Friday, October 31, 2014

My first call from prison will be to you. Count on it.




It would be bad if a family member put an entire pack of gum through the washer and the dryer.

But, it would be worse if you were in a hurry to get your girls to school when you discovered said incident had occurred and you had to rush out and couldn't quite manage damage control then.

It would be bad if you didn't have time to attempt to clean the dryer, but you did have five seconds to quickly run the Vitamix so that it would be easier to clean later, but you didn't quite get the top on securely and the soapy/smoothie water sprayed all over your shirt.

But, it would be worse if you didn't quite have the two minutes it took to change your shirt.

It would be bad if while you were gone your dog (who recently developed a common? hankering for chewing gum) discovered that an entire pack of gum had gone through the laundry and there was still some scent of the gum on the clothes and so he decided to drag all the clothes out of the clothes basket searching for the clothes that still had particles of gum on them.

But, it would be worse if he found the clothes with gummy bits on them and chewed them to a point so unrecognizable that when you rushed in fifteen minutes later because you forgot to put the frozen smoothie items back in the freezer you thought you'd been robbed and somehow the robber threw up while robbing your house.

It would be bad if all this had happened and nothing else happened all the rest of the day while you were at work.

But, it would be worse if your husband helped you with the laundry - something he's not done in approximately 20 years - while you were at work and dried another load of laundry in the gummed up dryer.

It would be bad if all of this happened today.

But, it would be worse if I decided to just clean it all with Goo Gone because Goo Gone is flammable and could potentially catch the dryer on fire and burn down the whole house.

But, I'm pretty sure we need a new foundation for our house, so it might not be worse?

It might be really, really smart?

6 comments:

Nomads By Nature said...

I'm sorry. I'm giggling really hard reading this. Does Goo Gone have really strong fumes? When my hubs and I got married, he helped with laundry and dyed the drier and a few other items blue from pens in his pocket. He tried to hide it by dismantling the appliance to liberally apply several unhelpful chemical options for stain removal and succeeded only in making himself totally loopy and unable to escape through the sliding glass door when I got home earlier than expected. Hope you are able to laugh about it already, if only from the fumes :)

jamiew said...

i guess i should be thankful that my kid only leaves his chewed discarded gum in the wrapper in his pockets because they seem to go through the washer & dryer pretty much intact, and conveniently end up in the lint trap looking like tiny hard fuzz bunnies.

Vanessa D. said...

I live in a house that's been under renovation for 23 years. Feel free to goo-gone my dryer any day.

The worst things I've ever had in my dryer was a ochre yellow crayon in a load of whites and a Kerr's licorce toffee that became a permanent part of the dryer.

Shannon said...

The very first time I used our new washer in our little house in the 'hood I had lipstick in my pocket. FOund that out when it melted all over all our clothes and the new dryer. YUCK!!!

Hope you day got better!

Monica said...

@nomads - i am able to laugh about it now, but still having thoughts of solving the problem with something flamable. ;) @jamiew - yes, be thankful. @vanessad - "permanent part of the dryer." yes and yesser. @shannon - so, you've made me thankful that my dryer is about 100 years old. something i am probably not thankful for enough.

Megly Mc said...

I'm almost positive I won the Powerball yesterday. I'll buy you a new washer/dryer when I verify.

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