Thursday, December 30, 2010

Making My Resolutions - two days ahead of schedule

Say WHAT???  Following the lead of http://whatwouldjamiedo-jamiew.blogspot.com/,  I am new and possibly improved for 2011.  And you can check me out at: http://girlonapage.wordpress.com/ ....or not!  Depending on what YOUR resolutions are.  Slightly peeved because Lady Blogga was already taken, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, friends. 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

a closed mouth gathers no feet

have been in an incredibly quiet writing mood lately. not really depressed, not really not depressed. just kind of "nothing to say." then my sister told me the great quote which is the title of this post and that pretty much has shut me up until i have something really grand to say. ;o) so, if that comes after friday - then i am wishing you a fabulous time friday night and a not too painful saturday morning!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

And so this is Christmas. :o) Cards are gone by the wayside.......for now. Ed did them this year (as in "did" them and emailed them to Wal-green's for printing.) They await me on my desk to address and send out. ;o) So, as my dear friend Shannon said you all will have to accept a bloggy Merry Christmas. Hope everyone finds peace and love under the tree.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

"Ah, excuse me, maam? That coffee's not free."

So, we are back from the windy city - and I don't mean Chicago - I mean Dallas and boy was it windy........and freezing cold. (This will be important later when you see NO PICTURES OF OUR COLLECTIVE GORGEOUSNESS!!!) But, that was the least of my concerns. Since I could not take all of you with me (which would have been my first choice), AND YOU WILL HAVE NO PICTURES, this post is going to give you an idea of just how our weekend went.


It started with me amazingly having time to make homemade gingerbread men and homemade frosting so that the kids could have a fun activity to do with the sitter on Saturday afternoon. Say what??? Slacker mom??? I know. Name change: Super Mom. I am hoping this won me enough points with the kids to take me well into 2011.


So, we left Saturday at noon, and we arrived in record time. Thanks, E. for not giving a darn what the posted speed is (that will be important later, too). And we checked into our 20th floor room at the Omni Mandalay. http://www.omnihotels.com/FindAHotel/DallasMandalay.aspx?cid=sd_psa_b-property2 We had a lovely view of the downtown Dallas skyline and a lovely view of the man-made canal below us. Due to E.'s said disregard for speed or safety we actually had time to rest (what's that???) before it was time to get ready for the party.


We arrived at the party right on time because that's how we roll when there is free food and drink to be had. I immediately took an hors d'oeuvres that was offered and redeemed a drink ticket. I mostly ate these unusual, but tasty figs (now bring me some figgy pudding?) on top of some yummy cheese concoction on one of those baked Parmesan crackers. Oh, yum. But, I did practice self restraint and only accepted those from men who had not offered them to me before.


Until we found some people that E. knew we entertained ourselves by taking numerous pictures in front of the lovely Christmas decorations and taking pictures of perfect strangers - and that's always fun. Now, remember I said it would be important that the weather was sub-zero? Well, here's why. You are not seeing any pictures of us in numerous Christmas poses because we LEFT THE CAMERA IN THE YUKON. And it was too cold to walk the 100 yards to the parking garage to get it. So, we took all the pictures with E.'s new smart phone. Now apparently here's the deal with smart phones. THEY DON''T ACTUALLY MAKE THE USER ANY SMARTER. They are smart to take the damn pictures, but if you don't know what to do next your pictures will forever live inside your phone (being the size of a postage stamp). So, you may or may not see pictures later. Just know E. looked HOT in his new suit and I looked pretty dang good in my Spanx (and my dress over that). Thank you to our fashionista J.W. for dressing us.


We also had our picture taken for the company directory. I thought I might use this photo later until I realized the background was going to be a huge sign that said Therapy 2000 http://www.T2000.com/. Not a good personal look particularly.


We sat with some people that E. knew and we were treated to a delicious dinner. I had shrimp with tortellini, triple chocolate cake, some yummy meat with a bun, and chocolate covered strawberries. In that order. I also had to use drink tickets from several people at our table who were not drinking (say what???). Poor me. I hated that.

