost veer off the road. I am dumbfounded with these thoughts. I cannot imagine why I would think them. Why they would pop into my head. Then just as suddenly as I can't know..........I know. These are my mother's sayings. Somehow she has put these thoughts in my head. Before I know what is happening I am having to blink back tears in order to stay on the road. My chest is heaving violently with sobs. I am both shocked and surprised at what is happening. My mother is riding shot-gun and This Is Day 363.
I must continue driving and I struggle to think of other things. But I can't. I physically can't. My mind goes back to last year at this time and again I am driving. It is the morning of the day that my mother died. But, of course, I do not know this then. If only I had known. The day is just like this day. It holds so much promise. I am exhausted from spending time at the hospital with our baby. But, things are looking up. Things do not look up. Later I will be mentally and physically crushed with the news that my mother has died.
In my mind I fast forward to getting this knowledge. It is through a phone call. This cannot be avoided. I don't even remember the exact words, but I remember willing him not to say the words. I distinctly remember thinking, "Do not say she is dead. She will not be dead to me if you do not say it." And then, he said it.
I have a desperate desire to stroke your cheek. To be embraced like only you can embrace. An embrace that says, "You are all I need." But without any words. I desire to sit with you. Me on the couch. You in your rocking chair. And we do not talk. There is no need for words.
As I am thinking these thoughts I am still driving. The thought passes through my head that I do not want to wreck. I must maintain my composure. Grief is funny like that. It can swim up to the surface of your heart quickly and it will give you no warning. It will take over your body so that you have no will.
I get to my destination and I pull down the visor to check for damage. The damage is extensive. I look like grief. I am aware that I look like someone who has just learned that her mother has died.
This morning I awoke from a deep sleep. I checked the clock. It was 2:39. After doing this the first thought I had was you. I was aware that this was the day that you died. My body was immediately racked with sobs that I could not control. I called out to you to stop this. And you said one word to me. "Cry."
The funny thing about grief is that this is Day 365. And it feels just like Day One.
It is a gorgeous fall day. Clean, cold, crisp air. The sun holds promise and encouragement for the day. I am driving and my mind is occupied fully with the tasks of the day. I am feeling accomplished because I am on schedule. The radio is blaring out my favorite songs. I have no thoughts that are sad.
Suddenly and without warning two thoughts enter my head. "Kill 'em with kindness." and "It is better to catch bees with honey than with vinegar."
I almost veer off the road. I am dumbfounded with these thoughts. I cannot imagine why I would think them. Why they would pop into my head. Then just as suddenly as I can't know..........I know. These are my mother's sayings. Somehow she has put these thoughts in my head. Before I know what is happening I am having to blink back tears in order to stay on the road. My chest is heaving violently with sobs. I am both shocked and surprised at what is happening. My mother is riding shot-gun and This Is Day 363.
I must continue driving and I struggle to think of other things. But I can't. I physically can't. My mind goes back to last year at this time and again I am driving. It is the morning of the day that my mother died. But, of course, I do not know this then. If only I had known. The day is just like this day. It holds so much promise. I am exhausted from spending time at the hospital with our baby. But, things are looking up. Things do not look up. Later I will be mentally and physically crushed with the news that my mother has died.
In my mind I fast forward to getting this knowledge. It is through a phone call. This cannot be avoided. I don't even remember the exact words, but I remember willing him not to say the words. I distinctly remember thinking, "Do not say she is dead. She will not be dead to me if you do not say it." And then, he said it.
I have a desperate desire to stroke your cheek. To be embraced like only you can embrace. An embrace that says, "You are all I need." But without any words. I desire to sit with you. Me on the couch. You in your rocking chair. And we do not talk. There is no need for words.
As I am thinking these thoughts I am still driving. The thought passes through my head that I do not want to wreck. I must maintain my composure. Grief is funny like that. It can swim up to the surface of your heart quickly and it will give you no warning. It will take over your body so that you have no will.
I get to my destination and I pull down the visor to check for damage. The damage is extensive. I look like grief. I am aware that I look like someone who has just learned that her mother has died.
This morning I awoke from a deep sleep. I checked the clock. It was 2:39. After doing this the first thought I had was you. I was aware that this was the day that you died. My body was immediately racked with sobs that I could not control. I called out to you to stop this. And you said one word to me. "Cry."
The funny thing about grief is that this is Day 365. And it feels just like Day One.
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