Dental floss? Anyone?

As most of you know (all three of you reading my blog - half of whom are related to me), I have four kids.  When the three older ones (currently 16, 15, and 14) were, I think under say 10, I had a housecleaner who I loved dearly.  Even with said housecleaner, my house was rarely deep cleaned.  She did not:  clean windows, move furniture, or clean the insides of any cabinets or such (presumably, that was my responsibility).  With three small children and one smaller child, I just never really cleaned.

I can distinctly remember the last time every window in our home was cleaned.  I was going into labor with Girl 2 (so, 2004), and hubby insisted on continuing to clean the windows until he was done.  (Another blog post, entirely.)  Those windows eventually got filthy again and we decided just to get all new windows.  And, it's kinda gone like that.

The fridge rarely got cleaned (inside or out or underneath) and then finally we just got a new fridge.

So, since I'm a teacher, summer is my time to "relax" and get everything I put off all freaking year done.  Doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, eye appointments, purging, and cleaning.  On my summer list for the past few years has been:  Clean the entire house, top to bottom, and get rid of unnecessary items. This is a painstaking task and usually I end up drinking a lot of beer and blogging many times while completing it.

I'm about 1/8 of the way through and here's my list so far.

1.  We always end up with a lot of dental floss.  It's weird.  There are six of us and we all go to the dentist religiously every six months.

 (And just a side-note:  I have teeth I am proud of and my first memory of going to the dentist was in about late elementary when I threw up on the dentist after my mom warned him that I had a heightened gag reflex.  My next dentist memory is from college when the hygenist actually felt the need to show me how to brush my teeth.  I don't know if it's because I was the tenth child, but I do not recall my mom or dad ever asking me if I'd brushed my teeth or showing me how to brush my teeth.)

The dentist gives us dental floss every time any of us goes to the dentist (which is 12 times if you are doing the math).  We all floss, but no one ever uses this particular dental floss.  This time I checked we have 13 containers of floss from the dentist.  (Along with maybe 1000 hotel containers of toiletries.  I am thinking of googling a place to donate all of these items.  Oh, and old contacts, of which I have 7 boxes unopened.

2.  I clean my fridge now that I am able and it just gets dirty again.  It's ridiculous.  I mean, how rude. Fridge:  Have some decency and consideration.

3.  We never have band-aids.  My kids constantly make fun of me because I just don't believe in band-aids and so I don't buy them.  And when I do, the kids use them, damnit.  And then we don't have anymore.  Here is my logic (and if I could make flow-charts, now would be the most amazing time) - if you are cut and bleeding you might need a band-aid.  Can you stop the blood with a tissue?  Yes?  You don't need a band-aid.  No?  Then try a paper-towel.  Can you stop it with patience and a paper towel?  Yes?  You don't need a band-aid.  No?  Then you might need to go to the ER.  Can you see bone?  No?  You don't need to go to the ER.  Try pressure, a paper towel, and more patience.  Yes?  You need the ER.  And go ahead and take some ibuprofen because you're probably going to need it.

My kids make fun of me for numerous things and my extreme distaste for band-aids and my penchant for ibuprofen are defiantly one of their funniest and most honest observations.

Well, I actually found five sad band-aids while cleaning.  I screamed out to all my kids, "GUYS!  GUESS WHAT.  I FOUND FIVE BAND-AIDS.  DON'T SAY I NEVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING." Girl 1 was the most pitiful.  She came into my room where I was cleaning my bathroom and very sadly said, "Mom, can you please buy more band-aids.  I actually need them sometimes."  It was really pathetic and made me think what a horrible parent I am.  I think I'll consider buying more.

4.  Where do people put random stuff?  Consider this a survey and please let me know.  Where do you store safety pins?  Do you even have safety pins?  I mean, they're so confusing.  Are they an office supply or a toiletry?  A beauty product?  What about Scentsy bars?  Party supplies?  Wreaths?  We have a small junk drawer which I police religiously, but not only is it not really the place for safety pins or Scentsy bars, it's so junky they wouldn't fit.  We are not rich and we definitely live in a tiny house, but if I had a million dollars and could buy the house of my dreams I'd have a junk closet where I would just store random stuff.  For now, there is a snack bag of safety pins on my desk until further notice.

5.  Can we talk coffee cups?  Make no mistake, I love my parents and I get amazing teacher presents every single year.  But, it is fact that teachers get approximately 8000 coffee cups a year.  This year I got two with my name on them.  I'm embarrassed to Goodwill them because the horror if the parent that gave them to me saw them at Goodwill.  I love my coffee, but I use exactly three coffee cups (all the Starbucks large city ones) weekly.  Goodwill gets a lot of cups from me y'all.  Ditto for reusable water bottles.

6.  I've read every single article about cleaning ever published, I think.  Usually they just make me feel incredibly inadequate and dirty.  But, sometimes I just flat out think, who the hell?  And, also, when?  I just finished Mr. Clean sponge cleaning my restroom walls and door frames.  It honestly looks like I painted.  Good God.  Am I that filthy?  (And, now, by the way, I am enjoying a beer and blogging because damn was that hard work.  I do not think I'll be up to it for another 16 years.)

That's my list so far.  It's a work in progress, so there might be more later.  Meanwhile, if you're ever in the neighborhood, please don't hesitate to stop by for a coffee or beer.  I will try to wash the dog hair off the counter before I serve you.  (And you can take a sweet little bag of floss and toiletries with you when you leave.)