After dinner the CEO of the company gave awards like no others. It wasn't the usual: Most Successful Salesperson (or whatever your business pertains to). It was: Employee Who Has Had Their Car Towed The Most While Doing Home Health. It was clever, hilarious, and entertaining. He then gave away some booty (and I am not talking about the x-rated kind). iPads, Wii's, Kindles (all of which I know nothing about, but wanted anyway). It was crazy fun. I am from public education and for most of my years there all I ever got for Christmas were some nice cards that said "Merry Christmas." So this was pretty nuts for me. AND I was so lucky to be with a LUCKY guy. As anyone who knows him will tell you I am married to one lucky guy (and not just 'cuz he married me either). But, his mojo that night was no where to be found (well, we did find it later..........the next day). We won nothing, but we had a darn good time watching all the people who did win. We then found out about the company motto "Give Back," which was actually quite touching. It was a great ceremony. Funny, slightly serious, not too long, the bar was still open when it was done, and it was a great prelude to the AWESOME BAND.

Let me stop here and just give you a tidbit you can file away in Note To Self (as I have done). When wearing thigh high hose make sure they are securely on your THIGHS. Don't worry my little fashion horror happened away from E.'s boss, and could be quickly remedied in the bathroom so that I could return and dance the night away.

Ed got his amazing employee gift.............a Canon photo printer???!!! Again, from years in public education this gal was saying, "WHAT??? Did my man pick a great time to get a new job, or what???" We got our groove on (yes, I could have danced more than E. - it's hard to say), and we basically had a fabulous night.

So, that pretty much sums up our Grown Up Party for you (you can thank me later for sparing you ALL the details) - HEY it was a GROWN UP PARTY after all. Oh, until the next morning............................at the Starbucks in the lobby.

We thought it would be a great idea to just get coffee there, so we did. I just assumed E. had paid for it and proceeded to grab my bags and walk out...................that's where the post title comes in. Thank you, Mr.-Omni-Mandalay-Starbucks-Coffee-Man-Who-Now-Thinks-I-Am-A-Thief for not making a huge deal out of me trying to leave without paying.

AND we know now where E.'s mojo was during the party. He just happened to need it later........on the way home. And, since I know he will be sensitive about this - - let's just keep it a secret between me and you. Read between the lines: Thank you, DPS Officer Name Is Gone To Protect Your Identity for having the Christmas spirit and giving my man a warning. I might love you, but I definitely want to give you a huge Merry Fist Bump.

That's my story, peeps, and I'm stickin' to it. Hope your weekend was grand, too.

Friday, December 10, 2010

December 10 and mom's asleep at the wheel

Usually when I take the older three to piano lessons I hang-out on the nearby playground and the kids who are not getting a lesson can just play. Sometimes if baby is cooperating or if she's not, but the weather is yucky we just hang out in the studio. This is difficult because the studio is actually an efficiency apartment and cramming six people in there (one of them being an uncooperative baby) is really not fun. There have been a few occasions when baby has been sound asleep (and I am all for - DO NOT wake a sleeping baby - there will be hell to pay) when we just hung out in the Yukon (btw - that equals not fun, too).

Well, yesterday it wasn't baby who needed a nap. It was mommy. So, I decided to just hang out in the Yukon. The temperature was below 80, so I was freezing cold and I just needed some rest. Baby had graham crackers and S. was contentedly playing with baby.

Why was I dead dog tired? No fears - I am going to tell you. It really starts and ends with my eyes. You will be happy to know that my eye infection/allergy/annoying itchiness is for the most part gone. How did I do that? High doses of Zyrtec. Which makes me quite.............sleepy. Literally I am unable to keep my eyes open (but they look good when they are open). Wednesday I fell sound asleep in my dinner which led my husband to believe I will be an even funner date than I usually am (how is that even possible???) at the Grown Up Party Saturday.

Unfortunately, my eye situation was immediately replaced with some nasty goo coming out of my nose (thank me later for the description on that) and an incredibly sore throat. Now as a general rule I avoid doctors at all costs (whole 'nother post there), so basically I just self-medicate until I am symptom free. My throat was SO sore that I was awakened by it yesterday morning (oh joy)........................................at THREE A.M. Now, I am a morning person and all, but seriously??? I had been up since THREE A.M.

