Sunday, April 6, 2014

It's all fun and games till the poop runs out of the diaper.

So, remember I said I was going to a baby shower?  Well, I did and it was fun.  We played all the standard games and despite being the somewhat successful mother of four children ("successful" in that all of my kids are still alive) I sucked at most all of them.  My lack of short and long term memory got in the way.  I got my clothes pin stolen after I'd worn it for about three minutes.  We couldn't say "baby" and I immediately referenced how I didn't win any games at my baby shower.  Duh.  I forgot not to say the word after three minutes.  (I knew I should have written it down.)

Anyway.  We played baby charades which was amusing.  Amusing because it's always fun to see what people will do under the guise of "acting it out."  The friend who is having the baby did an Oscar worthy silent interpretation of putting butt cream on a baby's a$$.  It was her two-fingered approach that made one of our team members (it might have been me) scream "DIAPER CREAM!"

But, here's the thing.  The words we had to act out (that I can remember) were:  diaper cream, stroller, baby food, diaper, diaper genie, wipes, baby backpack, robe (I had this one and made the mistake of buttoning rather than tying my robe which prevented any of my teammates from guessing the word.  They were screaming at me, "WHO BUTTONS A BABY'S ROBE???"  My question to them was, "WHOSE BABY WEARS A FREAKING ROBE???  HUGH HEFNER'S?  Cheesus.). 

Now, it's been nearly six years since I had an infant underfoot (figuratively), but I have a somewhat different memory of how infancy went down.  Here are a few words and situations that I'd like to see on the cards in a baby shower charade game.

  • cleaning around the future bellybutton
  • sore nipples
  • ear infection
  • projectile vomiting
  • meconium
  • poop outside the diaper
  • breast pump
  • being peed on while changing a diaper
  • peeing while balancing a nursing baby
  • brushing your teeth for the first time in a week
  • mastitis
  • severe sleep deprivation
  • carpal tunnel from carrying the car seat
  • colic
  • spit-up
  • spit-up stains
Let's face it, 90% of the next 18 years of this soon-to-be momma's life is going to be spent dealing with, discussing, or thinking about food, $hit, cleanliness, pain, or sleep. 

Might as well get an early start with it?


jamiew said...

i was totally bummed that i missed out on the baby shower game action. you know i get seriously caught up in the competition, and i would've probably not wanted you on my team.
on that note: for reals, whose baby wears a robe?

Monica said...

@jamiew - we totally need to get in on the baby shower game action. there is money to be made and I KNOW we have some better ideas than what's going on now. amirite?

Megly Mc said...

Hefner's baby totally wears a smoking jacket and a sheen of transfer glitter from his stripper mother. I might be, being judgy here. MIGHT BE!

Shannon said...

Projectile the car...from the top bunk (while I am still cleaning the bottom bunk...20 minutes after eating blueberry pie)...gah!!!

Sorry I missed the party, but it sounds like it was fun.

Monica said...

@meglymc - it's comforting to know that two of my readers chose to hone in on the robe thing. PROVING my point - NO BABIES WEAR ROBES. i am totally making my own version of this stupid game. then I'm gonna make a lot of money. then I'm gonna dress my grandbabies in ROBES. ha! @Shannon - yeah. we're glad that we can put the Blueberry Vomiting Incident to bed. right? we can put it to bed, RIGHT? OH, GOD. this memory is going to haunt us forever, isn't it?