Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Does a tummy tuck come with that costume?

I am trying to actually have my Halloween costume by Halloween this year. And, in preparation for that I tried on my wedding dress yesterday. Yes, I know what you are thinking...WHAT THE HECK? Is she serious? Yes, I am. My costume this year calls for a formal dress and in an attempt to save money I thought, well, my wedding dress is formal....and it's paid for. Bonus. I knew it would be too small, but with a little cutting and stapling I thought it would do. Well, not so much. So, I know I have four kids and I've gained weight. But HOLY COW! My middle daughter had the honors of trying to zip me up because I figured she'd be the most understanding and compassionate about the delicacy of the situation. Her exact words when she pulled the zipper up oh, about two inches (she's six), "Well, it doesn't look like this is going to work." Me, "Well, it's going to be tough. No one said four kids was going to be easy. Here, I'll help you. " My sweet baby girl, "Well, it still doesn't look like it's going to work." This lasted about one more minute before I dragged her, me, and this crazy dress (what was I thinking for Pete's sake that thing is ugly) into the bathroom to get a closer look with two mirrors. I carefully positioned the mirrors so that I could see the gap we were facing, and that's when I broke into hysterical laughter. Yeah, there was no way any amount of cinching, cutting, stapling was going to get those eight inches together. I looked at it about two more minutes (just to have a good laugh) wondering if perhaps sewing ANOTHER wedding dress to it would work. Then finally said, "Okay, baby, help momma take this thing off." My baby, "Momma it stinks like old stuff. Did it stink this bad when you got married?" Me, "No, just the 19 years afterwards." Hee-hee. JUST KIDDING. But, it did stink. And, it was awfully ugly. Why would I want to wear that thing anyway. At least that's what I told myself. So after putting everything away and going downstairs I announced to the remaining three kids, "Pack up we're going to Goodwill to buy a formal for momma's Halloween costume." That's when my bright boy pops up from his piano practice and says, "But, why I thought you were going to wear your wedding dress?" Me, "Yeah, well, that didn't quite work-out. It's about this much too small (I hold up my hands to show the gaping hole that was left in my back.)" My sweet, sweet boy, "Well, can't you just lose weight before Halloween. Remember you said you were starting early this year? You still have four days!"


Shannon said...

I am safely in Germany and you can't hurt me so I am going to point out that i wore my wedding dress to a ball last year 3 kids and 9 years after the original time I wore it. HEHEHE I love Malcolm. You still have 4 days loose weight Mom. Send me pics of the final costume I can't wait to see.

Jae said...

OMG! LMAO!!! Seriously, I am laughing out loud! I love your kids! Seriously Mama, four days should be plenty of time to lose enough weight to fit in your dress from NINETEEN years ago! Hee hee hee! I have mine upstairs in the attic, and it's only 10 years old, my friend, but I can tell you ABSOLUTELY that there's not a chance in hell that dress would button up over this post-children bod! So, don't feel bad.

I cannot wait to see your costume! And Goodwill, what a great idea ... I just might head there myself to get something to go with my cape ... humm ...

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