I have also had a little to do lately (with it being Christmas and all - NOTHING to do with Procrastination), so this has required me to stay up LATE (the other day I checked the clock between commercials and I know it was after midnight). My job has also recently persuaded me to get a Twitter account and join a virtual community (no, I am totally serious there I know it sounds like a joke of mine). Now for a person who still reads the newspaper (I can explain that later if you don't know what a newspaper is), just recently got a cell phone, has no DVR or ESP, and who you know can barely find the keyboard, this has understandably led to countless hours on the computer.

That ALL coupled with the Zyrtec (and now Ibuprofen and nasal spray) has made for one DEAD DOG TIRED MOMMA.

Fast forward to yesterday when I am sitting locked in the Yukon in the parking lot of piano with two kids in the back. My last thought that I can remember was, "I am just going to close my eyes for a minute." Or actually I think it was, "Since I cannot keep my eyes open - literally - and I don't have toothpicks. I am just going to let them close."

The next thing that happened was my eight year old-super-concerned-about-safety boy is BANGING wildly (attracting all sorts of attention) on my window and mouthing (well it looked like mouthing because I couldn't really hear at that point - it was in fact screaming), 'MOM ARE YOU OKAY!!!"

Sidenote: When God gave us our super-safety-conscious-boy he was having a good laugh. On us. This was just plumb funny and ironic. To God. I am married to a guy who rarely has safety as his Number One Concern and has frankly done a lot of not-safe things in his life. And, me, well you know me. So, when God said, "I am going to give these two yay-hoos this boy," I know he was having a good belly laugh and most likely trying to teach us a lesson. Thank you, Mr. Big Man.

Now I cannot really tell you what went through my mind in the next second, so here's a synopsis.

Where AM I? Um, what day is it? In what month? Why is there drool coming out of my mouth? Who are those people over there looking concerned? Why is S. saying just a little condescendingly, "Mom open the door. He's getting a little excited"? When did S. learn to be condescending? Wait...WHERE am I?

At that point I glanced in the rear view mirror (after it dawned on me that I was, in fact, in my Yukon) and saw that baby had grahams smeared all over her face. Note to self: When you are going to fall dead asleep in your CAR, DO NOT give the baby grahams.

I wiped off the drool and calmly opened the door as if it was all perfectly normal.

What happened next was (synopsis):

Safety boy: MOM! Are you okay? Why did you fall asleep? Baby was in here!!! Thank God you locked the door!!! MOM! How long have been asleep??? Did you know baby made a mess with the grahams? Sofie is laughing, mom. Can we have Sonic on the way home if you are too sleepy to cook dinner?

When I said mom's asleep at the wheel I was not kidding. Luckily, everyone is still okay and I didn't actually have the Yukon in drive. My kids still love me (I think).

I got a full eight hours sleep last night, my throat is not sore, and I am hoping to be symptom free for the Grown Up Party. I will post pictures as soon as we return. Heck! Now that hubby has a smart phone I may even hijack it and give you updates from the Grown Up Party. I am going to TWEET this and.........................................drum roll..............................................(gosh, I have been dying to write this my whole life)..........................you can follow me on TWITTER. :o)

Peace, friends. And I will post to you soon.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

For the Love of Technology

OMG. I am sitting here surfing the net and just playing around while ed is playing with his new phone.

So, he's here screaming into his phone (or, as he corrected me, "speaking loudly and clearly" into his phone,) "CALL HOME." A nice friendly woman inside his phone says, "What did you say?"

He calmly says, "CALL A HOME." Which, to me, sounds just like something else (use your imagination - I have a "G" rating).

Nice Lady says, "I'm sorry. Did you say 'Call Yolanda?'"

I could swear ed mutters something nasty under his breath. But then he calmly says, "NO. I SAID CALL A HOME."

Nice Lady says, "Okay. I am looking up that number."

At this point I look up from my laptop totally and completely intrigued and giggling quite loudly and THEN our phone rings.

