Friday, February 17, 2012

I'm kind of A Big Deal (and I am serious this time).

I'm *kind of* famous and I almost f*&%ing missed it.  As most of you know I have quite an addictive personality (Don't be jealous.  It's only for useless $hit.  Of course I couldn't be addicted to sewing, being a great parent, or super wife, or cleaning, or cooking great food, or checking my spelling and grammar, or folding laundry correctly instead of just stuffing the drawers full to the point of breaking the dressers.  I'm only addicted to:  procrastinating, things that make me fat, cheap beer, expensive dark chocolates, Pinterest, etc., etc.).  One of my addictions:  I cannot stop finding great blogs I've never read, becoming addicted, adding them to my blogroll, and basically stalking people until they take out a restraining order on me....KIDDING.  No one's done that yet.  That I know of.  It's so bad that I had to make a resolution to try and curb it.  BUT, it seems my bad habits have finally PAID OFF (yeah, pay attention, hubby!).  The fabulous author of one of these new (to me) blogs I recently started stalking has bestowed an honor upon my blog (that sounds so British)...............AND I AM PEE PANTS EXCITED ABOUT IT (that sounds all American). 

I had just been bitching and moaning about how I never get awarded crap, how I must be just a God awful blogger, how I will never, ever be a famous author (or cookie store owner, damn it), how every other blogger I know has a crap ton of awards and I don't have jack$hit, how my skin is looking so old and that's probably why my blog sucks, blah, blah, blah.  And then I find out that the fairly famous gal over at whatimeant2say (who has a crap ton of awards, BTW, that she had to buy a f&*%ing bookshelf for them) has given me this:

Is this beyond awesome, or what?  SHE is fairly famous and so now that makes me (I guess) kinda famous!!!  Do you want to shake my hand and then never wash your hand again?  I'll let you!  This fame is new, so take advantage of me!  I am so gonna buy a new car today because every kinda famous person needs a new ride, right?

So, apparently when people get awarded awards (this is my first one, so I am not really sure about protocol) they are required to do certain things (like buy new cars and maybe that new purse I have been wanting..............I feel a "note to self" coming on).  So, here's the certain things I need to do/feel compelled to do.  Don't worry I made it concise.

Protocol when you are awarded an award for Awarding People Who Are Kind of a Big Deal.

1.  Acceptance Speech:  I would like to thank myself for being so brilliant. whatimeant2say for recognizing my brilliance. blog.  I would also like to thank God and my mom.

2.  Name 5 things you would stick up your Junk Trunk if you were forced to.  Hmm.  whatimeant2say has never met me IRL so I would not expect her to know that I don't have any Trunk Junk.  I would, however, stick my skinny a$$ up for:  a beer (it's okay I don't need a glass), Ghiradelli chocolate brownies (even just the samples at Costco), injustice of any kind (unless it involves squirrels, those nasty chocolate rats, living things crawling up your toilet to bite you in the a$$, or SPAM because I have rational fears toward all of those things), white girls who rap (because there aren't very many and I think they might need my Junk Trunk - small as it is - to help them out), and The People of Wal-Mart (because let's face it, we would have far fewer laughs without them).

3. Tell at least 5 things you do that would make people want to kill you or, at the very least Hate you for the rest of their lives.  Wow.  Just five?  1.  When I am bored talking on the phone I make a static-y sound with my mouth and say, "Oh, the phone's breaking up.  I'll call you back."  2.  Every time I see Sometimes when I see small, yappy dogs that won't shut up I just want to go to Korea.  3.  I watch Millionaire Matchmaker.  4.  I get in short lines at the grocery and then use a lot of coupons.  And then I write a check.  5.  I drive slower than 20 in school zones (and I have been known to forget about holidays and weekends) and if I see someone on a cell phone I roll down my window and do an old geezer shaken fist move at them.       

3. Blindfold yourself & walk out into traffic on the Highway.  I got my four kids to do that one for me. 

4. Pick 5 Bloggers to BULLY with this (a-hem) ‘Award’.

Adventures in Self Reliance

Ramblings and Rumblings

This Is Mommyhood


Manic Motherhood

P.S.  A good friend just brought to my attention that I totally screwed up the answer to #2.  Sorry.  Apparently my brain was "off" when I answered that.  Now that I have read it correctly my answer, "EWWWWW.  EXIT ONLY."


cb said...

okay i will never start a blog but i will start a cookie store with you cookie and cake pops(addicted)and i will treat you like a martha stewart queen. they would have to be flower cookies though im rambling

Anonymous said...

Excellent acceptance post! I, too, balked at the Junk Trunk requirement, but was lucky enough to have Wonderbutt "misinterpret" it! Well done!