"Well, sir. You have to do what you have to do."

That was a State Farm Insurance Company Very-Important-Kneel-to-Me-Because-I-Am-God claims rep.  And what she said apparently is the new and PC, "You are screwed." 

So, by now you should know that In Sickness and In Health (which, "Are we out of the sickness, yet?") otherwise known as -  E. -  was in a vehicular accident Wednesday morning.  "Vehicular accident" is insurance-speak for "rear ended on the way to work."  And dealing with the insurance has been as fun as buying a bathing suit after you've given birth to and breastfed four kids.  "That fun?" you ask.  Yes!  THAT fun.

Recap since Wednesday (most of this is true, but don't quote me later.......or now):

E is for In Sickness and In Health
SF is for the State Farm Rep

This conversation is being recorded for your protection.
E (under his breath - don't mind that he's talking to a recording) - Oh, you're the one who's going to need protecting later.
SF - Hello.  Mr. D?
E - Yes.
SF - We have here that you were involved in a vehicular accident Wednesday a.m. at approximately 9:00?
E - Yes.
SF - Can you describe what happened?
E - I was rear ended.
SF - And can you describe how that happened?
E - Uh, I was driving and I was rear ended.
SF - And can you describe that?
E - Uh, I was exiting on an...........exit...........and I was hit from the back.
SF - And can you describe what happened next?
E - Uh........I was pushed into and under the vehicle (thinking - if I talk like them maybe they will understand me) in front of me.

In the interest of time I will just skip all of the nonsense-speak and frustration and get right to the deathly comical parts.

E - So, I need a car to work and I need to work for money since I have a wife and four kids who cannot work because it would be illegal.  So, can I get a rental?
SF - I'm sorry sir but it says here that you don't have rental on your policy.
E - Well, can't the other person pay for it?
SF - I'm sorry sir but it says here that the police report will not be released for 10 days, so we don't know if the other person is at fault.
E - So, you're telling me I can't get a rental even though I need a car to work?
SF - Again, sir.  I'm sorry, but there is no rental coverage on your policy.
E - What about doctor's visits?
SF - I'm sorry sir but it says here that you are not covered on your policy for that, but if you would like to pay your deductible of $1500 we can get you in to an approved doctor of your choice.
E - Well, I don't have $1500.  I've had brain surgery in the past six years and I might have complications or a concussion.  What happened to Like A Good Neighbor?
SF - I'm sorry sir.  We only play nice insurance agents on TV.  You can always wait 10 days to see a doctor.
E - What if I am dead by then?
SF - Eeery silence................Well, sir.  You have to do what you have to do.

Where are those bathing suit catalogs?  Let's get this thing done while I'm already in pain!