Ed smiles a smug little smile.

Seeing that I am totally laughing and digging this ed says, "Dial M. (for me ;o)" Nice lady says, "Okay. I am looking up that number."

And I am thinking, "Wait. Another woman knows my number??? Say what??? And, who's Yolanda???"

Then, my cell phone rings and I see that it's ed's face on my phone.

I will have to change the picture I have for him in my phone to this smug little face that he is wearing right now.

Monday, December 6, 2010

And To All A Good Night

Preface: I believe in "Truth in Blogging," so I am going to go ahead and click "publish post" on this one. But know that it is with reservation. Lest you think I am a scrooge, grumpy, anti-Christmas fanfare person (which sometimes I admit I absolutely am) let me make a preface list for you. 1. I love my husband wholeheartedly. Our being polar opposites in nearly all matters makes for an exciting life. 2. I will attend the Christmas party and have a GREAT time. 3. I am not a lush.....................well.....................most of the time I am not a lush. 4. I will do my best to make my face presentable so, as not to ruin all of Ms. J's hard work with my wardrobe.

So, count down until the Grown Up Party has begun. Saturday we are leaving for Ed's Company Christmas Party 2010 in.............................................................DALLAS. That's like five hours from here. There will be a few Firsts involved with this Christmas Party.


1. It is the First one with Ed's new company.

2. It is the First one in ANOTHER city (where we don't actually live).

3. It is the First one where we are spending the night away (on Ed's boss' tab which does sweeten the pot somewhat).

4. It is the First time a babysitter will sit with the kids (well, hopefully she'll sleep.........not with the kids...........ugh...........it just gets worse in print) overnight.

5. It is the First time that I will not know one stinkin' soul at the party (oh, except the guy in the suit that I am going with).

6. It is the First time that Ed will know only a handful of people at the party.

7. It is the First time that I will go out in public voluntarily with this raging eye infection that seems to have come from nowhere and invaded my eyes making me look like something out of a bad horror movie. Can you feel how happy I am about that?

8. It is the First time I will wear a Full Bodied Spanx which The Guy In The Suit has appropriately dubbed The Iron Curtain and which looks incredibly uncomfortable.



And there will be a few Same Olds with this Christmas Party.



1. I will drink as much as I possibly can. This will limit people wanting to start a conversation with me and it will dull the pain in my eyes (possibly it will make it so that I cannot see at all).

2. This will cause some embarrassment (on my part and the part of the Guy in the Suit), but since it cannot be helped it will end up just being funny). In fact, as I write this I am already laughing (crying on the inside).

3. The Guy in the Suit will talk to as many people as he can leaving the Girl in the Dress (that would be me) to fend for herself.

4. I will then be forced to sample all the desserts to avoid having to talk and to have yummy morsels to eat.

5. I will invariably put my foot in my mouth (probably figuratively, possibly literally).

6. That might be with Ed's new boss since I don't actually know who that is.

7. My Spanx will become uncomfortable and I will consider removing it in the restroom.

8. Ed will dance like a maniac from the first dance until the last.

9. I will move gently around him trying not to spill my drink.


10. When the party is over and we are in our free room The Guy in the Suit will say, "Wow that was pretty good, wasn't it?" Whereupon I will peel off my Spanx, hoping that my loose body parts do not destroy anything in the room that his boss (who I still may not actually know) has kindly paid for, apply cold compresses to my inflamed, disgusting, red eyes, and pass out on the bed.


Merry Christmas everybody!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

December 6th and still no dysfunction?

Hmm. That's new. Tree is up. Ed's Christmas party wardrobe for us both is bought and hanging in closet. House is fairly clean. And we have yet to have a major meltdown (any of us). Is it really going to be Christmas or this just a front???

So, since there is nothing major to report on that front (and truthfully I don't know if I am happy or very, very frightened), I am going to write a movie post. Those of you who know me well know that I am a Queen Procrastinator. And, when do I procrastinate the most? When my to-do list is overwhelming. And if you know me well you also know that I am probably one of the only people in Texas (or, the whole U.S. of A.) who still only has like 5 channels and commercials. We only recently bought a DVD and have no DVR or TNT. So, we just plain old "Watch TV." I know. WHAT'S THAT? It's crazy, right?

