Thursday, December 6, 2012

Hello, Blog. Remember me?

It's December as evidenced by a serious lack of posts.

Here is the short list.

1.  I hate Elf on a Shelf.  WTF?  My hatred for this creepy guy is about equal to the amount of crap that I have to see about what he's done.  I will say about him what I say about dogs who $hit on the floor, "Hot dog."  I am sorry if that doesn't make sense to you.  (It's 5:30 a.m.)

2.  It's 5:30 a.m.  And here I am blogging.  When I got up early to work.  Damn it.  I hate it when I do this.

3.  I have not started any Christmas shopping because in a rage and fit of anger I told the kids Christmas was cancelled (I think that was before Halloween).  Can Christmas be cancelled?

4.  I will be attending three Christmas parties in three days this weekend.  This makes me delighted in that I haven't felt this popular since one time in high school when my name was called over the loud speaker and it was said that I had won something (that was later explained as a mistake).  It also makes me feel like Christmas parties make the list right there with:  work, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and other things I am obliged to do.

6.  I can't count.

7.  I am considering just buying more storage boxes for our Christmas decorations for my Christmas presents.  This is just wrong on so many levels.

8.  I miss you guys and Pinterest as much as I miss no grey hair.

9.  Life has been incredibly not funny lately.  This is actually a good thing because it means all my kids (and hubby) are being fairly well behaved.  I am pleased that we all might be learning how to get along and a little disappointed that I really have nothing to say.

10.  I have no desire to eat sweets.  At this exact moment.  (Did I say it's just after 5:30 a.m.?)  I will ride this train until it stops.  Which judging from past experience should be around 8:00 p.m. tomorrow night when I will want more beer and a sandwich.  And maybe some chocolate cake after that.

11.  I still suck at wrapping presents.  Seriously?  I am The Worst Wrapper Ever.  People actually sent me videos last year on Facebook to help me.  It didn't help.  When do kids reach the age where I can just go, "There.  Here's your Target bag with your presents in it."  I am really like Santa in that way.  Doesn't he just put everything in a big black bag?  Or do all the creepy elves do the wrapping?  If it's the creepy elves, maybe I need some of those guys?

12.  Y'know how we don't have cable?  Well every year I wait for all the Christmas shows on regular T.V.  Yeah, I know.  Like who does that anymore?  ME.  Well, I think I missed Rudolph.  Damn it.  That's my FAVORITE.  Now I have to wait until next year.  Again, this is wrong on so many levels.

P.S.  (Because at 5:30 a.m. I cannot be expected to remember things well.)  13.  Yesterday hubby and I went to see a lawyer (not a divorce lawyer).  In the span of about an hour (because we were paying her by the hour and she gets paid $380 an hour so you know I was doing some serious clock watching) she told us she used to be an RN and she had an MBA.  Yowza.  And now she's a lawyer who makes $380 an hour?  I left feeling like a serious under achiever.  Oh, and she asked us to sign a contract.  Is it weird that I was confused?  "Um, I'm going to have to have my lawyer review this.  Oh, wait..."

That's all I got.  My kids are now up.  

Have a great weekend, guys and I hope I am back in the land of the blogging soon. 


jamiew said...

hey party girl, have you ever heard of dvds? i have rudolf on dvd and could be persuaded to loan it.

Organic Hispanic said...

i meant to mention dvds and how they are considered cheating (by me). they are so, "not christmas." so, although part of me wants to borrow your dvd the other part says, "screw it, sister. you missed it. now you will have to wait until next year." do you see why i am bi-polar?

Monica said...

i wrote that last comment under hubby's name. not to prove a point (that i am two personalities), but because i clearly should not have gotten up so damn early. yeesh. what. next.

WeezaFish said...

Monica! 5:30? I would call you crazy if I didn't do the same myself. Up it 5 something this morning, here I am blog reading instead of working :) Sure you can cancel Christmas, but only within the confines of your own home. And you'd have to get rid of the TV, you'd miss much more than Rudolph. I too have only terrestrial TV, we've just poured over the Christmas TV guide in a way we used to in my childhood :)

Anonymous said...

Your husband is Organic Hispanic? Love it! What the heck are you doing up at 5:30? I only get up that early because I absolutely have to - and even then I hit the snooze button three times.

Monica said...

@weeza and whatimeant2say - okay. so today it's worse. i was so sleepy and tired last night after the three christmas parties that i went to bed right at 10:00 last night. problem: my alarm was still set at 5:00. yes, FIVE. so, i'm up again. i usually get up at 5:30, but 5:00 really sets me over the edge of grumpiness.

Anonymous said...

ugh. yeah 5:00 would definitely effect my grumpitude, too. BTW, a gift for you: Rudolph, this Friday, Dec. 14th, at 7 PM on CBS. You're welcome ;)

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - you have made my week (and i am SERIOUS). i am going to start searching for the perfect gift for you TODAY. do you like fruitcake? or christmas sweaters? and yes, my husband is the Organic Hispanic. it can be embarrassing.

Leigh Powell Hines said...

Love your PS. $380 an hour. No wonder all the attorneys are living in the neighborhood in downtown Raleigh I want a house, but can't afford unless it is 900 square feet. :)

Anonymous said...

I like Christmas sweaters adorned with fruitcake designs - especially if they are edible.

Monica said...

@whatimeant2say - good thing i was not drinking (which i have been doing a lot lately) when i read that. googling "edible fruitcake christmas sweaters" now.

Mind Margins said...

It's just not Christmas without seeing Rudolph, and I missed it this year, too. I need to buy the DVD. I have been getting up at 5:00am to go run. When it's 29 degrees. And dark. And I'm so sick I actually enjoy it.
Hang in there!

Monica said...

oh, mind margins. i need your motivation.