Remember the good 'ole days when you couldn't wait until your favorite song came on the Radio? You basically had to guess the lyrics or buy the album and hope they were printed somewhere in there because there was no lyrics.com? You watched TV with something called a TV Guide (pay attention, young 'uns)? For those of you who don't know, this was a great little magazine sized book that listed all the shows that were on and when. Or, you could not use the TV Guide and just be super surprised when you actually turned on the TV and just plain SAW (with your eyes) what was on. Weird, eh?

Well, that's pretty much where I live. Now. In 2010. I pretty much turn on the TV and "what I see is what I get." So, you can only imagine that when I find something I LIKE.........WOW and YIPPEE am I happy.

Fast forward to now when my to-do list is...........oh..............about 1000 items long and yup, you guessed it. I AM SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WATCHING MOVIES!!! ON TV!!! So, what normally would waste about 90 minutes of my life now wastes eight hours due to the fact that I still watch commercials!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now there are some movies that when they come on TV I just cannot resist them. Even though I have seem them about 1000 times and can quote the whole damn movie, I still have to watch them. Commercials and all. I may work on my to-do list while I am watching, and then sadly I may not. I may just plop myself on the couch and stare mindlessly at the TV and say along with the actors the parts that I know by heart. Since I have seen two of these movies in the last two weeks, I thought I would pass these little gems on to you.

These are not Academy Award winners (well, some of them might be), but they are darn good, feel good movies. I have even caught myself crying for them (and you KNOW how I hate to cry). So, here goes.

A Movie List From Me to You (we could call this Monica's Must See Movies for 2010)

1. Napoleon Dynamite. What can I say? I love, love, love this movie. So many lessons.
2. In Her Shoes. Love Cameron Diaz. Love stories about families and how our families can hold our hearts.
3. Legally Blond. All of them. So funny. So silly. Yet, so heart felt. LOVE Reese Witherspoon.
4. Mean Girls. Again, so many lessons. Can't wait to watch that with my girls.
5. Hitch. OMG. I have seen this a million times and I STILL laugh nearly all the way through. If you have not seen the dancing in this movie - - your life is not complete.
6. It's a Wonderful Life. Now my other half LOVES this movie and funny sub-story: He got sick of waiting for it every season (WHAT??? That's like getting sick of not having a cell phone???) so one year he BOUGHT the movie. Pah! (That's what I said.) So, that Christmas we actually planned to watch it. With NO COMMERCIALS. And, guess what. It just wasn't the same. THEN, we LOST the movie. Crazy, huh? Fate stepped in and we are back to our old ways. Okay, now if you've never seen this movie - - you must see it this season. Put it on your list. Seriously. You will be so thankful.
7. Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood. Loved, loved, loved this book. What an amazing read. The movie was eh-eh the first time I saw it. But, I must say - after 10 times - it's grown on me. Not a huge fan of Sandra Bullock, but I really like this movie.
8. The Fugitive. I LOVE Tommy Lee Jones and he lives HERE. A hunt for a fugitive, ONE ARM MAN, and eye candy. Does it get better than that?

Okay. That's all I can think of right now. Maybe someday when my kids can stay by themselves I will go to an actual movie that was filmed after 1980. In a theatre. Or maybe I will someday go to Blockbuster and rent a movie. But, for now I am just perfectly happy sitting on my couch and being totally surprised by the little gems I might find when I have a gazillion more important things to do. ;o)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

It's December 1st. Do you know where your kids are?

So, I am typing with nine digits rather than 10 due to an exercising accident (damn that exercise) involving a five pound weight and my pinky finger. You will forgive my typos and promise never to exercise again.

Take a look at the calendar my blogging peeps. It's DECEMBER 1st. Time to take down the Halloween paraphenalia. Your neighbors will thank you. Trust me on that one.

So, because I don't have enough to do at this time of year, I decided to let my kids participate in a little thing called Santa's Workshop (I can't exactly remember what it's called, but that sounds close). It's run by the ominous PTA and it is to "encourage your children to think of others during the holidays." Aw! That's sweet, right? Well, just remember that when something sounds sweet and kind.............there's usually something fishy brewing.

Turns out this "kind, encouraging" thing is a little store where the PTA sells various trinkets (called "specially selected gifts with your family in mind" - - not a direct quote, but close enough) for your kids to buy and give to their family members. AND the PTA helps them make their selections by providing a nice little chart for them (literally for: mom) to fill out and actual assistance from live PTA volunteers at the store. My kids thought this would be sweet and basically begged me to do it every day since the flyer came home in June? so I eventually (Sunday) just caved in and said, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY." We painstakingly (and by this I mean the following):

Me: So who do you want to buy for? (with EACH CHILD - THERE ARE THREE)

Child: Everyone.................I mean just S.................I mean, okay, just C. and dad...............Wait, no.................I mean...............what was the question again?

Me: Okay. So, I am checking mom and dad. How much money do you have?

Child: Let me check...............no, wait............................well, mom, what coin is this? No, I know. It's a quarter....................let's see............................I have $5.00...................wait.............no. What's this mom? Mom, can you just count it for me?

So, you get the picture. It took a good....................eight hours to fill out the forms. But, I was totally cool with it because, afterall, it's encouraging kindness and generousity, right?

Fast forward to today. My sweet baby girl comes home smiling like she ate a cheshire cat (or whatever the saying is). She calmly tells me she bought me and daddy a present. (Still smiling like her face is stuck that way.) So, I tell her, "That's great, baby. Now, it's a secret so go put it somewhere where mommy doesn't go in this house." Um, like where is that?????????????

Time passes. We do homework, play, eat dinner, take baths, etc. Then she comes hopping downstairs telling me she needs to talk to me. Okay, I say. About what? She wants to talk about dad's present. Do I want to know what it is? Now, I am really, really bad about keeping things the kids say away from dad, so immediately I say, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU BOUGHT DAD." To which she says, "I think I should tell you, mom because I just realized it says, 'grandpa' on it."

Say what???

Before she said this I felt the strange urge to giggle, but after she said that I flat out wanted to bust a gut. But, I calmly said, "It says what, baby?" She says (a little more frantically), "It says 'grandpa' mommy, but only in one place and it's really small. I think I should show it to you, mom." And I must say at this point I am intrigued. I totally want to see this Grandpa Gift now. And I am laughing (inside) a little more now.

So, she brings down this pen. It's got this cute little tassle on it. Every time you click the pen different messages pop up in this pen window on the side of the pen. So, she hands me the pen and I start to click. Now, I must say as soon as I saw the tassle I was pretty far gone on the side of not being quite able to contain my laughter. Bad Mommy, Bad Mommy.

But, when I clicked the pen a good 10 times I was flat out belly laughing. Because there were the messages: I love you grandpa, World's Best Grandpa, #1 Grandpa, etc., etc.

Sadly, she is looking more and more discouraged as I am clicking and belly laughing. I manage to say (through tears at this point), "Baby, did you get this for dad or grandpa and was there an adult helping you?" thinking 'because if there was......mommy is going to kill them.' She says, "I got it for dad, but now that I am reading it I think I should give it to grandpa. Mom, are you laughing at me?"

At this point I squeeze her very tightly and hold her close. "No, baby, I am not laughing at you. I am happy because there is more kindness and generousity in your heart than all of Santa's workshop. And, furthermore, I think daddy or grandpa would love this clicking pen so much."

Luckily her tons of hair muffled my still laughing voice. I told her she could think about what she wanted to do and we could find an equally fabulous gift for dad, OR we could just give it to dad and he would LOVE it. She smiled and said she felt much better and wasn't it a darn cute pen. Everyone went to bed happy.

As soon as everyone was tucked in bed, I immediately told her dad the whole story and we both had a belly laugh.

All in all this was a fabulous first day of December. My heart is full of kindness and generousity. Thank you, PTA. Who knew you could be so funny?

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